Mrs Rassss’s BodyBlog

I am lost. At least thats how I feel. I have managed to lose 83 pounds, but I am now at a point where it is not moving. For the last 6 months haven’t lost anything, despite diets and workouts. There has been a lot of stress piling on in the last 8 months, and the impatience becomes a huge burden!  I have started a new program about a week ago, it consists of a circus routine (supposed to take the place of a cardio session), every other day 3 sets 20 reps at a 10% of my 10 rep max, then it goes to 20-30% and rises each week, respectively. My diet is on work out days I consume meals every 2-4 hours depending on my day at work), a soy protein shake when I wake up (it’s a meal replacement), 1 serving of oatmeal (almond extract and splenda), 5 eggs (4 whites, 1 yolk), a turkey sandwich with two slices of whole wheat bread made with mustard and a slice of cheddar cheese or mayo and no cheese, a scoop whey pre workout and a scoop following with a 1/2 serving of apple cider with my creatine and glutamine, then dinner is a serving of lean meat sweet potato and a veggie, a scoop of whey before bed.    On my off days I have a soy protein shake, 5 eggs (1 yolk 4 whites)  1 scoop whey 1 tbsp peanut butter, chicken with a veggie, 1 scoop whey 2 servings of turkey and cheese, then dinner is lean meat and a veggie, and a whey protein before bed.  I was a full time student and worked close to full time, now that school is done I am working crazy hours, one day its a 6a-2p and then the next it’s going to be a 8p-6a (overnights) how do I keep it together and lose weight, do I continue to eat if I am up for more than 24 hours at a time, every three hours what do I consume that will further my weight loss. I need to lose the rest of this weight and I am feeling like I am running in circles (which in it’s self is not productive). Any advice?

Things have been quite stressful, lately (ok the past 6 months) and I am tired of my progress stalling. I hurt my shoulder, kept my diet right but the weight is dripping off ever so slowly, if not halted all together. I started a new program Low carb (under 60g) on my off days and carbs on my workout days, which is 4 off (light cardio) 3 days on (weight training). Once school ends that will change to 4 days on 3 off. I graduate in Dec (finally). The only thing I am not sure about is if I should eat for the weight I want to be or should I try and aim for an intake for the weight that I am now? I am trying not to get depressed and remember that it is all in my control. I just need to remain committed to my goal, and not let things or people get me down.

I lost a good amount of weight just changing my diet from crap to healthier food choices. But I hit a wall and I was stuck between 200 and 205 for a few weeks. I missed my first goal by about a month. I started to lose my way, it is really hard to explain how my mind works. Everything becomes overwhelming (even when it really isn’t). I couldn’t stay focused and when I though about what I needed to do to get the weight loss ball rolling again I was at a loss (total cricket noise). Then my husband says we need to take it a step further and count our calories, and this is how we will do it (what would I have done with out you…. cricket noise). So that is what we have done for the past week. I weighed myself at 205 at the start and I lost 6 pounds, and I FINALLY BROKE THE 200lbs MARK. YES!!!  When I looked at the five - six meals I was eating on a regular basis I was astonished to see that my caloric intake was insanely over what my body needed to maintain my lean body mass. I was eating clean 99.9% of the time, but looking at just the salad I had for my lunch which consisted of spinach (only green I eat) chicken, walnuts, flax seed, sesame seed, maybe an apple, peppers, onions, mushrooms and I topped it off with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. I did not measure, just tossed it in. To put this in prospective for those of you who, like me have/had no idea what the calories are behind this: 14 walnut halves 185.41 calories (probably used more), spinach 20, peppers and onions 60, Flax 3 tablespoons 140, sesame seeds 1tblsp 51.57 (I used well over that) 150, apple 59, olive oil 200, balsamic vinegar 33, chicken 175, this salad = 1022 calories and that was only lunch; although sometimes I would split this in to two meals. breakfast 5 eggs (2 yolk, 3 whites), apple (snack), dinner probably ranged 400-500 calories.Oh MY GOD!!! So I was eating healthy but way tooooo much and that is not including my other small meals (usually fruit; high GI) so no wonder I am wasn’t going anywhere with my weight.  Now my off day is a caloric intake of 1265.5 and the meal plan is:
1 serving of fiber one with 1.2 cup milk= 200
3 eggs 1 yolk, 2 white and 4 slices canadian bacon=172
salad 2 1/2 cups spinach, onion/peppers, 1/2 cup beans=210
dressing=35
1 cup strawberry halves =46
salmon, sweet potato, corn 2/3 c=555 or chicken, sweet potato corn=460
1/2 c blackberries = 36
all of this = 1274 (salmon) and 1179 (chicken) with the salmon I am 9 calories over but since I work a 16 hour day and breakfast starts at 5am I probably work this off, I also have a pretty active job, I try to take the chicken plan because it allows me to have a cup of coffee or some leeway with my day not alot but enough for a few adjustments.  
My work out day I take in 1625
and my plan is:
1 serving of fiber one with 1.2 cup milk= 220
Pre-workout
1 scoop nitrous w/ water= 15
2 caffeine pills
1 scoop whey w/ 1/2c milk (skim)=160
Post-workout
1 scoop whey w/ 1/2 c milk=160
1/2 c cottage cheese =90 or casein whey w/ 1/2 c milk =160
salad 2 1/2 cups spinach, onion/peppers, 1/2 cup beans=210
1 cup strawberry halves =46
salmon, sweet potato, corn 2/3 c=555 or chicken, sweet potato corn=460
1/2 c blackberries = 36
and the total is= with salmon and casein 1562 (1473 with cottage cheese) chicken and casein 1467 (1397 with cottage cheese) I drink at least 96 ounces of water a day, trying to get to 1 gallon. I did forget the calories from my calcium pills (40). My workout is a every other day split circuit routine. alternating between dumbbells and barbells its pretty intense. So this is where I am on my path and the direction I am heading. I can’t wait to see the results.

