THOUGHTS OF A FITNESS FREAK

I will not make this a big deal.  My surgery wasa success and I have thinking about it for a long time.  Pros and cons……..I have a condition called micromastia.  I never developed breasts.  It has bothered me all my life because I never felt quite like a woman.  I never had trouble getting a date or anthing, so its not about that.  But recently I have been overlooked in some competitions, getting some magazine work, etc.  The final straw was posing with the new figure girl a few weeks ago.  I knew I would never beat her.  Yes, she had a great body……but either all the figure girls have them and the few who don’t , have something they can pad up and make some cleavage. I have NOTHING and let me tell you, my mammogram was torture and I could not even get tissue in the machine.   My other issue is my rib flare from scoliosis.  Many photos I cant even show because my ribs atually curve out more than my upper chest.

I know I have been critical about plastic surgery and am sure to take alot of shit about my decision, but then I realize that I have thousands of friends online that do not care one way or another. My most critical issue is that which people can manage their own body fat issues, yet go out and get lipo and tummy tucks when it can be avoided. I have done all I can in the gym, but thats the one thing that no matter how hard I work,,,,,,,,cannot change. I just never want people to go get something major when most things can be rectified by good diet and exercises.  I watched a show rthe other night about a 13 year old girl who is going to get lipo and a tummy tuck,  She weighs over 300 lbs. THAT is wrong.  Save the money and get her a nutritionist and a workout trainer.

Im rambling I know.  Im on percocet and feel dizzy. I promise this will not change me as a person.

Thank you

Im scared…why lie? No eating or drinking after midnight scares me more. Ok, I can handle not eating, but the thought of no coffee when I wake up kills me……….and the surgery is at noon.I have done shows before, but always had a bit of coffee and some sips of water.  Crap, cant even have breath mints it says.  Also, there is also a chance of dying while under anesthesia, so pray I wake up please!!!  Also I may be out of commission for awhile, so if I am not here…Happy Valentines Day to everyone. If you will be my sweetheart…….I will be yours.

Oh and the show I have done for 2 years is not happening this year!!!  I will be jumping into the Jay Cutler Classic in Boston May 3rd.  11 weeks out I think. If anyone else is going, please let me know and we can hang out or just meet to  say wow you look better in person…….. whatever.

God Bless

Wated to mix it up a little. You will see why shortly……..
Tonight I decided on calves and shoulders. 2 totally opposite ends of the spectrum really. My shoulders really are already straited, so in order to go lean and not lose size……..got to make them bigger as I have no fat on them already. And calves…….I got those long skinny calves and would kill for high and round, but its not in my genetics.

Shoulders
lateral raises 20 lbs db’s
smith presses 100 or so, some controversy as to what the damn bar weighs.

(ok, these make me look badass in the mirror, I like em!”)
standing shoulder raises on smith just 4 10’s, but I get more than 15 reps.

shoulder rows on cables 50 each arm
Arnold presses…..only 20’s today (the rotation will kill you anyway)
chin ups and pull ups. I also got more than 25 dips in a row. I owe it to the bowl of pasta I ate beforehand.

Calves
seated raises 110 plus the sled
donkey raises 400.easy 15 reps…….almost too easy
140 on the slide supersetted with donkeys, my calves were on fire. Pain is good for the soul……….
that may be it…….oh, did some leg extensions and seated curls to work my legs. they are a bit sore from yesterday, so I needed to warm them.

I think thats it.

Some dude had cologne on..way too much!! Suddenly I felt like I got punched in the face, grit in my eyes, sinuses closed right up…….major headache like a mack truck hit me between the eyes……….had to go home after that.

Its weird but it happens to me with certain smells. A woman at work, a woman at my gym…..severe allergic reaction. Listen people……I would rather you have BO, than to slather or drown yourself in cologne. I would rather smell a port o potty in august during a heatwave than smell your over powering cologne or perfume. PLEASE take it down a notch!!! I popped out 4 babies without drugs, but I cannot…………cannot work out with that kind of facial pain.
What is someone has asthma?
Ok, said my peace. But it made me grouchy and was like a punch in the face………….sue me

Yeah, I went out last night.  A little Irish pub in a nearby town, they are soooooooo fun!  Usually 2 guys singing with acoustic guitars and everyone knows the words.  Of course "Sweet Caroline" is always on of them and it was really fun. Not like one of those meat market bars.  In these places its all about laughing and having a pint.  I dont do beer, but I drink Smirnoff Ices which taste like carbonated juice.  I was wild last night, had 3!!!  I say alcohol is bad because even after only 3 of them, my next days workout suffered.  My muscles feel tired and dehydrated a bit.  Oh and I ate hot wings and onion rings as well.  A couple drinks and I get the worst munchies ever.  usually in the form of a chili cheese dog…….good lord…….Im a beast.

