This month I have been working to make the same dramatic changes I managed to achieve last month. I was on track, although my bodyweight remained pretty much the same I was stronger, leaner and details on different muscle groups had me feeling I was racing forward.
That was before Friday. I have had another problem caused by my illness, I wont drone on about the specifics. This time stopping meÂ completely from eating. Thursday afternoonÂ was the last time I worked out. 7am Friday was the last time I ate. It is now 6pm Monday Irish time.
My weight, which is my biggest hurdle to overcome it has to be said, has plummeted from 142lbs . . . . to 129lbs in those 3 & 1/2 days. My lowest weight in over 2Â & 1/2Â years. This is my problem, I eat so much just to maintain myself that when a problem arises concerning my health, everything crumbles.
I have been thinking recently and have asked myself, will I ever win? Can I ever win? Can I keep getting up and putting the same amount of effort inÂ with the same drive, same passion and bull-faced determination as I had the time before? Or will my willingness to pursue these goals eventually dwindle? My hopes sidelined and left in the cold to cramp up and become a distant shaddow.
Do I really need to answer that oneÂ for you? I am sick to the teeth with this STUPID ILLNESS!! I will NOT submit, I willÂ NOT let it dictate my life like this.
I will not live with an illness, if this illness is going to stick around its going to have to learn to live with ME! So I will say it once more,
I do it becasue I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.
I will rip myself apart to overcome this. I will not deviate from my dreams.