MommaKeebler’s Random Thoughts

I can breathe! In more ways than one! Literally, I can breathe now. I still get hitched up when I get to breathing deeply, but I’m not coughing just at any time anymore. Yay!

I can breathe at work. Knowing that this child is no longer going to be a member of our class is incredibly freeing! Knowing that my students and myself are all going to be safe is a relief. Nothing bothers a teacher more than having a harmful child in their room and not being able to do anything to keep her other students safe. My students are safe now. I can honestly say that this week, the 10th week of school, my students learned something. I’m a teacher again. I’m no longer a police officer, a firefighter, an EMT, or a babysitter. I’m a teacher who deals with normal behavior issues that 6 year olds throw out, but overall, makes academic progress with her students.

I can’t wait for my life to return to normal. I can’t wait to go to the gym after work and be excited to be there. I’m enjoying cooking again. I’m enjoying playing with my son. My whole life is SO much more enjoyable!! And I’m thankful every day for the BD teacher who took on this most sorrowful child who needs serious help!

Well, fall intersession is over and I feel pretty good about it. Here’s what I got done:
-carpets cleaned
-redecorated the bathroom (in a day)
-50 bulbs planted
-weed forest pulled out (that took 2 hours! those things were 8 feet tall)
-burn pile burned
-all rooms rearranged for the winter
-all artwork hung
-closets cleaned out
-3 different soups made and frozen into serving size containers
-playroom created for my son
-new clothes that fit purchased
-pants are at the drycleaners being hemmed to the correct length
-went on my first date in almost a year

I also got my diet back under control and lost 9 pounds. 3 more to get back to where I was. I feel great that I finally was able to buy a 29" jean though! My legs look leaner, I found a workout that challenges my hamstrings, my abs are almost back to their end-of-summer look, and I just feel much better about myself. I guess that means it’s time to go back to work! LOL

I feel SO much better. I’ve taken a lot of time off. Went to the gym like maybe 3 times a week. I’m rewriting my program (except for my arms which have 2 weeks left on their current program). I’m doing more cardio because I’ve overindulged in WAY too much ice cream, but I’ve also realized that I’ve missed it. I’ve gained 10 pounds in the past 9 weeks, but I’m okay with it cuz I haven’t gained a pant size yet… (go figure!!) So, I don’t really know where that weight is going.

Work is better although I’m totally ready for my vacation! The kids are working together better and I only spend about 1/2 my day working on social skills now… I’m starting to feel like a teacher again.

Hope all is well with everyone!
I’m so glad to see you all again!!

So, the current issue of Oxygen couldn’t have come at a better time. I noticed a couple of weeks ago that I was in the midst of a pretty decent depression. My house is a mess, I haven’t balanced my checkbook since July, barely paid my bills, cry myself to sleep every night, hate my job, hate my life, short-changing myself in terms of calories most of the time until I overdo indulgences, and when I go to the gym I put in no effort and will wander around in circles for 5 minutes at a time. If you notice, I haven’t entered a workout for a couple of weeks and the couple of weeks I did before that, the workouts are mediocre at best. Last Monday I started to come down with the severe chest cold/bronchitis that 3 other teachers in our building have. It got worse and worse over the course of the week until now I can barely move, barely breathe, and cough all night long. I’m trying to work up the nerve to go to the doctor tomorrow after school.

Anyway, reading through the symptoms of overtraining, I think I’m suffering from it. I think the only way to help myself is to plan to take this entire week off. I’m kind of freaked out by this. Going to the gym is my life. I’m going to have to be comfortable leaving my friends there for a week. I’m going to have to be comfortable knowing that my hard-earned abs are going to disappear right before a warm holiday weekend. I’ll have to be comfortable knowing that I’ll probably break 160 lbs. this week. I’m going to have to be comfortable knowing that I’ll be able to get back all that is lost in that week. And I’ll have to be comfortable knowing that a week off will put me ahead of the game. I have to be comfortable knowing that the only way for my body to recover from this is to take some time to relax. Yet, it still scares the crap out of me…

There’s a long list of stressors…
administration that doesn’t want to face the reality of teaching in my kind of school…
curriculum expectations that in any other school would take 15 minutes to teach, for me take 45…
25 FIRST GRADERS already and Chicago hasn’t even started yet (we always get more when their families go back to school)…
on average, all the first graders are VERY LOW both academically and socially…
our principal took over our sister school as well this year, so we’re basically working on our own while she counts on us to keep things rolling…
a district "expert" coming in to observe us teaching the language arts curriculum (REALLY?! with 1st graders in the 2nd week of school??? Do you REALLY think I’m explicitly teaching anything besides how to walk safely around the room???!!!)
7 kids on behavior plans in my room (normal schools might have 1 or 2 in each class)

Really, it all makes me want to pull my hair out, scream WTF, and drink a gallon of martinis!!! Oh yeah, I’m doing that again tomorrow night!!! LOL!
How’s that for what’s stressing me out?
Honestly, I LOVE teaching in my school. But, there’s just a whole bunch of sh*t piling up right now and my partner teacher and I are seriously thinking of calling in sick for a "mental health" day once a week!!!!

Meanwhile… I’m counting down the days till my 30th birthday… ugh…

Ok, no matter how healthy natural peanut butter is… It still has a lot of calories in it. I took the 2 remaining jars that were sitting in my cabinet down to my dad’s shop today. I know full well that he’ll probably eat it. But I have 9 days before this wedding and I need all the help I can get! If I took them to my mom’s house, I would have found an excuse to go out there and find them. They’re out of the house, I feel like I’m going through withdrawals, and I’m gonna be better for it!

