THOUGHTS OF A FITNESS FREAK

Nah, I’m not doing anything special, but I totally maxed out on my workout yesterday and am as sore as crap.  Calves, bi’s ,lats…even hammies. So I decided to break out the suits and get in a little posing.  here are a coup-le pics of my current condition above. You know I have decided not to do the cardio, just  stay at my current 122 and then drop water the last week. I didn’t put up the back shots because my light in my room made my butt look stupendously large….yuk.  I’m pretty happy with the way I am right now. 

Today I was sooo bad.  I ate potato salad.  Not a ton, but enough that I had to suck in my stomach to get these photos.  I did have a bunch of grilled steak and grilled yellow squash though.  Yes, I do eat food besides boiled chicken!!  I haven’t even had brown rice in quite some time and really have to go shopping. I am out of good food and would rather starve than eat mac and cheese like the kids like.  Yes, I let them eat that stuff.  I ate it when I was a kid and I liked it.  no sense robbing the little boogers out of a childhood.

I got nails yesterday.  Kind of was liking not having any!!  I can still lift with these because my gloves are heavy with leather palms.  The guy was BRUTAL yesterday though. mY FINGERS ARE STILL SORE.  The nails were glued to the skin in some spots and he took that emery board and tried to file it and pressed his fingernail in it.  I have a split in the corner and he was digging in it.  I was like, “no,no,no….it’ll be fine in a couple days!!” I have a high pain threshhold, but when someone is digging in a cut, it grosses me out big time.  I usually go a couple days before a show, but my daughter has prom tomorrow and needed hers done, so I went early. I also can’t afford to get a spray tan this time as funds are tight.  I will just have to apply the entire last week to make sure I am even all around.  I really should have solicited sponsors from some local places, but didn’t even think of it. 

One last thing….I got a photoshoot for next month.  This guy is pretty creative and does “fantasy” pics.  he can super impose clothes (like a warrior chick) on you and snakes and stuff.  I hope it comes out well.  he’s local for once!!  I think it’s a 4 hour shoot so we will have plenty of time to work. He says I can do lingerie, but lingerie is not really my thing.  Like I said before, I don’t even have a sexy face….i just look drunk and half asleep.  He is letting me choose my “costume” and I think I want to go for “Spartan woman”.  do some abs and stuff with some weapons….sounds cool….hehe

Okey dokey, off towatch TV.

I did back and bi’s tonight.  I am still seeking more peak of course.  Im kinda stuck at 12 inches , but being a wee little person I think they look pretty big on me. Of course a skinny dude can have 12 inches easy….that sucks.numbers suck.

I didnt do aq heck of alot , but I do go pretty heavy and just pounded out some reps.  I upped my barbell curls to 60 lbs.  I had been doing 50 and 60 always made my bony assed wrists hurt, but tonight I just get going.  I got 11 reps out with the 60’s and you should have seen the veins!! My chest and shoulders were bursting, I have to tape that or have someone take a photo cus it so damn cool. I also did 25lb db curls, 40 lb cable curls (single arm).

For back:  I did bent over rows on smith 115 lbs, seated rows 90 lbs, lat pull downs 80lbs, lat press downs 100 lbs, overhead rows on hammerstrength 60 each arm, barbell rows with the 60lb and single arm rows with the 30’s.  I threw in traps at 35lbs with the dumbbells.

I did some roman chair, leg extensions at 95lbs and curls at 80lbs.  i did the horizontal leg press at 120 and went back aqnd forth with feet positions , keeping my back off the sled.    I think that was it tonight.  I was only there an hour though..OOHHHH..I did pull ups as well.  I can still only get to 13 or so, as my arms get so tight and I have to stop.  So, thats about it.  No pec dec/delt flies and I skipped a couple other things as well.

I mailed in some video of stuff you can do at home to BB.com.  I have to do legs, glutes and calves, but did mail in upper body and abs at home as well as back video. 

I also turned on a couple people in my gym to Gaspari products and they are loving them.  I’m telling you, you do not know pumped and energized til you try the superpump250. One guy told me he had been there 2 hours and he still wanted to keep going…….heheeeee.  It has creatine and they are always suprised at how much stronger they feel and how much harder they feel.  That sounded perverse…..whoops.  I didnt go there……….

Sorry about my negativity the other day.  It never lasts too long.  I just needed a couple days off and time to think about my next more in the career thingy.  Office lady, as I have said, depresses me.  CT depresses me as well………BUT I am moving ONWARD and UPWARD………………. 

