THOUGHTS OF A FITNESS FREAK

I pigged out today and yesterday.  Carbo (my trainer)says it will spike my metabolism anyway, so it’s ok.  It wasn’t as satisfying as I would have thought.  I now prefer cleaner foods.  Mcdonalds just made me sick with all that grease, but I was starving and in the car after the show.  It was a 14-16 hour day at that point.  So, today I wasn’t too bad.  I had my usual oatmeal and chicken,brown rice and broccoli lunch.  I had regular pasta and sauce for dinner and salad and it wasn’t very appetizing.  I wanted my whole wheat penne with I cant believe its not butter spray, garlic powder and broccoli!!!  I really need to go shopping though.  I do not have a show anytime soon.  A couple in October I think and I am looking for one in perhaps July.  I am really researching my organizations and writing to them for their standards and figure criteria.  I dont want to be a pageant girl, I want to be a figure WOMAN.  I love my quad seperation and my abs and if anything, I will improve so I want to know before I go in, that these things are encouraged, not judged down.  Now if I walk into a show and see other women and go "holy crap" she’s going to kick my ass", I will be happier.  At least I will know I have something to shoot for.  So, my goal is to improve my quads, shoulders and upper arms for more volume.  My back is very satisfying to me, lats could be a bit more tapered/wider up top, but with strong obliques, that is going to be a tough task.  I also need to work on the calves and another tough task due to my ankle injury.  All in all, just get more volume.  It’s hard being a small person, you may have good proportions but look super tiny next to women who are in the tall class.  That is if you compete in masters because they seem to have only one class usually for lack of competitors.  So, Carbo is going to help me do a little bulking, although he thinks I am good the way I am………he’s sweet!

Someone I know likes to say ,"it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog"  Im a pitbull baby!!!

I didnt intend to bash anyone.  I KNEW from last years video that they preferred a heavier look in their figure girls, that is why I was orgionally just going to do bikini classic with the other "old chicks" such as myself.  The problem is there is no clear cut guidelines for any figure organization.  Bodybuilding is much more simple and clear cut.  Figure is supposed to be ……………..

I dont get it.  There this thing called conditioning in figure, we pump up for vascularity and great backs, so I go to a show and dont place……….I KNOW I have a great back dammit.  There is no way I am ever going to have the kind of bodyfat that seems to be popular in these kind of local shows.   I am about 8% or less today.  I’d say average at these shows is 18%.  Im not saying some of these girls don’t look good, but I have great conditioning and I know it.  I have teardrop quads, you can see my hams and I have good proportions.  if that isnt it, then I just don’t know what is.  I was thinking of trying out bodybuilding because I seem to ripped to be a figure chick, though not big enough at 110lbs for bodybuilding yet. I don’t like all this "soft" stuff that figure sometimes can be.  I look at national and pro levels and if you want to be up there, you have to look like them, then I go to a local show and no one looks like that.  Call me a snob of sorts if you want.  I call it as I see it.  I am not going to say what show it was or rag on all the girl;s because I have made some competition friends in a short span of time.  There has to be somewhere for someone like me.  Im trying to find my place, thats all.  It’s rather discouraging.  I met Patti from here and her trainer friend, who looked super muscular and fantastic, by the way.  Patti was great too.  She was long legged and tall and I am not sure how she placed. Oh, call me bitter if you want, whatever.  I am not a good loser, especially when I get screwed over because the promoter tells me I am better for figure, so I drop out of bikini to do it.  Then I drive over an hour yesterday in the rain and some idiot tells me the meeting has been canceled, THEN I contact the promoter who tells me I have to get there at 730 am to make the changes because there WAS a meeting and I missed it!  So, I drove 3 hours yesterday for NOTHING in my crappy 11 year old minivan!!!  Only to find I have to get up at 5am and drive an hour to register………………..I didnt get home until 10pm.  I spent most of the day in my car in the parking lot. It was totally not worth it.  I gave up a gym day for this.  I dropped 5 lbs for nothing.  Oh, well I did get approached by a modeling agency, but I am sure others did as well.  Hey, I have to believe in myself.  If I  thought those chicks were in better shape than me, I would quit right now, wouldnt I?  NOT A CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Just TRY to get rid of me. HAH! 

