THOUGHTS OF A FITNESS FREAK

Im hungry and I am pissed off.  Im out of gas, so I try to go online to see my account and I tried tons of different usernames and passwords and none will work.  Yeah, I owe them money….big whup.  So I call them and of course they are not open and its only for emergencies!!   I cant cook!  I am starving!  Yeah, I can nuke something, but I don’t want to….I want my stove to work for cripe sake.  Plus all it does in the godforsaken state is rain, rain, rain…yes im cranky.

Ok, Im back.  I ate 2 tomato sandwiches.  I have a garden and have tomatos coming out of my ears at this point.

Today was a piddling training day. I did an upper body workout consisting mostly of back.  I have trained everything this week, so after legs tomorrow , we go back to chest and tris monday.  I also did another tanning session and am a little stingy.  This photoshoot may be a wash in all this rain.  I think I need to build an ark and get it over with.  Its supposed to let up tomorrow, but I have heard than one before.  Im still game though, even if it is raining a little.  Im not afraid of a little mud.

I dont know what to write about.  I think I am going to go get some coffee at dunks and then maybe, just maybe I will be in a better mood.  I love my coffee

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Busted out the most boring burning bodyparts tonight.  yes, boring calves and forearms.

Calves: seated calf raises 150lbs , slide machine160lbs and donkeys 380lbs

Forearms: behind the back wrist curls, raises in front with the ez bar, hanging wrist curls with the ez bar, hammer curls….thats its….BORING

I threw in some 40 ez bar bicep curls, pull ups, chin ups, shoulder presses and some dumbbell lateral raises.

Lately, I have been socializing and having some fun with it. Its nice getting to know people really.  Maybe I am trying to change people’s initial impression of me?  I have heard some initial opinions of me before people actually know me and most think I am pretty unapproachable..and I’m thinking……who me?THAT has got to change.  Tonight a guy asked me about my smith bench leg presses, so I helped him try a few sets and he loved them.  It takes practice, but he liked the way they gave him a nice ham stretch and hit the quad up high without bothering the knees.  Another man I spoke with offered me a job as a shot girl in his new bar.  Its a sports bar and I will be selling shots and desserts.  The shots will be something that probably tastes like the dessert…sounds fun to me and who couldnt use some money while having fun? It will also be a chance to meet new people and possibly pick up some clients when I start training people.  Word of mouth goes a long way.  I am coming from almost paralyzing shyness to  miss congeniality I guess.  Once you start you realize you have alot to say and alot to share……I just love it. 

I hope everyone had a great friday…..its still friday.  Im going to hang out and relax and finish a book I started a couple days ago.  Im beat.

Fern

Its true, yes it is.  I went to go tanning. You know I am really not for tanning, but I have this outdoor shoot and its hard to get even with the paint on.  It looks fine inside, but in the natural light, there could be a little streaking.  It is supposed to be a black and white shoot, so I don’t know what I am worried about.but you never know…so I laid in a tanning bed.  They suck anyway and they hardly change the bulbs.  20 minutes has left me a little itchy, but thats the maximum time and when I used to go to another place years ago, I would be burnt in ten minutes. I need a little vitamin D anyway.

I hung around awhile before I went in and chatted with the manager and the woman at the desk.  They are funny as Hell, we were cracking up the whole time while I had a strawberry blonde protein shake.  Damn, those extreme blendz shakes kick ass! I had to spit some out cus I was laughing so hard.  Somehow we got on the topic "men with girlie traits".  You know you have them!!  Ok, some of you.  I know a bunch of men who use more skin care products than I do..they just hide it well.

Today was a pretty good day.  We had to wear matching lime green t-shirts at work, so the girls and I went out to lunch and had a couple drinks before the office meeting.  Im a lightweight, 2 smirnoff ices and I was downright tipsy.  Then we went back to work and had an office meeting where we pretty much spent an hour taking staff group photos in our geeky matching t-shirts…..but it was fun.  Its always a good day when you spend most of it giggling.

Tomorrow I am going to train really early because I met a woman online who is local and Im going out to meet her in person.  A woman friend!  Its weird, I havent had a female friend (in person) in about 18 years.  I guess people just drift away and lives change.  I also met another woman who goes to my gym.  She just started training again, so I gave her a can of sizeon to try.  She’s cool, kind of a tomboy like me. I was impressed she was doing skull crushers……..my kind of chick! 

Hope ya had a great one.

I have been asked this a number of times.  I like pecs and arms the most I think.  Its pretty sexy to me. Of course I would never judge anything harshly on another person if they had flaws or didnt have pecs………..but I do like them. What do you like?  Do you have something, perhaps even one thing about the opposite sex that just makes you wooooooozzyyyyyyy?  As for dating, I don’t really date bodybuilders per se. I get asked that all the time too.  This is CT people, there really are not many here and not at my gym. Frankly you could be the hottest jacked up dude, but if I saw you treat someone like crap, your looks wouldn’t matter to me anyway.

