Natdabugg7’s BodyBlog

02/27/09

Hello!  My name is Natalie and I have decided to start blogging on hopefully a weekly basis.  This will be about fitness, life, and everything in between.  I was hesitant to start something like this because I am just going to write from my soul here.  I also think I was hesitant because if I started writing I would have to keep up with my word and actually write weekly and not half a$$ this. 

Ok so I am just going to start with what’s on my mind this very second. 

I am in a very hard part of my life right now.  Everyday I am discovering more and more about myself.  Just today I had an awesome legs workout when I went in not really feeling like being there.  As soon as I started legs I just let myself get into this zone of pushing myself for my own good.  I would have to say one of the most rewarding feelings happens when you are fighting with your own mind and you win the battle.  Today I was able to push myself when my mind wanted me to stop at 12 reps.  I fought with it until I reached 15 reps.

My mind was trying to stop me once it got tough.  But I said no.  We all fight battles with our minds.  And for me I feel like it keeps winning the majority of the battles.  I really want to do one thing and my mind has this way of keeping me from really doing it.  I gotta tell you it’s a disturbing feeling.  I feel like I don’t have control over myself anymore.  And I would really like to get it back.  I know this will happen one day, but for now my mind is really screwing with me.

Ok that sounded a little dark towards the end.  I apologize for that!  But you get my drift. 

The mind is a powerful tool whether we have control or not.  Stayed tune………………

Just stopping in to say hi!  Tomorrow will be 14 weeks till my show.  I have been back on my diet since monday and I feel 1,000 times better already!  I come to realize I have been working out and keeping track of my food for soooo many years that I don’t know how to eat any more with out it being written out!  I lost a lot of control after my first show and went crazy eating.  It was probably one of the worse experiences in my life.  I was sooo disappointed in myself… i just kicked my ass for 16 weeks and got into the best shape of my life and blew it in 3 weeks!  I was disgusted and pissed w/ myself.. but I couldn’t stop eating!  It was a vicious cycle and will not happen again! after this show I am going to need to learn to stay about 3 weeks out.  That I will be happy with.  Not to f*ing pig out!!!!!  Anyway……… lessen learned!  Have a great week everyone!

Let the games begin!!!  Today is the official start of my next contest prep!  I have 16 weeks to get my ass back into gear!  I officially weighed in this morning at 143.5 and I want to be about 125-127 this competition.  I am sooo excited to start back up again for another 16 week challenge!!  I hated knowing that i could eat things here and there (cuz it wsn’t just here and there!)  But the past is in the past and I can only learn from it!  So here comes the future

here is the new diet

meal 1: 6 egg whites
         1/2 cup oatmeal
          2 tbsp splenda
         2 cups coffee
 
meal 2:(pre-workout)
           4 oz. salmon
          1 med. sweet potato
 
meal 3: (post workout)
          protein shake w/ glutamine
          mixed in w/ 1/3 cup dry oatmeal
 
meal 4: 4 oz. grilled chicken
           2 tbsp. salsa
           1 flat out whole wheat wrap
           2 cups spinach
 
meal 5: 6 egg whites
          2 cups zucchini
 
meal 6: pro-pudding
          2 tbsp powered pb
          15 almonds
          2 fish oil pills
 
its 1,456 calories
189g protein (50%)
126g carbs    (30%)
29g fat         (20%)

sunday i am weighing in and i plan on losing 8 lbs in 4 weeks for my vacation.  I have fallen off the wagon and i am going to get back on! its ridiculous and i am soo mad at myself for it.  which is also not good b/c once u r mad you want to eat (cuz whats the point… the damage is done) well i am reversing it!!

ok 17 weeks til my next show!!  I have over 10 lbs of fat to lose!  But I won’t officially start cutting my calories until about 13 weeks out.  Right now my daily macros are around 1700 calories (161 carbs, 49 fat, 175 protein) because I am lifting heavy w/ lighter reps then normal to put on some size.  Then again at about 13 weeks Ill change my workout routine as well and begin to add more cardio   But it’s alright cuz I wanna do even better at this next show!!!  Here is my current diet: 

meal 1: 1 cup oatmeal

6 egg whites

2 cups coffee

meal 2: 1 slice WW bread

2 tbsp skippy peanut butter

meal 3: 4 oz grilled chicken

2 tbsp salsa on WW wrap

2 cups green veggies

meal 4: 1 WW matzah

6 egg whites

meal 5: 4oz grilled salmon

2 cups green veggies

meal 6:pro-pudding

15 almonds

What do you think?  Good for me to workout intense and grow a little muscle?

