THOUGHTS OF A FITNESS FREAK

Hola!!!  My laptop is fixed finally and he recevered all my pics and videos and stuff…………schweeeeeet!!

Now as far as workout, I am weak as a newborn kitten.  Barely any carbs in the diet.  One cup of brown rice….Its minute rice in a handy little microwave bowl.no water needed…….try it!!  That is 28 grams of carbs, so my brain function is like that of a real blonde I think.  I have been really good with diet and cardio.  Cardio for 20 on my lunch every day that I have a lunch (3 days a week) and doing it for 20 at night as well.  I know 20 isnt squat compared to what some peoople can do, but trust me, its 20 of hard cardio and seeing as its not something Im used to………….its kicking my disapearing ASS.  I do not mind getting leaner except for 2 things…losing my ass and the lean face.  I have an angular face, square jaw from clenching and gringing my teeth for 40 years, so now its more angular than ever.  Not fond of supermodel anorexic face..ewww.

As for food…low calories of course.  Eating shrimp actually during the day.  Well rinsed/soaked to get out the sodium.  Not a constant food as it is high in cholesterol, but packed with protein and no carbs of course. (sounds expensive, but a bag at walmart is just $5.98 or something) I eat boiled eggs, the brown rice, a can of tuna here and there and boiled chicken as usual.  I think I need to add more veggies, but kind of need to go shopping.   Im going to carb up on sunday, treat myself to a fat bowl of whole grain pasta and some I cant believe its not butter spray, coated with garlic powder…….maybe I will even add broccoli like some wild woman………call me crazy.  Ok, I am nuts but the fun kind.  I lost almost 4 lbs in just a couple weeks.  Funny because I was pissing and moaning when the scale would not budge, the suddenly it started moving.  Im 120.25 now,in the EVENING no less. 

Well, gotta fly……doing my hair.  Yep, I do my own.  Been to a salon about 2 times in my life and wasnt happy anyway, so I do it myself.  See ya!

Im only here once in awhile now…it really sucks.  I honestly didnt think I would miss it so much.  Fitness is kind of a lonely world.  Not many people understand whaT FIGURE IS!!! I go out and am questioned alll the time and have to explain it as a "muscle beauty" pageant.  Sounds cheesy that way though.  I know people don’t understand me very well. I can’t say Im disapointed that i look different than most women…..but sometimes I do want to just be invisible.  Ya….ya……..invisible.  I get tired of the drug questions.  If I was 5′3" and ripped at 150lbs….maybe, just maybe I could understand it, but at 122lbs…….nope.  Damn people, its just what working out 5 days a week for 3 years and eating right does to you……..weight loss is a side effect of the gym!!!!

Ok, my workout have been ok.  I have been doinhg cardio everyday even though I hate it and have only done about a week of it all last year.  I think I have been at it for about 3 weeks now.  Funny, but I think i am getting leaner but my weight is staying the same.  My face is thinner,,,,,,,,,,thats about how I know……the face thing.  I usually do the step mill and the life fitness machine, but yesterday I used to rowing machine.  Kicked my own ass for 20 minutes!!!  Holy crap that thing is hard. Im actually sweating and its pretty gross.  Other than the cardio i am doing full bodyweight exercises, moderate weights and supersets.  Lots of shoulders and calves. 

Masters nationals is 3 weeks away.Im so nervous.  This is a really big deal for me and a really big show.  But I have to think to myself ,"how many people ever get to a national level on any sport?" So i will stick it out of course.So, even if there are 150 women there…….out of the millions in the US…….thats a pretty good accomplishment.

I hope everyone has been good.  Like I said, my time online is super limited, but hopefully my laptop has been fixed and I can answer my mail!!!

I would like to give props to all the hard working people here today.  (Its my non training day, but I did do cardio).  There are so many great people on this site and I really am greatful to be here.  I try to pass on everything i HAVE LEARNED THROUGH TRIAL AND ERROR and what works and doesnt work.  As a single mom who works full time I do have to say I come from the bottom of the success level.  A few years ago I couldnt even look people in the eye and now things have very much changed for me.  Im still a little insecure, still think I could be better, but thats the nature of the beast when it comes to competitions. BUT on the upside we all have to look back at where we were a year, 2 years or 3 years ago.  Every time you lose a lb, or gain some muscle you feel a sense of accomplishement.  You may be the one who gets crapped on at work or not supported by your friends and family…….but once you do something for yourself and get just that much closer to your goal……….it feels so great.  