I did abs tonight, pretty much all abs.  Funny that I could do the whole 150 on kneeling crunches and it felt pretty easy to me today.  Some people ask why i go so heavy and I suppose its because " I can". Its the challenge I crave. I may not go super nuts supersetting anymore like my ass is on fire because I don’t have to right now. I may be fast by some gym peoples standards though. I will hit up 3 exercises , 3 sets of 12 on 4 different machines and then walk back past the dude who is still sitting at the shoulder press machine when I started.  I now know a few of them and so if its someone I know……..I usually laugh out loud, then they laugh cus they know why I am laughing at them. Its all in good fun of course.

Oh, one more thing about what makes me attractive to me……..a genuine smile that involves the eyes and someone who laughs like they mean it.  I dated someone and after it ended (actually a couple someones) and later on, in hindsight, I realized they hardly ever laughed……..I need moments of roll on the floor, crying saying "stop, I am going to get a herrrrrrrrrnia!!!!!!!!!!!!", tears in the eyes, snorting, uncontrollable ………….LAUGHTER.    THAT is beautiful…………. 

Im back on the creatine so my strength is starting to increase again.  I had a guy tell me he stopped using creatine because of water retention, but he was eating it in a bar.  Im not really sure how the absorption is with such a thing.  As for water rention, Im a chick……….when are we NOT bloated in some way?  Right now my left lower leg is bigger than my right lower leg and ankle.  I think I had too much salt yesterday, but I havent been strict with my diet because I am trying to soften up just a little for that roundcard girl contest, then get a little leaner for figure a couple weeks after that.  Its going to be a pain, but it’ll work out I guess.

I started doing curls on the cables with a bar.  I liked it and its different than the dumbbells or barbells.  You do notice it.  Also more preacher curls baby.  Not much one can do for bi’s as the elbow kinda only goes in one direction obviously.  For back, which has still been bothering me, shrugs, seated rows, lat press downs and pull downs, overhead rows, bent over dumbbell ros.  I tried to focus more on my outer back and lats than the traps, except for the shrugs, but those were only 35 lb dumbbells anyway. 

I have to say since I left my MP3 behind, its far easier to be a little social.  I dont want to be overly social, but obviously those things put people off when you are wearing them.  I wave to people…..heheeeeee

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Tonight I am doing abs and maybe more lats.  Then I have to come home and watch project runway to satisfy the girl in me………

Lots of questions about motivation.  What kept me going?  Why do I do it?   Here is the truth……..I wore spandex/cotton gym shorts…..to the gym.  When I sat at a machine, the thighs puddles and dimpled, the belly runneth over the shorts waistband.  I was horrified and every mirror on every wall in that gym told me the truth. I remember my daughter telling me my son, who was about 15 at the time, "look at mom, she is gross and she jiggles when she walks". I was a size 3-5 for cripes sake, so why didnt I look good? I starved myself and didnt eat until the afternoon, I dropped to 98 lbs and still, still didnt look "good". Ask yourself if you gauge your weighloss by how much your hipbones stick out when you lay down…….that is a problem.  I had a problem and needed to change it….so I educated myself.  EVERY new bit of muscle firmness was an accomplishment to me.  You shave your legs and feel something "new" or when you walk you notice your arms now rub your lats a little and your waist may be the same in inches, yet looks smaller because now you have a "taper"…..well thats motivation. Its a personal accomplishment that no one bought you or you didnt buy yourself. Its a level playing field I suppose and one that isnt determined by whether or not you are rich or poor. Okay, Im poor, but I still scrape out my membership fees.  Some days I want to quit, dont get me wrong.  Some days I just want to lie on the sofa and feel sorry for myself or drink a whole bottle of wine and pass out.  It happens to everyone. I have about 100 progress pics posted……….yeah progress.  You will laugh when you look at your old photos and remember when you thought you looked bangin, until you posted a new pic next to it and say ,"holy crap, what was I thinking? Look how tiny I was!".  Fine, Im still tiny, just a tighter tiny than before and yeah, most times I still wear my goofy ass grin because I think its funny to say, "hey wanna see my abs?" or someone makes me flash my little split bicep and people say "holy shit".  It is funny to be a little bit different than the norm I suppose. 

