Milujute’s BodyBlog

My Goals this time around…

I worked out, hard, for over a year and really my body didn’t change, well it did a little, as you can see from my progress pictures, but not bunches.  I became very unmotivated after 14 months (Xmas time 2008) my gym time went down to 3-4 times a week.  Weight training all but died.  I tried to rekindle that spark a few times, but failed totally and I’ve been having more than 3 cheats a week on a regular basis (3 cheats are my recommended limit from my Dietician) and skipping breakfast!  The lack of motivation was also helped along by a severe iron deficiency which peaked around the same time & for the last few months because I was going through alot of tests to find out what, if anything, was wrong. The net effect was me, feeling bloaty and yucky and tired ALL the time (The Iron deficiency does the tired part) and I gained 10 lbs.  But now, I don’t know if its because spring is finally here, or because my energy is back up due to iron supplements, but my motivation is totally back to where it was!  And I can finally hear my body being angry at me because it craves more than 30 mins on the tredmill a few times a week. 

I Created a new workout program for the next 12 weeks. Drafted up a new tracking book and drafted up a new nutrition plan (that fits with what my dietician recommended.)

My goal is to feel energetic and not loose faith because I’m not losing inches as quickly or as much as I want to.

I eventually want to fit into a bikini, without this saggy yucky thing hanging there.  Growing up I was skinny…then when I was quite young, I got pregnant with my long lost daughter and they had to do an emergency c-section, cutting across my lower abs and it created this hangie flabby gross thing that I’ve had on my belly ever since!  and I’ve always hated it!  The BF/Hubbys I’ve had over the years never seem to notice, so I try not to, but for me, I don’t like it…I want it to go…and it never has.  I once lost 50 lbs and went to a size 10/12…but I think my error there was no weights or exercise to go with it…my ex husband insulted my efforts that time, said he didn’t think I lost anything, so I cried, gave up and gained it all back…and have never been able to get back there again no matter how hard I’ve tried.  Anyway I hear to get rid of it that I have to get my bodyfat to like 15% or lower…well it’s something to shoot for. 

If I had a dream, it would be to be on a fitness magazine cover!  Why?  I don’t know, because it would be freaky and fun to see yourself on a mag cover at the grocery store.  Can you do that at 45/46?  Probably to old.  I think it’ll take me like 4 or 5 years to get there!  So that’ll be a long term goal!  LOL  To bad the story wouldn’t be interesting enough to get me on a cover…LOL can you picture it?  "Woman takes 5 years to go from 239 lbs to hard body … How she did it inside!"  Yea, I don’t think it would sell many magazines in our ‘want it now’ kinda world!  teehee

I was watching Tyra the other day and she had the ‘accept me for my size’ type of show…which is fine, I totally agree.  They had a big girl with a jerky boyfriend who taunts her on her weight and he shouldn’t…they also had this tiny tiny thing…she was like 87 lbs & her friends taunt her because she’s ‘just bones’ and she can’t gain weight…And the show’s right, you should accept people for what they are and no one should ever be able to be rude to someone because of their weight. 

Now for my issue.

Everytime they have a big girl/boy on a show, talk or otherwise, they eat so much food it’s stupid…insinuating that everyone who is overweight is fat because they have 6 double cheese burgers and 5 fries for lunch…then pig out for supper and breakfast and snacks and eat 6500 calories a day!!!  The girl they had on here, bragged to the camera how she’ll order a fast food meal, then eat half the fries then go back tell them its cold so she gets more fries for free…then went on to eat a ton more…I can’t remember what she had for supper, but it was deep fried in greese and almost made me vomit…gag. 

MY POINT IS that not everyone who is overweight eats constantly and ludicrus amounts of junk food!  for example; my Mom, when she was a size 24, didn’t eat right, well she still doesn’t! but she’d eat like a bowl of sugery cereal for breakfast and one again for lunch…then maybe a sandwich for supper…if she did go to the mall, she’d order a burger meal thing, then maybe eat half the burger and half the fries & drink the pop.  My workout partner, eats ok and is hungry, unlike me, but she’ll show up at they gym racked with guilt because she went to McDonalds for lunch…I’ve seen her lunch, she has a Jr. cheeseburger, and only eats maybe 3/4 of her fries…NOT a big pig out like they have on these talk shows!!!!!  It pisses me off….Why don’t they show normal people on these shows?  ones who maybe go have the jr. cheesburger for lunch everyday, etc. and give them advice on how to live healthier?  How does featuring people who have 6 burgers and 3 fries for lunch help the rest of the world?  We kinda know what their issue is.  Food. 

Other people have reasons their bodies hold on to the weight, like maybe that happy meal puts someone like 100 calories over what their body needs and that adds up overtime…or emotional issues, yes that can greatly effect it, your mind doesn’t believe and doesn’t let it go or maybe I don’t know…whatever.  But you get my point…most people, at least that I know, who are chunky or more, DO NOT eat 6000 calories a day!!!!