ok so this monday (may 12th) i will be starting to focus on my next competition again.  I will be starting at 14 weeks out.  My first show (april 26th) i started cutting at 16 weeks out.  So this time I am doing 14 weeks out.  I am soooo f’ing excited to start up again!  I have done nothing but eaten bad food for the past 4 days and I feel disgusting!  I had no control what so ever and probably literally put on like ten pounds!  I am soo upset with myself but I know I am back on schedule today with eating healthy. And I know once I give myself a week or two to get back into the swing of things I will feel better. 

I just had it in my head that if I was starting up again w/ no cheats this monday then I should really enjoy myself while i can……. but the question is: was I really enjoying myself?  I personally feel much better mentally/physically/and emotionally when I eat right and exercise…. so how was bingeing on any food in site making me happy?  Seriously… lets think about this.  Crap food makes us feel like crap and look like crap…. so why is it installed in our brain that this crap food tastes good and is worth it to eat?  why do people schedule cheat meals and say it’s to keep us sane?  How so?  I will tell you how! Because society has made us believe that eating crap will make us happy and that crap food tastes better then "healthy" food.  I think its disgusting.  And I think you can easily be brain washed by this!  Everywhere you turn there is a new advertisement for a fast food place or restaurant coming out with the newest fattiest meal to pleasure our taste buds!  Says who?  Who sets the actual standards for our taste buds?  We do!  We have complete control what we pick up and place in our mouths.  So why are we constantly feeling pressured to fit in w/ the rest of society and eat the crap food!  How many times a day do you hear "o come on try this! just a taste! OMG this cake is soo good you have to have a piece!  You worked so hard you can eat it! just relax and have fun!"  And if we ever saw how this food was really made we would probably vomit!  The U.S is really trying to kill us if you think about it……  The gov’t allows this food to be sold and doesn’t give two shits that we are eating it and harming our own health one meal at a time.  It just turns my stomach.  And I admit me myself!  I have fallen into this trap far tooo many times and I am sick of it!  It’s all just a trick and people wonder why 60% of america is obese…. b/c they fall right into the trap and can’t get out.  Well I am not falling for it again….. no crap food I have ever tasted in my life has ever brought me happiness nor sanity!!!  And I am going to remind myself that daily!  If anything it’s the opposite for me and this 4 day pig out has made me more insane then ever before!!

When I was cutting for my 1st show in april my body did not crave any crap food at all!  I was soooo focused that someone around me could be eating anything and it wouldn’t effect me at all.  Thats what I wanna feel again!  I want to be stronger then the crap food.  F&*^ the crap food and the crap people that make it!  My body loves healthy food and I want to continue feeding it properly and remind myself of this post whenever I am feeling tempted or depressed and wanna go towards crap food.  IT WON’T HELP OR MAKE ANYTHING BETTER!  IT NEVER HAS AND NEVER WILL!  WE ARE ALL STRONGER THEN WE WILL EVER REALIZE AND WE NEED TO USE OUR STRENGTH!!

-pack everything the night before

-shave body except legs the day before

-get there earlier the day of show to have enough time to get sprayed tan and let it dry fully

-bring baggier clothes and darker clothes

-wear more clothes in general! (was freezing back stage)

-pump up a lil better (bring own resistance bands as well)

-practice practice practice posing!

today is wednesday and my show is saturday!!  I started my diuretic this morning! Ahhhhhhhh coming down to the end!!

2 weeks out! woke up at 130lbs this morning and going strong!!  this is really the last week I have of this workout and then its all circuit training the week before the show.  So in other words I really need to kick butt this week w/ my training and just give it everything I got!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no energy!!!!  Yesterday was legs at the gym and I was about to cry while working out.  I wasn’t sore… my body was just tired!  I am 3 weeks out and my carbs are at 64grams a day (including veggies) and I have been having 3 cups of coffee a day!  What the heck!!!  How do I make it through the last 3 weeks???  I have been also getting plenty of rest.  not really going out anywhere and just going to bed around 10pm and as soon as I hit my pillow I am out!

any suggestions??