Sara’s Rants & Raves

Are you meeting your goals?  Are you charting your body fat?  Are you meeting your weekly changes in body fat according to your Progress & Goals page?

Since my surgery, I have been allowing my recovery process to cause anger and depression.  I’m not suppose to be doing any aerobic exercise or lifting anything more than 25lbs.  I’m working seven days a week still and have been lifting, upper body workouts only, for the last week, though my weights are roughly 10lbs lighter than I would normally do.  My father has been in the hospital and care centers since last May following a brain surgery.  I cannot imagine the pain, frustration, or depression he must be facing within him.  Much of my fight in doing my best every day comes from knowing how much he has influenced my life in so many ways.  I never want to let him or myself down.

On a more positive note, I have been eating cleaner this last week; My appetite since my surgery is returning to normal.  In a way I feel that this time I’ve been on restriction has actually done my body some good in getting the proper rest and recovery, but, still, I cannot wait to get back to my workout programs.

I still spend a great amount of my week in the gym working, which makes being there difficult knowing I am on all sorts of restrictions.  Still, I’ve taken some good from my suffering.  I’ve been confiding in a friend, a member, at the gym for quite some time with the information of my struggles.  As a representative of the church this friend brings different angles, views of looking at situations, that I would not initially consider, having been distant from the church for some time.  I’ve never appreciated persons who preach and push religion.  I’m not a non-believer; I simply need to be able to see the applications and relevancies to my life of the stories that have been passed on so many years.  I never thought I would fit bible study time into my gym time.

It wouldnt be the first time, as I remember a few years ago when I was a member speaking to others about religion and stories of the Bible.  I wonder more though, why now?  Why at this point in my life am I seeing something so important to me, my gym time, interrelated with something I felt I lost, my christianity.  I know I’ve been struggling a lot lately.  I know that spring is approaching which means my seasonal depression is lifting.  But yet I continue to ask, why now?

Perhaps that is exactly what I need right now.  Perhaps that connection to my past, to who I use to be is exact what I need to feel whole again.  "I understand that what I’ve been blessed to do is a part of God’s plan.  And as long as I please Him, then I’m pleased" (Denzel Washington).  I’m still struggling though.  I do know I saw my former youth leader only a couple weeks back and as great as our conversation was, simply being in his presence again gave me chills.  He knows of the goals I have for myself within the health and fitness industry, but his simple visit was so much more than a conversation.  Too many obstacles have happened all to recently to cause me to feel this way.

I am not sure yet what my next move will be.  I do know that next Wednesday I have my health check up to make sure the surgery and recovery has been a success.  Also, I know with that appointment I will be able to get back into my workouts.  I also know that I havent been me simply because of missing workouts; like an addict, it kills me to not workout.  I hope I can get back into my routines in time to make my own goals for March.  I cannot afford to get off track.  I’m on a mission, and I don’t want anything to get in the way of my dreams.

I use to call this day "Singles Awareness Day," that may be more fitting still today.  Though I know I am not alone, I do know that I am not close with anyone right now, not even my own family.  That disconnectedness is usually what allows me to stay on track; I’m back to that point of taking control of my direction and desires.  It feels good to be near the end of recovery since my surgery, and I cannot wait to be training twice a day again!

Be always careful who you surround yourselves with, as human beings we often become more like the ones we spend the most time with.  I need to get back into the gym; I need their support and their motivation.

"Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” - Aristotle

“The Law of Attraction attracts to you everything you need, according to the nature of your thought. Your environment and financial condition are the perfect reflection of your habitual thinking. Thought rules the world.” - Dr. Joseph Edward Murphy

Today I rode for an hour on the bike; I took it slow and only completed twelve miles.  I’ll tell you though, it sure felt great!  I miss my workouts, and I definitely have the motivation right now to come back full swing.  Since the surgery I have been hearing from those closest to me that its good to have Sara back and its good to see that smile again.  Still, I know I’ve got a lot of work to do.  I know the worst is over; I’m still facing many demons.

So, I havent been taking the caffiene pills the last two weeks.  Spent Friday in the hospital and am now in the resting, relaxing, and recuperating stage.  Doctors have requested that I cut down work, [I’m still working seven days], and limit my exercise program [which is my life… I can’t stop training].  I’ve been put on restriction to no more than 25lbs and no strenuous exercise.  One, I teach core classes and, though theyre short in time length, I live off that energy; I love the classes!  Second, I work in a gym so lifting no more than 25lbs was shot as soon as I got to work this morning!  My doctors will kill me if I screw up my recovery.

I’m planning on getting on the stationary bike to at least keep my body moving.  I have lightened the weights at the house and I’ll incorporate them into my lightened cardio session.  I cant slip on my goals, and I know I’ve already put on some weight not being in the gym last week for training and slipping on my eating due to anxiety.  Two weeks of restrictions.  Two weeks.  Then I am back in strong with the Doc’s approval.  I need to keep my mental focus strong.  Work this morning I felt great again, a greatness that I havent felt in over a month.

I hope to get a body fat reading this week or next, more likely next, to give me an idea of where I am at and how much I have fallen back these last two weeks.  I know its an easy fix, but man! do these restrictions have me a bit frustrated!  [Laughing]  Like I ever listen!