MILF HUNTRESS

I am so ready to trade out my “slut face” avi, you cannot imagine.  Alas, my camera is still broken, and I don’t like to put up outdated pictures.  What can I say but I like to challenge society?  I enjoy throwing sh-t into society’s face.  Should have been a sociology major but as much as I enjoy thinking, I also enjoy deciding what to think, and when to think it.  Just like my body, my brain is also my own.

I am a freak…  I know I am a freak.  I enjoy my freedom to be freakdom.  Oh I love a good workout with no time restraints.  One where I know all I have to do afterwards is go home and eat some good protein. Not go to work.  Not run errands.  Maybe go home and pass out for a decent hour or two of twilight oblivion.  Hubby took youngest to Royals Game today which also made for an entirely guilt free workout.  I don’t talk about the guilt my workouts often provoke.  Because it’s not like I allow that feeling to have the precedence to stop me anymore.  Children were the reason and the cause for the gross negligence I put my body through all those many years ago.  I don’t regret it a bit because misaimed as I might have been, my intentions were pure.  Releasing my children to the world however, while still remaining “mom”…….was the best thing I ever did.  No doubts.  Still, I could give a little more to 10 year old…….and I know it.  But there came a point in time where as a mom, as a woman, and as a person, I was going to LIVE or I was going to die.  I chose life.  And guess what?  The children adapted.

Had a conversation with my daughter earlier.  You know I love my community.  Very very much.   I love the people, the values they represent.  At the same time I worry for some of the kids.  Though I am sure they will make it through like we all do.  Topic of conversation today was girlfriend and her boyfriend breaking up.  Breaking up because he might want to have sex with her and that might take him farther from Jesus.  Other guys, very nice guys in the community.  They go out, they have sex, (because this is what young bodies were made to do), they have regrets, feel the heavens splitting wide open, and there is GOD looking down at them with disappointment in his eyes.  I think this is all a big crock of sh-t, but that’s just me. 

I am honest with my kids.  I tell them that I know one person, (that’s right, only one) who didn’t have sex before she got married.  And that is only because the boy she intended to give herself away to on graduation night didn’t show up.  My daughter has friends who are Mormon.  Kids are very honest with eachother and this girl says that basically it turns out that you end up marrying the first person you have sex with.  I remember playing this game and haven’t so many of us played it so well?  The “Well if we are GOING to get married, THEN it’s ok to DO IT”.  Sometimes this works out.  Sometimes it doesn’t.  How many persons have ended up married to a-sholes by following this philosophy.  Here are my values, and the values I pass on to my children. 

“You are going to do what you are going to do but always keep in mind your value and your supreme self worth.  You never want to yoke your body with someone who is beneath you.  Knowing that you are superior, worthy, and deserving of the very best, and ONLY the very best……THIS is what you hold out for.”  And remember, masturbation is an art form. 

Ok, I don’t tell them this last part.  But I role model it so well.

I’m in the mood for freedom!  How about you?!  I think you all have less of this than you think you do.  And that’s fine, that’s just fine, or is it?  True freedom surpasses the physical.  It goes straight into the center of your brain and spirit.  From the moment you are born you cease being free, because you begin to become imprinted with choices that are not your own.  When mom sits you down in front of the television so that she can wash the dishes,… you are not free you are a slave.  When you get on that school bus crying, but go because you have to or daddy’s going to bust your lil ass,…I would not call that free.  When you marry the girl you got pregnant because it is inferred that something very very bad might happen to you if you do not…(SHOULDA KEPT IT IN YOUR PANTS!  SHOULDA KEPT IT IN YOUR PANTS!)…what do you think that is?  Working the same job, day after day, after day after day……after day after day after day after day after day…….whoosh!!….. Come on boys.  You know you are slaves.  The good news is!…….With slavery comes protection.  Even animals at the zoo know this.

Just a quick word about what blogging and reading others blogs has done for me.  It has helped me to open up.  It has helped me to find self expression.  It has helped me to find my experiences to be, well, unique, but normal.  It has helped me to lose the fear that media has created, and to view people under the microscope of our similarities rather than our differences.  This has been a very positive experience for me.  Well, it’s 4 AM and I am up with insomnia and a large can of cashews.  A VERY large can, I might add.   Let’s see,…  21 ounces.  I had a big day in which I left home at 8:45 AM, not to return until 13 hours later.  It was work, cardio on lunch break, work, workout with weights, Walmart Run.  Nothing huge or out of the ordinary, but yes a long day.  Might have found someone to help me with my web site, which excites me.  This man is familiar with DreamWeaver, which is what I have intended to use all along.  Even more exciting is after 9 months of no supplementation, I now have a can of Walmart creatine and bottle of DHEA.  lol  Even more exciting than that (things just keep getting better world) is the fact that I am expecting a sweet package from Optimum Nutrition to try some of their best products and blog about them.  Bestest yet…….(the very bestest)…is how bulky I was looking in the mirrors tonight.  Yes it was bulky, but a very good bulky.  Female wrestler/power lifter bulky.  I like it that my arms and body are now larger than the healthy everyday young male I might come across.  I am beginning to cross gender lines.  Which perhaps should not, but most definitely does, excite me.  My body is beginning to become, EXACTLY what I envision it to be.  I believe I am at the beginning of a very pleasant iceberg.

Feeling a little tired and mellow tonight.  Maybe dreading PM cardio though I think I really outto hit it.  Yeah, I’m feeling a little run down.  It’s hard to keep motivation and adrenaline for the job on high for the long run.  Can’t believe I have been straight at this for almost 5 years SOLID.  It’s a labor of love no doubt.  This doesn’t mean that like all loves it doesn’t take work from time to time.  Sometimes you feel the love, sometimes you don’t.  I most definitely go through periods where I have to force myself to be there (the gym).  On these days I write down the time I begin my weights, and I just make sure to continue until an hour is up.  I did this today.  Whether or not my heart is into it, if I force myself to do the work……my result still stays the same.

…mid life crisis is HITTING!  THIS should be REAL INTERESTING.

I have decided that low fat yogurt is IDEAL for post workout insulin spiking, and can’t quite figure out why nobody else has mentioned this.  It’s low fat, high sugar, and has a moderate amount of protein to get straight inside the muscle.  Follow it up 20 minutes later with a protein shake or plain hamburger and you are finished!  Of course, I followed mine up today with a bag of dark chocolate almonds and 3 bowls shredded wheat cereal in soy milk.  But we’re talking hypothetically here.

Mom disavowed me over a month ago for not returning her phone call in 2 minutes or less.  I think I have had quite enough of this over controlling b-tch.  Emailed me today for the second time wanting to know about daughter’s college orientation.  This after she sent me an email telling me “you are easily replaceable”.  I do not respond to those who no longer exist.