THOUGHTS OF A FITNESS FREAK

I know this is a training blog, but I have a major issue and seeing as I have high regards for your opinions…perhaps you can help me?

As you ma or may not know, I have an evil ex husband whose mission in life is to drag me through the mud and get me out of the house and on the streets.  This is his life, this is what he is obsessed with.

So, I get papers saying either I "quit the deed (1/2 my house), move out in 60 days or they will hold me in contempt and charge me $100 dollars a day to live here".  This house is for sale and in my name as well as his.  The housing market is terrible and it is not selling.  It is 200 years old and needs repairs.  We had an offer on it a couple years ago and they (buyer?) asked if I could be out in 30 days.  So, back then I still had 4 children living at home and going to school and my mother to relocate.  Also, the ex had not even picked up his belongings, nor had we mediated personal property.  I have 14 rooms in this house and he was a packrat, so we had a 3 car garage full of junk to clear as well!! So, I asked my real estate agent if it HAD to be 30 days and he said he would see.  I NEVER heard back about this buyer.  For all I know he was a wack job and could have been denyed financing.  I NEVER got a call for my agent saying, "he said 30 days or nothing" or I waould have agreed and been out!!!  So, we go to court and the ex and his lawyer say,(without PROOF) that I impeded a sale and they win and as I didnt have a lawyer myself, got screwed.  So consequently, the house did not sell at 244,000, so if it sells at 200,000, I owe him 1/2 ….which would be 22,000!!!  I was like, "WTF?".  So, then I talk with my agent and the ex always wants to lower the price and once he wanted to drop 15,000 at once and I said it was tooo much too fast (you CANT give a house away!) so I wanted 5,000 off.  This pissed him off and now he is trying to say I impeded a sale yet again!  Apparently, the ex husband calls the shots even though I am on the title and my opinion SHOULD count as well.  So, heres where I am at now.  The house is valued at 225,000, and we owe about 117,000.  Thats 108,000 in equity, correct?  So, now I am supposed to take 3,000 and walk out into the streets with my kids.  (that was their offer)  As you know, $3000 is not even first, last and security to rent a place to live!  He can’t force me off the deed , can he?  The papers also say I owe him $15,000 and refuse to pay it? REFUSE to pay it? Crap, my take home pay is about @25,000 a year!  Why should I have to pay someone who abused me for 10 years?  Life cant be this unfair, can it? I struggled for a long time to build up my self esteem after what he has done to me and is STILL trying to do.  I would love to get out of here!  Love to start fresh where he can’t dictate my life..but I havent the money.  I cant hire a lawyer and legal aid once told me I make too much money!  Too much money?  Someone forgot to tell me I was rich! 

So, if anyone knows what I can do in this matter, please respond.  I’m trying to save money to move out and move on, but there really is no extra money.  I work for supplements and workout supplies, I don’t get money from any of my fitness stuff and Im ok with that.  I dont get paid for photoshoots (they are free) and I have friends who help me with show fees and tanning coupons.  I have cut corners everywhere and still not enough for a lawyer.

Anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Im going to do legs, talk to you later

I went to see a Pink Floyd tribute band.  The music is good, but honestly, that stuff makes me feel depressed………..comfortably numb and all………like being all doped up in a bed depressed and waiting for God to take you home kind of tunes…………

Ok, my sister got all trashed, so I had to drive her forerunner……..I wasn’t familiar with the stuff in it.  I had a glasss of wine of which I didn’t finish.  I took her to another place where she kind of got more trashed, so she gets all chatty Cathy on me and its in a city area, so it wasn’t dark…and APPARENTLY I was driving with just the fog lights or parking lights on and didn’t even notice.  HEY, ut WAS NOT dark!

So, the cop pulls me over and I was like "Oh crap, I have no license".  i lost mine and just got my certified birth certicate in the mail today so I can get a duplicate!!!  I also had a copy of my drivers license laminated on one side so I could get into Metroflex gym for a few days while in Ohio at the Arnold on me. So, I explain this to him and he was good about it.  In my mind I am thinking about my clunky shoes that make me trip over my own toes and one of those drunk tests in the middle of the road.  I wasn’t even slightly drunk.  Needless to say, he came back and gave me a wtitten warning and said, "this is just a warning, you can throw it in the trash".  SWEET!!!!!!!!  He probably thought I was just a blond dipsghit, but if it gets me out of a ticket, so be it.

