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MusclestotheMax

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MusclestotheMax's Stats for July 2009
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Archive for July, 2009

Numbers

Monday, July 27th, 2009

I have my doubts that the number on the scale is even worth looking at anymore.  I know muscle weighs more than fat.  But the years of telling myself not to gain another pound or that this is the last diet, or this will work and voila you will magically be that much thinner.  It has really stuck in my head that if the number goes up then my self worth goes down.  Only when I look at myself training and when i see the amount I can lift getting higher and higher I feel good.  I won’t let that number make that choice for me.  I have other numbers that can do it just fine…..let’s start (Philippians) 4:13…I know I am strong through Christ.  Or 5 I am one of 5 morbidly obese children.  I am giving this fat a run for it’s money.  Then there is 4, i have four children who rely on my strength of character and l love of life to get them through.  I must continue to be that woman for them and then 1.  Yes 1 such a small number but I am one and it is me against the machine.  Me against the odds and me who will stand firm and focused in order to achieve all of my fitness and weight lifting goals.  so if the scale says 250 or 150 as long as i am fit and strong let it do what it do…although it would hurt if it was 250 and like 8% bodyfat lololol.  Be blessed and of course be strong!

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Political Opinion

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
It is odd what we think about before a run….and as most know I have no real political opinions but, I do have friends who were staunch Bush supporters and some who just adore Obama.  The following is an opinion with no solid factual support.  That said when the preceding administration told us of threats they were very general and we laid down our money and in and in some cases our children’s lives to back him.  He said someone has something somewhere and they want to destroy America.  I must be honest later they became known as terrorists, yes that is about as specific as it got in my opinion
I know terror and it doesn’t live a thousand miles away in the desert.  It doesn’t hide behind edited video and political stunts.  As a matter of fact it can be so unassuming we elect it and bend over for a few more strokes of it’s disgusting lies.  Terror is not educating yourself on what si happening in your country in your state in your community.  terror is going to the doctor and being told well yes your options look good and we can help see the secretary on the way out to set up treatment.  Then she confirms that well that option is not a covered benefit.  So what we can do is make your comfortable until you die.  This is terror.  Knowing you can do nothing to save your child or your mom or even your spouse because your money is not long enough to reach the white house.  That is terror, the people who allow it and stuff their pockets with our tax dollars those are terrorists.
The tide has changed and so therefore I must paraphrase to make this point painfully clear.  The new administration has been very specific.  The someone is us; WE can make a change.  The something is HEALTHCARE REFORM.  The somewhere is in our CONGRESS right now these things are being discussed and debated.  Have your voice heard educate yourself and when they try to sell you ice in Alaska or beachfront in Florida let them know you have plenty and now you want new options and to save the fine print as your grandmother may not be able to read it.  We already saw the medicare pharmacy benefit and we are not buying.
So in summary, you don’t have to love this administration or any for that matter let’s face it there will never be another JFK or Roosevelt in my time.  But, you do have to make informed choices.
Everyone who takes the time to read this enjoy your day, it is just the rantings of a 30 something mom who misses home.
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Acceptable

Monday, July 20th, 2009

I am still here and going strong.  but, I haven’t made any real goals lately so I have nothing to blog about.  However, I was sirfing the Internet and saw that my bodyfat is well lololololol ACCEPTABLE.  I am sitting here moaning about fat this and big that.  when some anonymous source who doesn’t even know me says guess what chica you are acceptable and that for whatever reason makes me feel great.  i just wanted to share that at 26% bodyfat I am acceptable.

Be Blessed and Be Strong!

Bigger is better……in benching

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

I normally wait until the end of the day to blog then of course I forget and I say well write it down and that is good enough.  But today and forgive any typos, grammatical errors, puns or whatever else I might do wrong in this blog.  But i am over the moon really.  i woke up feeling so damn depressed like gee I mean I hate my body my life even me……then I was **** this **** I soooo rock.  I got what I got and God made me who I am I can lay in this bed feeling horrible or do the best with what I have.  I took a nice warm shower hopped out and into some dresses.  Being in lady clothes always cheers me up.  So I found one that made me feel really pretty and that is where it started.  I was over the moon like girl you are rocking it out.  Then I decided no bull**** today get tot he gym and kill it.  I took my vites drank my water and headed out.  I benched 30kg.  I mean I did 4 clean sets of 8 reps.  So **** the whole I am not pretty I am not this or that.  I am a strong confident woman and if you missed that my bench is getting bigger so watch out 50kg I am coming for you. 

Does size matter

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009

I think it only matters in handbags.  I once had a bag that I could fit all the necessities and two days worth of clothes.  some call that carry on luggage I call it a Louis Messenger "purse" LOLOLOL anyway, I am in a solid 10 for most of my pants and skirts and things below the waist.  I bought a medium size pair of sweat pants before I left the states this time and they were tight as all get out but I was like whatever.  Today they are so loose they looked used….like by someone else.  I still have the need to get smaller and I don’t know why.  I changed up my diet to six meals a day instead of 5 and lost 5lbs last week.  I am not thin by any means.  But, I think for my height and build I am pushing it.  I don’t have a number in my head for weight or clothing size.  i do have a physique though.  I want to be solid muscle and if that is a solid 10 or a solid 12 hell that can be a solid anything as long as nothing jiggles wiggles or moves when it ain’t supposed to.  In conclusion it felt good to workout today I am pushing hard to get my legs back and my abs are giving me no issue at all not to mention the bench press is feeling great.  I will persevere and I will rock it out.

In conclusion if you can’t fit your hand weights, your running sneakers, your Loreal lip gloss and two hot outfits you just need a bigger purse.  Be blessed and be strong.

Just get with it

Saturday, July 4th, 2009
So i keep changing my profile keep changing my photo keep changing private and public.  But, you know I live with those I love.  I know who i am and if other people don’t like me for who i am or can’t accept what i do which i swear is nothing exciting.  then that is between them and God.  I can’t please everyone nor would I ever try to.  I need the support of the friends I have made here on OH and I hope that if one person can learn anything from the dumb **** and some of the smart **** I do then I am giving back some of what I have received.

So for this 4th of July I can only say I am free from the burden of caring anymore.  I will be as transparent as i can and if someone somewhere doesn’t like it close the damn page.  

I am struggling right now with my body image.  In ways that I had not previously.  I feel like something is not right with my body.  I mean when I was 372lbs I was still hot **** in my mind.  I had great legs huge tits and was never short on attention from whomever.  Then I had WLS and through the process I still never really let what I looked like stop my flow.  I know I am not a supermodel and hell I ain’t hardly trying to be.  But, now that I look at the final results or what I am seeing as final results it breaks my heart. 

what did I do to the body God gave me.  Did I do this out of vanity and am I now being punished???  Did I over do it in the beginning of the recovery stage and now I ****ed something up?  Did I just have a run of bad luck and this is the way it is going to be a disfigured horrid creature?  I don’t know and I am not sure I just have a lot of angst over what the future holds and I want all the answers today not tomorrow and I want to know now that I am going to be ok and blah blah blah…I just want it on the record that I did workout today and will hit the gym again tomorrow.  i am still not drinking and I am still keeping my faith in God he will get me through this and it will all be ok.  even if I rant and vent to get it out and off my chest I know he will deliver me to exactly where I should be.



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