Born of Divine Blood

So i’m kinda half watching the pickup artist at the moment….and it quite frankly makes part of me sick.

Earlier there was a scene from a club or whatever…and just the whole thing felt sooooo fake. Like everyone there wasn’t being true to themselves. Keep in mind i truly have never been to a club or whatever and haven’t been to a bar really either. And this show shows me why, because it’s simply not me. It’s fake. It’s not genuine, and i’m all about genuine.

They’re currently literally talking about seduction. Why in the hell would i want to seduce someone? so lets analyze this….

1     : to persuade to disobedience or disloyalty         

2     : to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises         

3     : to carry out the physical seduction of : entice to sexual intercourse         

4     : attract

these are the definitions of "seduce" as given by webster. So essentially all of the definitions besides attract to me have a very negativie connotation. not sure about 3 since they use the word in the def. but whatever.

bottom line to me is that the entire scene is something i never want any part of…..and i don’t see why i should be punished for it by being alone. Just because i don’t want to seduce a half drunk girl and take my pleasure from her doesn’t mean i’m not a bad person. Just because i’m more interested in pleasuring my partner in sex and being true to myself in life i should be excluded and alone? isn’t there any other way to get girls and not be alone?

i dunno….these are my thoughts….gots to get to bed now, doing cardio in the morning lolz

So i’ve been contemplating today….about piercings, i have my one ear pierced, just the regular lobe, but i’ve been thinking about maybe some more….nothing stupid like eyebrow or anything on my face really but other stuff.

Maybe my nipples? i dunno i think it’d look kinda cool. Hell for that matter….if tongue piercings help girls with doing oral why wouldn’t they help guys? use that thing to flick a clit around and i bet it responds As you can see i’m much more interested in them in a functional erotic way rather than just to look at. And as such i’ve thought long and hard about genital piercings too lol. any number of them, many of them are said to increase feeling and pleasure so why not? most interested in a prince albert and something called a guiche. Heard a horror story about a girls bf having his prince albert rip out during sex though so that’s friggin scary. Guess maybe you’d have to take that one out for intercourse lol….not that i ever get any anyway though

So yesterday had an awesome back workout, did something i’ve never done before. I deadlifted 585 for 2 reps don’t know how but the bar came back up again. LOL paying for it this morning though, my back hurts like HELL can’t really bend over and come anywhere near touching my toes either, but that’s the price we pay, i’ll take the pain to build to muscle to win the shows to become a legend and achieve immortality. On another note i don’t know how long we’re going to last at this gym….i’m intense, and i bring it out in my brother and the gym owner isn’t too fond of us hitting each other and yelling before a set…..which happens pretty much every workout on at least one exercise, so he might be throwing us out sometime in the near future….i hope not but if he does oh well, he’s a christian nazi anyway.

Then this morning came….the turkey slaughter, we have lots of chickens and ducks and we had 6 turkeys at the beginning of the day, now however there are only 2 left….and let me tell you, it was not all that fun of an experience to watch. Luckily no one really made me do anything. Might call me a pansy or the like but i just don’t see the point in getting all bloody and having to remove guts and such when i can just go to the store and buy a turkey that’s already had all that done. Funniest part of it was dad tried to hold one of them when it’s head got chopped off (we held them all but he just held the one) and it squirted blood all over him rofl…..we wanted to take him to walmart and have him walk around the store muttering about how some guy really pissed him off rofl.

Only other thing i’m dealing with is that it seems the girl i actually asked out and went on a date on isn’t really interested now….after it feeling to me like she was VERY interested all last week. So that kind of makes me sad, she could at least just tell me instead of playing this game she seems to be playing. I hate games and will never be in a relationship where they happen. Communication, Communication, Communication….if i can communicate my wants and concerns with how anti social and lacking in self esteem i am then anyone can do it.

wrote this already once and somehow it didn’t get posted. It sure as hell better not get deleted again.

So anyone that knows me at all knows that i cannot in the least tolerate drinking, I despise it, and as such i tend to avoid people that do it. And quite simply i fail to see why anyone in their right mind would partake in such a thing.

I guess yes it’s a means of escape….but there are so many other means that aren’t literally ingesting poison as drinking is. Quite frankly i can see absolutely no positive effects of it. And so it pisses me off to no end when someone tries to actually single ME out because I’m just so much smarter than them i guess that i can see that it’s poison and bad for me and will do absolutely nothing to help me reach ANY goal, much less my bodybuilding goals.