For me this is not just a hobby, but a true passion.  Yes, being a mother is important to me yet I had no passion in my life.  I went to work, came home and watched TV all night. I think I wished I was someone else quite often.  Never good enough or not good enough is a common feeling for most women over 30.  We don’t know what we can be physically until we see it..like here on bodyspace.  When I see a woman who looks smoking at 50 or even old………..it gives me hope that I can be that way too. I always felt like my time is limited……..like the "old lady" clock was ticking.  I just want people to know that there is no "cut off" age.Like I always say…….if people are "old" at 30 anfd yet live to be 90…..do you want to be "old" for 60 years?? 60 YEARS people!!! So dont quit now because next year you will be kicking yourself in the ass wishing you had stuck with it and looking at photos of people who DID stick with it.  

I know I have babbled alot tonight, but I just want to get the point across to people.  Lots of people here support you no matter what your goals are. The games always better with cheerleaders . Im sorry I havent been more attentive to people lately.  I still have not gotten my laptop back and the guy had to come to my office and pick up my systems operating disk today.  I may still lose everything. 

I hope you are all doing well

Fern

I guess its the cardio.  I am trying to get in 20 mins or more a day.  Some days I do thirty minutes.  I know, not much for some people but I train with weights too, so my time is limited in the gym.  Things have been crazy on the home front…….Im losing all my friends for different reason…..1 treating me like crap, the other is in a depression and drinking too much, everyone seems to be drifting away.

I went to a different gym last night and let me tell you…………..I HATED it. The equipment was so close together, people were not friendly in there, not even the girl at the desk!  The I see these two women who come to my gym sometimes and are often overheard talking "smack" about me and sure enough they were giving me the hairy eyeball.  Get over yourselves.  Not all women are bitches, but pretty close in my book.  And men always think we got it made!

Tonight I didnt do any real heavy training.  My energy has been kind of in the toilet lately as I have been cycling off the superpump250.  I forget how good it makes me feel.   I will get back on it this weekend .  My laptop is still not fixed of course.  When it rains, it pours I suppose.………it always seems like everything breaks at the same time. I know its not always me this happens to. 

If you are trying to write to me here, try my email…..just hit send email on my profile.  I cant always get on my bodyspace from work, but email is sometimes easier.

I also have videos of my show to upload as soon as I can……take caRE

Just a quick hello! I am having serious laptop issues and the repair dude says my hard drive is failing…no word yet on if any of my photos or videos are salvageable…..Im pretty upset and I haven’t even paid off the damn thing. I despise bestBuy!! I’m dieting for Nationals, just a little more than 3 weeks to go! Im sure my nervousness will kick in. State competition was a major “mind Fruck”…..but I won the jay Cutler masters so I have to ask myself……which set of judges I believe in? The ones who thought I look the best or the ones who marked me the worst. The ones who marked me the worst, did so for completely different reasons last year. I was told I should “try bodybuilding”…..now this year I lose to a chick who looks as jacked and ripped with striated quads and one who weighed about 90 lbs……see ? messes with the mind. Im going with the jay Cutler mindest. THEY liked me. So, why am I still dieting? Well, I looked at last years masters nationals winner, pretty lean in the legs, although she is 4 inches taller than me, so I thought I should lean out my legs just a little….so that’s why I am “dieting”. Oh I started doing some videos on quick and easy ways to eat, but as my pc is not working…it became pointless. But I have some greta tips on eating on the run , mixing tasty food fast, etc. Nothing much else to talk about. Im so bored without you guys to talk to!! Im used to blogging everyday even if no one reads them. Its just a way to get stuff out, to keep a training log, etc……..its a NEED for me. I have soooooo much to talk about on a daily basis, whether it be some dummy in the gym, some great person I met or just training stuff. I hope you are all well!! fern

Just a quick hello! I am having serious laptop issues and the repair dude says my hard drive is failing…no word yet on if any of my photos or videos are salvageable…..Im pretty upset and I haven’t even paid off the damn thing. I despise bestBuy!! I’m dieting for Nationals, just a little more than 3 weeks to go! Im sure my nervousness will kick in. State competition was a major “mind Fruck”…..but I won the jay Cutler masters so I have to ask myself……which set of judges I believe in? The ones who thought I look the best or the ones who marked me the worst. The ones who marked me the worst, did so for completely different reasons last year. I was told I should “try bodybuilding”…..now this year I lose to a chick who looks as jacked and ripped with striated quads and one who weighed about 90 lbs……see ? messes with the mind. Im going with the jay Cutler mindest. THEY liked me. So, why am I still dieting? Well, I looked at last years masters nationals winner, pretty lean in the legs, although she is 4 inches taller than me, so I thought I should lean out my legs just a little….so that’s why I am “dieting”. Oh I started doing some videos on quick and easy ways to eat, but as my pc is not working…it became pointless. But I have some greta tips on eating on the run , mixing tasty food fast, etc. Nothing much else to talk about. Im so bored without you guys to talk to!! Im used to blogging everyday even if no one reads them. Its just a way to get stuff out, to keep a training log, etc……..its a NEED for me. I have soooooo much to talk about on a daily basis, whether it be some dummy in the gym, some great person I met or just training stuff. I hope you are all well!! fern

