My New Journey

Well hello all on this black friday. I hope no one spent a arm and two legs out shopping today. XD Well I didn’t, I stayed in and just played games and ate leftovers. Anyway, as usual things around here are the same. I got to get ready for a funeral tomorrow for one of the youth at our church. Jeremy Godbolt, 19 yrs old, with a new born son. Jeremy was shot and killed last saturday. I watched him grow from a lil peanut head boy till now. It hit me pretty hard, since I was treated like a family member in his family. But I’m on to do the prayer and of course play the instruments. His death, I just hope a lot of the youth really see that for one, please don’t take your life for granted, and don’t be stupid, just run away and live to see another day instead of trying to prove a point. It is not worth it. Last sunday I was actually on to preach instead of my dad, and I feel that God had it set that way. And I’m proud to say we had one to join our church, and two youth are going to be baptized 2nd sunday of next month. So ya boy is going in the water.

Well as far as training, that has not been going well. For the past month I have not been doing too much of anything. I slowly had slipped back in a typical depression state. But the difference this time is I see it clearly, and I am clawing and crawling to get out of it and back on track. And this is not just with training but my whole life. When I hit these spikes it wipes out everything in me. And I stay in a safe comfort zone lil bubble. And what I could have done is just kept this to myself and not said anything and pretend like all is still well but that would not be right. I rather reveal it showing that I am human and we all fall and slip but the thing is to not stay there and wallow in it.( I don’t know if I spelled that right, lol but you get the point)

So yes I know my training is off and so is my life but I will not stay there. And I tell you what I learned this time. I know why and how I got this way again, instead of just not trying to figure it out and just sobbing and crap and stopped and looked at myself and I figured out what got me back to this. And that is a big step forward to find that out. So now I have to build on that, and its a weakness that I have that I can’t change that much of it right now, I just have endure it. But I can do things to try and help deal with it. So i will do what I can, through God helping me, to deal with it until God decides to give me what will help strengthen that weakness.

Soooooo as some of you may know my training is Steve’s EFD plan. Thats what I was doing for a good while before the stop. Well, I am switching to his PFD plan. And I will say this, to me it seemed like a sign. It might not have seem that way at all to Steve but to me it felt like it was suppose to happen the way it did when I first contacted him about it. So it is the first piece of light I see while I’m still surrounded by the darkness of my storms and the darkness within me. So I start that monday, and I can’t wait to completely kill myself in this training. To feel like a tub of goo..lol

But thats all that is going on at the moment. And like I mentioned before, I would say again even if your life is going well or not. Just one day, or a few days, stop and observe yourself. Take a good look at yourself, not just physically but EVERYTHING about you. Your recent past, to the present. You might be surprised what you find out about yourself.

Take Care

P.S. And for those that are dealing with or are going through issues at this moment. Let me tell you what I preached about last week. Phil 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ that strengtheneth me." And the title of the sermon was "Hold On, Just a Little While Longer" and I am saying that to you all, just hold on. If you look back on your life, the times you said you don’t know if you can hold on any longer, guess what, you are still here living, breathing and going through out your everyday life. Its hard but just keep believing, just a little faith is all you need. And God will continue to take care of the rest. He is still there, He hasn’t left you, and He won’t leave you.

OMG!!!! You will not believe what happened today at the mall…lol…ok ok its not what it seems I just wanted to catch ya’ll off guard. Well a little update of whats going on with me. This week is the last week for this semester, and honestly ever since I have been back my mindset hasn’t been able to set to finish the last first weeks, but I’m trying. My mind is set up trying to take some vacation time for myself. Which I really need it now. I did my training today which was back, calves and abs(my 2nd fav muscle to workout). I had to catch myself though like a hour before I went to the gym because I was feeling lazy and my motivation was a little low. But I got myself up and went. First I went by the store in the mall to piack up some more Muscle Milk. And thats where it all went down. I went in there, got the MM, went to the counter. The guy decided to give it to me at the membership cardholder price, even though I am one because Vitamin World once you become a member you are one for life which is sweet. And he took a few bucks off of that so I was like, Sweeeeet!!! Then out of no where he ask me do I train upper body. I stall a little and before I can give a answer he starts with, "You know…" not that regular you know, but that one where you think, "oh boy here we go….:(" But he starts talking about how he has been training for like a year and he still hasn’t gained muscle mass in the upper part of his chest. He was saying he does alot of different exercises to target the area but still hasn’t put on any mass. I asked if he used any kind of supplement/powder for gaining mass, and he said he used Cytogainer but it didn’t help. And then he was like "see look at your chest, look at it….now that is solid" and as he was saying that, thats when he did his little slap on my chest. He went on complimenting me and what not. But I’m hoping for the best for him. He seems pretty cool, and he said see him whenever I need something and he’ll hook me up. And all I know is that little convo gave me a motivational boost, and I went in the gym and just killed it. Slowly people are commenting about me, and it feels pretty good. But I’ll probably post some progress pics up this week, and hopefully I will see a little change from now and the older pics.

