Can I ask you guys something………..personal, not training
I know this is a training blog, but I have a major issue and seeing as I have high regards for your opinions…perhaps you can help me?
As you ma or may not know, I have an evil ex husband whose mission in life is to drag me through the mud and get me out of the house and on the streets. This is his life, this is what he is obsessed with.
So, I get papers saying either I "quit the deed (1/2 my house), move out in 60 days or they will hold me in contempt and charge me $100 dollars a day to live here". This house is for sale and in my name as well as his. The housing market is terrible and it is not selling. It is 200 years old and needs repairs. We had an offer on it a couple years ago and they (buyer?) asked if I could be out in 30 days. So, back then I still had 4 children living at home and going to school and my mother to relocate. Also, the ex had not even picked up his belongings, nor had we mediated personal property. I have 14 rooms in this house and he was a packrat, so we had a 3 car garage full of junk to clear as well!! So, I asked my real estate agent if it HAD to be 30 days and he said he would see. I NEVER heard back about this buyer. For all I know he was a wack job and could have been denyed financing. I NEVER got a call for my agent saying, "he said 30 days or nothing" or I waould have agreed and been out!!! So, we go to court and the ex and his lawyer say,(without PROOF) that I impeded a sale and they win and as I didnt have a lawyer myself, got screwed. So consequently, the house did not sell at 244,000, so if it sells at 200,000, I owe him 1/2 ….which would be 22,000!!! I was like, "WTF?". So, then I talk with my agent and the ex always wants to lower the price and once he wanted to drop 15,000 at once and I said it was tooo much too fast (you CANT give a house away!) so I wanted 5,000 off. This pissed him off and now he is trying to say I impeded a sale yet again! Apparently, the ex husband calls the shots even though I am on the title and my opinion SHOULD count as well. So, heres where I am at now. The house is valued at 225,000, and we owe about 117,000. Thats 108,000 in equity, correct? So, now I am supposed to take 3,000 and walk out into the streets with my kids. (that was their offer) As you know, $3000 is not even first, last and security to rent a place to live! He can’t force me off the deed , can he? The papers also say I owe him $15,000 and refuse to pay it? REFUSE to pay it? Crap, my take home pay is about @25,000 a year! Why should I have to pay someone who abused me for 10 years? Life cant be this unfair, can it? I struggled for a long time to build up my self esteem after what he has done to me and is STILL trying to do. I would love to get out of here! Love to start fresh where he can’t dictate my life..but I havent the money. I cant hire a lawyer and legal aid once told me I make too much money! Too much money? Someone forgot to tell me I was rich!
So, if anyone knows what I can do in this matter, please respond. I’m trying to save money to move out and move on, but there really is no extra money. I work for supplements and workout supplies, I don’t get money from any of my fitness stuff and Im ok with that. I dont get paid for photoshoots (they are free) and I have friends who help me with show fees and tanning coupons. I have cut corners everywhere and still not enough for a lawyer.
Anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Im going to do legs, talk to you later
August 31, 2008 at 6:47 am
It is practrically IMPOSSIBLE to evict someone, especially when kids are involved. Plus, YOUR NAME IS ON THE DEED!
Turn the tables - make him a rock bottom offer for his 1/2.
August 31, 2008 at 6:49 am
Hire an attorney…look for a good female divorce attorney in your area…a real shark. Explain the situation with the equity and the attorney will work very hard to get that equity for you so they can have a piece of it. It’s motivation for the attorney to win for you. They can smell money like sharks smell blood! lol… By not having an attorney, you are allowing the ex to continue to abuse you in his own way. Good luck!