Oh, I did abs today.  Nothing crazy and the AC wasn’t on in the gym and I don’t like to get all sweaty.  I did kneeling cable crunches, hanging leg raises, seated crunches, incline situps and serratus side bends/’crunches.  I also did a little behind the back barbell wrist curls and raises to the front.

LateltY I feel as if my legs are getting smaller and I am not sure if it is because my upper body is getting bigger and my legs are staying the same.  I hope not. I think I have to just eat more soI dont lose size.

Im tired, going to bed.  I won $50 on the 5 cent video slot machine after investing 5 bucks. I ate 2 cheeseburgers and 2 helpings of potato salad at the bar…FREEEEEEE………it was a good night….heheee 

This really is a nice t shirt.  Its ultrasoft and has some shape.  I hate wearing regular standard guy t shirts with those binding necks and crappy fabric…………..

Ill be back later to blog if I make it to the gym

I joined the other gyms in my chain so I can go to others and see what it is like.  I went to one tonight.  needless to say I was in there for 20 minutes and it was a nightmare to me.  I’m looking around like a lost puppy.  The equipment was so bad and they didnt have 1/2 the stuff.  I had to leave and go to my regular gym to FINISH working out!!!   SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOO, scratch that one off my list.  Maybe I am gym spoiled?  I was talking to a few of my guys and they didnt have great things to say about some of the others either.  Its only $5 more a month, but if the others suck……..I won’t be very happy! I have been there 2 years and it’s like home to me.  if I want to make noise, I make noise………..if I want to lay flat out on the bench and take a snooze….I would.  Its so comfy to me. Then I was talking to lawnmower man………this is what I call him cus I don’t know his name…and he’s like, "ya gotta go to planet fitness" and I was like, "dude, no way".  I like a "harder" gym.  Planet fitness is like a cardio and toning gym, not a lifting gym. Its fine if that what  you want and it certainly is cheap, but then ya have to say, "do I want a $10 body or am I willing to invest in myself?’  I know I stood out when I went there a couple times.  My arms get super vascular and so do my shoulders and of course they will be all freaked out like Im a psycho steroid user.  Ok, no comments here, I have friends who use and none of them are violent.  I don’t judge, but many do.

I also met a young guy who wants to compete!  He is new to the area, so we were chatting about it.  I think I want to help him, but he is not doing it until spring I think.  I would love to coach him!  I’m also trying to talk this state trooper into competing.  This is a big guy!  he has to have some 18 inch calves and he’s natural.  Small waist, big delts.  BUT he says he isn’t wearing a banana hammock in public because it would ruin the ladies for other men…………..heheeeeeeee, what a turd. then there is this other guy who is HUGE, but always covered up.  I have seen him scoop a bar from behind him on the floor right up and over his head. WHILE laying on a bench………It was about 200 lbs!!! Like it was nothing!! I was like "Dayum……….looking down at my 25’s………..hehe……..Im so ashamed.

Anyway, I had to continue the back workout, so I hit up some lat press down, bent over smith rows, seated cable rows, dumbbell rows, dumbbell shrugs…etc. I also did bi’s but was short on time, so I did more dumbbell curls and barbell curls.  Nothing fancy. I went hard, fast and heavy. Not always ladylike………..but I will save that for church where I wear a dress on Sundays. 

One more thing, this other gym had a ladies gym area.  Please ladies, I know it is hard, but get out there and find your place!  Don’t let them hide you in the back!!!  Is it really that bad if some guy sees you working out?  Its tough at first and you will feel like a geek at first.  Damn, I did and I just went later and explored stuff until I got comfortable.  I almost had a stroke for the first couple weeks with all those guys!  BUT I had a right to be there and we were all there for the same reason, correct?  No one expects you to walk in looking like a queen…..you are there to get fit or stay fit and ya gotta get it somehow. People respect hard work and I respect hard work.  I admire the woman sweating balls next to me, even if she is a beginner. She or he is TRYING and thats an admirable thing!  Unlike the add says, WE do not judge you in our gym cus we have muscles.  Frankly, we are probably as insecure , if not more insecure than other people……we are hard on ourselves..thats why we lift so hard.  Most of us were the skinny little guys or the overweight women.the cocky jock from 1985 is probably swiggin beer in his trailor…..we werent HIM. 

I hope this gives you a little boost to get your butts in gear!  Come train, get fit , be happy…don’t quit even when you falter or fall off diet……..You will love yourself for it/

Fern 

I model for this company and they have some cool stuff you need to check out!!!  I was also chosen as one of the models of the month. 