So I met up with my training partner.  he had been out of town a couple weeks and we did legs.  Nothing terribly heavy except for maybe 400 on the leg press, but my damn knees…….friggin knees……ached.  It doesnt affected my curls or my deadlift or thank God, my cable kickbacks.  I get 90 per leg on that one now.  I know, I have a glute obsession….never seems big enough to me.  I want Monica Brants glutes but she has been working out since 1989, she has a big headstart!

I got invited to do a radio show this friday morning, but have to work because the notice is short!! Im bumming!!  Its about an hour away, wish it was closer and maybe I could do it.  Anyway, the producer of the Tv show I did wants me to do a gym workout with this guy.  The radio host that is.  He’s raw, sarcastic, yet alarmingly funny.  I would love it.  There will be some major verbal sparring!  I will keep you posted on that one. Fitness comedy would be great.  Everyone is too damn serious.  Thats why no one wants to workout. 

I got to go.  I ate the rest of the hotwings and have an upset stomach.  I need a nap or something.

Talk later!

Here are several shots of me over the last 2 years.  Skinny one in green was 108 lbs, my first show in 2007.  A couple were 114lbs or 118, I cant remember.  The first photo is me last night at 130lbs. Oh and there is that tiny little photo from when I weighed 114 and was still a twig when I first started at the gym.  Now is the time to really get serious and start dropping some bodyfat. I know I dont have alot by some standards, but am not stepping on stage at 130lbs!! I tell people who dont understand that the girls next to me sometimes weigh 105lbs.  I will look super thick next to them.  By myself I am fine………next to a peanut I look HUGE.  

I am starting my diet in a couple weeks.   I will keep you posted as to what I am using in case you are new.  Also, I am using the Mitotropin to give me an edge.

Fern 

I was asked how I look younger than I really am.or rather, what contributes to my looking younger by a bodyspace member.  Botox? NOPE. Juvederm in my cheeks? NOPE…..no facial surgery of any kind honestly. I truly think it’s finding happiness, finding a passion.  Of course fitness helps as does a smile.  People look younger when they smile.   I suppose genetics is a factor, but I look at older pictures of me and I look older and tired.  Kids will do that to you.  A bad marriage, a bad job, stress……all make us look older. I think people tend to act older when they turn 40. "you don’t act your age"….blah blah blah.  Fine, I jump on the 1/2 ball at the gym like a 3 year old….sue me.  I once told a man I know that I refuse the give up my childish wonder of the world.  Some people pass things by like "ho-hum" , but me, Im more likely to say "holy sh*t, did you see that?" Maybe because part of my life had been squashed for me. Maybe because most times everything seemed "fine", like riding  a bike along and someone jammed a stick in your spokes and I went flying ass over teakettle over the handle bars.  I mean in the sense that when I liked something, it was always snatched away from me in the form of other peoples opinions.  We all do it.  For example, I recently got hooked on country music.  Now, if I mention it……..its like people’s dirty secret.  they whisper to me, "I like it too".  Are you afraid to admit what you like because others arent going to accept you?  Truly, if thats the case, you dont want to be around those who will only like you if you like the same things as them.  Fine, have things in common…..dont pretend.  I will still like you unless you are a liar……….hate liars.

Why do I go over this so much?  I guess it is because I was a repressed person.  I wish I had known sooner that I didnt have to be.  You know what?  I didnt have any friends then!!  Now, being just who I want to be…….I have tons!!  Go figure.

Im running over to do some abs tonight.  I will try to film a new series, but I ate like a pig and may have some sort of potbelly going on.  We’ll see.