Hello there out in the world. It is me again the ol’ country boy. Well nothing much going on really. Just got drill this weekend at my unit. We mostly did medical stuff today, tomorrow is family day. Well I know my folks won’t make it cuz they will be at church, but its all good either way. I will be with my friend Byron, who is also a producer and we will just make music all day. But today I had a meeting with a potential client for my business. So I had to go to that meeting. The group is a young teen gospel group, "P.U.S.H." aka Pray Until Something Happens. So I met with them and their folks. And my manager(dad) and bookkeeping/accounts(mom) went along too. Even though they are my folks, there are business partners too. But I will tell you the meeting went wonderful. The group and their folks were ready to put the down payment down to get started before I even got to the pricing. But I had decided to do a free trial session next Friday, and if they still want to go for it, then we will sign the agreement and begin the production of "P.U.S.H." I will have my first client and artist/group for Immanuel Entertainment. So that felt pretty good. But there is one more thing. This might be small but to me its big. If ya’ll don’t know, I have a youtube page, where I post videos of either me preacher, giving music lessons, or doing recording in the studio, or just playing songs on the keys. Well I made a lil video a while back just playing, "Falling in Love with Jesus," a while ago I had one video response of someone using my vid to sing off of and post it. Well when I got home tonight, I had another one, and this woman had a more softer, smooth jazz/gospel sound, the other had the more gospel/funk sound. They both touched me, but this one tonight just really hit me in my heart, not just from the way she flowed, but…I don’t know, it left me speechless honestly which is very, very hard to do to me. Anyway thats about all thats going on, oh and I will put the link to my youtube channel if anybody wanna check it out.

Take Care

http://www.youtube.com/user/MusicalWonder

Yea pretty much just like it says, I knew it was coming. The weight that I still carry, even though it begins to lift, there are those times where it comes down hard. But I just realized something about myself, well I kindof knew it but I did not really think about it until now. Because of experience I have collected and learned, when I "get hit" I might get close to either breaking down a little, or crying or zoning out, but I don’t, because my mind, and everything kicks into that "you don’t have time" gear. Where basically I tell myself, there is no point, you don’t have time to be weak, just suck it up and move on. It’s like that father that pushes his son too hard even when his son is weak. Of course this isn’t really good I know, but its second nature. I mean I’ve learned from the experience of the few, very, very few people I trusted when I was a lil weak. I know that God is there for us and is keeping us through everything, but God also created us to help and be there for each other. This is what I try to get people to understand when I try, to give them a lil preview of what I am trying to come out of. But they still don’t really understand. That use to bother me but it doesn’t anymore. It’s kindof funny though, if you say, wear a weighted vest while you train and do cardio, over time it will get lighter, thats pretty much what my weight feels like at times. But the difference is, more weight gets added at times, and I’m like…"what the heck!!…who put that in there." I’m really my own worst enemy because I come down on myself very, very hard all the time. It wasn’t always like that though. I really need that off time now, but because of classes, I can’t do that right now. And I need to wait now, since my dad left for our home town to spend some time to himself and his mother. Basically he is doing what I need to do. And my mom is here, so I’m looking after her, making sure all is well while he is gone. Of course ya’ll know me by now, I can go on and on and on but I’ll try not to. I’ll say this though, (ya’ll thinking…jeez this guy can talk…most guys don’t talk this much unless they want something or someone)I’m still fighting with myself….no no..I’m not crazy….but I know the struggle, the major part is within me. My heart use to play a big part in who I am and my life, but I don’t let it anymore even though I know I need to. Most emotion I had is now neutral right now. Anyway, on to other things. Training is going well. I have alot of energy when I’m in the gym, especially when I’m doing HIIT cardio, even if I’m already worn out from the weight training portion, I dig into a secret tank and just go all out. I had some people looking at me the other day when I was running, sprinting, repeat several times on the mill…it felt pretty good to get those….OMG…looks..lol…..other than that, things are still the same. Still trying to smile, even though the pain is hidden behind the smile and peaks through my eyes.

