Making_A_Change’s BodyBlog

It began with a warm bowl of oatmeal with raisins. I love that sweet, plumpness that raisins add to oatmeal. It’s like having a treat with each bite. I have my Pro Complex protein–my preferred powder for oatmeal because it isn’t sweet. The stuff tastes horrible when you drink it on its own. I downed all of my pre-workout supplements. I realized that the last batch that I purchased were ‘tablets’ and not capsules. Which means that they were huge. To get them down, I just chewed them. Now, the citrulline isn’t bad, because it is sour–citrus. But the arginine tastes like the smell of feet. With my last order, I got ‘capsules’ and it is so much easier to take everything. But, if push comes to shove and I run out of capsules, I guess I’ll be chewing, again. And I’m okay with that. I did a 10 minutes warm-up on the stepmill and headed to the aerobics studio. My warm-up was walking lunges with a 40# db and then 50#, for several passes across the floor. Next time, I want to use a 60# bb. All I could do was take it one step at a time. That’s all you can do when everything is burning.  Then I did single-legged lunges on a step with no weight, then holding a 15# db, and then a 25# plate. I got alot of burn just where I wanted it. I focused on pushing through my heels and staying low. From what I understand, this builds mass. Well, we chall see. I need all of the butt mass that I can get. My muscles were ‘pre-exhausted’ at this point so I hit the wieght room. I went to the leg press, but a different one than I normally use. I got to #230, today, with my jelly legs. Afterwards, I did single-leg curls (30, 40, 50, 60#). I got two reps on the 60. I finished up with leg extensions, two legs and then one. Tomorrow, is just an hour of cardio–stepmill.

Yesterday, I was told by a co-worker: "I love the way you walk. So much confidence. You walk like a detective". The swagger strikes, again.

I love seeing veins. I love the thicker ones in my forearm that plump up when I lift–those are new! And I can’t wait until I have a nice thick one running down my bicep. That’s enough of my ‘vein dreams’.

This morning was biceps and I decided to do calves. I did them until I thought they woud knot up on me. My biceps are actually the leanest part of me. I did: bb curls (30# to warm-up), db curls (I’m stuck at 35#, right now), incline curls, and hammer curls. For calves I hit the seated and standing calf machine and did the 3 toe positions on each. My morning weight was 135, down from 138 two weeks ago. I meet with Frank tomorrow afternoon. The only news I would like to hear is that I am down from 18%–anything else is icing on the cake.

I followed weights with 20 minutes of HIIT on the bike. Man, it’s no joke. It’s just a burn you can’t get away from! But with only 20 minutes I hung in there. I am going to do legs tomorrow. But I am leaning towards a run and some stairs.

Tonight, the family and I devoured some Boston Market chicken–one of the perks of an off-season. I had the green beans even though I would have liked to just bathe in the mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese. I did have one cornbread. I’m going to freeze the other two for another time. I think I my abs are beginning to get some stimulation. I can see 4 distinct, fluffy, pads–here’s hoping!

I am in the midsts of conferences so I have been working 12 hours days to get the done. So far, so good. My school is next to a fairly new YMCA. I drive by it every day and I have wondered what the interior is like. And I would thik to myself, that I really eed to get in there. It may be another spot to go to after work on some days. I got my chance yesterday. I was all set up for my next meeting with two hours to spare. Since we are working long days we are free to take some time for ourselves. I had packed my clothes just for this occasion. The new scenery should do me good. I walk in and ask about the day pass. They don’t have one, but the man at the front desk is going to give me a waiver. THEN, he was insisting that have the tour. Tick. Tick. Tick. My time is going fast and I just need to work out. I had to pull the ‘I compete and know what I am doing" card and I had on my bodybuilding.com t-shirt to back me up. I assure him that I will be okay and I know how to use everything. The 40 designated handicapped parking spaces on the gym level and below was telling. But, my suspicions were validated inside. It’s a gym for a different crowd than I’m used to. The equipment looked new–but it was…small. And the machines seemed to be set in such a way that your range of motion was hindered. I guess that was to keep people from getting hurt? And it was clear that there was ‘an orientation’ because it was like I was moving quickly….but ….every….one…else…slowed…down….b
reathing for 4 counts….inhaling…exhaling…eyes closed. The dumbells stopped at 60 pounds. The monthly fee was $65–twice as much as what I pay. Every gym has its personality and it was clear that that one wasn’t for me. But, it was a good experience.

