THOUGHTS OF A FITNESS FREAK

I just did cardio at lunch today.  I was fully intending to go to the gym, but one kid had to be picked up and then another driven to work and then picked up.  Despite that, my shoulders are actually sore as is my chest.  Sore delts are rare for me.  I was pressing 60 per arm and I guess I just have to max out the weigh from now on… no messing around. I actually get mad when I can’t make them sore.  I swear I can do 100 lateral raises in a night, press 85 lbs overhead…..nothing really does it. Im going to make tomorrow night tonights replacement workout, same workout different day obviously.   So, its gonna be legs, abs and serratus and probably more shoulders.  I think I have to write down my schedule.  I have so much crap going on nits hard to remember what I am doing. My diet wasn’t ideal today as we are seriously short staffed and taking a pee is a challenge.  All I have for eggs is some from my own chickens (ya I have chickens) but the eggs are tiny and when you boil them the yolks are way too big.  Besides it grosses me out to know where the eggs came from.  Same thing with stuff like fish, I don’t want to see the fish or its innards.  I just want it on the plate, ya know?  Today I ate tons of almonds, had a tuna salad, ate some turkey breast and more salad and had a couple shakes.  Oh, and about 1/4 of a bagel.  thats all I really had for carbs..NOT good.  Tomorrow will be better as we are more fully staffed and I can stay in my back room and be the pig that I am.

For the person who asked about my workout pants with the stripes, they are Otomix and they sell them here.  A little expensive, but I got them on credit for my work otherwise this butt would be wrapped in the Walmart specials….  they are the most comfy workout pants on the planet and I wanna live in them.

Okay, have to go suck down some SizeOn so I can be a big girl when I wake up.

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Aw, I took my SizeOn, Plasmajet and a scoop and 1/2 of superpump250 and I smoked in the gym for the first time in a long time!! I think it was the 3 bowls of pasta I ate last night giving me a boost as well. I got 125 on the pec deck, 60 each arm on the hammerstrength shoulder press,  I did the chest/dip machine and got 80 lbs, lateral raises with 20 lb dbs, cable crossovers, cables press downs for chest, benched 125 easy , 200 on some donkey calf raises, 50 lb cable pressdowns per arm for tris,etc etc….  I am going hard and heavy for the next 4 weeks.  It was a good workout and I was really very happy about it.  I had been off the SizeON (happily back on it!!!), but took some pre show actually to try for fullness to pull water into the muscles.  i wasn’t really depleted, but will try that next time to get some more subcutaneous water out.  I want to be pretty cut this time seeing as I lost to ‘cut’ last time (then soft the next show).  No messing around.  This is for State Championships and that really means something to me.  Okay, maybe they won’t like me (judges) but like I said, I’m gonna like me!!!  Woo hoo, I did 20 of cardio as well, then came home and scrubbed out my fridge and cleaned my kitchen floor, washed my hair (yeah, its an event, not a lame excuse as to why I can’t date you) .  I worked 8 and 1/2 hours as well and helped my 7 year old with his homework.lemmee tell you, the superpump helps give me my 2nd wind. Some guy in the gym tells me I have to slow down and have some fun, but this is my fun really.  I mean, I always worked, had kids since I was 19…..so finding myself has been fun. Opening myself up to working out I mean.  I always,always peeked at muscle mags.  Always admired women with muscular legs and bodies because they look so strong and confidant…so unlike myself.   I know people say it’s just fitness or weightlifting, but it isn’t at all.  It becomes a mental thing as well as physical.  I have done soooooo many things that were alien to me in the last year.  I navigated airports and traveled alone (I had only been on a 2 hour plane ride at the age of 37 before) I got on a stage in a tiny bikini with a wedgie and heels, I met tons of great people here and in person, wrote my 1st article, taped myself in the gym like an idiot and I am thinking about when I first walked into that gym alone, heart thudding out of my chest and walked into that weight room because I sooooooo wanted to be there and I was thinking if I didn’t do it now I would spend the rest of my life wishing I had. I think there are many people who wish to step out of their box, their comfort zone, but never do.  I had to decide whether I was more afraid of trying and failing, then never having tried at all and kicking myself in the ass for it. I didn’t have much to lose.  I think I am kind of mentally young even though I have dealt with many tough issues in my personal life.  Everything I do now is new to me, new experiences that is.  People will say, "Im too old to start", but that’s crap.  I read a story about a 78 year old man who is in the first grade (could be 2nd).  he was the son of a sharecropper who never learned to read.  He promised his mother he would and so he did……..he didn’t die wondering ‘what if ’ and even though it took 78 years, he is in school and reading. Okay, that one gave me tears I admit it.  You are never too old to feel good, are you?