So, we will all come here to bodyspace, piss and moan one day, smile the next, get discouraged, get motivated…round and round it goes……….but yes…………Im still going……..and going and going……..because it gives me something to smile about so much more often than a frown 

so today you can refer to me as bipolar Betty. Im up, Im down, I giggle, I get misty..IM NUTS I THINK. Moving is soooooooo going to suck after 12 years.  You know when you have so much to do yet it actually paralyzes you when you think about doing it?  Thats where I am right now. One minute you are happy and the next you are kinda praying a runaway bus will run you over………….its a little twisted, but funny. Like a cop making a joke at a brutal crime scene actually……

I did chest and tris 2x today.  Ok, maybe I half assed it tonight, but mr chatty was talking to me and I was having fun messing with his mind a little.  He likes to talk alot while I am working out, so I give him my crazy smartass chick routine .  Stuff like steroid use.  I tell him Id shoot it if I could afford it and he gets freaked out. I said, sure, sure….i wanna be HUUUUUGGE, but am afraid of getting an abscess on my butt cheek.   I like to tell him I ate 2 double cheeseburgers from McDonalds (I actually did today, like a mad wolf) and he never believes me……just like when he gets mad I dont do cardio. Whateva…….

My tri on my right side is hurting a little.  Like a bruise right at the end of my "tail".  I didnt do heavy weights today, but stuck to about 105 on my bench and mass repped.  I didnt sleep welll last night, got about 3 hours altogether. I also played hookey from work because I was supposed to be in court about my house, but didnt have to be there afterall.so I went to the gym.  Frankly, in a dental office you have to be nice on the phone and I didnt think I could even act like I cared about someones toothache.  yes, I really do care, but I was feeling a little self absorbed and wanted to keep it to myself.  I went in around 11am though….after gym therapy.  I went through my standard chest training, pec flies, bench press, dumbbell press, did a little shoulders in there and some skull crushers for tris and press downs with the ropes.  Ok, maybe some dumbbell kickbacks, nothing major. 

I have never been to the gym much during a weekday.  Honestly, I was probably one of the only people there under 65.  God bless the seniors who work out!  Here I am bitching about being 40 and they are probably wishing THEY were  STILL 40.  Im healthy, don’t wear depends or readin glasses, still have my teeth……..man are we talking life for granted or what? Im going to shaddup now………..PEACE

Thanks for everyones support.  I signed it over for a measley $3000.  I knew it was coming and I agreed to it just to make the court stuff stop, but it still hurts.  The loss, ya know? I suppose we all like to be able to see where we are going in life and right now, my path is choked with  weeds.  I just have to believe that it could be worse at this moment.  That somewhere someone has it much worse than we do.  I am going to try not to fall into the state of "giving up". 

I snuck to the gym this morning.  I am supposed to be at work, but just couldnt make myself go.  I needed my thinking time.  Ok, the sissy tears welled up once or twice….I admit it……I AM a girl afterall.

Ill post a workout later.  I am going to work for a few hours. Its better than moping around the house!

Yes fitness is like the fountain of youth to most of us.  Im sure gentics plays a part, but I do know I look younger now than I have in the past. I havent even had botox yet or anything…..heheee. I blame it on the healthier lifestyle that I have chosen for myself. Do I think I look 40?  Thats a hard question, maybe a loaded question………First, why does 40 have to look bad?  I am 40, so I guess I look 40..MY 40.

I did legs today.  Lately I have been getting overheated in the gym on legs day and its draining to my energy.  I think they may have turned off the AC or something, plus I am getting sick or having serious allergies today.  A few times this week my throat hurt and feels scratchy and my face and body feel like after you have a sunburn and you are hot yet cold, even under a blanket. It could be my Lyme disease acting up too.  Its about that time, every 6 months or so I get muscle and joint aches and feel like I have a fever when I don’t.

Anyhooooooooo, I sucked it up and did legs.  Nothing heavy, just worked them to maintain what I have.  I seriously wonder if more size is in my future and I am not sure at this point. I’m kinda happy the way I am, except for my legs, but its not so bad.  Im kind of  A cross between bikini chick and muscle chick, nothing wrong with that right?  I’ll take it.  Im doing very well with the photoshoot requests the way I am anyway and hopefully I get this roundcard girl job with the USfightleague.  Yes, a bit older than most, but I have to try so I can say "at least I tried".  They could be thinking they need softer chicks or brunettes, who knows?  I dont think my age is going to be a factor.  It isnt like I have a big bubble over my head exclaiming, "HEY 40 HERE, TIME TO CURL UP AND DIE!".   hahaaaaaaaaaa!!!    Oh, add them on myspace if you get a chance and tell them I need the job (or leave a comment)!!!   

  http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=336173045  

Crap, even a t shirt girl would be something!  I need work and I want it to be honest work of course.

Hope ya had a good one.  Im going to take a nap now, my head hurts