Hiking trip!!!

Oh, I had an amazingly fun day today!!! I had the opportunity to go hiking and I took it. And such a workout it was. I wasn't expecting it to be so hard; at one point I had to climb a nearly vertical slope, complete with loose rocks and everything. But the view was worth it.

The place I went to was a nature preserve in Texas, near Joe Pool Lake. It was a beautiful place, and I would love to go back there next weekend, weather permitting. Maybe I will climb another mountain in the area, maybe I will try to get lost. I hope so, the solitude was Divine...

The underbrush was thick at the top, but once I got there, it was a soul touching moment. I stopped up at the top to just relax before heading back down. It was so thick it felt like nighttime!

I plan on making thing place my new gym. You wouldn't think that it was difficult, but it was! I was sweating a good bit, despite the 40 degree temp and me in a short sleeve shirt. Anyway, it was just an overall good day. :)

A Month and a Half Hiatus

Im back from a month and a half hiatus, and am happy to say that my weight has been relatively stable throughout this time out. This is a great feat, esp since my diet hasn't been exactly how I would like it to be.

But during this time, I have been reading about HAES (Health At Every Size, http://www.healthateverysize.info/) and other body acceptance things. It makes my resolve firm in that I want to be healthy not thin. I want to be at a healthy weight and have a body that has good blood pressure, the ability to heal fast, etc etc. I'm not looking to be a model, I know that I can't be Jamie Easton because I'm just not built like her.  But you know what, that is perfectly fine.

So I have decided not to wait until some arbitrary number is reached on the scale to do the things I have always wanted to do. I have decided that I am going to go hike around the forests around me, the nature preserves and state parks. I will be buying a sleeping bag and will end up sleeping outside, under the stars and away from the lights and noise of the city. Oh, I cannot wait!!!

I want to go learn how to canoe and kayak and windsurfing. I want to be better at billiards and learn poker just in time for my 21st birthday. I want to be better at meditation and go out more and help people and do charity events and volunteer for something. I am not waiting to lose the weight to do this stuff.

Here I come Life. You have been forewarned!

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Money and Food

...or the lack thereof. My family has been hit hard financially this month and it is killing me. It is difficult to buy healthy food when you have no money, and it is also difficult to eat all throughout the day with no food. So I have been donating plasma, but because of it I was told I cannot exercise since there would be holes in my arm. Yes, the needle is huge, and it hurts and takes forever, but whatever I have to do for food on the table is worth it. Yes, it still sucks... But then, with that little money, I cant afford the foods I need. I have to buy the cheap stuff, and you all know what that cheap stuff is... I am hoping next month will be a lot better, and I can get back on track. I _may_ be getting a bit of extra cash, and Im going to invest it by buying whey protein, casin, and some more pills. Here goes nothing.

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New Clothes, New Vigor!

Today, I went shopping for some new work clothes. Typically I have to go to very special stores to get clothes that would have fit me, and most of the time the selection was limited, so you can understand my reluctance to go shopping. Anyway, I guessed at my size since Ive lost so much, and decided that I might as well just pick up a pair of pants. Wouldnt you know it, they fit! I was so surprised and happy, you cant believe! I was even more surprised to find out that Ive dropped three sizes as well. This stuff really works. Im so surprised, it still amazes me. I hope I continue to be amazed as my journey goes on. Thank you guys for all your support, I really wouldnt have been able to be where I am without you. <3<3 Love you guys!!!!

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Work, College, and Exercise... UGH

So, as some of you know, I am a student at the local community college. This week started the Fall semester, and I cannot express just how AHRhrueashvrivhFj it has been. >_<* Just to give you an example, I am taking 14 credit hours on my own (which is 5 classes; bio and its lab, English composition, intro to psych, and American Sign Language) and I also work as a note taker at the school, so I have to keep track of the extra classes I go to (which, total, are 7 credit hours; physics, physics lab, and philosophy). All in all, this turns out to be 21 credit hours. Blah!! This will continue until December. I have classes Monday through Thursday. Tuesdays and Thursdays are the worst because Im literally at the school from sun up to a few hours after sun down. And this week I have been late to every single class. I **despise** being late! So, needless to say, I am going to have to change my fitness plan so I can actually go to the gym. Im thinking about going in the mornings on Monday and Wednesday since I dont have class til noon, and then workout Friday, Saturday and Sunday. But then when will I weigh in? I usually do it on Sundays... Ill figure it out. Luckily I have been able to keep up my healthy eating (which I am so proud about!). You hear on here how you are supposed to cook your meals on the weekends and now I do not have a choice but to do that because Im no longer here in the evenings to cook dinner. Its been working out very well so far! Did I mention how proud I am about eating healthy this week?? lol Lets see how this works out. Now, I am off to go fix my flat tire! /lolsob/