Ok, I blabbed plenty.  I’m just suddenly in an optomistic mood.  You guys have to remember that even though you may screw up your diet today, blow off the gym, tomorrow is another day and you can’t start over..the IS no end til you die….so start living will ya? 

Sorry, not much to blog.  Mondays have always been super busy at work, so I choose to take it as a day off at the gym. So, after this show disaster I am so ready to get back in it full force.  Yesterday I did some legs and shoulders.  Quads and shoulders will be my main focus for the next six weeks.  Shoulders I will do probably 3x a week and I am thinking legs heavy 2 x a week, sundays and weds. Calves are also to be done 3 times a week or more, then I will have my usual chest and tris night and back and bis throwing in forearms.  Yep, I am also going to do abs heavier than I have been lately.  I toned them down for the past couple of months.  I will still ease on the obliques because I am trying for a smaller waist…yeah right.  So, now I have to map all this out and get a routine down.  Probably like this

sun legs &delts

mon off- probably cardio at home (yes, fern is gonna do cardio)

tues chest and tris and calves

weds legs , abs ,delts serratus work too

thurs off & cardio

fri back bis delts

sat forearms calves lats

that sounds do-able I guess

I am not changing diet too much.  I will continue to eat clean, I cheated the last couple days, nothing too gross though. I think the next show is 6-8 weeks away. I’ll let you know.

I am an NPC type of competitor, still building, not quite where I want to be yet..but building nonetheless. If you don’t win or don’t place, do not think it’s because you don’t look good. I like the way I look for the most part and some of the women who win figure…we’ll lets just be nice and say I don’t want to look like them on a daily basis.  I don’t want huge quads and huge shoulders, ya know why?  Because when you add back the bodyfat, you just look thick in jeans. I was talking to some other women at the show and most are confused about figure as much as me. A couple chicks were doing crunches pre show and I said to them ,’why are you doing that?  The girl who won last year didnt have abs’  I didn’t bother doing much of anything except some 10 db curls and lateral raises………some fu*ker stole it yesterday actually.  I was pretty pissed. Anyway, I just wanted to mention I have nothing against this show and looking at past winners will help you decide which shows to do.  Don’t walk into one all depleted and lean if last years or previous years winners were not because thats not what they are looking for. If you just want stage experience, go ahead and do it though….its nice to say that you have tried, even if you don’t place.  I didn’t try hard, why lie? 

Most people don’t win their first time out.  Posing is a big thing and it took me some time and I am still not so great at it. I have done 3 NPC shows so far, thats all. I like the straight side quarter turns because my spine does not twist like a normal persons. It is twisted in a spiral curve already, you should see me try to turn around to back up my car…….thats why I have backed into things……hehee like my fathers Camaro….ooops

You don’t have to compete to have fitness success, but its more like "I did it!!!" kind of mentality and a moral boost of sorts. Its nice for me to take off the gym clothes and jeans and get all girled up once in awhile. Nice change of pace, you know?

Ill be back later.  I did legs, but it was a slow workout because I am sore from wearing heels for hours yesterday.  

These are pics from my last show a week ago, pretty much how I looked tonight, but tonight I didn’t place.  I went into this show only because the promoter said I should do his show, but knew it wasn’t quite my style. Many things went wrong today, the show ran 2 and 1/2 to 3 hours behind and I had severe sinus pain like I got kicked in the face. It wasn’t my kind of show plain and simple.  I am more of an NPC girl. I don’t want to prance around on a stage, I want to go out there, do my turns and walk off……..no strutting, no cheesecake, thats just not me. Its a good show a huge show, but I won’t be doing it again.  I have an NPC coming up in June and then an OCB in September.

I didnt do a deplete, I drank my coffee, had a sausage egg and cheese croissant for lunch.  I am sooooooo tired and worn out.  I have glue in my ass crack and tanner in every pore. Im a jeans and t shirt chick honestly. I couldnt wait to scrub my face!!!  I feel like I have shake and bake on me and I look like a Florida crackwhore…… and I had to stop and get gas on the way home…………heheeee.

Ok, I will write more later.  I have to get some sleep because tomorrow is legs day as usual and I can’t wait to get back into my routine. I have about 6 or 7 weeks left til the next show…….I can relax. Oh, these pic were printed and mailed to me and they kind of suck.  Emailed digitals would have been better.