This morning I hit my back. I was awake at around 3:45. I just couldn’t get back to sleep. I did what I guess are intervals for my abs at the end. I did regular crunches on teh ball for 25 and then crunched quickly for 25 and I repeated for around 3 sets–until I had to get home. I am feeling like calves and shoulders tomorrow. I am noticing some nice changes in my legs. I trained them them yesterday and the Y. I used their teeny, tiny leg press. Oh, not only was it small, but the rod that you place the plates on was super high! It was a really odd design! I am getting ‘inner hamstrings’–I don’t know if that is the technical term but I’m getting them. And my legs are beginning to get fuller all the way around instead of just being localized in my quads. I am working them twice per week. This pump does emphsize my small calves, though, so I have to make sure to hit them hard so they catch up. I did 30 minutes on the stairs and really focused on my glutes and pushing through my heels. I am determined to get national-level glutes.

As far as diet, I think the bulk of my carbs needs to be at around 1 p.m. I had my fat/nutbutter a few hours later, then I have my last couple of meals.

I am glad to have my Pro Complex powder. I love that in my oats! Mmmmm–my perfect oatmeal. I’m having raisins, tomorrow.

Tomorrow is going to be a looong day. I am staying at work until around 7 to get the bulk of my conferences done. But I am still going to stick with my morning schedule. This morning, I almost missed a great session. There is nothing like being nestled in a warm bed with teh covers over my head. I hit snooze too many times to count. Eventually, I threw the covers off and came to myself–what am I doing? Get up! You know you are going to want to go in the evening! I eat, do my morning pre-workout supplment regime and hit the door. I end up having a great workout. And to think, I would have missed it had I gone back to sleep. Tomorrow, despite the length of the day, I’ll be at the gym to do chest and abs.

It has been about 3 weeks since the show and that long into my ‘new’ training. I feel like I look fuller. I am carrying more fat. I find myself choosing to wear t-shirts versus my fitted, Nike tanks. It is a bit of an adjustment to see the rolls, but it’s a part of the process and I need that bit or padding to grow–and I emphasize bit. I was told to keep it under control.

Eating has been good. I seem to prefer stirfry-type dishes. I like cooking everything in one pot–veggies, protein, a few eggs, a little sauce–and that is meal 3,4, and 5!

Light Week/High reps

I worked shoulders and I went a little too heavy. I am suppose to be about to get up around 15-20 and I chose a weight where I had to tap out at around 10 for bb shoulder presses. That’s just more mass for me!

I did: bb shoulder presses, front raises, side raises, and bent over raises for rear delts. I also hit a couple of the machines for some variation. I threw in abs because I am a bit behind schedule. By the time that I got to cardio I was so tired. But I wanted to be able to write in my book that I did the cardio so I hit the treadmill. I ran for 30 minutes @ 7 mph. I was done at around 15 minutes and had to talk my way into the last half of cardio.

Kassandre: 15 minutes isn’t so bad. Afterall, you did do shoulders and abs.

Kass: Suck it up. You want to compete at the national level, don’t you? Do the 30.

Kassandre: Let me change songs, maybe that’ll help.

Kass: Yeah, put on that Lady Ga Ga. I can’t believe you like that stuff.

Kassandre: I know. But it works! We won’t even talk about your 80’s music–Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Kass: Shhhh! Play Guy’s, My Fantasy, while your at it.

Kassandre: Ugh. 17 minutes. I’ll do 20 and then see how I feel.

Kass: Bump that. I’ll tell you how you feel. You are going to do the 30 and stop complaining about. Ay! Don’t you dare lower the speed. I saw that.

Kassandre: I’ll do 25 and cool down for 5. That’s 30 minutes.

Kass: Don’t fool yourself. 30 minutes is 30 minutes.

Kassandre: Okay, here’s a good song. I got this: I be on the hotline like err’day…

Kass: Makin’ sure the DJ know what I want him to play; You know I got my top back and my beat low

Kassandre and Kass:

Rockin’ my stunna shades and turnin’ up my radio
Turn up my radio

I think I’m in love with my radio
‘Cause it never lets me down
And I fall in love with my stereo
Whenever I hear that sound

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oooooooooooooh…

Kass: Don’t stop.

Kassandre: 30 minutes! Let’s eat!

Happy Halloween, from Michelle Obama. That is who I am this year. It is not the most creative, but, it does fit into our schools theme. We do Career Exploration Day instead of your traditional Halloween. So, between the dress, the heels, trenchcoat, and delts–I am the first lady.

