MILF HUNTRESS

I never do anything that I regret.  If your mind isn’t made up about something, then you shouldn’t do it.  I have obviously decided that I am not interested in another immediate photo shoot.  Too much pressure this being sexy business.  Being sexy is play acting.  I do it for fun.  I do it when I want to.  If I want to.  Also, I haven’t been returning any emails as far as the whole dominatrixing thing goes.  Again, too much pressure.  I may be dominating your ass, but I am still putting myself out there as a male fantasy.  It feels entirely good just being me for me.  I can do this.  I can feed well.  I can train well.  I can live well.  I can focus on the higher ground.  I can also fill your ass with PVC.  But only if and when it pleases me.

So some pictures I like, and some pictures I don’t like.  Mr Moss may eventually begin to think I am a real pain in the ass.  While visiting with him I bragged on my ‘lack of caring’ about this whole aging process.  I LIED!  I HATE this ****!  Young ladies, after 35 it starts hitting hard.  It becomes a very fine game of filling holes (yes I said filling holes) on an old and leaky ship.  Eventually that bitch is going down to a watery grave.  In the last two years I have lost quite a bit of youthfulness, quite alot of glow.  As much I do not like old men, I do like old women.  They have been through the process.  They now live on the other side.   As we age, we are forced to find more in life.  Body and beauty give way to mind and spirit.  Some things we don’t pursue until we absolutely have to.  The hag head is one third of the way there.  Some pictures capture the maiden, others expose the hag.  F-ck that witch. 

I’ve found that my chocolate protein powder cooks up just fine with a little milk added.  Doesn’t really even need egg.  Kindof like I’m eating cake all day.  That’s what I tell myself.  Two plums for breakfast so my fruit quota is filled.  Just going to see how much I can bore you today with food statistics.  My Aunt is in stage 1 with her cancer.  That is the great news!  It’s funny because the entire world has been after her for years about her weight issue, but when she at last got sick (after years of extremely healthy morbid obesity)….it wasn’t weight related at all.  Go Margie!  lol  No.  I would like to see Aunt Margie lose weight.  But only if she wants to.  God knows I have understood her mindset.  But all that strength, all that tenacity she has essentially used to say FTW! (in her best Christian manners), she could be using to display strength in ways that benefit herself.  First she has to finally, at long last know that she is worth it.

Just had one of those ‘full circle’ moments which was quite nice and rather interesting.  “CC” was my senior year heartthrob.  Met him at a party where he just took my breath away.  We made out in the closet (along with another couple) and he took my number.  Went out a couple of times and the boy was butter smooth.  Made me melt, well, yeah, quite alot like peanut butter does today.  Threw my 16 year old self into sexual positions where I was like “Holy Hell!!WTF?!?”….and “Boy ain’t this awkward!”  Then I wouldn’t see him for months.  He was young, hot, playing the field, having a good time.  Stood me up once for a short-short wearing hitchhiker.  I was looking forward to that f-ckng date!  Still, I would forgive him.  Because he had puppy dog eyes and of course that smooth, creamy, peanut buttery way about him.  “We should start seeing eachother all of the time” he would say each time, eyes full of sincerity.  I would believe him.  Flash forward 21 years and I get a facebook message.  “Hey!  Is that you Maddi?”  So we friended, we chatted.  CC is now mature.  Apologized for the past, told me what a jerk he was.  We had a very nice discussion, just catching up.  And I got to tell him the obvious.  “You didn’t do anything wrong.  For me it was a learning process.  Girls who do not highly value themselves are not highly valued.  Girls who chase after boys, are ran from.”  Of course the opposite is also true.  Girls who do highly value themselves, eventually have their value returned to them 110 fold.  Girls who do not chase after boys, generally are the ones being pursued.  I seriously wish I could download this into every teenage girl’s head today.

I woke up this morning about ready to cancel the Dan Ray photo shoot.  I have been on a pretty steady (and happy) binge since NYC and put on about 10 lbs.  The thing is, I like my body thicker, fuller, more filled out.  So no worries on the home front.  But Dan is looking for someone who personifies fitness, and from his emails, I think he likes girls more right at precomp style.  I was reading an article by Bill Dobbins the night before, and he said something that I really agreed with.  It was about the subjectivity of the judges.  So basically his advice was, don’t worry about what the judges say they want.  When they see excellence, they will recognize it.  So I have been thinking things over, balancing my scales so to speak, and I really want this.  I mean, isn’t this what I have been kindof heading for all along?  Two of the most well respected photographers in the fitness industry came to me, liked what they saw, and requested to photograph me.  Instead of burying my face in the sand, I am to rise up to this challenge.  I am not doing this for them,….(this is a biggie for me),….I am doing it for me.  I will show-me what I’m made of.  Pretty sure it’s the good stuff.