Wow, I have never worn anything that little (much less have it get put out there for the world to see). I usually hide in the closet and get dressed… pathetic huh! That when you know it’s time to get your Sh*t together. I have been thinking of putting a pic up for a while but every time I tried I would punk out from embarrassment. But I was thinking today (this is usually where my husband says "oh no…") It would really be cool to see how far I have come, not just have an idea. My husband read something from someone else’s site, I can’t remember who’s and I am not sure how it went exactly but it was something like.. In a year you will not be looking into the future to goals but looking back at all the ones you have accomplished. So there’s no better way to document than pictures. Even though it is quite depressing that I let my self get this way even though I have had the tools all along to fix it (so sad that I can be that stubborn, and such an ass). So again I am so sorry for the nightmares that these pic may cause, and I will be held completely responsible.

It has been a long, long journey for me, and to end up here…who knew? I was talking to my husband and I realized that there was not one, and I mean not one person that was a healthy role model throughout my life (with the exception of my husband). My father died when I was eighteen because his liver was mush from drinking, my sister is bulimic, my mother is an opiate dependent because of back pain due to botched surgeries (and an unhealthy lifestyle), all of my aunts and uncles are alcoholics on one level or another, the list can go on and on. I was able to dodge the alcohol but I found the same habits with eating. My sister went one way and I went the other. I have never been able to express myself to anyone and all that emotion went inside instead of out (until I found my therapist). I have learned that I can not have anything that is bad for me or else I go into this unhealthy cycle (mentally as well as physically). It becomes a constant struggle in my head. There is absolutely no crap in my house or else it will be on my mind until I eat it. It’s horrible and soooo frustrating. I have gotten a lot better with this aspect though… since every so often my husband would go on these ice cream binges and I was able to ignore it and after a while I forgot it was in there. I would maybe have three bowls out of ten of the half gallons bought. He has been committed to his program so Ice-cream is pretty much out (thank God!!!!). It becomes really hard at work. Everybody brings in the stuff they don’t want and for meals it is usually Mc Donald’s, or when they cook for the residents they us crap processed foods instead of natural foods, sugar instead of splenda, canned fruit (in heavy or light syrup) instead of fresh (although they will us frozen) I try to incorporate some of the healthy habits that I have adapted in my own routine and I get the here she goes again look. It is really frustrating when people know your are on your way to accomplishing a goal and they are eating a piece of chocolate cake trying to talk you into having a piece. I DON"T ****ING WANT IT!!!!!
Over the past year and a half I have learned that I am bi-polar (type II) which has helped explain some of the negative behaviors that I have since worked on. I started on medication and that really helped, but I don’t want to be on medication for the rest of my life. I recently stopped the medicine to start a family and there is a huge difference in the way that I feel and think. It’s amazing… and knowing that it is the bi-polar behavior makes it easier to cope with and correct. This is why the weight loss process before was so hard for me to stick with, the instant wants make it hard to cope with the "just be patient" motto of weight loss. If I eat clean for three days and do the elliptical why is it that I haven’t lost 20lbs yet!!!!!?????? So unrealistic. I have stuck with it and so far I have lost 45lbs and counting.  I eat clean 99.8% of the time and I do a Push/Pull routine with ten minutes pre and post on the elliptical. My workout routine is mon-push, wed-pull, fri-legs and the elliptical (20 min) tues, thurs, sat and sun and I walk everywhere. At school I park my car on the far side of the campus and walk to my class five days a week on top of my regular routine. Sometimes I don’t feel like this is enough, and sometimes I feel like it is a good routine. i am never really sure.

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