Adventures of a Former Fat Girl

I’ve been exercising and watching what I eat , but I haven’t really lost much weight. Shouldn’t I? Everyone at work says, "You’re gaining muscle" and that’s fine and dandy. However, I took some updated profile pix, and they look like the same body. I’m not kidding when I say there isn’t a difference, and it’s been two months since I took my last ones. I don’t want to be fat anymore. I sooo want to lose this! I’ve been trying my best, and all I’ve really lost was about 5 pounds. Please someone tell me the secret to getting what I want and need!!! I desperately want to be thin and healthy. I really want to be able to be proud of my body, and to be able to wear cute clothes.

I almost beginning to think I’m never going to reach my goals! There has to be something, some reason why I haven’t been able to see a difference. How long does it take to really notice a difference in my body, some kind of difference!!!

I absolutely love to lift weights and I love cardio, the more I can sweat the happier I am. However, food on the other hand, no so easy. I have no will power when it comes to garbage food. I have no problem passing it in the grocery store or the gas stations, but when it’s put in front of me, heaven help me. For example, Wednesday at work I had an all morning meeting and damn if the dietary dept. didn’t bring us a tray of monster muffins. I sat there telling myself "NO! you don’t need one" or "Think of the extra cardio you’ll have to do", but to no avail. The person next to me, with the giant chocolate chocolate chip muffin, said to me "Pam, there’s a bran one up there" That’s all it took, I told myself I’ll just eat half. Half, right…….!!!!!

Why is it that I’m having the worst time with this? It’s like someone or something possesses me(even my head spins 360 degrees). I feel like I can’t resist, my hand even trembles trying to fight off the temptation.  I’m never gonna reach my goals, I keep sabotaging myself.

Why is it that protein bars aren’t that tempting…I have one sitting in my desk that I could have taken with me to the meeting. Why is it that I don’t think of these things ahead of time. Did any of you have this problems when you were starting out? Or, I’m I the only one that fights with myself? I need to learn from this mistakes and move on, stop dwelling on the mistake.

I forgive myself, and promise to carry almonds or a healthy snack with me at all times in case I found myself in difficult situations.

Peace out,

Pam