THOUGHTS OF A FITNESS FREAK

I can be the kindest person ojn the planet , but have an intolerance for some people. I use the word wimp, for a woe-is-me-person.  We all have our moments, Hell, I lived it for alot more than a moment……..more like 30 something years. Many of us have moments of self doubts, but I tell you, you have to fight it.  I know I talk about this stuff all the time, but damn, I have this co worker…….she bitches about her hubby, her kids, how she gets no respect and how her life sucks.  I feel for her, she is really a good person at heart but she lays down and allows things to happen to her.  She is about 6 years older than me and now is having yet another surgery.  Bad knee, bad elbow, bad wrist and now, back/nerve surgery……….I’m not saying certain physical issues exist in her, but ya gotta wonder…how much could be prevented by a more positive sense of self? Depression has physical manifestations as well as mental.  Lots of people seem to hit 40 and fall apart……take a look around bodyspace…..so many glorious people who didnt lay down and die at 40. You think my junk never hurts?  My back was out a couple weeks ago and luckily it was upper, so I could still walk.  I could have layed in bed for 3 days, but instead I went to work, moved slower, but still went.  I have a major TMJ problem, its been that way for 22 years and it sometimes feels like I have been punched straight in the face by  Mike Tyson……but I keep going.  The fact is, many of us have aches and pains, but if you don’t fight them…they will win….and ultimately worsen.  I don’t wish that one anyone.  I don’t want to see you become that 50 year old person who uses the electric scooter in the grocery store….that would suck.

Everyone here has been though something that you yourself can relate to…….bad marriages, divorce, drug addictions and alcoholism, obesity,anorexia, unsupportive families,etc.  This is why were come here, so we can find someone and say, "thats me too!" and know things can get better, that we are not alone in our thinking and our lives.  I do like to know the human side of people.  I like to know that woman who have the killers calves secretly used to be an crackhead or that guy with the ripped bod used to be obese.  We don’t want to see "pretty" and just think, "ah, he/she was born that way"……..we want to see that they overcame and then we might realize the we too, can do the same thing.  And God Bless You if you were lucky enough to reach 30 without some form of adversity (or baggage)!!!   I am not forgetting the younger people here who think that they only have another 10 years before they start falling apart at the seams.

Okay, my fit is over……….

I am going to the gym.   

This coming Saturday.  He is also a graphic artist, so I am hoping for great things!!  I want those glossy editorial shots………where they make you look like a godess….a girl can dream……..Also, there is a calender and they are looking for models, but I am not sure I am the type they want.  I will let you know. 

Not much of a training day.  I was planning to do cardio, but had to run some errands so it didn’t happen.  I will make up for it tomorrow though.   If I had to guess, I think I may have been about 118 today.  Rememeber, you lose 5 lbs in a deplete…I do anyway.  If you are bigger than mne, you may lose more.  That brings me to 113 at competition and I do want to be more cut than my last show.  I really need to work on my posing more than anything!!  I get nervous and stiff, so it has to be an ‘unconcious’ ‘effort to nail a pose without looking.    I have to recover some old stage pics off my pc, so I can show you what a geek I am.  Its sooooooo embarrassing and I am sure I  am a little better every time. I hope!

The fees are killing me already.  You have to get your organization membership (50-100)as well as entry fees for each(80-100), not to mention pay for your "assistant" who is my daughter (usually $30.00 for an adult ticket) and this year I needed a new suit, but settled for only a new 2 piece because its all that is required in one of the shows.  The NPC had a 1 and 2 piece round though.  I still love my 1 piece, though it is tight, so if I get too lean, its only to fit into the damn suit.   Yeah, I am a single parent getting sporatic child support, working my ass off…. but the kids are fed and have clothes on.  If I didnt compete, I would be the mom sitting on the sofa and unhappy about my stagnanting life instead…….so I scrape…..just like most everyone else on the planet.  No biggeeeeee……….happiness is important!

Anyway, I have to go pick up my rotten daughter.  Nah, she isnt so bad really.   She is kooky like me!

I have to show you the suit I ordered!!!  I will post it when I can.  Of course its on Jenny Lynn, so I wont look as good as her..but I can still have dreams………dreams are FREE

xo

Fern

Ah, 4 more weeks.  I feel pretty good today.  I went totally carb free except for some almonds last night.  The kids were eating popcorn, but I didn’t touch it.  Finally dialing in and seeing my goal in front of me. 