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Hello again to all in the mighty world of fitness and bodybuilding. Yes it is me again and I am back home. YYYEEESSS!!!!….sorry…..I’ve been back since last Friday. All is well here, just got to get use to all the things that have changed while I have been gone. Back in the gym and eating more clean. So far so good. And for some reason the pump I feel in the gym now is different than before. I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s just more vibrant and awesome. I use to feel like I’m gonna explode with the pumps I feel when I workout whichever muscle group, but now its like 10x more and it drives me insane….a good insane…it makes me push like crazy. I mean mentally I kick into overdrive, and thats including the army mindset….and that mindset is straight mental over physical. But today I did my weight training and some HIIT cardio, I think thats the right term. And I’m proud to be a part of the awesome Team Poynter, I’ve been a part for a few months and Steve is one of the coolest guys I have met. Now I remember I mentioned that when I get back I was going to spend some time just to myself and all that good stuff. Well change of plans. I can’t right now. Due to missing 4 weeks of classes, I have a buttload of work to make up before the semester is over. So I have to stay busy, well even more busy than I was when I was away, for the next few months. Hope ya’ll ain’t too mad at me….whenever I can get a lil time to myself, trust me I’ll take it. But thats pretty much all that is going on. So let me go drink and finish my gallon of water and continue to pee like a race horse on steriods.

Take Care

Well hello out there. Yea it’s me again….I know I know you are probably thinking…."oh lord….here this crazy negro come again…." Yea it’s me so deal with it. Anyway I figure to just give a small update again. First thing is I am back home finally. It feels nice to be back home. Nobody at church knows I’m home or anybody else, only my folks know. So sunday will be a big surprise and its friends and family day. Now on to the deep stuff. I’m actually feeling pretty good right now. I did a lil bit more shopping today, mostly spencers and hot topic to get some stuff for my whole outfit I’m wearing for church tomorrow. And I realize that my clothing style is mostly a punk/rock style with hints of urban, old school gangsta type and hip hop. So I’m a mix of a lot of stuff. I mean thats how I am with a lot of things. I don’t like to fit into on type or anything, I want to be different and create my own type and style with whatever I do. But while I was putting together everything for my re-debut tomorrow, I was thinking, my clothes shouldn’t be the only thing that rock. I, myself should rock as well. So I’m trying to keep feeding off of that. I mean I still have a long way to go to being restored as a human being but I have to start somewhere. So I’m really trying to boost myself up even though the negative and other things are continuing to close down on me. So for those of ya’ll that are hitting me up and keeping in touch and praying, continue to lift me up and again thank you. I especially would like to thank Jumper11(Laura), FitSexyCougar, and miked512….you peeps rock….:) Now last but not least, I picked up some more of one of my fav supps, Muscle Milk, and got some multi-vits…..and I will go to the store tomorrow to get my food for the week. The training and diet is back on monday and I am feeling excited about it. I know I’m gonna hit bumps, but I’m ready to try and get everything back, and come out looking good too. lol Well let me go and finish getting things ready for Sunday. Hope you all have a great night.

P.S. I’m still going to take a few days to myself, I’m just waiting for the right time within Sept to do it. And my goal is still the same…..to become the missing link of the spartan army..the black spartan….lol…it might sound goofy, but that is part of my motivation. And once achieving that, I will further do this that I have always wanted to do in the world of fitness.