I will be back later to blog as I am hitting a new gym (within mychain, but new to me).  I may have stories to tell!

Fern

Here is my routine for tonight. 

Shoulder presses with dumbbells 20lbs

smith presses 105

bent over lateral rows on low cables from 50-70 lbs alternating arms

lateral raises/dumbbells  started with 15’s and worked my way up to 25’s

I did 3 sets of pull ups and 2 of chin ups

shoulder raise machine..I dont like this so I only did one set of 10

I also di seated calves at 110 plus the sled weight, 360 on donkets and 160 on slide machine

I think thats it.  I was in a pretty good mood despite the fact that I was running late and my appetite was bad tonight.  I wasn’t hungry at dinner and forced myself to eat to ground beef pattied and some rice.  I confess, it was Zatarains red beans and rice and I usually love it.  I don’t know why I was not hungry, but knew I would need some energy. 

Anyway, kind of  boring day.  I spent all day smelling a dead skunk in front of my office.  If it is still there tomorrow I am going to don some gloves and get rid of it..Im that desperate!!!!

Why wouldn’t I add you?  I recently had an ad request and that is what he asked himself……………SO, please do not think I am like that at all!  I don’t judge anyone……ok, I have issues with smut, but other than that……skinny, fat, I WILL add you. As for the smut, let me tell you there is far too much of it.  Turns out this Asian foot massage place right next to my office was a whorehouse.  People in my office joked about it, but honestly, I was disgusted.  These women were and are….slaves.  They got busted of course…..last week. I just felt sorry for the women who came for a better life and get stuck in the sex slave market. I don’t think a bodybuilding site needs to feed the perv’s, that all Im going to say about that………is my pet peeve I guess.

I did chest tonight and really smoked some of my numbers. Decline bench was up to 190!!!  I onlt got two reps out, but hey….I did it!!  Im busting 200 soon!  me!  200 lbs!!  Also my pec flies I did 90, but can bang out 12 reps easy, but I prefer to burn them out for this.  My dumbbell presses at at 40.  I need a spotter to get them into position should I decide to go higher.  i did flies/ crossovers on cables…just 50 lbs each arm because they always tend to torque my shoulders.  Regular flat bench was 175 for a decent 6 reps.  I did a few sets of pullups and some rope press down for tris.   Not too many different exercises because I went heavy…so I try to limit how many I do because I need my energy.  Im feeling good though.  Im at 119 and like it and I am going to keep it for my show.  I probably said that before, huh? Perhaps I am just trying to psych myself up?  I am trying to build some more self confidence I suppose.  

Oh, I stepped out yesterday and went to a local pub to get out of the house.  I was frustrated from my moving crap, so I needed to get out.  Anyway, struck up a conversation with a guy who turns out to be a photographer and he also makes corperate videos…….so……..he wants to make a horror movie and asked if I can act.  So, can I act?  Hm.  I would like to try.  Its a movie about some assasins or something and he is looking for a woman to play the lead.  Nah, he was not a perv or anything. I did not smell a "hidden agenda" at all.  I’m getting pretty good at smelling the pervs of the industry.  He is going t6o give me a call and do a screen test.  Maybe he is looking for a chick to play a goofball, cus Im all over that….dont even need to act!!

I also have about 6 photographers to email back.  I am just short on time and photoshoots are all day commitments if you have to travel, even within driving distance.  You know about the price of gas these days!!!  And I don’t want to do those chick in a bikini shoots.  I want a photographer to have a little creative vision and who is not dumb enough to shoot me in the full on mid day sun without a reflector.  No quicker way to look like a hag……..

Anyway, keep on lifting and keep on believing.  I slipped yesterday and was depressed and forgot how far I have come.  I forgot when I wanted all this stuff to happen to me and now that it has……….I should be grateful!  A special someone talked to me and make me see this.  He said "Fernie, you have come so far and you worked so hard to get where you are, so appreciate yourself for once".  He told me I was too hard on myself and he is right.  I’m not rich or famous, but I have had alot of good things come my way by plain old hard work.  I WASN’T  HANDED ANYTHING, but worked for it.  I know we women are very hard on ourselves.  We want to go out and get the plastic surgery and "fix" ourselves the easy way and if we can’t afford it, we feel hopeless.  You ARE not hopeless!   I got 21,000 comments just being what God gave me, except for the straight white teeth…Dr Patterson gave me those with braces.  Other than that, I took what I had and made it better without a trainer a coach and a nutrititionist helping me through.  Its so attainable if you want it……..male or female.  I’m babbling, I will stop now. 