I started this morning with a new tanning product of which I did not like.  Its was kind of like pro tan, so it didnt go on more than 4 brush strokes at a time before it dried.  I am sticking to my Jan Tana.  I painted up and went to the gym.  The second I hit the desk some dude says, "nice tan"  I said "thanks, I just put it on this morning" .  He stopped me later and asked me about it, so I had to explain stuff, but thats ok.  I sweated with it on and hadn’t rinsed it, so I was kind of gross, but who  gives a rat’s ass?  Its the gym isn’t it?   Oh, and before that I had to pick up my daughter from her friends house and out comes Dad who I have never met before.probably wondering whats up with Alicias freaky mom…..nice…I tried to shrink down into the car because she called me last minute.  I was wearing a tank top, baggy gym pants and Uggs (not real Uggs, but bear claws or paws…..less expensive, but just as nice).  Damn, thats attractive….haha

I did some more puttering and concentrated on back mostly.  Upright rows and bent over on the smith machine.  Seated cable rows, lat pulldowns, single arm pull downs on cables and press downs on cables.  After that I was off to do the step mill and thats when the fun began….as soon as I got hot and sweaty I could feel the tan was going to run…and yes it did!!  Little rivers of brown down my back and abs..more sexiness!!!  Not to mention the odor of fake tan,,what a combo.  See why you can’t date in the gym?  Its work for me in there………no time for pretty hair and nails.  As Popeye says " I yam what I yam"

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I was contemplating skipping it because I had to bring my kid to drivers ed, but went after I dropped her off.  I get there and it is crowded and all the step mills are taken!!   My 2nd choice is the cross trainer, kind of like the eliptical, but no so  slow motion like.   So I did about 5 and 1/2 mins on the cross trainer and I love to go in reverse for some reason…weird.  The a stepmill was available, so off I went.  i had a copy of Muscular Development magazine and there is so much to read in there thaqt I got distracted enough to do the entire 20 minutes.  Thats a total of 45 minutes of cardio and I am proud of myself.  I dont do cardio in my off season (ya, I just started having a season so it sounds weird to say) so I figure doing it now will have a profound effect on my weight and bodyfat.  My weight was at 117.5 this morning pre workout and 120 afterwards…….is that possible?  I did drink alot.  A gallon weighs 8 lbs,so I guess it is.  I didnt drink a gallon though..trust me.  I would be writing this from my bathroom!!!  I will drink a gallon and 1/2 the week of the show for 3 days and then deplete, but not yet.  When I do something, I want it to be the exact opposite so it has a more profound effect.  Make sense??

I tried some new stuff tonight.  I jammed a straight bar into a corner and did some shoulder presses.  I started with a 10 lb plate and the bar 35, so that was pretty good to start with.  I also did Arnold presses and I really liked them!!!  I only used 15’s, but I was smoked.  I then did some pec flies on cables, pull ups in between sets and used the roman chair.  I was kind of puttering like this morning because I was waiting to pick up my daughter and didnt have much time.  I really just want to maintain and get my metabolism moving.   I have had no carbs today really, just some unsalted almonds, very minimal. I will see how long I can go tomorrow without them, but if I fall asleep by 2 pm.don’t be suprised!!! 

Tomorrow I want to talk about food okay?  After my walmart trip and looking in other people’s carts…..I think people have good intentions, but are uninformed about what to buy.  It’s easy and I can walk you thru it if you care to learn.

Fern

4 weeks and one day left!!  I went to the gym this morning already, going to try like Hell to get back this afternoon.  I have to go easter shopping (procrastinator),color eggs,take my daughter to drivers Ed and pick her up….

so I already did 20 on the stepmill, hit some upper body, random crapola like lateral raises, bicep curls,rows,calves….major puttering just to get a burn.  I stepped on the scale and I am at 120, finally dropping the PMS water.  Got majorly pissed at a guy I talk to in the gym because I mentioned I was coming back later and he looked at me like I was a total idiot and asked "why?".  I am so tired of that crap.  He’s the same one who laughed at me for doing 1 leg at a time on leg extensions and said it was ridiculous. I’m too old to compromise what I like for anyone anymore, thats why I only dated him 2 times…he patronizes me. I really felt like giving him an elbow to the throat, but just walked away…..probably safer,huh?  

Anyway, I will blog later if I can.  I have the whole day off, thats rare….and sooooooo damn welcomed!!!!  Off to Walmart….pray for me!!!!!!!!!

