MILF HUNTRESS

Aw, my husband got an I-Phone, so I get to send him pictures and dirty text messages for a change.  I love text messaging and I love my guy friends that I text message with.  I also enjoy the fact that I have all these buddies I can talk to, and otherwise stimulate myself with, and owe absolutely nothing to.  I enjoy being married.  This is only because I, in general, feel appreciated.  It is good to be known, understood, and accepted, flaws and all.  After 22 years of togetherness there is not so much you can hide from eachother.  Good days, bad days, everydays.  It is 3 weeks ’til our 20 year wedding anniversary.  The true secret to staying married is the persistent threat of divorce.  When you make it a valid option, oftimes that option doesn’t anymore sound appealing.  A hefty dose of insanity helps as well.  Here’s to a big steak dinner and a Led Zeppelin Orchestra. 

Fitness photographers never want you to smile.  It’s always, “sexy mouth, sexy mouth….breathe through your mouth, open your mouth a little”.  It’s more than fairly obvious to me the reason for this being you can slip a cock inside.  Me?  I like to smile.  I’m happy when I smile.  I’m pretty when I’m happy.  Husband doesn’t have a problem with any of my pictures but the cucumber series.  In fact, he has threatened to call Moss and tell him not by any means to put them up.  But the cucumber selection is my favorite of all the pictures taken!  It was at the end of shooting, so I was well warmed up.  I also believe they best reflect the heart and spirit of who I really am.  A big thing in my hand and a smile on my face.

While I’m not going to bore you with the details of my workout, it was an hour and a half of legs and ass with a 12 minute jog for warm up.  I don’t have naturally large legs.  In fact, I feel slightly off balance symmetrically right now with a more well developed upper half than lower half.  I have good trap, delt, tricep, bicep definition.  A nice wide back.The amount of definition does not show unless I am flexxing….but I am very strong there.  My calves I can grow in a week if needed.  I am basically working them twice a week right now.  Not paying too much attention because I don’t have to.  I have nice legs in the traditional girl sense.  The candlestick tapered variety.  What I am trying for however is some sweeping quads that show when standing.  I want my hams to literally POP off my body.  And while I have developed some glutes, they are still not proportionate.  The lady would love some syntherol.  My abs are very very strong.  They feel like nice thick meaty riblets beneath my skin and that layer of fat that I am contrary about giving up.  Face it.  When I lean down I look ordinary.  For every pound of fat, (unless juicing), we lose a pound of muscle, or close to it.  My Deepak Chopra Card reads, “TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN MY CHOSEN CAREER OR WORK ENDEAVOR, I MUST RELEASE ANY PRESENT KARMIC CONDITIONING THAT DECLARES I CAN’T DO THIS.  I CAN!”  Of course my husband inserted the following card (not Deepak Chopra) into my notebook.   “YOU ARE MORE SINFUL THAN THE AVERAGE PERSON AND IT’S AFFECTING YOUR LIFE IN WAYS YOU MAY NOT REALIZE.  FOR ONE THING, YOUR SEX DRIVE MAY ULTIMATELY BE YOUR DOWNFALL.  BEWARE OF PRIORITIZING SEXUAL EXPERIENCES AND CONQUESTS ABOVE OTHER THINGS.  THESE KINDS OF DESIRES ALONE SHOULD NOT CONTROL YOUR LIFE.  IF YOU CONTINUE TO FOCUS ON THEM, YOU MIGHT FIND YOURSELF JEOPARDIZING THE THINGS THAT ARE MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU.”  The things that are most important to me are truth and experience.

Very excited.  I spoke with Brian Moss today and we have a date set.  The hotel room is reserved and now it is only a matter of him booking the flight.  Been having some heart to hearts with my husband in which we discuss the direction my future is heading.  He is not sure he can hang, and my heart sincerely hopes he can.  It is good to be loved, known, and accepted, all of you.  This is what we all secretly or not so secretly yearn for.  This is what I have found in him.  Though I do believe it is both of our persistent willingnesses to let go, that has actually kept us together.  He has been with me through teenage rebellion, young Christian motherhood, the dark plains of obesity and depression, and the restrengthening of bodybuilding.  I want him to be with me for my sex years. And then of course, yeah, menopause.  LOL  THAT is when the c-ck s-cker will leave me.

