Milujute’s BodyBlog

Getting much better!  Actually feel human today…woohoo.  I didn’t workout because I’m afraid of backsliding back into sickieness…so tomorrow, I’ll hop back on track!  Aerobics day…woohoo!  Food, had Kiwi’s (for their vit C) this morning and chicken breast with Brown rice and peppers and mushrooms and pineapple caserole…mmmmm very tropical for supper.  lots of water, etc. 

Emotionally:  not so sick and not as tired…I’ve been awake for 10 hours straight and even felt perky enough to meet a client tonight!  Funny things are also happening…you remember my penpal who I started dating? & then I found out his pic was actually a Bollywood actor/model and not him.  Which doesn’t make any sense because he really is very cute in his own right…I think even cuter than the pic he had up.  But I have a problem with liars, especially that blatant…(he even said the pic was 10 years old instead of fessing up and laughing it off, which is what I’m sure we would have done…it just makes me wonder what else he’s lied about, i.e.: married?)  Anyway, I’ve never seen this actor before all of this, and now I’m seeing him everywhere!  Very odd…I wonder what the universe is trying to tell me…give him another chance or reminding me not to because of his deception…sigh…

Still sick, feeling better and at least I’m eating!   So not too much to report in my little blog. 

I’ve decided to try Bethany’s running program, on top of everything else.  It’s a three day a week program so I figured I’d do it in the mornings on aerobic days.  Normal aerobics aren’t until the evening when my partner gets off work.  I think it’ll be interesting to say the least!  What’s the worst that can happen?  It’ll be good for my heart and endurance! 

Emotionally:  sleepy and sick and tired and uneventful…and spent my waking hours looking out the window wishing I could be outside mowing the lawn in the wonderful weather!!! 

Today I’m sicker than yesterday…yikes, my throat is killing me and we added a lovely cough to it late last night!  The only thing I’ll be eating today is medicine and kiwi’s and oj and soup and garlic.  The only exercise I’ll be getting is pulling my large fleece blankie over me and sleeping.  So, I won’t be weighing in today.  I do that at the gym, and I’m pretty sure they don’t want to see me there right now!  I won’t be taking my picture either, too tired to lug everything downstairs…bah!  Should have done it yesterday when I had all the camera equipment out for a photoshoot and delusions of winning the battle with this cold!  Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. 

Emotionally…feeling down, and sick and tired…but at least I’m keeping up the blog!  woohoo! 

Take care everyone!

Three weeks down already!  Whew!  I am soooo glad today is a non-workout day because my throat is killing me…so basically I’ve spent the day, sick at home. 

Emotionally: sick…:(  that’s about it! 

Wow, what a long day…my friend came over to help organize my house and wow, the woman’s a god.   That was all I did today, rearrange everything!  and I love it!  Think I might paint the walls soon (my upstairs walls are all white because I can’t decide what colour to paint them, I’m thinking red in the living room!) 

Working out…we missed the scheduled workout…but 7 hours of rearranging everything in the house has us both exhausted…I’ll sleep well tonight!  Food wise…I only ate twice, breakfast, then when we stopped at 8:00, we had pizza.  I made all my waters, which is good, because I don’t want to go back to bathroom breaks every 5 minutes!  lol

Emotionally.  Really, really upset with my penpal…he’s history, a complete and total liar!  I found his pic, totally by chance, on facebook (In a Barbie forum, no less.)  Same face, hair, even shirt, just a different pose, and a completely different name, like not even close different!  Yikes, makes me wonder what else he lied about…oh well, better sooner than later.  <shakes head>  I don’t understand why people need to lie about who they are!  Other than that, I actually didn’t emot. much of anything…due to the lovely day of mindless manual labour.   

OH!  and my dietician suggested I try training for a 10k…could be fun…

Today was a great day…doubled up the workouts to make up for missing yesterday.  Great on the water and I still managed to have breakfast.  Bethany, the dietician, got ahold of me for another ‘detail of eating’ review meeting thing…don’t love them, but, I do love the feedback.  She’s also great with suggesting alternatives for things…like I thought I had to have a big salad everyday, she say’s NO!  just have a variety of veggies everyday…grilled…saute’d, baked, whatever…don’t just have one kind or you’ll get bored.  I love that girl…she focus’ on reality and trying to change the core habits instead of saying ‘eat this’. Also she gives information for the logic of certain choices, etc.

