Making_A_Change’s BodyBlog

(Day 2/114) 

I slept in today and will hit the gym late tonight. After work, I have to go with the husband to the Men’s Wearhouse and find a suit. He is a pallbearer for his grandmother on Monday. He had two suits in his closet that were way too big. They were from before we got married and he was well on his way to being 300 pounds. He sits at around 220, now. But it’s not where he wants to be. I think I’ve mentioned before that he is not interested in the weights, just basket ball.

Fastforward to tonight:

I think I am coming down with something. The achiness that I felt this morning has increased, accompanied by a headache, weakness, and did I say full-body achiness? I was trying to figure out why I was sore in parts that I hadn’t worked–well this explains it. So, right now I am nursing myself with some pure OJ, I had a bit of brown rice and unagi and I am going to bed. Husband is on his own as far as getting the Little One ready for bed. I am pooped. Hopefully, I feel better tomorrow. I am taking my–I guess you could call her my mentee, to lunch tomorrow. I would like to not drag my butt there, but to be decent company. While working for an educational non-profit we developed a special bond. And I really want to be there as she enters her senior year of high school and then onto college. I would like to share my wisdom, as it were. LOL. All I can say is that I made my share of mistakes and happily share those lessons with the young’uns.

(Day 1/114)

I got to the gym a little later than I would have liked so, I did 30 minutes of cardio (pretty easy) and around 15 minutes of abs. It was nice to really concentrate on them like that. I did 3 sets of 15-20 of hanging knee raises, weighted crunches, weighted cable crunches, standing crunches (3 ways) and seated v-sits. I figure, if I continue to do that I should see some serious changes, especially at this point in my development. I went ahead and began Operation Pull-Up. I grabbed the bar with a wide grip, I kept my legs straight, and I pulled myself up about 2 inches off of the ground. I made 4 attempts. It was tiring and I could really feel my lats working. I am hoping that every week I’ll be able to get myself higher and higher until my chin is over that bar. And I don’t want to do the cheater leg pump chin up, either. Just straight up, raw dog, pull ups.

This is Day 1 of my 114 Days to Year 1 challenge. I drank alot more water yesterday, nowhere near my goal, but the trips to the bathroom were way more frequent. Today, I am going to do that much better. That is what it is about–seeing where you want to improve and making the effort to do better. Well, it is time for me to grab something to eat. I’ll probably add onto this blog later in the day.

I have to get to the gym earlier if I want to feel like I have finished my leg workout. With the PT we do so much in that hour. It is really nice to have someone count for you, rack the weights, think of the exercises, set everything up–it so…luxurious! I managed to do a plyometric warm-up, leg presses/calf raises, deadlifts/shoulder press, leg extensions, and leg curls. I really wanted to do more, but I had to go. The upside is that I will definitely be able to fit in another leg day this week. I felt strong today and that was a good feeling. Today’s lunch is so weak. I really need to cook. I left my soup (which was delicious) at work out on the counter. It had seafood in it, so when I came in this morning it smelled sort of funny. Dang! So, I have my back up salmon packets, but it is really not what I want. Oh, well. I’ll supplement with shakes and there is plenty of fruit around. Tonight, I am going to cook a bunch of curry chicken and spinach for the remainder of the week. Lately, I have just been SO hungry! Every 2 hours, and sometimes less, I have to eat something. I have been working on getting more water in me. I am thinking that I will feel that much healthier if I can just drink more. My goal for today is 1/2 a gallon.

I just counted 117 days until March 8, 2008. This would mark one year that I have made serious changes in my diet and attitude towards working out and fitness. It is sort of milestone that really shows me that I can be really disciplined, if I want something bad enough. I wonder what kind of damage I can do in 117 days. So, I am setting off on my own little personal challenge to see how I meet this special date. I just need to set up some goals–I don’t want to set up a weight goal and a body fat goal just doesn’t seem necessary at this point. Squatting a certain weight  doesn’t do it for me Maybe a full pull up? That seems pretty special and it seems like a hardcore thing to do, to me. Billy said I should try daily. Just hang from the bar and attempt to pull myself up. That’s it–I WILL DO A SINGLE PULL-UP BY MARCH 8, 2008. There, it’s written. Now, I have to do it.