I was soooooo mopey today.  I don’t know what it is from though.  I had a good workout yesterday , but my mood has been slipping. I am supposed to be training for a show, but my motivation seems in the toilet.  I think I am just at a low point in my life between my son and my finances, my daughter is graduating  and sometimes thoughts come into my head like, "is this IT?" I bust my ass every day and some days just feel like I am spinning my wheels, ya know? I don’t want to be one of those old office ladies.  No insult to office ladies, but I see the pictures they have from the 80’s and most of them still work there. Putting my life into a desk is not appealing……..please don’t make me, pretty pleeeaseeeeeee. I know I am not the only one who feels like this!

Today was also a non training day for me.  I swear I am going in to do posing practice on Friday night.  Truth be told I haven’t had the money for my fees yet to mail in.  I have to do that this week. At least its a pay week…thank Gawd.  I’m hearin squeaking when I walk things are so tight.  

Also, I tried to get online to get back on track with my ISSA personal training program and can’t log in.  I can’t remember my login and I still have a year until the materials are no longer good to use.  I have to find out about testing.  I was told you can test online, but all I can find is that you have to go to a weekend seminar to test and I just got discouraged about the whole thing.  This program is not cheap and to have to go to a 2 day seminar, pay for a hotel, thats just too much for me. Hopefully, there is a way to test online as I have been told by a couple members here.   

I DO know, that if I sit here feeling sorry for myself, things will not change. That much is  certain.

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That was me today I suppose.  It’s not really a bad thing, but I went during the day and its not my normal thing on a weekday.  I did see some of my guys.  You know, the older guys who always seem to be there no matter what time you go?  I see alot of weird stuff lately.  People doing all kinds of balls, funky walking lunges and some women jiggling weight like she was shaking some morracas.  Basic weight training is all you really need.  Just lift some weights.  You don’t need to get into some fancy schmancy designer weight training program. 

Also, I watched the show workout.  By all means, they get results from people by pushing them…BUT I see them making people HATE exercise.  I don’t think if I started training someone, making them cry would actually be serving a purpose.  Its not the military or anything.  Making someone feel like shit and yelling at them is probably not going to serve its purpose in the long run.  Besides that, the show is more about making out than working out.  I don’t care that the woman is a lesbian, but if I have to see her kiss her girlfriend every 3 seconds I am going to hurl.  If you can’t keep your lips off your boyfriend OR girlfriend for 3 seconds, you got issues.  I could just switch it over to MTV and watch some making out there. How about they have a show called workout, where you might learn something?  THERES A CONCEPT.  

Another bitch……I was going to do db presses and I look over for my 25’s and they are gone.  i look at the rack for more 25’s and they are gone…..so I look to my left and there is mr and mrs workout together with 3 sets of dumbbells including both sets of 25’s. How rude is that?  They need BOTH sets?  And they were using a set of 20’s while the other 2 just sat there.  GYM HOGS…..I am seeing lots of this lately, thats why i prefer to go so late.  You cannot take 5 minutes in between sets while sitting at the machine and chatting, you cannot leave your stuff set up for 5 minutes while you go off to "superset" and expect it to be there when you come back.  Perhaps you have all day to stroll through the gym, but I have stuff to do. I am in a hurry and I still have manners. IF you have 1 more set, then do it dammit. I will not sit there and wait while you talk about the highlights of your week for 10 minutes with some dude who is sitting on a machine that someone else is waiting for.  Must I become GYM ******* and exclaim loudly what a douchebag you are?  Heheee, I just wanted to say douchebag.  Face it, most of us have busy schedules and we all pay our dues and should get to use what we want accordingly. I’m not better than anyone, but I do watch an area I am heading to for a few minutes before going there to see what kind of activity is going on. Sometimes people just leave all their stuff racked with weights and go home, so you have to see if they are coming back. I don’t want to dump and yes I mean dump their weights on the floor only to have them come back.  I HAVE done it and no one has ever said anything to me.  I figure 10 minutes is far too long for someone to be coming back, correct? Anyway, its not the big dudes you have to worry about, its us little chicks in the little pink tops who are nuts about gym etiquette. .. or any kind of etiquette for that matter.

Hope you guys had a fine holiday!  I ate too much macaroni salad and am going to pop.  I have enough carbs in me for the next 3 days.  Back to diet tomorrow and a little Cytolean.

DONT FORGET WHAT MEMORIAL DAY IS FOR………..  

Okay, Dave and Maggie are promoting the Northern States show this Fall, November 1st here in CT.  I did the show last fall and placed 1st in figure over 35 and figure open I placed 4th.  This season do you think it would be over the top to do open figure, 35+ figure, 40 + figure and novice/open female bodybuilding?  I need a routine/posing trainer for bodybuilding, but I do know one guy who mentioned helping me out once. I really haven’t much to lose at this point I suppose.  It is 5 months away and I think I can do it, just need bigger BALLS for the bodybuilding part.  I want a REALLY fluid routine and would have to practice a couple times a week to make sure it was just right and came very naturally so that I could do it while nervous.

