MILF HUNTRESS

Feeling about my regular self and ready to kick some ass at the gym tomorrow.  Worked past gym closing today so that wasn’t an option.  Had my nails filled on break which took the whole hour.  The vietnamese girl was very funny about my muscles.  Staring, pointing, speaking very loudly what to me was gibberish, not a spit of English.So another girl translated.  “She wants to know you work out?”  “She wants to know you can train her?”  “She wants to know what you do…..how long you lift…..how you eat.”  Finally the father/uncle said, “She wants to know how to make boobs size like yours”.  We all laughed and blushed and moved on.  Also talked with an overweight woman there about my weight loss,.  She is maybe close to the size I once was.  It feels good to pass along truth to people.  I do know the ins and outs to all this.  It starts with the mind.  It’s what I tell everyone.  I don’t really like the pictures I took with Moss.  His style is to leave things exactly as the camera captured them.  My style is to crop the bad, tweak the color, enhance the intensity.  With Moss, you see the true woman.  Not so sure I wanted you to see all that. 

There is more to life I’ve decided than a body that makes little boys beg and grown men cry.  So I’ve decided to back off this whole body deal for awhile except for purposes which are health oriented only.  There’s nothing wrong with an extra 15-20 lbs of meat.  Nothing wrong at all with a little mommy belly.  For each and every time there is a purpose.  Unless I need to blow off stress, no more double workouts.  I can utilize that time at home to better love my children, better care for my home and family.  In fact, home and family are going to be my theme for the next months 13.  Goals for the Schafer’s;  Disneyworld, (Florida), Total Home Rehab, (not the show), Vegas, (desert), California, (northern), eventually NYC. Definitely cruise ship X 2, X 3.  Where am I going to get all this money to trip the family fantastick you ask?   Well I’m not just going to pull it out of my ass!  Or am I?..

We are God at war within ourselves.  Of this I am sure.  We are God.

Struggling between existence and non existence. 

Lightness and darkness. 

Everythingness and nothingness.  

I am, we are.  I am, we are.  I am we are. 

Nothing. 

This is an eternal war.

Irreconcilable loneliness. 

Until morning.

Live

(awake)

Dream

(awake)

Eat

(awake)

Breathe

(awake)

Then

 self

pain

empty

fear

Now

love

hope

joy

strength

EXISTENCE

This is the first day I have looked forward to training for maybe three weeks.  I am excited about going at a nice quiet time so I can get my deadlift on.   It has taken me 5 years to get past a certain level of inhibition at my gym. For years I wouldn’t perform various exercises.  This is the first year I haven’t tied a sweatjacket around my waist.  Yet still I am inhibited.  I know I’m a freak.  (PROUD FREAK.)  I just don’t like to be another person’s freakshow.  There is something very personal about training hard.

I never do anything that I regret.  If your mind isn’t made up about something, then you shouldn’t do it.  I have obviously decided that I am not interested in another immediate photo shoot.  Too much pressure this being sexy business.  Being sexy is play acting.  I do it for fun.  I do it when I want to.  If I want to.  Also, I haven’t been returning any emails as far as the whole dominatrixing thing goes.  Again, too much pressure.  I may be dominating your ass, but I am still putting myself out there as a male fantasy.  It feels entirely good just being me for me.  I can do this.  I can feed well.  I can train well.  I can live well.  I can focus on the higher ground.  I can also fill your ass with PVC.  But only if and when it pleases me.

I am up to 162!  Don’t know what has come over me, but a little case of burn out.   Also with my change in workout times, I am out of my ‘flow’.   Used to wake up, drop the kids off, head straight to the gym.  It was a repetitious pattern.  Now I drop the kids off, head back home, dilly dally, eat, computer, maybe take a nap, and eventually put off the gym until it is no longer a possibility.  I have been going after work, but it is not a high energy time for me.  Also, I have been eating like a pig!  Not watching things ever so slightly.  Still laying off the cardio.  Not feeling sick, but a little run down.  I am a little sniffly tonight, but it is likely the dust or the mold.

I think I need a week off from the world.  The fantasy is a little cabin somewhere in the woods with a big isolated lake to walk to.  About 50 miles off the beaten path.  Just me and me alone.  I do want a maid to pop in to visit, make the bed, prepare a pot of coffee, drop off groceries.  She doesn’t know a spot of English.  Just smiles and nods.  At night Emeraldo comes to mess up the bed that his sister made.

So some pictures I like, and some pictures I don’t like.  Mr Moss may eventually begin to think I am a real pain in the ass.  While visiting with him I bragged on my ‘lack of caring’ about this whole aging process.  I LIED!  I HATE this ****!  Young ladies, after 35 it starts hitting hard.  It becomes a very fine game of filling holes (yes I said filling holes) on an old and leaky ship.  Eventually that bitch is going down to a watery grave.  In the last two years I have lost quite a bit of youthfulness, quite alot of glow.  As much I do not like old men, I do like old women.  They have been through the process.  They now live on the other side.   As we age, we are forced to find more in life.  Body and beauty give way to mind and spirit.  Some things we don’t pursue until we absolutely have to.  The hag head is one third of the way there.  Some pictures capture the maiden, others expose the hag.  F-ck that witch.