Sunday, November 11 

I wanted to do cardio, but wanted to stay outside of the gym and enjoy the brisk weather. Nothing is better than the smell of concrete and earth after a good rain. So, I ran around the lake (3 miles). It felt great; it is alot easier, now, to run through fatigue and get that second wind. The goal was to just keep running, and that is what I did. When I got home I had some turkey and eggs with a sprinkle of cheese. Then, the Little One and I got ready for church. Halfway through service, I really  had to eat! So, I grabbed the protein bar that I had in my purse, went into the restroom’s waiting area and ate half of it. This can be a really crazy way of life, almost consuming–but not in an overwhelming way. When I have to eat, I have to eat. Obviously, it doesn’t matter where I am. My body gets what it needs.

It’s almost like a scene from a movie. You are in a sort of fog–a zone. Everything around you stops and there is nothing but you, the music in your ears pushing your forward, and the weights. That’s were I was this morning. I was on the cable machine busting out my last set of a combination of bicep curls/front shoulder raises. I was at that point where you are really squeezing out that last set. 15….14….13.. your muscles start to get warm..12…10…your shoulders start burining…9…8..7…start making the gas face because this is it….6…5…4..you are exhausted, your form starts to wain a bit but you fight for it….3…your eyes close…2…Now, here imagine someone doing something as disruptive as poking at your eyelids with their fingers or knocking really loudly just as you are about to go to sleep.

"You’re going to throw your back out doin’ all that".

"Thank you. I’m just on my last set." I say, even though its none of his business. I even managed a smile.

"Your weight is too heavy if you have to do all that [now, I am annoyed. But since he is an older gentlemen, I try to give him his due.] you’re doing to much. Going to throw your back out."

"Thanks". (I really didn’t mean this and tried to go back to what I was doing.)

Now, my moment is gone. I am out of my head, so to speak. So, I go to the treadmill to do my 10 minutes of cardio. I was a little annoyed. I do my best to assume good intentions. I mean, I am sure the intent of of man was to ‘help’. And there are times when people do really need help. However, I see this particular gentlemen every morning. I see him come in and leave, and I have yet to see him do anything but talk to other men. I think that is what bothered me the most. I try to push myself, past my comfort zone and he just walked all up in my zone. I do ‘all that’ because I have a goal. I have a vision in my head that I know can be a reality if I keep doing ‘all that’.

Today, was biceps and little bit of shoulders. The biceps are coming along. My forearms are sore from the chest presses with the little twist of the wrist at the end. But it all feels good. This afternoon we are going to see The Bee Movie. And I am looking forward to it. So, I am off to pack my movie food!

I worked chest and shoulders today. My shoulders are rock hard. I’ve never had that before; it is so new and really exciting. I also noticed that I am getting triceps. So, I may be just months away less jiggly arms. The scale is reading 158 pounds, now. So, I am a mere 8 pounds from my initial goal. But I have moved past that one in so many ways. Becoming dedicated to this lifestyle and appreciating the benefits outweighs that number. Wearing a size 8, when I originally couldn’t imagine myself smaller than a 10 is a reason for me to celebrate. Knowing that I am doing all of this in a healthy and, most importantly, sustainable way is a gift.

Billy was training his other client at the gym this morning. I waved and went on to do my workout. He left during my cardio and gave the the "I’m proud of you, work it girl" arm pump. I am absolutely getting my money’s worth from this man. I felt a little light-headed during the last 5 minutes of my cardio, but ran it out. Bad idea. On my way to the car I was wobbly and a little nauseous. I tried to sip on water, but it just made more saliva. I swished water around my mouth and spat it in a gutter. Then started to sip a little at a time. I had 1/2 a protein bar in the seat and began to nibble on that. I sat in the car for a few minutes until the feelings subsided and then went home. All I kept thinking was, please don’t throw up… please don’t throw up…". When I got home I felt much better and went on with my day. I usually eat just for my sessions, but I guess I am going to have to eat before working out, in general, as I am able to do more and push myself more.