People say live life…blah di blah di blah….living life is not being drunk to the point that you forget things and wake up in a pool of your own alcohol infested vomit the next morning. And yes i’m well aware there are people that don’t drink to excess. But then the question becomes even more pertinent, if they don’t drink to excess then why in the name of hell are they drinking at all? Yes the harmful effects are less, but they are still there and your still ingesting poison that gives you absolutely (especially in the no getting drunk case) no conceivable benefit. Gets even worse with people that drink rarely then drink like this because they know damn well that they can have fun without it because they do…and yet the still partake through some mystery. I mean can drunk morons really peer pressure people that much? I personally am not affected by peer pressure at all and never have been….I am a strong individual, I know what i stand for, and i know what i will and will not do and no one will convince me otherwise. I’ll grant that i’ve never been bribed with sex for such things though…then it may become a grey area since i am indeed very deprived in that department.

so in short don’t drink…..no one with any substance is going to think anything but less of your for poisoning your body, and i know i’m i guess preaching to the choir? kinda since we are on bodybuilding.com but i know there are still plenty of people on here that despite the high aspirations for their bodies are still pressured into it or just do it because they want to…..pffffft, if you wanna go somewhere then stop it.

So i’m at home for thanksgiving break here most of this week. Been a long time since i’ve gotten to train with my brothers so that’s fun They always push me harder than anyone else ever could. Although my younger brother Caleb has been slacking off hardcore of late. Seems that his girlfriend is stealing him away from the gym. Whether she’s doing it knowingly or not i don’t know. But i do know that it’s got to stop, he shouldn’t have gotten a gf that wasn’t into workin out. That’s why i’ve never even attempted that route, i simply will never sacrifice my body and what i’m building for anyone, and i hope out there somewhere is a girl that can see that perseverence and dedication as a positive. Even today he’s skipping out on back to go do something with his friends and/or gf. LOL at least it makes me realize that maybe i don’t even really want friends if most of them try to pull you from things you have passion around.

Did shoulders with Cody yesterday…and since i’ve been back he of course came up with another crazy set up to torch them. I literally have prolly not gotten my shoulders even remotely sore in a year or so. And I do train hard, but put me and cody together and we just continually push eachother past the insanity threshold. We did kinda backwards drop sets on lateral raises…..20 reps with the 20s, 15 reps with the 25s, and 10 reps with the 30s. and today OH MY GOD my medual delts are INTENSELY sore, it’s friggin sweeeeeet So pretty much if something wont get sore…..get crazy on it people, always works with me.

On another front….food here…yea, lets just say that i’m constantly painfully reminded of why i essentially can’t come home at all when i’m cutting. And i hate that fact but i don’t see a way around it. My parents just eat out all the damn time. They’ve not cooked for themselves or anyone else like once since i’ve been home thusfar and i’ve been home since friday. Then to boot there’s like no healthy food i can even fix up in the house. And yea i understand mom’s life doesn’t revolve around me and my needs, but you would think she’d want to see me bad enough and put together that maybe if she wants me to be able to come home after january that she has to accomodate somehow. I have great will power when i’m dieting but if the good food simply isn’t there to consume what would i do?

so…some thoughts for now. Got a little cold going on here too, started on friday, and i think i’ll be done with it after today, didn’t skip one workout though, that’s the way to do it i think, burns the sickness right out of ya also i’m missing the girl that i have been talking to at home of late, don’t know what will happen with her but i’m still optimistic…..we shall see.

So did legz today…..pretty good workout, a little rushed and i didn’t get to calves but i’ve been trying to cut calves back from 3 days a week to 2 anyway and today would have been the third day for them this week so no biggie. On squat i worked up to 315 x 12, 405 x 8, 455 x 3 (never done that weight without a spotter before ) then 315 x 12 again….leg press got up to 1230 for 10…..did sets of 40 reps on leg ext with 80, 100, 120 and 140….then some close hack squats really slow to finish quads….then my 15 sets of hamstrings

For two of my hamstring exercises i have to go in this girly room we have, it’s really just a "quiet" fitness room or something but it is annoying because the good hammy machines are in there and when i go in there these stupid little girls look at me like i’m the black plague or something….so annoying to have to go in there…but those two machines are leaps and bounds better than their similar counterparts in the main gym, since i’ve been using ‘em my hammies are getting alot sorer which i need cuz i’m definitely needing bigger hams.

