MILF HUNTRESS

Don’t be a 75%er.

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice

… little by little

as you left their voices behind

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world….

                      
        ~Mary Oliver

I love to do nothing.  I can do nothing for a very extensive period of time and feel very pleased with myself.  At some point breathing may prove too burdensome and then I’ll be gone.  Mmmmm,……nothingness.  I’ll be a very happy dead person. Deep, forever, sleep.  If a bugle calls I’ll likely ignore it for more of the good stuff.  Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

Deadlifts.  They just feel good.  In that kick my own ass sort of way.  Every few weeks when the mood hits, I like to dedicate an entire workout to them alone.  It’s a sick and twisted love affair.  I can definitely go heavier.  I need to start watching power lifter videos to become inspired.  18 sets tonight after I ditched the stairmill early.  Intended 40 minutes, did 30 because of a severe cramp in my left ab.  Ok it was gas.  Ha!  First warm up set of deadlifts just 85 lbs for 14 reps.  Added 10 lbs about each set, ending at 220 lbs for 4 reps.  As I said, Damn, that felt good!  3 hours later and I still haven’t had any protein.  My body is full. I trust it knows what it’s doing. 

Things are changing on the inside.  I am entering a new season of living and I can feel it.  3/4 of my mental and physical energy has gone into bodybuilding for the past 5 years.  How can I not fall away from what I love while expanding outward into other areas?  Dominatrixing is not for me.  I am pretty sure of this just because there is no passionate interest on my side.  That whole side of the sexual realm is a flight of fancy for me.  Something I can now say, “Yeah I tried that.  I did that.”  Like aerogliding or something.  (Which I still need to do.)  I can honestly and specifically say that there has been a direct turn around in this brain of mine.  What started out as being sexually motivated is no longer (at least directly) so.  I have no interest in attracting men.  In fact I have had my fill of that.  lol  (This will all change when I go out Sat night in a short skirt and halter top) but I am talking in general.  I am still sexual.  My libido is not any lower.  I just feel extremely content at home loving my own husband and family.  This is a blessing which not everyone understands or ever feels.  The freedom I have had to flirt and play, my online, and text messaging life with men, filled a certain curiosity, a wanderlust if you will, that has now been sated.  The city dog in chains perpetually tries to break free.  The country dog free to roam, roams for awhile then sits patiently on his owner’s front porch.  I’ve had my run.  I think I’ll sit for awhile.

Orgasms are nature’s kegels.  Keep this in mind ladies.  Always aim for 20 reps per day.

“I love muscle.  Shows the woman actually has discipline, drive, desire.  Hell it even shows passion.” 

This is what a very desirable muscle monkey told me tonight about why he is only interested in dating muscle ladies.

He left out the part that we are f-cking machines and can put a man’s head in an evil thigh lock.

Finally found a friend who is not too scared to go out with me.  Ok, she’s never been out with me before.  But she’s a rowdy bitch so we should have fun.  Actually I am going out with her crue, so hard telling what it will be like.  But there will be alcohol involved so it’s all good.  Have a friend who is so anti alcohol he’s militant about it.  Everyone has reasons for their strongly held beliefs, so more power to him.  But I personally have zero problem with getting good and loaded maybe a semi dozen times per year total.  (That’s being liberal.)  Other than that I am a teetotaler.  Purely because I don’t need those calories.  (I’d rather eat peanut butter.)  Speaking of peanut butter, I am done with my obsession.  Haven’t touched a can for about 3 weeks.  I was hardcore peanutbutterholic for about a month.  Funny how I was only down to 150.   Hardly ripped.  Hardly contest prep kindof situation.  But my body thought it had been through an ordeal and was convinced it needed mega-calories.  Now I have to recover from all that.  Damn, 166 is really up there. Doctor yesterday said, "So I guess you aren’t concerned about weight?  Just BMI?"  I remained quiet on that point.  lol  You know actually, everything is good.  If I had a waist, I would be ok with everything else.  I like big legs.  Love a big bodied woman.  Interestingly enough, (I never noticed this when I was younger), one of the first places my body stores fat is in my back.  No it couldn’t be my ass, but rather 6 inches above it. 

Today my facebook status was ‘I would sell every one of your souls for a nice round ass’.  Just wanted to make sure everyone knew where they stood with me.  I don’t worry too much about my ass these days. It is what it is.  I do what I do.   If I can’t have a fetish ass I can still admire each and every one of yours.  Went for my gyno today.  Undressed, spread, and probed, just like some bad science fiction movie.  Good news is doctor’s pretty sure lump is a humble lymph node.  Said it is a very positive sign that in a year and a half there has been no growth.  Still set me up for a mammogram…which will take place on my 20 year wedding anniversary.  Examined my labia and said "everything looks good on the outside".  Why thank you, thank you so much.  Also said I had a particularly healthy looking cervix.  I might have blushed.

I’m giving myelf til Thanksgiving before I even think the word d-i-e-t.  Though lord knows I need it.  Then, planning on a Thanksgiving to Christmas Eve diet.  lol  Don’t wanta miss the good stuff.  I am restarting cardio this week.  Fitness is a multi pronged factor.  I took out nutrition and cardio at the same time.  Not a good plan.  I did hang on to my weights.  That was good.  Now with the reintroduction of cardio I am sure to drop at least 5 or 7 of the 17 I’ve gained.  Why does it feel so easy in reverse?