August 31, 2008 at 7:00 am
Good morning Fern. First i just dont understand the out & out meanness from one or the other in a devorce. Your ex is a major ass. Seem like him & his lawyer r trying to run ruff shot over u. there trying to force u in to doing things i believe u dont have to. Un furtunately u need a lawyer too, a good one. See if u can talk to the judge that proceeded over your devorce to make sure thing r being done right. This is just a thought, check out this financal talk show guy. Hes not a lawyer but he deals with a lot of stuff like this. If u can talk to him i think it could help. His web site is Daveramsey.com. He is Christion base & very helpful. Your in a bad spot, play tuff & get alot mean yourself. I hope things get better 4 u. Like i said your ex is a ASS. He is not a man he’s a punk. Bob
August 31, 2008 at 7:18 am
Good Morning. I just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
August 31, 2008 at 8:41 am
Fern, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. As for your situation, realestate laws and civil laws can vary from state to state. I would talk to your relator and get their advice on the situation without divulging to much. You can also go to you local courthouse and city county building to inquire about the law and your options. A library would help since you dont have a lawyer and you can do alot of the research yourself. Therer are also organizations out there to help individuals in need of legal advive. But most importantly, you need to stay positive and keep focused, for you and your children. Don’t give the ex the satisfaction of seeing you hurt, do what you can and flip the script….I’ll be praying for ya
August 31, 2008 at 10:02 am
Hi Fern-
So sorry to hear about this. My husband works with real estate forclosure negotiations and is heading to law school. He recommended going straight to w w w. m o r t g a g e f i t .com and asking your questions. His associates will be able to give excellent advice. If you have anymore questions about real estate stuff, send me a PM with as much information as you can and he may be able to answer questions.
Good Luck
-laura
September 1, 2008 at 10:10 am
I like what B Campbell said to you, especially the woman lawyer part.
BTW, love your site, you are inspiring. I just started eating clean 2 weeks ago and i think i’m hooked. I’m fat skinny, 41 and want to grow some muscle, so I’m working on it.
I’ll be praying for you girl!!
September 1, 2008 at 6:07 pm
I third B Campbell’s advice.
Fern, go to the phone book. Ask friends for referrals. Do you know anyone else who’s been divorced? Ask them for a referral.
If you have that much equity, I’m sure an attorney( especially a female divorce lawyer) can work out a contigency fee arrangement or a payment plan you can afford.
If you don’t hire an attorney to take on these sharks, it may not be "fair", but you could end up out on the street with $3,000. Please…..do it!
September 2, 2008 at 5:29 am
To start, you MUST get a lawyer or your X and HIS lawyer will continue to eat you alive. The question is, how do you hire a lawyer when you can’t afford one. The answer is (or the answers are) as follows.
For me, I called then went to a nearby battered women’s shelter/family crisis center and spoke with a counselor there. From her I received a list of 4 or 5 lawyers that would take my case and charge me a reduced rate.
Based on my experience, concerning a situation like yours, a lawyer does not collect his/her fee as you as you go along but instead bills you as they go along and takes their fee from the monies you are awarded at the end of the settlement. Depending on what your lawyer has to say about your case, you may be able to have your X pay for your legal fees. Wouldn’t THAT be sweet?
Also, is there a way you can get the ACLU involved? They often take on cases for no charge. I don’t know if they would be interested in your case, it’s just a thought.
I will write more if I think of anything that might be beneficial to you.
Good luck.
~Lynn
September 2, 2008 at 11:15 pm
awwwwww Fern!
Man, now I feel awful =[
Your ex is not right and he doesn’t understand he’s eventually hurting the kids!
I don’t know much about the legal system and I’m going possible a tenth of what your going thru so I’ll keep ya in my prayers always.
It’s most difficult for me to understand that I qualify as making too much money on a student salary.
But, yes, the shelter should give you some really good referrals esp if you tell them your story.
There are women that work there that may have experienced if not worse than what you’re going thru and they can offer lots of advice and guidance on the proper way to make him pay for what he’s doing.
I’m sorry that this is looming over your head, but I’m glad to see you’re still going to the gym.
Thank you for inspiring me!
This too shall pass and he will get his come uppance!
God bless ya!
September 10, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Philippians 4:19
May my God meet your every need in keeping
with his marvelous wealth displayed in Christ Jesus.
February 21, 2009 at 7:17 pm
I enjoyed reading your work! GREAT post! I looked around for this… but I found you!
Anyway, would you mind if I threw up a backlink from my site at whiterabbitcult.com to your site?