I got an email on my myspace last night.  A sheriff’s office in Florida asked if they could use my transformation video for a lifestyle change class!  I am very flattered.  I suppose it is a class teaching how you can change if you really have your heart set on it.  This is very important to me because I was that depressed person who sat on the sofa after work, didn’t do much, hated myself and was on Prozac. It wasn’t pretty. I listen to women all day long, one in particular, who hates her life and no, I am not telling you fitness will fix her.  Fitness was one of the things that fixed me, only because I found something to be passionate about….that was fitness for me.  I suppose there is a point in your life where you turn and look at yourself and then you have to get the balls to make a drastic change no matter what it is.  It’s not easy.  Mine was leaving a turd who ignored me week after week, who pointed out the wrong in everything I did, and I walked around with my ‘head down’ for a very long time. ‘Head down" makes you a victim of everyone around you.  Just think of that weak little lamb and a wolf in a field watching.  Now, if the lamb pulled out a pair of claws, big teeth and a colt 45……..that changes the situation.  Even in crimes, women are chosen because of the way they walk and their confidence.

I don’t intend to preach or sound like a femi-nazi , just know much can change for you, male or female if you chose to change it.  At our annual meeting with a consulting group in my office I for once, opened my mouth.  I KNOW I may have pissed some people off, but said what I wanted to say, and NO ONE was pissed off……….and all that time I was quiet for nothing.  It was liberating.  So now, in my mind, I think, "whats the worst that can come of this?"

Maybe thats a sign of mid-life crisis for us.  The whole eye opening thing.  I hope that you don’t wait until you are almost 40 like I did. There is a new TV show "secret life of a soccor mom" and this woman wanted to be a cop.  She has 4 little boys and no one knew.  How cool is that? Here’s this lady taking care of kids, losing herself and inside her head she wants to be a hero………so she went for it!   I would rather try and fail, then sit around when I am 70 and think I ’should have tried’.  THAT scares me………

Ask yourself those questions.  You want to be fit, be fit, you want to jump out of an airplane (parachute necessary) go do it.  Don’t wait for anyone to approve, to tell you it’s ok to do it.  No one supported me until just recently except you guys here.  My father didnt speak to me for other reasons and my mom thought I was in cheap beauty pageants with  lucite hooker heels and bikinis……….same as a wet t shirt contest probably. My sister bitched because I was always busy (she only calls me when she wants something anyway) and my boyfriends made fun of me or complained I was too busy for them or accused me of banging the 20 something year olds rather than the weights. This may have stopped some people, screw that……..accept me as I am or piss off……..haha………I like me………now.

Have a great night. 

I was flossing yesterday at my desk. Yes, I floss and floss often.  I work for a dental office, don’t want your teeth stinky between the cracks……….anyway, my cap flew off my molar!   Its my "problem tooth".  I have had in the last 7 years 3 filling, 2 porcelain onlays, 1 root canal and 2 crowns on the same damn tooth.  I have a little grinding habit, so I have micro cracks.  I don’t suppose lifting helps that much, but I had them before I lifted anyway.  So, I had to get the sucker glued back on….it was pretty funny seeing your cap go flying though. 

Tonight I actually did 20 on the stepmill.  I read a magazine cover to cover so I could cover the timer on the machine.  I think its like climbing over 70 flights of stairs.  Aint that an ass whuppin, literally?  I wanted to go at lunch today, but we do sedation dentistry and a lady called while I was still there, so I spent 20 mins on the phone with her because she is so afraid of the dentist. 4 kids, didnt have time to care for herself, kids came first,etc.  Thats usually how it happens.  Now, she tells me she just wants to be able to smile.  That part always makes me want to cry. People just want to smile and if you cant, it affects your whole life.  Sometimes talking to these people is like talking them down from the top of a building, they are so scared.

I got off the subject…….AGAIN.  CARDIO……….its not my friend.  My ass says yes it is, my brain says "you are not a gerbil, step away from the treadmill"  I did some bi’s and back, not alot, just maintenance tonight.  I wasn’t really due for any big workout really.   I got in some 25 lb db curls, some leg sets ,extensions and curls, upright rows on cable, chin-ups, bi’s on cables, 35lb db rows……..um………just stuff to keep me moving and pass the time.,  I did calves last night, but am pretty much doing them every other day now. Plus the stepmill IS a workout, all that damn climbing.  My butt always feels like someone knee’d me in it, thats gotta be good I suppose. 