I’m sure I’m not normal…so not people like me…but normal people like my Mom and my friend.  OH, my Mom did loose all her weight over like 3 months a couple of years ago while on hydroxycut, unfortunately she didn’t workout…so she has flabby skin, and her lean mass is really, really, low, which sucks, so NEVER, EVER do that!!!! 

OK…done ranting…

We tried a buns, abs and thighs class on Sun and I erroniously thought because it would be leg day anyway, so why not.  I figured I would do the class then do my shoulders afterwards…so that’s what I did.  Don’t get me wrong, it hurt..but my lower back is killing me, you know that lovely crunch then you can’t move.  I think I overworked it during back day.  And neither my legs, abs or butt hurt…except my knees, which isn’t a good thing….so I’m not sure what I’m going to do for lifting days…have to think about it.   Chris wants to do the Sat class every week, which isn’t a bad thing, I just think it’ll be over and above everything else…a just for fun thing.  For the program…I love the burn the sets give off.  

I don’t know what days my partner wants to go to the gym.  Right now we’re going mon, tues & thurs…but once the tats heal, mon will be aquasizes…maybe I’ll go sunday by myself, she doesn’t want to go Fridays or it seems Sunday…Monday aquasizes, Wed Wallyball and Sat that buns class… Sunday by myself will be the only way to get my lifting in.  <sigh>  My workout partner is wanting to concentrate more on aerobics than lifting because, like me, she’s not seeing the fat leave.  And they say aerobics will do that.  and the personal trainer at the gym told her to because she asked.  BUT, I don’t want to lose my lean, I worked hard for it.  I still fell like if I stop focusing on my dress size, it’ll happen…kinda like everything else in my life.  I get what I want, just never the way I expect it to happen, or if you do the ‘goal/map thing’ that never works…it’s when I stop trying so hard it happens.  Not sure what that’s about!  LOL  Is anyone else like that? 

I hate going to the gym by myself, I don’t lift as hard…I’m more concious about making noises during my last couple of sets.  Like I said…I’ll have to think about this and what to do.  If Ron was in town, I’d drag him with me on Sun…but he’s not. 

I finally manged to start the new program…and they’re right, changing things has totally hurt, big time!!!  I can barely lift my arms!  everything was shaky in the gym to the point where I went to scoot down on the mat to do the abs, my arm almost colapsed out from under me!  Woot, I’m excited…it’s been a long time since I’ve felt my body ache and my muscles jiggle, even with adding tons of weight. 

Belly Dancers…all of them.  I know, I do belly as well, but no where near the ability of the professionals! , and believe me, you haven’t worked aerobicly until you’ve shimmy’ed for 5 minutes!!!  Ack… sweat!   They come in all shapes and sizes…most of the worlds renouned are larger, but that might have more to do with the tastes of Arabic men!  lol  Yes, this is more about me trying to switch my thought and goal paradym to focus on ability and not on the measuring tape… 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdbeTDbTfD8

My Focus is Health and Strength and letting my body be what it will be…perfect in gods eyes. 

I’ll be doing the 12 week video trainer as a change to try and get off this plateau, it can’t hurt right?    Plus I’ll be doing the running training seperately plus my extra curricular activities like aquasizes and wallyball…don’t think those things should matter in regards to the training…the only thing that sucks is that the video trainer starts on Monday for three days a week, and my weight days are Sun, Tue, Thurs!  I have a buddy, so no, I can’t change that.  Hmmmm have to think about this some more maybe.  Anyway, I did learn how to use my accu-measure caliper thingies…had no idea before and I’ve had the things for like 8 years!!!  So I’m 36.3% bodyfat.  Woot, I’m excited.

I haven’t been on here in months…so sorry.  I have actually made very little progress and posting…well…no changes here was getting kinda boring!!!  Yes, I still workout 6 days a week 3/3, yes I’m much better at my eating…my tummy gets angry if I go more than three hourse without food!  Still having problems getting my waters in…and still weigh and look the same.  That part’s kinda very frustrating.  I broke 230 and haven’t budged an inch or lb despite changing workouts and increasing cardio.  <sigh>  I hear it’ll all come together one day.  On the good side…it’s not a bad thing. 

I know, I know…if it’s worth having its worth working for, which is what I tell myself everytime I want to just stop going to the gym.  It’s disconcerting, I mean, my friend went on this hormone thing and dropped from a 16 down to a size 10 in like two months.  Makes me jealous.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s a healthy way to lose weight and I’d rather go slow and permanent than quick and maybe mess with the body chemestry…but still…I’ve been doing it slow for 15 months now and it feels like nothing has changed.  I don’t even want to be that skinny, I just want to be a 12/14 (8/10 US) and average…I’d like to be firm enough to wear a two piece without blinding anyone!!! lol

Eric and I are still together, although sometimes I just want to throw him into a snowbank.  Some things have to change there and quickly…lifes to short. 