This is a bumpy road, fitness,muscle building, weight loss..you know.  I have my bitchy days, which honestly don’t normally extend to others at work and home.so its nice to come here and vent my frustrations once in awhile.  I have a very active mind, always going a million miles an hour and always 10 steps ahead of me. Its hard to want stuff to change, yet really have no control over the changes.  Sure you can workout, bust ass, yet you have to wait.  You have to play with diet, with supplements and workout routines until it is under your control more.  I get alot of emails from women wanting to know what they are doing wrong (sorry, I havent answered some yet, I have 365 messages in my Yahoo mail at present).  First of all, you are not doing anything WRONG.just perhaps wrong for you.  The first major problem/misconception (and I have said this before) is that when you are lifting and not losing "weight" that chances are you are gaining muscle weight.  muscle weighs more than fat!  Please, gauge yourself by how your jeans fit.  I wear the same size starting at 114 with major bodyfat all the way up to my bulking 128 and less bodyfat.  Sure they are tighter in some areas, but the waist still fits and you gotta love when jeans make your butt look good and not like a pancake.  I do use a scale, but once in awhile I have to step away from it.  I was anorexic for a period and that scale is sometimes the enemy. So, you are working out hard and nothing is changing……look at your diet next. Are your portions too large, are you eating 6 times a day, or eating too many carbs? Carbs are a personal enemy of mine because they make me bloat, but damn, when you have some clean carbs and workout, the pump is soooooo much better and your energy level goes up.  Next thing is cardio, yes I concede some people need cardio and it is good for your heart, but too much is not a good thing.  Make your 20 minutes HARD rather than an hour of easy.  Try to do it after lifting as this has been proven to be best for you.  Doing it before tires you and you lower your natural human growth hormone levels, so lifting is now less effective and that would suck.  Lastly for tonight ) is STOP using those 3 lb dumbbells please!  The women in the magazines did not get those bodies using them!!!!  If you are not challenging your muscles, they will not grow.  Afraid of getting bulky?  Good luck there…..I’m trying to get bigger, my max leg press is about 575lbs, I can curl 30 lb dumbbells and bench press 150….I’m 5′3" and a freakin peanut.  I had to get 4 links removed from my watch so it would fit me.  If you have naturally "big legs, dont do as much then….cut back, do more upper body for balance.  You will not wake up a big hairy dude with a deep voice……unless thats what you want.

Okay, Im jabbering.  I didnt work out last night because my daughter HAD to get her tongue pierced……..dont even ask.  Tonight I did full body, moderate weight, supersets to get a pump, feel some burn and then 20 of cardio, about 3.7 mph on the treadmill. I sucked down 2 superstrong cups of coffee and I had alot of energy.  I messed up, had a week moment 2 days before my next show and ate freakin pizza…..who knows, maybe it’ll help.  I was craving "oils" last night, mostly peanut butter and sometimes you just have to listen to your body.  I may have had some need for fats.  Competition dieting 3 weeks in a row really sucks and it is something that isnt the healthiest thing on the planet.  I know my body pretty well though and my skin is good and my hair isnt falling out, so its all good.  I say that cus when I was doing the anorexic starvation thing, those are signs of malnutrition….not good.

Well, gotta go.  Tomorrow its back to my spray tan dude and then a competitior meeting later on.  This show is even bigger this year I hear.it’ll be total mayhem!  

my 1st published article is out at:  http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/fat_burning_budget.htm   !!!!

My next may be on “competing on a budget”

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I just previewed my stage pics and ordered some.  I can’t tell how they look because they are dark and have the word PROOF on them.  First of all, I got down to 114lbs and think I could have afforded to lose more as I didn’t look as skinny in the pics as I was in person.  Some of these women looked huge to me, but are smaller in some ways.  In june (big important show) I will try to drop down to at least 108-110.  Freakin tiny I know.  I really gotta do some cardio crackdown, but you know how much I hate it.  I will also be banging the shoulders until they bleed………grow dammit, grow.

The last 2 days in the gym have been pretty good.  My strength was good and I was curling some 30 lb dumbbells.  I did some back and bis tonight and last night I did some lats and shoulders, but mostly legs, which are sore as crap. I saw a bunch of people who asked me how the show went.  my dude gym friends, that is.  I have no female gym friends, just me and testosterone city.I have to crack out the "WTF are you looking at asswipe" face once in awhile because they all like to look at the "alien"…as obvious as a fart in church.

My daughter and I did some db curls, bent over and upright rows on the smith, calf raises, dips (she tried, we died laughing) then onto single arm hammerstrength upright rows, seated cable rows, shrugs and thats about it.  It was getting late, so I did almost 20 of cardio on the treadmill.