Thanks to all my ladies and gentlemen here who are now getting the balls to say……"this is me, like it or leave it!" 

yes, I said AINT.  Ok, got a letter from a man whose wife has used weight watchers.  Yes, it works, but once you lose the weight…..what do you look like?  Muscles get flabby from disuse, so if your body is flabby….your muscles being flabby just makes it worse.  So you do 2 hours of cardio every day and think if you get "skinnier" you will wake up one day with the bod of a 22 year old supermodel. THEN when it doesnt happen you say "f8ck it, I hate this, it isnt working" so you quit and get back on the self loathing train. 

Its not about eating less.  Its about eating better.  No, you dont have to be a food nazi.  I ate a meatball sub today. A large one.  Stupid, but damn, it tasted good.  I wont wake up "fat" tomorrow. Tomorrow I will go back to eating how I have learned to eat.  I don’t write these blogs to torture you or brag about what I can eat and still maintain a good shape.  I do it because it’s real and to prove I dont live on air or nuts and berries like an anorexic. 

I do promote the book "The Eat Clean Diet".  I learned aLL MY FOOD TIPS FROM BODYBUIDING SITES .  Its all here, its all free.  I looked at their diets, picked them apart and made what works for me.  I looked at little kids and their "grazing habits".  I looked at animals.  Did you notice no wild animals are fat, they all get fat because they eat our food?  Its the processed food that will kill you.

Learn about carbs, proteins and fats.  Eat 6 times a day. dont starve yourself. I lift heavy, but you dont have to lift heavy.  Im a tomboy, maybe you are not.  Stop using the 2lb dumbbells though. Stop doing assisted chin ups slower than a snail.  Post pictures of women with your ideal shape up where they can motivate you.  Be realistic.  If you have short legs, dont choose a woman who is 5′10".  Keep your butt if you want to!  Getting a bigger lat/chest will make your waist look smaller as it begins to taper.  I have a 26/27 inch waist at 5′3".  I will never, never have a supermodel 22 inch waist.  Dont let others tell you what you are supposed to look like.  What is feminine and not feminine.  I told you about the guys in my gym seeing me in my bikini.  They freakin drooled………….hahaaaaaa.  So, if I train like a "man" and freak them out….so be it.  I get compliments all over my town.  Like the grocery store, when I go out to a bar, patients at work……its well worth it.    I get "recognized".  "hey , are you msfitness?".  Im no different than anyone.  I have had good days and bad days, I pay bills (sometimes) I get sick kids, Im a single parent and if you saw the laundry at my house you’d probably crap yourself.  If I do it, you can too.

Take care

Sorry to those who commented to me and I didnt reply.  I needed a little break.  Nope , I didnt stop training or anything. I try to help alot of people and sometimes it gets overwhelming because I cant help everyone.  I also had some company over the weekend and needed to pay attention.  Not much has changed since my last post I suppose.  The gym gossip comes and goes, most days are great though.  I have been training hard for nearly 3 years now.  Maybe I am at a point where I have to decide to be happy the way I am, or train harder.  Training harder would be the hard part though.  I train my balls off most times, how much harder can I go?  Am I a figure girl, fitness model, or a bodybuilder?  Or am I just a little chick with some freaky muscles?  I dont know.  I know I dont want to get much bigger.  Im still holding at 128lbs. Deciding when to diet and wishing the bodyfat would come off my legs and not the rest of me.  One guy at my gym saw me posing last week, said I had a perfect butt…..dont mess with it. He actually was checking me out in my bikini and said to my son, "wow, check her out".  My son said, "which one"? and he said "the blonde" and my son said, " I can’t check her out, she’s my MOM".  He was like OOOOOPPPSSSS!  Kinda funny though!  You see, I train alomg side these guys, they look at me funny, but when you slap on a patriotic bikini, they have a newfound enlightment of you and your "woman-ness".  Its kinda nice I can get all freaky lifting, yet still get my girl on. 

Tonight I did some back and bi’s.  I have been going heavy for a few weeks now.  When I diet, it will be high reps and alot less weight.  Im also going to try and help out my friend Steph with her training.  Id love to train a woman.  She had to go away for a few weeks, but I am going to be on her like white on rice when she returns.

I have another shoot this weekend if I want it.  Same guy as like time, but I want some more feminine shots than what I got last time.  More full body.  It also helps to have a photo record of you at a certain weight, so you know what you look like front and back to see what needs work.  Yes, I have tons of photos….this is why. 

I hope everyone has been well. 

Fern