Anyone going here?  It is a big show and I am pretty nervous.  I am not pulling my water as much because I was very lean last time and am already down to 110lbs without cardio. Last show I came in around 108 or 107. I am having coffee all day rather than water and carbing up more than last time.  I love my coffee.  My allotment of water is about 1/8 gal, but my belly skin is already starting to tent and I don’t need to dry out my back because its super lean naturally.  I do want a little more roundness in the glutes and have been working on posing more.  Tough because I have no heat in my office room where I can do it.  Yeah, the room in my pictures.  No heat, despite the fact that I am wearing a swimsuit!! Schweeet!  Going up there and posing is not fun.  Tonight is the athletes meeting, so no gym.  I have my 10 lb dumbell and thats it here.  I do have a home gym, but it needs oiling on the pully as that is also in a room without heat and it has taken a beating.

Anyway, happy friday.  It’s raining so bad here!!! Of course, my daughter is still in the bathroom getting dressed.  What is it with teenaged girls? 

F

Just got back a little while ago.  Obviously wasnt feeling it tonight, but managed a light workout and 20 on stair master.  Carbo calls it a stair mill or something, but it’s the thing thats like walking up an escalor that is going down, okay?  I was sweating balls!  Gotta go watch Tourista……….probably make me puke.

holy crap am I tired.  Today is beef and protein shakes, zero carbs, none, zip ,zilch and nada.  I had 2 coffees at home and then 2 large throughout the day, plus an additional gallon of water.  Now I have to go workout a little without carbs, this sucks…………..but I want a better deplete than last time and I want to come in a little harder.  This is only my second time, so I am still playing with my amounts.  I am probably going to take 3 months off to add some size after this show.  Mostly in the legs and hopefully my ankle co operates and I can do some calves.  Right now I cant because last time it swelled like crazy and that doesnt look so pretty in heels! I’m being cautious.  The biggest thing about this comp diet is that I live with mom and the kids, so mom makes all kinds of good stuff that I cant eat!  last night was pasta and meatballs with garlic bread and a nice salad.  I had chicken, boiled, plain, no veggies.  My treat was oatmeal.  Tonight they are having something fried, which only makes me nauseous anyway, even not on the diet.  Tommorrow is chicken and rice day.  I can’t wait!!!  I won’t give in to the food temptation though because I know if I do, I will never get to where I want to be and I will only have myself to blame.  I think lots of water makes me hungrier, rather than the opposite in some people.   God bless if water fills you up.  I am working all week, so it isnt like last time where I took the 2 days off to do my 1st deplete.  This time I may be a cranky bitch and god forbid anyone who pushes my buttons.  I work with about 20 women in a dental office and some are princesses.  I hate princesses…….piss and moan queens is what they are.  oh my back, ow my wrist, I’m getting fat, my husband wont put gas in my car..boo friggin hooooo….Some work 2 or 3 whole days a week (big deal)and they still bitch.  All I have to say is come over my house and you will have a bigger appreciation for your own life.  Visit a child in the cancer ward, then stop your moaning……….I’m on a tangent, watch out….ITS THE CARBS OR LACK THEREOF…………………. 

Okay, Bisping was a great thing, Andre’s fight sucked ( I almost fell asleep) but to see cro cop bite it was a serious bummer.  I thought the guy had it made.  I tend to favor the quiet types.  I hate the mouthy mother f’ers.  It is great to see them take a smack of course.  (Although Matt Serra is mouthy, it’s in a good, positive way. I have a crush on him.hehhe)  Definite difference from the smack talkin guys like Tito.  So my themewear, sportswear is UFC/MMA at this next show.  it’s the only sport I enjoy.  Must be the same reason Gladiator is one of my favorite movies.  I’m not a violent person, kind of a pacifist actually, until you bully someone and I have to lose my temper.  I don’t go for that stuff at all.  I was bullied and I know how it feels, so I get all protective on people.  Some kid was picking on my daughter and had the nerve to show up at my door after calling her all kinds of names on the computer.  he was lucky I didnt hit him actually I was so pissed.  Never mess with anyones family, okay?  Turns out he has had a crush on her for years and teen boys get mean when they don’t know how to handle their feelings………man, can I ramble or what?