Emotionally…kinda up and down, my throat’s scratchy so I hope I’m not getting a cold!!!  and I’m wondering where my wayward MSN pal is…hmmm…about two seconds from giving up on that one!  lol  Had a wonderful chat with Tenille again, she decided to come out halloween 09 and we’ll do wonder women, different eras, along with my baby sis…hehehe 

Take care!

Nothing really to report today, but I promised myself I’d blog everyday, so I am!  I did absolutely nothing….was kinda hung over.  Fortunately I went out last night with my workout partner…she called today and suggested we double up tomorrow afternoon.  Woohoo!  So happy, I don’t have to make-up workout by myself. 

So today was basically a writeoff.

Emotionally:  Started off the day late, my tooth hurts…Danced alot last night, had lots of fun.  Was silly last night and gave a little kiss to a really cute geeky kinda guy…had the long curly blond hair, big blue eyes, glasses, nice body and full lips…it was the lips that got me, I couldn’t help myself.  He said he thought I was the 4th most attractive woman in the world that he’s ever seen including pictures and moviestars!  lol  Sooo cute…never heard that one before.  Didn’t have a pen, so I didn’t get his digits.  Oh well…such is life…but the flirt still felt good this morning.  I used to like flirting alot, now I usually run, quickly…too jaded I suppose.  I have to get over it otherwise I’ll never find someone to love.  My pen pal…I haven’t heard from since we met last Thursday, so I’m thinking that’s a writeoff…his own fault really…you shouldn’t meet someone for the first time when they’re sick!  lol  too funny.  Talked to my long lost daughter, Tenille, today…poor thing is sicker today than she was yesterday.  I wish I could give her a suggestion to make her feel better…apparently there isn’t anything anyone can do for mono except ride it out…yikes. 

That’s about it! 

take care…

I’m happy I made workout today, my partner has to get her office in line and will be working late and missing today.  but I feel much better than I would have if I had missed!

Food, well, not so good today, I ate breakfast…had a small lunch and had all my waters so far…for supper, I don’t know what I’ll eat, but I’m sure it’ll be yummy and bbq’d!

Right now, I’m dying my hair for the 4th time in 6 weeks…trying to fix the blonde roots…  6 weeks ago, I tried to go red…ended up with this gothy black mess…then in TO, my sister gave me her red dye…which turned out better, kinda a brownie red…which I liked, them my mom, blonde, was redying her hair and had some leftovers and was like…hey, why don’t you throw some blonde streaks into it…it didn’t work…I ended up with blonde roots!  lol  so now, a week later, I trying plain old dark brown…hopefully my hiar doesn’t fall out!  AND I forgot I didn’t shower after Aquasizes last night until I was half done!  So I’m hoping I’m not bald nor have green hair!  I’ll find out in 10 minutes!  lol  …good thing I have a really cute hat! 

Today was a great day!  Sunny and nice out…had a lovely chat with the long lost daughter on msn…poor thing is really sick.  I can see I’m starting to change my mindset towards food.  I started with spinich and then thought of what I was going to do with it!  woohoo!  Progress…babystepping my way to great nutrition. 

Workout, it was Aquasize night tonight…had lots of fun, as always!  Tomorrow, my neighbour and I are going out dancing…it’s her last day in town before her vacation, so we decided to skip because otherwise she won’t have time to eat, get ready, etc…I think I might go do my weights tomororw afternoon while she’s at work anyway because, I really, really don’t want to miss my ab workout. 

Emotionally:  I was in a good mood…still very tired mind you, but otherwise, happy and not stressed!   