Tomorrow I will do cardio right after work because I am out at three and I will take it as a workout night off.  I may do more cardio, like 40 minutes to make up for the time.  I have a book I should bring. I always forget.  I still have not tried to dream tan spray because if it looks freaky and stains, I have to go to work with it on.  I will feel like that lady in "something about mary" all too tanned and wrinkled…….thats scary. 

What else to talk about?  Sometimes I like to post a question….hm……….how about……..Did you ever make up an excuse not to go out with someone just because it was a gym night? We are having an employee appreciation dinner next Friday night and I almost bailed because thats posing night!  I am bringing my gym clothes and my bag and sneaking out early……….thats kind of the only night I can pose and bring my camera and no one sees me.  You do what you gotta do!!

I was flossing yesterday at my desk. Yes, I floss and floss often.  I work for a dental office, don’t want your teeth stinky between the cracks……….anyway, my cap flew off my molar!   Its my "problem tooth".  I have had in the last 7 years 3 filling, 2 porcelain onlays, 1 root canal and 2 crowns on the same damn tooth.  I have a little grinding habit, so I have micro cracks.  I don’t suppose lifting helps that much, but I had them before I lifted anyway.  So, I had to get the sucker glued back on….it was pretty funny seeing your cap go flying though. 

Tonight I actually did 20 on the stepmill.  I read a magazine cover to cover so I could cover the timer on the machine.  I think its like climbing over 70 flights of stairs.  Aint that an ass whuppin, literally?  I wanted to go at lunch today, but we do sedation dentistry and a lady called while I was still there, so I spent 20 mins on the phone with her because she is so afraid of the dentist. 4 kids, didnt have time to care for herself, kids came first,etc.  Thats usually how it happens.  Now, she tells me she just wants to be able to smile.  That part always makes me want to cry. People just want to smile and if you cant, it affects your whole life.  Sometimes talking to these people is like talking them down from the top of a building, they are so scared.

I got off the subject…….AGAIN.  CARDIO……….its not my friend.  My ass says yes it is, my brain says "you are not a gerbil, step away from the treadmill"  I did some bi’s and back, not alot, just maintenance tonight.  I wasn’t really due for any big workout really.   I got in some 25 lb db curls, some leg sets ,extensions and curls, upright rows on cable, chin-ups, bi’s on cables, 35lb db rows……..um………just stuff to keep me moving and pass the time.,  I did calves last night, but am pretty much doing them every other day now. Plus the stepmill IS a workout, all that damn climbing.  My butt always feels like someone knee’d me in it, thats gotta be good I suppose. 

Tomorrow I will do cardio right after work because I am out at three and I will take it as a workout night off.  I may do more cardio, like 40 minutes to make up for the time.  I have a book I should bring. I always forget.  I still have not tried to dream tan spray because if it looks freaky and stains, I have to go to work with it on.  I will feel like that lady in "something about mary" all too tanned and wrinkled…….thats scary. 

What else to talk about?  Sometimes I like to post a question….hm……….how about……..Did you ever make up an excuse not to go out with someone just because it was a gym night? We are having an employee appreciation dinner next Friday night and I almost bailed because thats posing night!  I am bringing my gym clothes and my bag and sneaking out early……….thats kind of the only night I can pose and bring my camera and no one sees me.  You do what you gotta do!!

I edited the color because I have no tan…ewwwww….plus water retention…sorry guys, fact of life.

Anyway, today I did some shoulders and calves.  Lots of lateral raises, presses on the smith, seated calf raises, slide machine ,pull ups, some lat press downs because I like them , just little things really.  My joints are a little achy…yep, PMS. 

Im kind of tired too because I ran to the gym on my lunch hour to do cardio for 20, then did 20 more tonight after my workout.  I did the posing before my workout, so there is no pump in my shoulders for the pics.  That sucks, they look so flat.  I took them in my kitchen so the light was a little better.yep, I hang around the house in my undies.  Actually, I spilled dinner on my work scrubs so I had taken them off.,  Not like I am  prancing around in my kitchen with a thong….might burn my goodies while boiling some chicken or something.

I am trying to get 2 bodyspace members to comepete in the same figure show against each other!!!  I think it will be fun … all in good fun, no hard feelings no matter what.

Talkj to you later.  i am soooooooo beat