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Lately I have been having such a problem with staying on my new lifestyle diet. I have been "cheating" and have ate Cheetos, among other terrible foods. I think it is because I lack the strength to say no and also because the places I have been staying in haven't been stocked with healthy snack foods that I will eat (like nuts). 

True, I can bring my own. However, I completely forgot this morning, and that was completely my fault. I was going to make a sandwich too.... :( 

*sigh* I need to start packing my meals if Im going to stay over here so very long...

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A Healthy Mind and Body...and Soul?

A while ago, BodyBuilding.com had an interview with Jimmy Pena up on their facebook page and I found what he said interesting. While I am no flavor of Christianity like Jimmy is, I am a very spiritual person and enjoy my faith very much. In fact, one of the motivations for me getting in shape was a promise I made to the Divine. I want to be healthy, not necessarily ripped. I don't really want to be super skinny or be like a model, or even be like Jamie. I just want to be me. 

I believe that my body is sacred and one of my most prized possessions. I have been taking advantage of it for many years, and that has taken its toll on my body. Now, I am through with treating it so poorly and so have begun investing in it, monetarily, physically and spiritually. 

Meditation is an important part of my lifestyle, be it focusing my mind on working out, sitting outside and straining to hear the Wind, or laying down to be in touch with the workings of myself, body and soul. 

Workouts as meditations? Yes! Do you not notice that your mind tends to focus on what you are doing at that time? Mine does, like when I am doing a set of reps and I am focusing on my muscles, number of reps and form, and when I am resting for a few seconds, my mind is only focused on what I am about to do next and not on anything else. That is a type of meditation! 

As I continue this new body journey, I will be walking a spiritual journey as well. I intend to wrap up both paths and I look forward to it with relish. But its not just about meditation, it is about being able to move as I please, being able to dance and not feel horrible, being able to be in public without worrying about how I look to others and if they are judging me by my fat, being able to look at myself in the mirror without feeling ashamed. I have just as much work to do on my soul as I do with my body, and those are steps that cannot be charted in a nifty graph. 

Again, I look forward to these changes. 

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The 20lb Mark

The weekend I hit my second goal of losing 20lbs, and honestly, I'm thrilled! I never thought I would make this goal and I am amazed. I can already tell the difference those 20lbs have made.

Now my clothes are starting to become loose and baggy, Im able to go up stairs without huffing and puffing halfway through, and I can just do more without losing energy. I am impressed. I cannot wait until I have dropped the full 200lbs! What a sight that will be.

I am a bit worried about loose skin though. I will have to talk to some surgeons about pricing and what I should do. More later!

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So, almost a month into my journey and I have decided to start this blog. Hopefully I can stick with this like I am with my exercises, cuz Im terrible at keeping up with things.

Let me introduce myself. I am Deanna, and I am a full time college student working roughly two jobs (one and a half, to be exact. One doesnt pay, at least not for now). Soon I will be picking up another job to help pay bills. I have a beautiful dog, a Tibetan Mastiff who we call Bhala.

 I wanted to start losing weight because I was tired of always being tired and always out of breath and mostly always sad and upset. I admit that I was a compulsive and emotional eater, but I have been working on that and am proud to say I have mostly stopped the binging that got me here in the first place. I have stopped gaining weight and have reversed my "condition".

What do I want out of this new lifestyle? Mostly, just to be healthy. I dont care about the super sculpted body or winning competitions. I am more concerned with whether I will be able to live to receive my Doctorate degree. I want to see my toes without having to stick out my foot. I want to see my belly button and not have to lift things. I want to go up stairs without being totally winded by the time I get to the top. Mostly, I just want to do things and not have to worry about whether it will hold my weight or not...

Next month is going to be difficult because I wont be alone anymore. I will be tempted every day and stressed every minute. I just hope I don't lose my mind!

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