OK, probably better that it has though its frustrating to not be able to write.  I had a crapload to write after the show and couldnt of course.  I came in dead last in my class.  I was super effin pissed , mainly because last year, same show one of the judges told me I should try bodybuilding and I lost to a chick with NO muscles, so this year I stayed softer.  I get there and all the women are ripped, striated quads, shoulders etc.  Oh and they posed with arms way out, not more relaxed like the NPC magazine photos have been showing.  So frankly, it may sound not so nice………but Im allowed my opinion and I think I looked the most feminine and after the show several people stopped me to tell me how they were unhappy with the results, so I felt a little better about that.  But anywhooooooooo………..dont wanna burn my bridges….but I will not being doing state again next year.  I will stick to the New England NPC shows that Dave and Maggie run.  I like em better overall. 

So, with that being said , I have nationals next month, masters nationals actually.  The creme de la creme of "OLD CHICKS". Hehehe.  So now that state has screwed with my head……I kinda at a loss as to how I should "come in".   I won the jay Cutler masters in may just as I am, so thats pretty much how I guess I will stay….maybe a tiny bit leaner.  I do rely on last years winners to see what they might want, but its truly a crap shoot.

I  missed a couple days of training.  I had my sons graduation to attend and the night before just had some stuff I had to get done at home.  The weather has been quite miserable here.  I believe its leading me to feel like killing everyone I come across for "lookin at me funny".  All it does is rain, rain, rain………must have rained 25 out of thirty days.  Cant take it anymore!!!!

I hope everyone has been well.  Im trying to answer emails and stuff, but am lucky to get 10 minutes in to the internet a day, so please excuse that. IM STILL HERE!!!!!!

tell ME how I placed.  My laptop will not go online, so I am on another pc.  I will try to get back online later !!

I have not been able to get online and its been pissing me off.  I have to write, return mail, etc so its pissing me off big time.  Im using my mothers pc right now but my laptop wont connect.  Nothing pisses me off more than technology.  Is iit too much to ask that you plug stuff in and it works these days?  Its like going to watch a DVD and suddenly your player is broken 3 months after you bought it……WTF?

I got my fingers and piggies done for my show.  Damn, that guy was tickling the bejesus out of my feet.  I hate that part…..your toes bunch up and you cant help trying to pull away.

Today is supertan day and its raining.  Nothing better than risking a running tan I always say.  Just kidding, I have to wear big sweats and look like a bag lady for a little while.  I haventy gone to the gym in a couple days either.  I went the other night and realized I had a child to pick up, so I had to leave.  I don t think its going to make a difference though.  I look how I love, love me, hate me………Im still me…

My diet is going ok.  Its not traditional.  Last show I ate cheese tortelinis the morning before pre judging and i won anyway.  Plus they were damn tasty.   This week its beef, then switched to plain boiled chicken and brown rice  yesterday. BORING, but a necessary evil.

Gotta go

Be back later

I have been offline, but I have a show in a few days so I have been focusing on that at the moment.  Sometimes its like sensory overload. Only a few days left.  I tend to turn a little inward before a show lately. 

Im also deciding on the deplete because I have noticed in the past that I actually dehydrate somewhat when I waterload.  Its weird…..Im just weird.   Another thing is Nationals.  I hope to win, but thats probably not going to happen , you never know though…..but anyway, if by chance I did win……….no more local shows for me.  I wont be able to compete as I would get a pro card and only be able to compete in pro shows.  Despite that I just got an NPC newsletter about a pro masters over 40 in NJ this fall. I would be able to do that one.  So winning may be bitter sweet.

Now someone once told me it wasnt all about winning and its not all that….blah blah………but I seriously dont bust my butt and put my dreams on being 2nd or 3rd. I think everyone who competes has this bit of hope they will win. 

Well, I gotta fly off to work.  I will be back later toinight to blog about something gym related.