Mikiko’s BodyBlog

It’s been a few months since I’ve started being single again.  It’s been really hard, because I haven’t really been single since my mid-teens.  I’ve been involved in what seems like one long relationship after another, back-to-back.  Each time, I thought I found someone who possessed qualities that the last was lacking.  What I never did was give myself the opportunity to really be comfortable with myself.  It’s been really hard these past few months with many sleepless and tearful nights.  What I realize what I am afraid of most is being alone, and how uncomfortable I am with myself.  What I realize what I must do now to regain some of my sanity back is to find my bearings and learn to love myself again, and to truly be comfortable in my own skin without feeling compelled to answer to someone or be told what to do.  I am learning to make decisions on my own and about my own life, without having any regard or input from anyone else.  Sometimes I feel so desperately alone that I want to curl into a ball and cry and cry, yet I don’t want to see or go out with any of my friends.  Other times I feel free as a bird, ready to take on the world.  Most of the time I feel helpless and without direction.  The best I can do right now is to occupy myself with pending projects, and tackle each one to completion.  Each completed project is usually another weekend, and another weekend spent is another passage of time.  Since time heals all wounds, I am hoping each day will be a little easier to live.

OK, I slipped last week.  Friday I was too sore from running the entire week and took a day off…the vacation extended to Sunday.  I had 2 doughnuts and 2 pasteries on Friday, along with a smorgusborg of other treats…food was not good that day!  Saturday was about the same with my day starting off with 2 egg McMuffins and finishing with a bottle of wine, hamburger and fries.  For breakfast on Sunday I had a box of Nilla Wafer cookies and ended the day with another case of assorted tea cookies.

Starting today I have to switch out my workout routine since I need to take my daughter to summer school in the mornings, so no more early runs.  I ran my 4 miles at lunch, and it was very nice and hot outside!  It still felt good to be in the sunshine and fresh air, and I’m hoping to squeeze a workout session before I join the afternooon traffic.  In the afternoon, I completed a circut whole body workout.

My meals for today:

8am - 4 egg whites and 1/2 c oatmeal, 1 c fresh fruit (papaya, canteloupe, honeydew)

11am - apple

1:30pm - 4oz chicken, medium salad and 2 Tbs quinoa

8:00pm - 4oz chicken, small salad, 1c steamed cauliflower and 4oz yams

We’ll see how the rest of the day goes.  No supplements today, including vitamins or thermogenics.

Just a moment of silence.  My thoughts and prayers go to her family and friends.

I usually find it easier to stick to a plan if I have a goal.

Right now, I would love to lose some of this post-show water and fat, adn get back down to the 126-lb range.  My target date will be the USA’s in Vegas…I won’t be competing, just watching, but who wants to go to Vegas looking like a cow???  I have 8 weeks to get my game on…I know I can do it!!!

Yesterday was almost a wash…i managed 45 minutes of cardio in the morning, but didn’t get any other workouts / cardio for the rest of the day.  For breakfast, I had 4 egg whites and a 1/2 cup of grits.  I’ll need to remember to have some fruit for breakfast, because by the time I was ready to drive to work, I was hungry again and ate 1/2 cup of BareNaked Fruit n’ Nut Granola in the car.  I ended up finishing the bag the rest of the day…that’s about 1540 calories!!!  For lunch I had a small salad (romaine lettuce, tomato, and fat-free ranch dressing) with 4oz of chicken.  For dinner I had 1/2 box Carr’s water crackers, 1/2 carton spreadable cheese, and 4oz grilled chicken breast with 3/4 bottle of Smoking Loon Merlot.  I had a rough day and needed some soul smoothing.

Today I am back on track…I got up at 5am, and was at work and ran on the 4-mile trail out back in 45 minutes, then did some abs.

Meals / Supplements:

Breakfast: 1/2 cup oatmeal, 3 scrambled eggs (whole) and 1 1/2 cups diced fruit (grapes, papaya, canteloupe, honeydew melon, strawberries).  1 Venom pill

Mid-morning snack: 3 scrambled eggs (whole) and 1/2 cup diced fruit (see above).  I forgot my bottle of Venom so I took 2 "Thermo Fire" (Prolab)

Lunch: 4oz chicken, 4oz yams, 1/2 small salad (no appetite =( ) 

Workout: Squats: 20 @ 45lbs, 10 @ 115lbs, 8 @ 135lbs,  8 @ 115lbs, 15 @ 45lbs; Split-leg squats: 15 @ 30lbs, 15 @ BW, 15 @ BW; Sumo squats: 15 @ 15lbs X 3; Single-leg wall squats (BW): 15-12-12; Walking lunges: 10 (each leg) @ BW X 4

My clothes are finally starting to fit, and my face isn’t as puffy.  I am still waiting for the x-ray results on my ankle to see if I have a chipped bone or not.  I hope it heals soon!

On a positive note, 24-hour Fitness had a "Family Special" sale this weekend, so I was able to add my brother on to my gym membership for only $12/ month forever.  YAY! :)  I want to help him lose weight, put on some muscle, and feel good about himself!  Anyone have any advice to get him unhooked from World of Warcraft?

After about a month’s hiatus, I am struggling with my weight…I have gained a ton of fat and water from not eating / training properly and lack of cardio.  I am setting my issues aside and will regain focus on cleansing my mind and body.  This entry starts the record of my new progress journal for going from fluffy to in-shape.

 This morning I went for a 4-mile run.

 Nutrition / supplements / water:

Breakfast: 4 egg whites, 1/2 cup of oatmeal and 3oz of raisins for breakfast, one capsule of Venom (thermogenic)

Mid-morning snack: 1 scoop of whey / 1 capsule of Venom

Lunch: 4oz chicken with 4oz yams and medium salad for lunch

Dinner: 4oz chicken with medium salad (romaine lettuce and med tomato)

Water: 2 quarts

Training / cardio:

Ran 4 miles outside this morning

Training (chest/arms): Incline db press: 15/15lbs, 6/55lbs, 8/50lbs, 7/50lbs, 15/15lbs; Incline db flyes: 15/15lbs, 8/35lbs, 10/30 lbs, 10/30 lbs, 18/15lbs; Cable flyes: 15/30, 15/30, 15/30; Pec-dec: 10/60, 10/60, 10/60; Freeweight dips: 8-8-8; DB hammer curls: 10/25, 6/30, 10/25; EZ-bar cable curls: 15/30, 10/50, 10/50