MILF HUNTRESS

I have had 2 days off work in a row, but no real time to myself.  Yesterday was spent recouping from the concert, and only a half day for my kids.  Today was 6+ hours in the car, college shopping with my daughter.  Got a workout in both days.  My doubles have hit the hay…at least for this week.  Have not been feeling that eye of the tiger.  We have our ups.  We have our downs.  Next week I will be back.

I have got the headache from hell.  Looked at hubbie earlier and started laughing.  Said, “Ok.  Bipolar moment now over.”  “You sure?” he asked.  Well I don’t know about bipolar.  I probably fit the criteria.  But how about “When you’re up, you’re up, and when you’re down, you’re down?”  Or, “Caillou was happy”….”Caillou was sad”.  Usually it is circumstantial.  So I am like a Rolling Stones Farewell Tour.  Feel free to laugh with me, not at me.  I do feel that it is time to move on.  Not because I have to, but because I want to.  The only way that I do things.  But I still have so much to say.  Ah well, write a book will you?  It’s not like B&N won’t always have space on it’s shelves for another best seller.  SELF ESTEEM & SELF RESPECT.  This is what I stand for.  I like to lose myself in degradation as much as the next soul, but I have children to represent.  It’s not like the world isn’t corrupt enough already.  Taking a couple of days off from the gym.  I’m burned out.  Maybe a couple of days off work too.  Chill out and relax for the rest of 2008.  Prepare the way for 2009.  Alot of thinking to do.  My favorite pastime.  Mainly, I think it is time to move on because of Universal Law.  You have to get rid of something old to make way for something new.  As much as I love this site, I feel that there is something better out there waiting for me.  I am anxious and excited to figure out what it is.

Rough day with the family.  It’s been one of those days honestly when I’ve wanted to run away.  Have quite a few of those actually.  Also, about that time, once again, lol, for a final farewell.  Will she make it?  We will see.  When I set my resolve to something….TRULY set my resolve to one thing…I seldom look back.  It’s been that time for awhile.  First when members of my community found me.  Then my family.  Stayed on longer than I should’ve purely out of spite I guess.  One thing I have found from the experience…BIG DISCOVERY….is that for every 1 mental, physical, spiritual exhibitionist on this planet…there are 101 mental, physical, spiritual VOYEURS roaming the earth.  Where would one be dear friends without the other?  Yes, it’s always been 2 to tango.  So I’ve shared alot.  Most real, some fictional.  I have had to gauge who is reading always by the physical reaction to my presence.  Which surprise, surprise, changes on a blog to blog basis.  Do a God bloggie, and the peoples love me.  Do a dirty sex bloggie, and the peoples cringie.  Particularly fun has been the teachers at my youngest daughter’s school, who smile and wave in the morning, and/or turn their heads and scowl…based on the previous day’s blog.  Quite fun actually.  You learn that you can control people.  Quite like an omnipotent toddler throwing cereal from the high chair.  But there’s got to be more to life than simple manipulation of the town’s folk.  Because what does this mean about ME really….if therein I get my kicks? I HAVE AN OBSESSIVE PERSONALITY TYPE.  Of this I have no doubt.  The beauty of it, I have found……..this is all transmutable!  SO whether it be GOD, MY CHILDREN, THE ENVIRONMENT, MEN, SEX, THE WEIGHTS, MY BODY, ETC, ETC, ETC….this little ball of flame always has a place to go.  I guess it is my life force; my libido.  I am contrariness in action.  Ball of f-cking flame….inaction.  Great love of mankind….total apathy.  Extreme self control….utter carelessness.  Passion for God…moth to the flame.  I have always known I could go one of two ways.  The coin still remains in the air; frozen in time.  I could end in success……or total destruction.  In the end, it all comes down to how much I love versus hate…both myself and humanity.  I have known emotional pain that made me want to carve swastikas in my own forehead.  Why swastikas?  Perhaps because it is the greatest symbol of hate and destruction ever known to man.  Perhaps it was demonic.  DO I even believe in demons?  Perhaps.  Perhaps only in the demons that live in man’s mind.  333.  That’s what we all are.  Half evil.  I own my evil.  Do you own yours’?