Coming out of the semi-darkness…
I want to start over again tommorow. I realize that I am still grieving for my cat who died three weeks ago but I don’t want to lose the connection I have made to myself over the last year. He just died so suddenly! He didn’t even seem sick the week before he died! He went downhill so fast that I didn’t even have time to process what was happening. I found myself going back to bed and staying there for hours during the day during the past week and a half. The week before I went crazy buying all kinds of things for the house and scrubbing every inch of every surface to block myself from feeling bad and missing him. This last week was a week of tears and realizing that I will never see him again. My exercise routine has not been a priority and it is starting to show.
I will start again fresh tommorow with the routine and I want to track my diet for two weeks again. I hope to get a sneak peak at my lab results tommorow so I can get an idea if I am still making too much cortisol. I’m praying that I don’t have cushings because even though that will give me a great big excuse for why I cant seem to go lower then my current weight, it will mean that I am at much more risk healthwise. I am hoping that I am just insulin resistant. I have started reading The Insulin-Resistance Diet book and I am going to apply those principles for the next two weeks and see how I do.
I made a change in my hair color today. I dyed my hair black cherry color which really makes my eyes stand out. I needed a boost! So far I like the new color…makes my eyes stand out more. I’ll take a picture when it oxidizes a bit and I feel like making my face up. Today was the first day since Elvis died that I actually wore real clothing and not sloppy looking sweats and a t-shirt. I also put a touch of makeup on and styled my hair instead of pulling it back into a ponytail.
September 9, 2008 at 3:02 pm
One step at a time