My food has been 1/2 assed by my standards this week.  During the day I eat beef only and at night I am a little more lax.  This show doesn’t require a leaner look, so I don’t want to bust ass too much.  I placed 6th last year, bummed to not crack top 5, but there were about 75 women in the whole show and maybe 25 in my class, so it wasn’t so bad.  I am hoping with a years hard work………..to obviously crack top 5.

Tommorow I am going to crack down on that and just eat salt free chicken, brown rice and a little broccoli for flavor, small portions and start another light water deplete. I just have to be careful to not go overboard, plus I have to tan yet again and still have some of my old tan on and am hoping to not just look like I rolled in a coal mine.  Also, this show is just a 2 piece.  I am kind of bummed about my pics because I did compete and lose to women with implants.  I admit I am feeling the pressure…..not gonna lie.

Anyway, I will work my legs again tomorrow and chest and shoulders……..and tris.

Talk to you then

My daughter was the camera woman, so all my shots were blurry and unusable.  We get the pro stage pics later this week.  All I have are camera still from my video camera, not much better, but here are some above as you can see.  I placed 3rd in both open and masters.  What kills me is these were a total different look than what won last show. Hence my constant confusion about figure.  One woman there who competed in over 40, over 35, tall class open and fitness model had already competed in nationals, so I do not understand why she was in amateur.  I thought you could not do that.  Why don’t we just have Jenny Lynn do the show next time?  Okay, she wasn’t Jenny Lynn, but you get the point. In essence, she took 1st in all of them, knocking out someone else for top 5 and of course knocking another woman out to qualify for nationals.  I am all about being fair and I don’t see this as fair.  I know I am not ready for nationals and am fine with being 3rd at this point, but I felt bad for the other women who busted hump for weeks and got nothing..one was notably upset and was like, “thats it?” after she did not place top 5.

Oh, my morning started bad yesterday.  I had to use my moms pc to print directions, the cat spilled my coffee on me, f’ed up my tan on my legs, I get up to wipe it, feel something cold and soft under my foot and it was a freakin DEAD MOUSE the cat had killed and left there. So, I am all grossed out completely, have to dab my tan…….ewwww………

There were not alot of women there.  Most competed in Novice class. I saw some women I had competed with before.  You ladies have to help each other if you want to do a show.  Poor women had bad tans, hardly any tans and didnt have supplies at all.  I have been too light before myself, but this time was sooooo much better than the past.  You’ll learn, just stick with it.  I have learned I want bigger legs, but I love my back and butt, I have skin of a 20 year old compared to some women my age backstage and I think I looked pretty friggin girlie, even if I didnt use the fake lashes!!!  My suits complimented me well.  My new blue Jagware is a dream and I only used bikini bite on top to hold it in place. So, if you compete and don’t place, look at your pics and try to decide which parts of you that look great as well as what may need work.  Live and learn!!

My daughter sucks at pics, but I have this video. I’ll be back later to give you the details…….friggin cranky

I didnt do much today…took the day off work, got spray tanned (still not dark enough!!) took a nap, went to Walmart to buy a full length mirror (not all shows have dressing rooms, some rent a large room next to hotel ballroom/convention where event is) I was also going to buy some 10 lb dbs, but I am having trouble getting a pump with such a light weight.  I have 15’s but they are those metal hex ones and that means packing an extra 30 lbs in my suitcase….forget that.  Anyway, Walmart was freakin closed!  They had a freon leak, so I went to Target with my little man Sam who of course ends up with an action figure.

I did go to the gym tonight for some post show shoulder pumps, laterla raises, dips, curls, seated rows…..puttering.  Then I did some posing.  Im kind of flat and I think I need to carb up more.  I looked better this morning when I got up. OH,OH…….I weighed 114!!!  Holy crap, where did I go?Thats a loss of 14 lbs in about 6 weeks……and cardio only a few times a week. I suppose I could be leaner, but I don’t foresee a need at this point.  perhaps if it were a National show.but it isn’t.

Here are a few itmes for a bag day of show (some that you may not think of too)

babywipes & towel (for your hands and if you mess up your tan)

safety pins and sewing stuff (suits rip, crap pops off)

extra pair of shoes (sometimes shoes break)

scissors (couple girls borrowed mine)

 vaseline for your teeth (dehydrated and nervous makes your lips stick to your teeth)

all the other beauty stuff like hairspray, different color make-up, dreamtan creme, earrings and jewelry for the night show,tanner, bikini bite and suit tape and of course your carb up stuff……….thats alot of crap.  Im going to pack right now and need to print out directions.

Later guys.Thanks for all the support and for helping me believe in me