Hope you had a great Monday.tomorrow is one more day closer to the weekend!!!  yee hah!

I got to the gym and realized after the moving of furniture yesterday , that my body just wasn’t into it…so I left.  I don’t want to overtrain myself. I have actually gained a couple pounds, but look a little thin as you can see. I’m debating whether or not to take a week off.  I will miss it, but think I may need to refresh myself.  2 years is a long time to go with no real breaks. 

I wish October would hurry up so I can do these shows!!  Its going to be a whirlwind 2 weeks between them but I enjoy that very much.

Did I tell you the pary was a bust last night and after 1/2 hour I went home?  I just didn’t feel like being odd man out and explaining to everyone what I do………like figure.  I often have to explain it as a bodybuilding beauty pageant.  Its more than that, but to the non competitors or non gym people, its all Greek anyway. Sometimes I don’t want to stand out because it is a double edged sword.  Im not complaining.no,no,no…….but it is true.  You get fit, but you go to a party single and women won’t talk to you because you are the single chick and their men won’t talk to you cus their women will get mad……..blah blah blah.  Trust me, dating is the last thing on my mind.  I barely have time to breathe, nevermind date.  I’m pretty happy alone though.

I’m rambling a little.  me and my random thoughts.  I got some nice bruises yesterday!  Mostly knees and hip wounds.  I look like I got beat up.

I gotta run, packing up stuff to get rid of.  You never know you have so much until its time to move it.

Nah, Im not talking about bodyspace.  I’d have no friends if that were it….oh, except for my lifting friends.  Im talking about my home…or house as it has become. I have moved out about 3 rooms of furniture so far by myself. Its all in my yard now, so the sale is on tomorrow.  Im just grabbing stuff left and right…sell it all!!!   People tend to have far more than what they actually need……….me included even though most of it is crap.    I’m just cleaningup my life and moving on from the past I suppose.  Lots of us , like I have mentioned before, look towards the past as they approach 40 and I refuse to live that way.  I have never been out of the country, never seen a sunset on the beach, never done alot of things……..and I think that if I hold onto the past too much, it might prevent me from having more of a future.  Sometimes change is good even if it is drastic. I was happy when my kids were little and I was renting houses………life was SIMPLE, ya know?  I didnt even have credit cards then!!!  So, anyway……..this has been some serious day of cardio and lifting without the gym.  I have moved 5 large dressers and all their drawers, several beds and matteresses, tables, chairs benches……….you name it, I have moved it. ..even my water cooler.  I got to go shower now.  Im pretty gross.  Im going to a big birthday house party complete with karaoke, music, booze, etc. Its going to be a beautiful night. Talk to ya later.  Tomorrow is going to be legs day #2.

Not a big deal except I get to sleep late tomorrow.  And frankly, Im happy because my hams feel like someone took a blow torch to them. Tonight I puttered.  Did  LITTLE forearms, legs, calves, abs and shoulders.  I dint really need to go, just like to go.Its just a part of my life I love…….kind of like breathing….you just have to do it.  I really would love a nice relaxing vacation though.  In the last couple years I have been to Florida, Vermont, New Hampshire, Mass, Rhode Island, Ohio and Vegas…..BUT none of those trips were RELAXING vacations.  Some were working, doing shows, competing, visiting people……………damn, I need one of those fun, do nothing vacations.  Who wants to go??  I wont even workout………I will LAY out…….

I was supposed to be doing a photoshoot in Florida this week and weekend, but the photographer had some romantic notions and I didn’t want to get into a situation that I was not comfortable with and I have some family issues, so the timing was bad as well.  I hear its raining on the gulf coast anyway.

I have to get back into competition mode!  I am going to do 2 shows in the Fall season.,  I think one is october 18th and the other Nov 1st. I will go into diet, but please note I am not really going to diet.  I get too ripped, so I am coming in "as is" for the most part…..except for the freak tan. If I win, I win, if I don’t……..I will still enjoy meeting new people who are like minded!  I love to watch the bodybuilders as well.  I wanted to do it this year, but lost touch with the guy who was supposed to help with my routine.  he kind of dropped off the earth!  Nexyt year is always a possibility of course!

Enjoy your night.