We found out it is cancer.  Don’t know if it is in one location only yet or spread.  Hoping for the best.  But this is a woman who does not go to doctors period, and it must have taken an awful scare to send her to one.  I am from the same family, cut from the same cloth.  Avoid doctors like bearers of the plague.  There is wisdom in this to a point.  But when you are having symptoms you cannot just ignore and pretend go away.  A very close friend’s grandmother died of breast cancer.  She knew (or thought) she had it for years.  Didn’t go to the doctor until long after her chest had turned black and began to rot off.  I guess sometimes we make these choices out of fear, sometimes because we prefer it to the other option….the Dr. office.  Number one place of ‘i have no control’.  First you wait.  Then they send you to a little room where you wait again.  Until you finally decide they forgot about you.  I have been ignoring a small, oftimes painful lump in my left breast for over a year and a half.  Haven’t been for a pap smear in over 3 years.  My paps always turn up abnormal.  But abnormal as in ‘let’s watch this a little more closely’.   Obviously I have not.  Tremendous self love shows up in small ways not just large.  I am fully aware that wearing my seat belt is a sign of self love.  Also that putting healthy in equals healthy out.  Wouldn’t dream at this point of ever missing a workout.  I wash my hands, brush my teeth, avoid std’s.  Yet I ignore breast lumps, and sometimes cervical pain.  Yes, cut from the same cloth.  Margie is a harbinger of good fortune.  This blog is dedicated to her strength of spirit, her tenacity, and her will and desire to live.  I will watch her grow old.

My Aunt Margie, one of the most pivotal influences of my life, is in the hospital.  So far she has received at least 5 blood transfusions, and they did a biopsy of her cervix for cancer.  Aunt Margie is also 365 + lbs.  How does a person get to be 365+ lbs? As a woman once headed down that track, let’s just say, it’s not only from eating and eating.  Obesity stems from putting yourself last.  It begins with suppression of something great.  Maybe anger, perhaps pain, many times fear.  If you don’t allow yourself to express these feelings you have to stifle them.  In fact, stuff them.  Honesty about how you are feeling is the start to a healthy lifestyle.  So many overweight people are in fact, concealing a hurricane.  Here is to releasing the storm.  Let it out.  Let that baby roar.

I remember it well in the third grade.  It was hanging there suspended in the air, a sign made of gold.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Wow!  That made phenomenal sense! ‘Do unto others……’   This means…. no stealing, no lying, no plagiarism, no bullying, no sex with minors, no sex with married men, and or pigeons. Wooo~ that’s a long list to remember.  So let’s back up to rule one.  ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’  I can do this on ballerina toes!  Ladies, the world will always (attempt to) force you to choose between classy lady/good person and streetwalker/whore.  (God bless the whore!)  There IS resolution between the two.  I find that place by walking the golden rule.

I was solicited for sex tonight, outside my work, by a minor.  What started out as a compliment “Ms Shafer I have a crush on you”, quickly turned into a slap in the face.  “Would you show me your -ss?  Do you think I could have a blowjob?”  Every once in awhile I feel the need to make a thorough disclaimer, and yes indeed, tonight would be one of those nights.  Milf Huntress is a character, a figment of my mid aged imagination, sometimes real, sometimes hoax.  Part the joy of a fantasy is just that.  It’s a fantasy.  Some may say flirt, some may say tease.  I do what I please!  What really pleases me?  Having sex with my husband.  Thank you all and good night.

Seems to me there is someone who doesn’t like me much perpetrating on my blog.  Haters come and haters go but self referral lasts forever thus sayeth the Maddi.  Turn back to my “U2?” Blog (because every U2 song is about Miss Maddi).  With the exception of Sunday Bloody Sunday (unless I am menstruating on the sabbath).  Anonymous commenters are the scum and the filth of the earth.  Being born without balls, they tie on artificial ones made of paper and violets.  SLUT!  Am I a slut?  Yes I am a slut.  Born and raised.  Purebred slut through and through.  I have made slut a term of endearment.  A title, a badge, an honor, that I wear proudly.  Now let me define slut for all you scumbags. Sexually Liberated Until Tomorrow.  That means my sex is my sex.  Always about me, most definitely always for me.  I may be a whore today and I may be a madonna tomorrow.  My sex, my business, my self.   If I want to f-ck you, oh yes I’ll f-ck you real good.  Just be sure to be a god or at least built like one.  You’d also better be over the top handsome, exceptionally clean, very smart, (witty even), well groomed, great sense of humor, have a hell of alot of game, and oh yes, for me only won’t you please be shy?  This happens to be one mother f-cking slut with the highest self regard.