I really hope that all of this chest work fills out my horrible, horrible breast-feeding milk bags. Ack. My boobs are hideous–like National Geographic boobs. Breast feeding is beautiful and there is nothing like looking at your little one nurse and knowing that you are the only one that can do what you are doing for your baby. I swear, when you are small-chested and your cha-chas fill up with milk they look so very awesome. I had never been so endowed–ever! But once you stop–ooh-wee. I had the illusion of fullness when I was heavier. But now, as I am losing more body fat, I am left with a sort of deflated-yam look. A better visual is this:

Leather canteen boobs. So, if you are thinking of breast-feeding I am sending good vibes your way that  your boobs recover to their former glory.

My school had a special ‘opening day’ event where members of the Board, the county, and the school district came to see our school. I had prepared students to be tour guides, there were digital galleries displayed, and we were expecting over 60 guests. There were people that I used to work with there who are still dear friends and potential donors. The event was being video taped and I, along with others, were taking loads of pictures. I just sat down at my computer to download the pictures and to write an article for our weekly school paper and realized that there was no time during the event that I felt self-conscious about myself. The angle didn’t matter, I didn’t pull at my clothes or worry if the picture was going to make me look fat. I looked at the few pictures that I was in, and I looked nice. Could it be the weight loss? Or could it the the confidence exuded because of the weight loss, or a combination of both? Either way, it was really nice. It reminded me of this summer when I put on that swimsuit and played with my daughter at the water park. There were alot of comments from people who hadn’t seen me in a while and who were really impressed. And I just said, I had to make a choice–put up or shut up. I had to stop telling myself what I couldn’t do and focus on what I could/should do. And everytime I did something that I thought I couldn’t do, it just made me want to do more.

I am at 159, now. Billy killed my shoulders today. All I could do was stand there and hold them like a big baby. But I have to say, I am very proud of them. Once my arms start coming along, I may have to replace all of my button down collared shirts with ‘wife-beaters’ (isn’t that the worse name for a piece of clothing?) I came into work today and got alot of comments on how slim I’m looking nowadays. Billy asked my how I was feeling and if I felt stronger. I told him absolutely! I said, "Everything is just looking so much better!" He said, "I agree. But I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want you to think that I was supposed to say that because I train you. I wanted to know if you saw it." He said he could tell that I do the work outside of our session–eating well and doing the workouts as he prescribes. He is already talking about our plan of action once I plateau–and I will, he says. In the meantime, I am going to keep working out consistently. I am going to keep the cheats to a minimum this week. It feels like Halloween just blew the doors wide open and gave me a taste for things that I was avoiding or had learned to live without. I am both sickened and drawn to the chocolates, right now and really need to detox. 

I just ordered some more protein powder–chocolate fudge and banana nut bread-YUM! I am going to satisfy the sweet tooth with those. I need to take some progress pictures soon. I usually chill during the holidays and don’t do much cooking, BUT this year is going to be different. There is some selfishness in my plan, though. First, I do want to contribute to the bounty and share some favorite dishes. But I also (and this is the selfish part) want to ensure that some of the key foods will fit into my current eating plan. That is, I don’t want to be thinking that I am going to stick with a pot of greens only to find out that it has bacon in it. I don’t want yams that have been baked in butter and marshmallows. Don’t get me wrong, these things are delicious and have alot of cultural significance and carry many family stories–however–I also enjoy the ‘new’ body that I am in and the feeling of accomplishment that comes from seeing a new muscle here or lifting a weight that is just a bit heavier than last week. So, I will probably contribute some baked chicken, greens with turkey breast, and some garlic, mashed red potatoes. And the splurge is going to be hotwater cornbread–love that stuff!! And my mother-in-law’s is the BEST. I have to keep telling myself that it is just ONE DAY! But I also have to fight the argument that IT’S JUST ONE DAY, WHAT IS ONE DAY GOING TO DO? As I have experienced before, one day can mean the difference between being bloated and feeling ‘light’, feeling strong and feeling weak, going forward and taking a step backwards. This is serving more as a reminder to myself to keep going. I just realized that this is the first time, in my adult life, that three usual New Year’s resolution of ‘losing weight’ is a non-issue. I haven’t been my current weight since 1994 or 1995. I know because I graduated from high school at 120 pounds (that is hideously skinny since I’m 5′8".) I gained a much needed Freshman 20, which put me at 140. And each year I gained about 5-10 pounds. So, every year I said I would take off the weight only to have more weight to lose the following year–what a vicious, but I am sure familiar, cycle. It is nice to finally experience cycles of success–of consistently doing things that are good for me and make me feel good. Things that support and enhance other parts of my life–personally, professionally, and mentally.