 I confess that I have several fears for losing the weight…

The first one is how big will I be?  Now I want to maintain my current lean muscle mass, if not build on it.  So last time I was assessed, back in Oct07, I was 237lbs and 40.0% fat…so that makes me start out with about 140lbs of lean mass…which I want to keep and improve.  We did weights & cardio right out the door.  I see from reading various articles that they suggest you do solid cardio and light weights to get your fat and lean mass down before starting lifting.  I’m pretty sure my BF has gone down, because even at 238lbs now, I’m still down 15 inches from when I started…I know, I need to get assessed again, and I will.  I want to lose 62 more lbs of fat by my goal date, which will put me at 175 lbs, if I’m only at 145 lbs lean and don’t gain anymore, I’ll be at 18% BF…which is good.  My fear was that I would be built like a trucker!  I was only able to find examples of big girls losing weight and doing the aerobics things first…so they’d start at 250 and end up at 125.  And that isn’t going to be me.  So I searched on the BodySpace and found several women who are fit & look amazing and are 160lbs and over …to prove to myself that I can end up looking like I want to and maintain my lean mass. 

The second, will I have tons of loose flabby skin?  I hate the concept of surgery to alter things…not because its a bad thing, but because I hate going under!  When I wake up it feels like I died.  In other words, nothing, no concept of time passed, no tweaks of reality, nothing…dead.   Which is why I take such awesome care of my skin!  lol  Even the concept of Botox scares me!  So I’ve been reading everything I can get my hands on…and it looks like that should be OK too…which is why I don’t want to lose more than 1% of my bodyweight a week.  As I understand it, as long as I keep up the weights and keep attacking the fat, the saggy skin thing won’t happen or will go away…I’m keeping it slow just to make sure. My fears are for my arms, my legs, my back, my butt.  I already have a hideous gut…apron and all, from when I was pregnant at 18.  I had an emergency c-section and the skin and fat and abdomen have never been the same, it all just hangs.  Ironic because abdominal strength used to be my strongest point growing up!  But, I understand that I need to get below 10% bf for this to go away on its own and I’m OK with that. 

The third is wrinkling on my face…I know, that sounds like a weird fear, it’s related to the loose flabby skin fear.  I’m afraid that if I lose to much fat, that it’ll effect the collagen production in my body and I’ll wrinkle up.  I know that this is solved by diet…which is a good thing to know, especially for someone as obsessed about their skin as I am.  lol  I also clench my lower jaw/neck when I exhale…an exercise to guard against a saggy chin.   

Another fear I have is dating someone who isn’t active.  I’m afraid that they’ll pull be back into old habits.  This fear comes from high school, when I was 17, I had 36/24/35 measurements and then I started dating my high school sweetheart.  He thought I was too skinny and started bullying me into eating because he was worried I was going to become anorexic.  Don’t get me wrong, I ate…and I ate like a teenager!  Lots of food, when I was hungry, which was often, lots of milk, etc..  I had just gotten out of a stressful relationship and dropped to 120lbs from 135, (38/27/37) ahh, the good old days when stress was all I needed to loose weight!  lol  Anyway, we’d go out for dinner, I’d have a burger and fries…typical teenage food…then he’d order me a large Sunday and wouldn’t let me leave until I ate it, he’d actually say, I’m not driving you home until you eat that!  One day, after a few months, I said “are you trying to fatten me up?”,  “Yes.” he replied. “You’re to skinny.”  I went up to 140lbs before we broke up…don’t ge tme wrong, I was still hot, even went as Appleonia for halloween, with the little black corset that I still have…lol, I look at it now and think, holy crap, I used to fit into this thing?  BUT, I’m absolutely terrified of meeting someone like that again…someone who’s will unintentionally and subtly sabotage me… I think I’ll just have to make sure I’m on my guard and no matter how far into the relationship I am, I’ll have to kick him to the curb if he starts into it.    

One I used to have was that I would be back to the status of “arm-candy”  It happened all the time, before I gained the weight.  After I was pregnant and still chunky, I confess that I liked that people paid attention to what I was saying and who I was and it was no longer about how pretty I was or how jealous their friends would be when they walked into a room with me.  But now I’m 40, so I’m over that fear.  But it was a real concern and it was a reason I kept the chunk.   Sounds silly, I know.