I know some of ya’ll are thinking…."what the hell?….damndest….." lol well I just wanted to get a point across. And I usually try not to cuss or use certain language and what not. But I’m human just like everyone else, no lower or higher. Anyway, I have been just thinking whether to post this blog or not because its been on me for a very long time. I mean it might sound the same like the other ones I have posted before hey thats what the blog is for to just let it all out and everything like that. So here goes……..if anybody has been reading my little blogs, what is already known is my lil struggles that are bothering me and what not. Well as a update none of them have gotten better really. I don’t know if I have opened up and told exactly what it is that is really hurting me, because I guess even though I help and guide others, when I am in need of it from whoever I believe I can trust, once I open up they just turn it back in my face or just look at me totally differently. So I just keep all to myself locked up and continue to work and do what I can for others and whenever God uses me. But it’s becoming more harder to stand, and yea I know online I get encouragement which I thank you all for that honestly, but its also about a physical person being that. I mean I honestly feel like I’m trapped in a prison or something. Because I rarely get human contact unless its when someone is in need, or counseling or whatever. People believe that I live a pretty healthy social life just like my business and ministries, but nope not even close and I suffer because of that. I didn’t have the chance to grow up witih my sister, and when me and my folks moved from home I was torn away from my cousins that were like brothers and sisters to me. So from a early age loneliness has been a struggling weakness for me. And in some form of fashion I deal with it everyday as I keep trying to push through it. I have other mental and a few physical problems that linger but I am not trying to have this as a one big, "feel sorry for me" blog. No thats not the reason I am typing it. I just feel there are some things that I need to share that will give you a better understanding of me. But skip all that let me get to the meat and potatoes, for over a year I have been feeling like crap. And when I say crap I mean, my meaning for life is nothing now, its hard for me to really look myself in the mirror because I feel horrible about myself. Not just physically but mentally, spiritually and everything else. Now my folks and others tell me I’m not a bad person, but I don’t believe words anymore at this point. It’s all a neutral feeling. I feel like I don’t deserve anybody, anything, or any break. I wasn’t always like this, but all that began to happen over the past year up to present just slowly beat me to it. And for those that say, "well you gave up to early and what not" well let me put it like this. You can punch someone in the arm hard once or twice and they can take it. But if you keep punching them in the same spot over and over and over, over time they will get weak and can’t take it for a while. Anyway back to the subject at hand, now this is only how I feel about myself and only me. Everybody else is good according to my turns. I’m at a point, God still uses me as a preacher and other things to help his people and do His will. That’s the only good that I do or what I have left. I will do whatever I can for those out there, whether I know them or don’t know them. Whether they are family, or friends, or enemies or whatever. I haven’t felt myself in over a year and I know it. When I do look in the mirror I don’t see Joshua Immanuel Minor anymore, I see someone totally different and what not. At one point I was tired of it, and then I got use to it. I’m use to now its like second nature to me, like breathing. And when I’m out in the public, whether school, work, military, church, etc…even online, no one can tell unless I do what I am doing now and that is cracking open just a lil bit. Other than that, I’m smiling, laughing, making people laugh, keeping things in order, etc. But when I’m home or to where its just me, the truth is reveal, and that truth is really wanting to get out of this. Its hurting me so much now than before, and I know it will continue to. I dealt with this storm a lil bit years ago when I was really getting into the ministry and I was like a outcast in certain ways. This time, this thing is full blown like crazy. I know the stronger the storms, the greater the outcome and blessings. But I need a little break in this storm, just something little instead of getting a straight storm. And of course this has really hurt me in my quest for my training and diet and everything. I just want to really get a hold of it, I’m thinking maybe that can be something I can control more of myself and change and maybe it will help change certain things around or atleast help me out. But honestly it is really hard right now. I’m trying to stay motivated and find reasons of why to completely change. But the darkness is bigger and stronger now because I am weaker than I have been. I’m just at a wits end. So while I’m still away and here at Ft. Eustis, I’m trying to pull enough strength to try and get and keep a strong hold on the vision for my physical and mental being dealing with the training and diet. I’m not trying to fight the other battles I am facing right now, just trying this one since I feel I can control it. I don’t want to lose this one, I already have physical ailments that stay down as long as I stay health and in some kind of shape. But I don’t know, I guess I will see. Well let me wrap this one up I guess before they shut down the library. And there is one thing I want to ask, well maybe two. First please if you actually took the time to read this, don’t just come hard down on me with alot of stuff, whether religious or just I should be this or I’m wrong this or that. Trust me I have heard it all and been called everything but a child of God. I’m not looking to be judged and written off. All I’m asking for is support from whoever is willing, that I can trust. Since I can’t find anyone that is around me for that, I am searching. I know I’m not a bad guy, and I am a strong fellow, but even the strongest needs to be carried or a shoulder at times. So…again if you actually read all of this, thank you for taking the time out to do so. I honestly feel no one really will, which is cool. Hope everyone’s training is going well and everything. I will hit ya’ll up later.