So, this is gonna sound strange, and a lot of people are gonna think that I’m completely insane… but…

I met a guy online (like I always do… not on this website… it’s the way I like meeting people and pretty much the only way I have time to meet people). We were matched on Memorial Day. We emailed and spoke on the phone all that week and until the following Thursday when he left for California on business. He’s run into quite a few glitches in this business deal (he owns a medium sized management company and is taking over 12 properties) and has been in California ALL SUMMER LONG!!! Much to the disappointment of us both. However, we talk all day long on the phone. (Yes, I know. He’d probably get a lot more done if he wasn’t checking in with me all the time. But it’s HIM calling me, not the other way around!) Anyway, the joke was that he absolutely needed to be home by August 8th when a good friend of mine is getting married in her backyard in a luau type wedding. (You know, sundresses and flip flops for the girls and shorts and Hawaiian shirts for the guys.) So, he is SO close to finishing his work in California! He has to inspect and make corrections with the 4 remaining properties. That’s like a week’s worth of work. And he called Sunday to tell me that he has to meet with the property owners on August 10th. (Obviously that’s after the wedding.) OF COURSE I was disappointed, but I didn’t let it show in my voice. OF COURSE I assured him that he didn’t have to make it back for the wedding. I’m going with friends and it would still be fun without him. But guess what?!?! He’s flying back for the weekend JUST TO GO TO THE WEDDING WITH ME!!!!!!!!! I’m SO excited I could just scream EVERY time I think about it!!!!!

So, I’ve decided to wear a short, strapless sundress with red and yellow flowers on a black background. This thing is super tight! I’m going super low carbs (as much as I can stand) and taking my jars of peanut butter (which we all know is my downfall… I eat it like I used to eat frosting out of the can!) over to my mom’s. I’m hitting abs hard every other day, running and stairclimbing my ass off, and leaving it all on the floor for the next 10 days! OMG! I can’t believe it’s only 10 days!!! My hands are shaking! I’ll post pics after the wedding to update my progress! Love you all! Wish me luck!

So, I’ve spent the weekend at my parents’ house due to a collapsed sewer line at mine. Usually, I avoid this house like the plague. There’s absolutely NOTHING good to eat here. My mother prides herself on having doughnuts, brownies, and all other manner of junk food in full supply, and I have absolutely NO willpower when it comes to that stuff. But, I went to the gym on Friday night, barely made it through my routine, and thought to myself that I absolutely DID NOT want to be there. Then I picked up my son from his dad’s house and went back to my mom’s for the night. We had takeout tacos for dinner, of which I ate 6! Then my sister and I went out clubbing and I had plenty of Captain n’ Diets and stayed out till 3:30. Saturday I did well during the day because I was by myself most of the time, but then we had pizza and ice cream for dinner. Tonight was some kind of store bought skillet dinner of an asian influence, no doubt loaded with sodium, and plenty of brownies and ice cream for dessert.

 Here’s the funny thing: most of the time, when I leave this house after eating crap like this, I feel an amazing amount of guilt. So much so that I usually go home and cry, or watch a sappy movie, and when I talk to my "friend" on the phone he can tell that I’ve been to my mom’s and ate crap without me saying a word! Tonight, I don’t feel that way. I was so sick of beating myself up over every little thing I ate, that I honestly took this weekend for myself. I didn’t workout, I ate like crap… and the funny thing is that I feel absolutely no guilt for it. Sure, I feel bloated, and a little like my stomach wants to turn itself inside out…but mentally, I don’t feel bad at all. In fact, I ordered some new supplements, looked up some new workout programs, and read up on BCAAs and other nutritional information.

This week I start going back into school to set up my classroom. I’ll have to start doing cardio and lifting in the evenings starting next week. It’s the end of my summer and I feel like this weekend was a celebration of all I’ve accomplished over the past 7 weeks. I’m ready to begin again. I’m ready for a new outlook. I’m ready for my "friend" to come home from California. I’m ready for a new group of students to inundate me with their own challenges. I’m ready… Take me on!

OMG! So, I wore my hrm for the first time yesterday morning while I did elliptical and stairclimber. I’m used to hopping on the elliptical cold and popping out 2.5 miles in 20 minutes. Lately, I’ve been backing that up with 20 minutes on the stairclimber to beat boredom and clean up my legs a bit. So, I knew that in order to really improve, I needed to invest in a hrm. So, this weekend, when it was cold and rainy and possibly the worse 4th of July ever… I went shopping. Got one. It’s bright orange so I can’t lose it!! LOL

Here’s how my workout went:

Did a 2 song warmup, a nice easy pace, not too hard, not too soft. Then I started to push it… the ramp went up, and my intensity went up, and my speed went up. After 5-10 minutes of doing this, I thought "I must getting close to 90%. I’m starting to feel like I’m gonna die!" Please keep in mind that I’m inherently a lazy person and always think I’m working harder than I really am. The whole PRE doesn’t work on me!! I’m always at a 10!! LOL   So, I looked down and found that I was only at 82%! I thought, "Holy crap! I’ve gotta go harder than this?! This sucks!" So I pushed myself up to 92% and kept it there for almost 10 minutes. Then I switched over to the stairclimber and kept it at 92% for about 15 minutes. Funny thing was, the longer I kept it that high, the easier it became and the better I felt. I think I could get used to working at this level!

So, I continue to lose inches, but not pounds… I’ve held between 148-150 for quite some time now. I’ve cut and changed my diet to see if it makes a difference…it doesn’t. I am beginning to think that I won’t drop any farther. And that’s perfectly fine with me! I just kinda wanted to know if anyone else out there weighed this much and was a size 6. The last time I was a 6, I weighed 142, but again, I wasn’t nearly as strong and didn’t do any lifting at all. Any comments would be appreciated! Thank you!!