Today I trained legs of course.  Let me tell you about obnoxious gym gal first.  Gym gal is ok, albeit a little odd.  I have spoken with her in the past, but she is the type to attach herself to you and talk non stop and leaves you wondering what the hell she is talking about.  She is giggling and nervous and probably got picked on most of her life…….I cant be mean to her.  ANYWAY, I was just about to start doing squats on the smith when she comes up and asks me what I am doing…..she says, "are ya doin lunges?"  I say "nope, squats" and she nods and says "uh huh, uh,huh" really fast.  So I do 12 and she is still standing there and just as I finish she starts un racking my weights!! I say , "Um, I am not finished" and I probably sounded a little bitchy because I had just lifted and its quite out of the ordinary for someone to do that.  She’s like, "Ohhhhhh".  so, I point out the other smith’s (there are 2 others) that are not being used.  was that rude of me? SHE was rude 1st, so maybe not.

Today I did:

squats 135, feel out to the sides

dumbbell deadlifts 25’s

glute isolator 50 per leg

seated curls 95, laying curls 70

leg extensions 110

standing kickbacks 40, bench 50

horizontal leg press 120

plate squats 25 in each hand (my traps were too sore to do more today)

v hack machine 180

leg press 180, but only to a 45 degree angle today

abductor /adductor machine

I threw in pull ups, hanging leg raises, lateral raises, curls and bench dips.  I do this in between to keep my heartrate up while lettting what I am doing heavy that day rest.  This helps me avoid the traditional rat on a wheel cardio I so hate. I mowed my lawn today, so that was cardio as well.

I ate a burger, then ate a double turkey burger with cheese to celebrate the holiday and drank a couple smirnoff ices.  Thats about it……….

Being single has its advantages, but right now I wish I had someone to rub my back.  I did a delt workout and am sore already. I have no idea why its so profound this time though.  It wasn’t much different than what I usually do.

Arnold presses 25lb dbs today

upright rows on smith 75lbs

10 lb dbs doing raises to the front, palms up.  I need to work on my anterior roundness.  Not as easy as it sounds to do this palms up til failure.

I do pull ups and chin ups in between sets as well as hanging leg raises and bench dips. 

Hammerstrength shoulder presses

lateral raises with 20lb dbs

bent over single arm rows on the low cables for posterior delts and medials.

unassisted pull ups

threw in some leg extensions mand seated curls to kill time

seated calf raises 80 til burnout and donkey calf raises an easy 280lbs

Thats it.  That was my day.  I tanned for 15 minutes and Im still a whitey.  The gym was a ghost town really.  Tomorrow should be a good legs day and my stack will be:

SizeOn, Superpump250 in the new grape flavor, plasmajet and post workout will be a double Intrapro protein shake. Today I was a pig and ate 3 double cheeseburgers.  Yes, I was starving and stuck at Walmart waiting on my mother.  hey, it was 75 grams of protein at least. 

These questions have been asked of me recently and I just do not have the answer. I posted a bunch of pics of me before and now. Some are from when I 1st started here a year and 1/2 ago, some are from my anorexic phase and some are from my soft, but thin phase. I wasn’t happy being “thin”. No matter how much weight I lost, I just didn’t look good. I never did what I did for men, I did it for ME. Perhaps I just wanted to build my stronger outside and felt it would make my inside stronger, who knows? As I saw my progress, it motivated me to keep pushing my limits and I found I really have no limits, except for the fact that I am a woman.  I said I wasn’t doing this to impress the opposite sex as even last year, at a smaller size, I got alot of crappy emails and comments telling me I look like a man and at first it is kind of crushing and hurtful, but I shook it off because I wasn’t improving myself for those people.  So what, some people aren’t going to like the way I look. Frankly, I don’t like the way some supermodels look, all boney elbows and ribs. If you like someone elses bodytype and want to look like them, so be it.  I don’t want to be a huge female bodybuilder, but perhaps change a few minds as to the image of a female bodybuilder pops into their heads. There are quite a few here and they come in all shapes and weight classes, not the pro sizes.  there are only a handful of those on the planet…and even if you find it unattractive, you have to admire their sheer dedication.  Their lifestyles are total dedication, as most train so often, holding a regular job is often difficult.

Then you have to factor in your age.  I started at 37-38 years of age.  Never having been one to “conform”, I didn’t think much about my age. It does help to see someone older than you, so that excuse in your head goes out the window as does seeing someone who has been pregnant 4 times with abs. Im nothing special and no different than anyone else here. I’m broke, I have kids, I work making $32,000 a year and am a single parent.  The only difference is that perhaps some people get discouraged and give up, whereas I just work harder. I had boyfriends who made fun of me and didnt like me going to the gym.  I got rid of them, not the gym. It’s me, and if they don’t like that part of me, they couldn’t possibly like me. Could they?Time and time again, I get letters from women who tell me they show a photo of a fit woman to their men and get a bad response.  shit like that is crushing when you like something and your signifigant other belittles it.  So, now you walk around feeling like you got kicked in the nuts and feeling like waht you want it just a stupid dream.