Take Care

Hello out there in the fitness world. It has been a while, as usual. But a few things have been going on. First I have been out of town doing military stuff for the whole month of Aug, and I will be here the rest of the month. So working out I can get a little bit of my program in with what they have and the rest I just do the good ol army PT style. Other things going on, still trying to recover from some recent events that have hit me deep within myself. So training and everything has been hurting, but I am trying hard not to fully just throw in the towel and what not but to try and hold on. I think the only motivation that I have right now to pull on is the fact that while I am here in Ft. Eustis, I did a little shopping and shopped at Buckle, some of ya’ll might know the store. And I picked up some nice shirt type sets. And I realized that alot of Buckle’s shirts are like fitted for either really slim people or fitness people. So I mean I can fit all of them now and I have a nice shape from them, but I want a better shape. Maybe then I can attract a woman that won’t just up and leave after a few days or just completely lie to me. :/ I mean come on, I’m a honest nice guy, don’t look half bad in the face, body isn’t completely a wreck….but oh well…anyway, thats pretty much whats going on with me. I just can’t wait to get home and pick up things whre I left off at. So I think I’ll stop right there and go on and finish this up and head back up to my room and chill out since it’s the weekend. Don’t have to work. Anyway, ya’ll take care and all that good stuff, I will keep all of ya’ll in my prayers, and I ask if you can do the same.

Peace

Well yes I did say when I had a little bit more time I would talk about what is going on. Yes I have mentioned that I am stopping my business of music, design, and anything and everything else. Yes this is true from my mouth, and no one has forced me or hacked my accounts saying these things. Anyway I guess the question that comes up is why. Well in ways I can answer that and in ways I honestly can not fully answer it. So I will explain what I can explain and feel open to tell and leave it at that. Scratch that…..now a days we have to be careful where and who we open to because people are more judging and snooty than before, especially I’ll fellow believers…but thats a whole other story. I will say this, the people that help you out in somewhere or another, those leaders out there hold them close to you if you can and when they need a little help or whatever and you see it, do what you can even if it’s not much, any is better than nothing. Even though most leaders mask what they deal with or go through because they are on the front line, but sometimes someone can sense it or see it, so a little talk, hug, going to see them or whatever, helps them. So that is a little something I can say to ya’ll out there in the internet world. And to the leaders out there, keep it up…keep doing what you are doing, for others, and stand strong, but don’t forget yourself. If you have a small group of people that are your closest friends, family, spouse, whatever, hold on to them even if at times they don’t understand you or what you trying to say, because at those rough times they will be there to help. Whether they know it or not, or even whether you know it or not. Ok on to the topic at hand. Why is this being done, well it just needs to be done right now. Yes its who I am, its what I do, its what I bleed, sweat, cry, etc. So what else will I do…well I will find out I guess. And with finding that out, if I feel to leave Jacksonville, or Florida period then I will. And of course that would have to mean to transfer from my Army unit to another one. And as far as school, well I will put it like this, I am still there right now, if things don’t change then I will transfer to somewhere else, or but a stop on that. But depending on how the GI Bill works, if I can’t stop then I will just transfer. Ok let me see what else is there. Um can’t think of anything at the moment so guess that’s pretty much it. So yea….as far as music I have stopped producing anything, from music for albums, jingles, movies, etc, I have ceased any work for my album projects as a artist, as far as art and design go, the only part that will continue is whatever is needed for school and classes, personal works or freelance stuff is ceased, as well as writings from poetry to playwriting to storytelling. Now on the positive side of things, the thing that is still in affect is the musician, well mostly just playing for church thats about it. And I will still give guidance to fellow artist, musicians, producers, whoever when it is needed. I have always had the philosophy that no matter what happens to me, as long as I can still breathe I will help others if I can. And the army made that worst really. If I could take a bullet or death for someone else to have a second chance or whatever I would without thinking twice. So even though no one really knows what is going on now or in the recent past, I will still help and guide whoever comes my way. Anyway that is pretty much it, and if you actually read this I appreciate because I figured most will not, I don’t really have friends or close friends anymore, its just me trying to make it or what not. But again thank you for actually reading it and I hope all is well with you with anything and everything you are doing or is going to do. If any thoughts or questions just hit me up with a note, or message, depends on whether you are reading this from facebook, myspace, bp, or where ever. So until then, I might be back in the things I was made to do and pick up the dreams and goals once again, but keyword is MIGHT be, so I will just have to see.

Be Blessed

P.S. As a extra note, I know this is bodyspace and all, but I figured that not only do I document physical changes on here, but I can document life in general.

Well today was a non training day….just do cardio and of course follow the diet….well I messed up…..I did cardio but I did weight training as well…lol…I know it isn’t a bad thing, I just feel like being goofy. I guess the reason I did some extra weight training is because I was pissed off at the moment at someone before I left. So instead of letting that get the best of me, or better yet letting that person get the best of me, I used that negative energy and turned it into positive energy. Along with the cardio I did some chest, abs and bicep workouts. Since it wasn’t a training day I did a good bit to get a really good pump. Anyway, I’m feeling much better right now, probably finna look at Madea Goes To Jail and just rest the rest of the night.

Take care