My puppy is still my world and I’ve taken on a part time job in the mornings to help a friend out…the real estate market is slow, so that’s ok.  and my new goals from my dietician are to try a new exercise once a week and a new recipe once a week!  really have to get on those!        Ok…I’ll try to be better at my blogging and try to come up with a new goal. Perhaps next January do the bikini vacation thing.  LOL  it certianly isn’t going to be this year!!! and I’ll search this site and try to find a completely new workout routine (we’ve been doing the same thing since the beginning…maybe that’s why I can’t get off this plateau. hmmmmm) 

ciao for now boys and girls! 

Ever feel like you’re just bolting around, running into walls..bouncing off those walls and hitting another one, over and over again?  Well, that’s kinda where I am now.  Yikes.  I wish I could be inspired…my inspiration died and now I feel trapped and unable to break free.  sigh. 

Anyway, workout was excellent…food was good, managed to eat every three hours and didn’t quite get all my water in, but I’m trying to get that back to normal. 

Emotionally…good, went to the craft store and bought a ginoramous pulled canvas, I’m excited!  get to work out my feelings of lost direction there…hopefully it’ll look ok because at that price I need to hang it in the living room!!!  praticed my hennas…starting to look very good!  I’m excited.  Oh and one of the girls at the volunteer on Saturday does henna and they have a pratice group every month!  I’m excited…get to pratice.    woohoo! 

I know…it’s a little early for todays blog, but I don’t want to get behind again!  Three months down since I got the dietician…I’ve lost 12 lbs and 24.75 inches.  Excellent I know.  and I should feel prouder and I’m glad today was measure day because I think I’ve been faltering because I’m loosing faith that I’ll actually lose anything!  But I have been…slowly but surely…it just doesn’t feel like it!  lol…guess those freaking adds where people use the miraclous pills and lose 6 dress sizes in 3 monts are starting to get to me.  I mean, really, that’s 2" / week and 1lb net/week!  I really have to buck up and get to eating every three hours, it’s so hard to do!!!  Really hard to do!!!  yikes… I just can’t believe how hard it is!

My next goal set will be very strict.  I really want to wear my pumpkin costume, but I think I have to lose 2" min off my waist and hips and at least an inch of my bust before it fits OK.  if I suck it up, it should be good.  Must have goal…must have focus. Perhaps it’ll get me out of this frump! 

Emotionally:  well, not sure how my day is going to go emotionally.  I’m sitting inside on a day when I should be out painting the fence…should get on that.  I’m excited because the long lost daughters audition for Victoria Idol is, like, right now!  Aaaaaa…hope she breaks legs and knocks things dead and all that stuff.   and I think I’ll feel better the more I work on my gains and losses in the last three months and make a new book/plan for the next 6 weeks!  and take and review my progress pics. 

Yesterday ( I must be losing faith…this seems to becoming a pattern!  forgetting to blog or being to tired to blog before bed! ack)  Anyway, yesterday was wonderful.  Volunteered at the homeshow in the aft/evening and then went to the mind, body, spirit expo aftwards with my mom…we didn’t get home until 10:30 and I was exhausted!  Sparky was so excited he actually head butted me in the lips when I picked him up!  lol..yes, my little poodle/shitzu cross gave me a fat lip!  it’s much better now…only a cut. 

Emotionally, excellent, it was great helping out and meeting new people and other REALTORs…and the Mind, Body, blah blha show was good too…except for this white girl SELLING the sweet grass to the other white girls…

For those who don’t understand what I mean: you go to these shows and you always find a racially displaced person who is trying to act like that race but has never even hung out with a person of that race.  In this case a white, hippiesque woman, who attempts to act native.  But, because of her actions (selling sweetgrass) its clear that she has never bothered to establish a relationship with a native person that was strong enough for them to be taught spiritual stuff… or at the very least took a class in such things.  So the poor shoppers talk to this person, presuming she knows her stuff and make mistakes such as buying the sweetgrass.  Also for those who don’t know, you are never to buy sweetgrass, it must be given to you or traded and never for money.  It actually pisses me off big time when I see ppl selling things that are fobidden to be sold and I highly doubt if I said, I’d trade you this amythist for it, they would be swift enough to do so.  bah…another of my little pet peeves.  So it really upsets me when someone doesn’t even try to respect the culture, whatever it may be, and is trying to pretend that they are in order to exploit it for their own gain.  Know what I mean Jelly Bean?

I know what some of you may be thinking if you noticed my tattoo…how arabic tattoo’d could be disrespecting the Muslim culture.  I have several Islamic friends and I cleared it with them before having it done just to make sure I wasn’t insulting anything.  and I’m not.  If this woman had asked a Native person if it’s OK to sell sweetgrass…they would have said NO! bah…done ranting now.