I got up early and helped the little one get her make-up on. We got her fairly wings, she has a lavendar, flowergirl dress given to her by a friend. I gave her glitter eyeshadow and pulled her hair up into a prety pun–and voila! Fairy Butterfly Princess. I am looking forward to the day when she wants to be something unique and different. Such is a fiver year old.

My cheat for Halloween is all the fruit my stomache can take. Yep, that is my answer to candy. Do I want candy? Yes. I want a Snickers–badly–the fat 300 calorie one. I like them in the microwave for a few seconds. But I also want to win–so…my solution is fruit. It’s sweet and good for me. Win. Win. Work has been going a mile and minute. It’s report card and conference time. And it is my first time on the other side as a teacher. I am just going to go about it as I would like–get to the point, tell me the good and bad, and let’s be out. Now, I guess this works for me because is very tight wound at school. She loves to help. She loves to read and speak aloud. It’s just when she gets home, I guess the uniform comes off and she can let loose. We had her conference last week and it was quick and to the point. I liked that. Preparing for those was stressing me out until I stopped, took a breath, and realized that I don’t have to do it like everyone else, nor do I have to use every form that pops up in my inbox. So, I am doing my student’s conference like a gallery walk, there will be a running powerpoint of their pictures. As a first year teacher, my goal is to work smart.

We always know when our daughter is growing–she goes to sleep early and eats everything in sight. Davis has always had a good appetite and lots of variety. There are times when she hardly eats. She’ll poke at her breakfast, nibble at her lunch, and just smell dinner. Then there are times, like last week. I was on my way home and I call my husband to say I’m on my way. He says, "She just took out two turkey burgers, two bagels, and it asking for more." When she does kind of eating she is typically a bit taller soon after–we don’t have to cuff her school pants and she is wearing a few of the shirts we got for fall, now. Well, I have either been ravenous or sleepy. It has even been in the back of my mind–am I pregnant? Today, I just felt like a bottomless pit. It is coming after several days on low, so that could be expected. I’m still playing with the numbers. Additionally, after 8, I just can’t stay awake! I understand that this is when you grow. So I am following my body’s cue. I’ve had two off days–completely. And I do feel better. And maybe I needed to catch up on zzzzz’s. Waking up at 4 is rough. And I have actually been getting up at 3:45 to get all of my supplements and food in. Maybe I need to re-evaluate that. And, therein lies why I’m tired. But, it would still be great if it were a ‘growth spurt, though’. I can hope…

A conversation with the little while walking to the Halloween store:

"Mommy, why are you walking like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like this!" She proceeds to do this walk where she walks in straight line, one foot in front of the other, and switches her hips. "You walk like a (she whispers) foxy lady."

I guess walking in 5 inch heels has helped my walk in my everyday heels.

"Oh, that? That’s just my swagger."

"Oooh!"

I have been thinking about my calves. Maybe this is what the mind/body connection is. Maybe it’s when you start to fixate on a particular part you would like to built and you start thinking of what you are going to do during the next training session. I don’t go super heavy on them, but I do work on getting ht emost out of my range of motion. I see alot of people–okay, alot of the men (because the women don’t get on it at my gym)–get on the standing clave machine, pulling alot of weight and then either make the thing bounce or bit or use their knees. I used to do the ego-stroking way by making the stack super high and getting some movement. Now, I’ve lowered my weight and focus on letting my heels sink down past the platform and pushing up hard. I keep my knees locked (a trick Billy showed me) and press. My calves HURT, not just burn, by the end of my set. I go for back to back sets. I like how it looks when I’me finished. For about 30 minutes I have a nice set of calves.

My mom and dad finally saw the photoshoot pictures. The conversation went something like this:

"Hey, mom. Did you see the pictures, yet?"

"Umm-hmmm. Me and your father saw them. Pret–ty racy, if I may say so. (You have to say this with a lifted brow an pursed lips) I saw that dress and where did you get those hooker shoes?"

"Those are cute! I got them off of e-bay. They aren’t hooker shoes".

"Pointy toes, super high, and straps around the ankle? Hooker shoes. (Sighing fondly.) I used to be able to wear shoes like that. And look at all the leathah!" (Yes, we had to emphasize the ‘leather’ by hitting the end of the word hard and dropping the ‘-er’–leathah!)

"You know, in physique photography alot of people just wear a bikini. Technically, I have on alot of clothes–a jacket, belt, and boots."