So, whether it be fitness or something else, don’t be what someone else wants you to be. Don’t give in and lose yourself.

I did some hanging leg raises, incline situps, kneeling cables crunches, seated ab machine a crunches on the edge of a bench. I puttered with lateral raises, single arm serratus crunches on cables and the Roman chair.  then I ’socialized’ for a time with Eric, the son of a co worker, about training and stuff. I had to harrass him about never doing legs or working on his butt.  He said, "guys don’t have butts".  BUT let me tell you, I love a man with some kind of booty, otherwise he just looks like a frog standing up pulling up his pants.  Mr NO-ass is a no-no. Im not saying you have to be some hulking beast, just let me see a nice ‘man butt’ in a pair of Levi’s and I am SOLD!  If your wallet fits in your back pocket and becomes invisible when it is in there…….start working on the ole keister please. Men tend to want their women to be hotties and not have a huge butt or anything, but they seem to forget their butts may need attending to……squat or something, aint gonna kill ya.

The gym was DEAD.  I went last night to tan and it was packed.  I was thinking, "who ARE these people?"  they are never in there when I am in there to train.  I think they are "Oh shit summers coming  people".  you know the ones that say ,"oh shit Summer is coming, gotta take off my shirt so I must train for 4 weeks then spend the rest of the summer sitting in a dockside bar sunburned and drinking beer" people??? Yes, thaTS them.  I live in a coastal area, we have lots of them.

So, dudes, give a girl something to look at and work on the butt for me 

Im just kidding.  I haVE NO PLANS FOR THE ENTIRE WEEKEND. I may have a yard sale just because I get alot of traffic, woo hoo..BIG fun!!!  We have a huge motorcycle run here every Memorial Weekend, so I may go down there for awhile just to get out.  Thousands of bikes actually.

Other than that I am just going to run to the gym and tan and do some abs and some calves and robably some lats and maybe a little bit of legs because my quad is finally feeling better.  I was supposed to do light legs on weds, but didn’t so I will just work them a bit and prime them for sundays workout.  

I got some word about my son, but it’s classified.  Lets just say he is alive and not in any immediate danger.  I still have some calls to make and I want to thank everyone who responded to a moms plea to find her son.  I know he is a Marine, but I have a picture of him on my wall and he is about 2 in it and the cutest little bugger on the planet.  I think our kids are kind of frozen like that forever.  Innocent and untainted.

tI’ll be back later.  perhaps something funny or exciting will happen later.  maybe I will win the lotto, rescue a family of 5 from a fire, or something like that.

Yes, I watch porn ………."food porn".  This consists of being addicted to the show "Top chef" and watching stuff that I am currently not eating.  I know, its weird. I like food, I really do, but I have never been the type who gets excited over food like those crazy seafood eaters and gotta have ice cream people. I don’t have a sweet tooth really either, though if a piece of dark chocolate comes my way..watch out! People here seem to get all depressed if they fall off the wagon and pig out.  they think they just hit rock bottom, but that so isn’t true. I had a big platter of french fries this past weekend, 4 weeks out from a show.  It’s important for me to place well, but you know I could lose to either a bikini chick or a jacked chick…so I am not going nuts.  I want it to be easy I guess.  Just go do my thing.  I have only ever won my class once, but yet I have had many good things come my way even before that happened. So winning is not going to make much differewnce now is it?  i will still be me……."gym chick", little mom that decided to screw with the ‘rules’ that someone else made up as to what a "mommy is supposed to look like".  I know I talk about this all the time, but getting looked at like a "freak" is fine with me.  I’d rather be different than be like "everyone else".

Tonight I did back and bi’s.

back: bent over rows on smith 85lbs, single arm bb rows 30 lbs, seated rows on cables 80lbs, lat press down 100 lbs, single arm lat pulldowns 100lbs each arm, hammerstrength machine 60 each arm.

bi’s: cable curls 45 per arm, barbell curls 50lb and 25 lb dumbbell curls

I also threw in some upright rows at 75 lbs on the smith, traps with 35lb dbs, laying leg curls 50 lbs, pull ups ,chin ups and dips on the assisted machine and some roman chair. 

I had alot of my mind.  It kind of helps but hinders me sometimes.  My daughter went with me, so I was trying to get into the zone, but shes like a big talker and quite distracting. You work all day and deal with people and talking all day long, sometimes you just want to shut it off, ya know?

Talk to you later.  I still have to review the egg/casein non dairy protein shake.