I gotta run.  I’m in that Spring cleaning mode.  I don’t even need cardio with all the crap i am doing today.  Then I am taking the rug rats for ice cream while I am dieting,,,,,,,does that not suck?  Ha, it was my idea!!!  I’m a kook, what can I say.  BUT it is so nice out today, it feels like ice cream is needed. NOT FOR ME of course.  I get to have a protein shake and flax.  The later I get chicken!!!! 

Tomorrow is beef I think.  Something to look forward to! 

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Okay, Mariuzs (sp?) was there.  A bunch of other guys.  They are huge!!!

I was doing my workout, not chasing the big dudes actually.  But I talked to this one guy Jessie, who stuck around to work out and he was very nice.  he told me his wife is a bodybuilder and they have trained a couple figure girls.  Why do men always mention they have a wife so quick when they talk to me?  Hm, makes me wonder……… it wasn’t like I was flirting.  I don’t really have time for men much. 

So, I am going light yet again.  I start another water flood tomorrow, then the whole deplete and carb load…….yee hah.  Its fine except I miss my coffee when I water deplete.  I added the figure in at this competition next weekend.  Like I said before, I was only going to be bikini classic, but now I know that isn’t something I am going to win with a deplete.  I just have to get more used to competing and being on stage anyway.  being naturally shy doesn’t help me much.  When you are up there, you can’t see anyone in the audience because of the lights really anyway.  I just try to pretend I am at home or the gym.  It would be great to have another girl to go with, but that is not the case.   I guess once you realize you are kind of a loner, that’s the way you stay.  I am not complaining really.  I have my kids to keep me busy and I have women friends at work to chat with.  Guys don’t really understand if you say you have some bodyfat here or there.  they say you look great or fine the way you are, and that just pisses off a woman!   But then if you said we had a fat ass, that would not go over very well either!!!! Poor men…you put up with alot.  

Got to go, UFC is live tonight and Bisping is coming on next!   

I had signed up for bikini classic orgionally a few months ago. I submitted photos to the promoter from my last show for a profile update and he suggested I do figure.  Why not?  I was 108 or 109 after my deplete and now I am 114, shouldnt be too difficult.  Except for that crankiness I got, it wasn’t bad at all.  i was in the hotel last week and xouldnt find my lipstick I wanted.  I was like’" WTF?  Where is my effin lipstick?  Then I couldn’t locate a couple other things and was pretty pissy.  My poor friend tried to help, but what the hell..I was stressed!!!! Then he was eating a parfait and I could hear him crunching…grrrr!  I was eating rice and chicken that I left on the windowsill so I wouldnt get food poisoning. It was a great posh hotel, but no fridge!  Then there was my morning coffee. I did brew some in the room pot, but was only able to sip it. i took caffeine pills to stay alive without my AM coffee. I LOVE coffee. 

This show is here in CT, so no hotel.  That should make life easier.  I am also doing their bikini classic which includes a themed sportswear round.  I am ditching the boots for a more feminine look, but my theme will be UFC type.  Can’t help myself.  Nothing like dropping some elbows to make a girl feel girly.  Either that or I wear it with heels….nah……..that isnt me. I want to show my hardcore side just a little bit.  The pink bikini is the exact opposite.

Well,hope everyone is doing well.  This saturday the contestants of the strongest man are going to be at my gym.  I love those guys!!!  i’m soooooo excited.  i can almost smell the testosterone already………whooo hoo!!! Their comp is at the casino in my town.  Not sure if I am going yet.  I spent all my moolah of figure stuff.  This is not a cheap sport and I buy all the cheapest and used suits that i can. Agirl at my last show had a $3.000 passionfruit suit. it doesnt make you win, but damn it was beautiful .  Maybe someday i will be a princess and get to wear one? I can dream.thats free,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,