So then after workout…..my dad surprised me with bbq from jack’s stack in kansas city!!!! they were coming back from california and brought me some, brought me an awesome Muscle Beach shirt too It’s been delicious….haven’t eaten it all yet but it’s damn good. Saw my brother too, kinda scared he looks alot bigger than last time i saw him….i need to get bigger!!!!

so all of that plus some other little positives throughout the day and this has been a very very good saturday considering how much i usually hate the weekends. now i just have to clean my apartment well not the bathroom, did that last week…but most of the rest of it needs cleans blahhhhhhh lol

ugh….friday again…..worst day of the week for me cept maybe sunday. I absolutely can’t stand weekends, there’s nothing to do, i don’t drink and everyone here does and i don’t like hanging out with that, it’s so against what i believe in and stand for that i just can’t take it most of the time. And then as the idiots get drunker of course they keep asking you why you’re not drinking and trying to get you too…..after one person doing that to me 3 times i’m about ready to snap on their poisoned minds.

On the plus side I did chest today and it was a pretty good workout, got an awesome pump….did 315 for 5 on my heavy set on bench…not my best work but i didn’t have anyone in there that i trust spotting…made up for it with a 225 ->135 drop set that was killer, really pumps the blood in there. Did alot of other stuff too i was pumped to bursting when i started doing abs and that’s the way i like it. Prolly glared at people alot today though….the weekend thing was weighing on me already and i’m sure i looked pissed the **** off, and i prolly was….but for me anger is a very productive tool in the gym so i don’t mind that.

so tonight….as always i’m going to be making spaghetti and watching my shows on sci-fi….all by my lonesome, i guess it’s kinda sad but i make the most of it and try to keep some iota of positivity throughout the night. then tomorrow i have legs again….gonna push it as hard as i can as usual and see what happens, then the rest of the weekend pretty much i gotta fill out two applications for personal training jobs that i pray i get cuz i wont get any other job and then clean up and do laundry and the like.

so ’twas back day today…..woke up and was 239 kinda questioning whether i am overdoing it alittle bit most of the day since i gained 1.8 pounds in a day but i’m still supremely confident that my bodyfat is still below where it was when i started cutting last year so i’m happy. Did some math on that this morning and as long as that assumption is true i’ve gained 20+ pounds of lean mass in about 8 months so i’m very happy and excited about that prospect. It’d be alot easier to gauge my bodyfat if i didn’t have gorilla hair…so over thanksgiving break i got my momma to agree to go with me to get waxed…i’m a pansy and don’t want to go alone the first time for some reason, so after that hopefully i’ll have a better idea of where the bodyfat sits. My rationale is it’s not that hard to get off and i gain better with it a little higher….and of course there are only three days in the next year where i need to look good and those are show days….other than that i don’t really give a shit because all the girls here don’t appreciate it anyway. Noticed i get blatant stares ALOT more often at the gym now from the lil sororstitutes, not very happy about it….they’re not nice stares in the least….they’re freak stares….usually i glare back until they figure out that i don’t want them looking at me.

so back day……ummm highlights 495 for 5 deads and 545 for 2……and the usual…heavy as hell on everything…pretty much if i’m doing a machine i’m using the stack. and i did a set of t-bars with 7 plates….that was sweet

I’m pretty happy, i was over 237 this morning for the first time ever……however, consequence of forcefeeding oneself is feeling pregnant all day, lol not cuz i’m fat….my tummy just bloated from eating all this, i’m getting a gh gut with no gh i fear.

did shoulders…..might have been a personal record on shoulder press….the 120s on dumbbell shoulder press for 7 pretty easy. and of course there was 39 sets of other assorted things…..almost broke a pin in the upstairs gym, wanted to do upright rows on the cables for once and hanging a 45 off the stack and using the bottom pulley doesn’t work so well…..did it but it all fell off at the end and the pin would only go halfway back in cuz it was bent lolz.

So for the last two weeks my weight simply really isn’t moving and i’m less than pleased. I’m trying to get to 250 before i have to cut for my competition(s) in july and ain’t gonna happen unless i keep moving forward. I guess i need some new nutritional strategies of sorts. I think when i go grocery shopping later i’m gonna get some…not alot but some…food that’s not quite so clean. It’s alot harder to get the amount of calories clean and maybe since i’ve been doing that i’m kinda at a point where i simply can’t eat anymore clean calories. I pretty much eat till my stomach hurts everytime i eat so i dunno what to think.