Ooh, so I had an entire medium black olive pizza and 5 pieces of cheesecake for my birthday. Never traditional, I had the family sing “for she’s a jolly good fellow”….only we changed the words to “for she’s a fiery blonde stallion”.  This is what my middle daughter jokingly calls me…AND I LIKE IT.  Hubby says, (becoming ever more defensive of his manhood), “You are not a STALLION.…you are a MARE.”  I say, “I am whatever the f-ck I say I am.”  As a woman thinketh, and all that jazz.  Speaking of “All That Jazz”…I am taking my daughters to see the musical Chicago this week!  One of my favorite movies/musicals of all times.  I love dangerous and powerfully seductive ladies.  Don’t you?

G-d I’m such a gem.

In reference to my last blog, I feel the desire to explain my viewpoint on love.  I do not believe in love.  I believe in lust, I believe in infatuation.  I believe in commitment, I believe in attachment.  You may define these things as love.  I define these things for what they are.  I cannot love.  For I don’t believe in it.  Which is why I belong to no man.  I belong to myself.

Ok, so I am on day 4 of week 1, am I?  So far so easy.  Yesterday I had a mozzarella cheese omelette for breakfast, creatine post work-out, grilled chicken tender salad at Cracker barrel for lunch, and 1/2 protein shake with a chicken sandwich from sonic for supper, minus the bun. 

Today is an off day.  Off days always make me want to go shoot myself.  I know it is something my body needs to have however.  So I do it.  Well….that and I will be working past the time my gym closes.  lol 

My husband had a tense moment at lunch today when I just off handedly commented to daughter that a young man in the room looked like a bodybuilder.  Husband about exploded at me.  Later saying, (in front of my girls I might add), something about my “fetish for young men“.   Yeah…he yelled this in the car.  AFTER the initial HORRIFICATION…..I laughed my a-s off….LONG AND HARD. 

 Ok, so here is the point where we differentiate fact from fiction.  True life from online personas.  Do I admire the young bodybuilder physique?  Most certainly.  This is what I do.  BODIES ARE MY ART.  Is this a threat to my husband?  No more than were the girls he was looking at when I was fat or pregnant.  Cough-kiiti-cough.

I cannot live a double life.  I just can’t.  Be fully WARNED parents……anything you do YOUR CHILDREN will eventually find out about.  As in, earlier today, I messaged good friend “K”.  “Hey K!  I just had the best orgasm of my life imagining “D.N” putting it in your ass!”  Later on, messaging “K” from tanning bed.  “Talk to you later…I’m going to tan now.”  “K” messages back.  “Keep your hands out of your pants…yeah like that’s possible.  ROFL.”  I’m like, “Well as you already know, I already did that.”  He’s like, “No, I know nothing about that.”  I am suddenly aware that in the bask of my afterglow……I QUITE POSSIBLY SENT THIS MESSAGE TO MY DAUGHTER.  Which would also explain why she did not come out of her room all morning. 

During workout I see missed call from daughter.  Try to call back 3 times to no avail.  Getting off phone from my husband he says, “Did N find ID for her driver’s permit?  She couldn’t get ahold of you so I told her to go look in my box.” 

OK.  So hubbie’s personnel box is RIGHT NEXT TO my personal box.  Meaning PORN STASH.  G-d awful stuff.  The very WORST.  NOT my taste…….my best friend’s.  I WAS DESPERATE AND HE WAS WILLING. 

SO many years later and I still have my friend’s porn.  The kids are now gone with grandmother and I am left wondering, “Did daughter find her birth certificate?”