I went to see my parents this weekend and they were thoroughly impressed with the progress that I have made so far. I went home becuase my cousin has returned from Iraq for the third–and final–time. He was also proud of me, which made me feel pretty good. There are so many ailments in my family–cancer, diabetes, hypertension, high blood pressure, heart issues, the list goes on. Preventing these things from happening to me and effecting my family also keeps me pushing forward. Of course, my mom poked at me and squeezed me. I told her to get it out of her system before other family members came over. She did the same thing when I was pregnant. She’d want people to see my stomach and practically strip me. She’s a funny lady.

Today, I worked legs and it was really good. I did plyometrics for a warm-up. Then, a set of walking lunges, leg press, leg extensions, leg curls, and hack squats. The burn was great, but is certainly wasn’t the same as with Billy. I work hard, but it is cools to have that extra push. I imagine that tomorrow will be a chest day. Today, I had one of those days where I had to get to the gym. I was antsy and just had to get out of the house. I felt so much better afterwards. I also worked my biceps/triceps and did cardio this weekend. I can now do tricep dips with straight legs, butt to the floor, and staying close to the bench. I am already seing huge improvements in the backs of my arms.

My bloating has gone down a bit. My periods last so much longer since getter the IUD. They use to be three days and nothing more. Now, I am bloated for a week prior to my period (and it’s harder to control my cravings), then I have my period for another week. It is amazing what the body does. I think I need to pay attention to my diet and see if I can minimize the bloating. Maybe I need to take is less salt or carbs? Maybe my hankering for red meat does me in. I need to figure something out.

So, Halloween came in all of its chocolate and caramel glory. I was fine, until I got to my inlaws. Every year, we go there. My daughter likes to answer the door and give out candy instead of going from door to door and trick or treating. Then, my mother-in law gives her a bag of candy to take home. This year, I didn’t take the candy and I just ate one chili cheese dog. Not bad…if I had stopped. It started innocently enough with those cute mini-Snickers and then just went down hill from there. I can’t even say that each successive bite-size Snickers got better. I can’t even say that I liked it as much as my eating would have implied. We got home at around 11. I was bloated from the candy and bloated from my period, in general. This morning I had to get to the gym. I decided to do cardio followed by abs. Cardio was fine, but when I got to the mirror for abs I was mortified. My legs were bloated and dimpled. My stomach sas hanging over my shorts–making a sort of intertube.

Lately, I have been taking such pride in my new muscles–especially sweaty. But this was horrible, they were gone! I do partake in the occasional piece of chocolate or ice cream and can typically stop before it gets to far out of hand. But the effects of last night’s chow-down was ridiculous. It won’t undo all of the work I’ve done. But it will take about 48 hours to get back to ‘normal’. t was like a part of my brain that had been dormant was turned on and I was just going through the motions. Not enjoying, per se, but expecting to. It was almost like I was eating until to get this feeling that never came.

Right now, I only have the taste for clean foods. I won’t be hitting the chocolate for a few weeks. Just a part of the journey. I don’t anticipate the holidays being a problem, because what is a holiday but a protein extravaganza–that’s what! At least that is the way that I am looking at it. Turkey, chicken, fish, seafood–And I get to eat every 2-3 hours. Fresh veggies will be abound. No problems there.

I’m off to drink plenty of water.