"Well, you look good, Mrs. Harper-Cotton. But you are still nekked. Just wait until your daughter takes pictures in hooker shoes and panties….[long pause]…Just don’t forget who you get your good looks from." 

 October  27

 Sleep is a great supplement. I have been trying to get better at using my time wisely and planning ahead. I’ve come upon a few more hours in the day. The quality of my sleep has been really good lately. By the end of the day I am exhausted.  I am not getting up in the middle of the night. I try to cut off my water fairly early, to avoid the potty breaks during the night. I decided to make today the off day. I felt it last night, but I pushed anyway. I’ll be at the gym Tues-Friday and take either Saturday or Sunday off. My legs aren’t sore, so I am excited to hit them soon.

For lunch today, I had a mock chicken parmesean–just spaghetti squash, cubed chicken, and a bit of dried parmesean cheese. And for my carbs, I made sweet potatoe cookies. The recipe needs tweaking, but they weren’t bad. I need to add pepper next time.  I haven’t had one cracker since I set my mind on 18% and refocused on my goal for Top 3. It’s a mental game. Since I can have my nut butters, again, I have been incorporating them at around 4 o’clock. This is about the time that cravings start hitting hard. I am also back on flax mid-day.

The blog has been where I note my successes, my failures, my questions, my answers–everything. It feels good to write when I have done something right. It is easy to write about training–because I do that well. Overall, I enjoy my time at the gym, especially now. I am beating up one bodypart per day I am sore by the end of the day–I thrive off of that. I can remember saying, “I’ve tried everything and nothing works”. The truth is I hadn’t. I did what was easiest and what hurt the least. If I could avoid sweating, I did. I stuck with something for a few weeks, and when the scale didn’t budge or I didn’t look the way that I thought I should after being so ‘diligent’, I would overeat for weeks, maybe even months. Afterall, nothing worked. Even if I did stick with it a little longer–the effort was half-hearted.

That was the missing key for ME–my heart. I’ve been getting that question alot, lately. And that is what made the difference for me. I didn’t personalize this lifestyle. It was always about someone or something else. Today, I am in this ‘fitness thing’ for the long haul–for life. It is no longer to fit into a dress, to tuck in my shirt, to impress someone I haven’t seen in a while, so that I don’t have to hear how chubby I’ve gotten from relatives, or to look good for a wedding–mine or someone else’s. I am 35 years old and I cannot imagine not waking up in the morning to lift until I make that horrible ‘lift face’ or to train in the evening when the gym is empty and quiet. I get a rush when I finally get on stage after preparing for weeks. I like watching my body change into something that I could only imagine. I admire the bodies of other athletes, but I can see my work clearly and I don’t want anyone else’s physique. I can appreciated their’s for the work that they have put into it.  And I love what I have built because it is unique to me. Do you know how I met my fitness buddy. I said to another women, “You must compete. Because women who just ‘workout’ don’t have glutes like that”. Crazy? Maybe? But you learn to pick out the other ‘crazies’, and I use this term fondly, who like to go to the gym at 4 a.m., too. You just don’t get that satisfaction when you are just  focused on the short term goals or focused on the progress of others. Until the journey is personalized, it will always be about someone else. p>I had to personalize it. I had to change my mindset about excercise and why I was doing it. I had to move from trying to attain that perfect size to caring about my well-being and setting what I previously thought were unattainable goals. I had to distance myself from the voice that said–just go tomorrow. One day really doesn’t matter. Like you are really going to change all that much anyway. That voice is extremely persuasive and feeds off your weakness and self-doubt. Three years ago, you couldn’t have paid me to wear a bikini, much less allow myself to be critiqued and judged against other women. I would have never thought that I would would be able to look past, my stretchmarks, do a photoshoot, and post the untouched results.

The bodies on this site illustrate what can be done–not the way to do anything. The profiles represent a way. And everyone has to find ‘their way’. THAT is the hard part. That is the part that requires the diligence and patience. Just take it as proof that anything is possible.

Tonight, I worked triceps. I decided to sleep in this morning. I love to sleep as much as I love going to the gym. It was so crowded. There were weights strewn about. There were men working out in herds. It was a mess. I got a cable and stayed on until I finished with my workout: tricep pressdowns (overhand and underhand), overhead tricep press, untilateral tricep pull-downs, push-ups (arms in to target triceps). I just did back to back sets and left. No cardio tonight. Early mornings or late evenings are so much more peaceful. I am off to prepare tomorrow’s lunch. Tomorrow may be my recovery day. If I go in, it will be fore abs and calves; it’s their turn!
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