MILF HUNTRESS

Nothing exciting, shocking, or inspirational.  Just a worn out mom who worked all week and still took the kids (kid) trick-or-treating tonight.  Not very impressed with today’s workout either.  Though I did go back and jog for 20 on my lunchbreak.  This made me proud.  Lots of little extra steps make up for alot in the end.  3 kids, a husband, and a full time job.  I am glad I didn’t attempt to do it all my entire life.  One of my coworkers was trying to talk me into going back to college tonight.  It was such a dream of mine long ago.  I’ve built up a shield against it out of fear of it never being manifested.  Every time I tried in the past a huge ugly giant appeared and blocked the way.  What I have to decide is, "Is this what I really want?"  A college degree sounds nice.  Very nice.  Is what I really want a piece of paper proving my intelligence and capabilities?  Or is it just to have the intelligence and capabilities themselves?  God has always told me that when you can’t get in the front door there is always a back door.  Tomorrow I am hoping for a lengthy Arnold & Louie style workout.  I want the pain.  I want to like it.

Looking slightly rubanesque.  Soon hubbie will have to roll me in flour and search for the wet spot.

  Yes, it’s my 9 year old’s training bra.

On backwards.

Please if you do like the rubanesque bodybuilder woman look, go vote for me in the Iron Man Cover Girl Contest.

You can vote once daily.  I can use all your votes I can get.  Because personally….I am voting for Bronwyn.  

I never did get my chance for the magazine, though I won the last contest I entered on here.  I am not one to beg.  It lowers a person.  Besides I do this for me. 

Today’s workout was 10 minutes elliptical, 8 minute jog.   I combined biceps with upper back.  Probably just 10 sets apiece. 

Keep intending to go back for a second cardio session on lunch break, but the intention is just not strong enough.  Today ate Ma-Po-Tofu at the park instead.  Fortune cookie first.

Always speak from your truth and let the chips fall where they may.  Never let anything fester within you to the point of getting sick.  Sure you may suffer loss.  You may indeed go through hardship.  But you will have lived authentically from your heart and this is all that matters.  Face your fears and in doing so overcome them.  This is how you rise. 

Today was leg and ass day.  Going alll the way down for those deep seated squats.  Facing head on my fear of a flat ass.  1 Legged DL X1, Cable Kick Back X1, Smith Squats X8, Leg Press X4, 1 Legged Bench Lunge X6, Hyper-Ext X2, Hanging Leg Raise X4.  Total sets: 26.  Cardio: 20 minutes elliptical….watching Paris Hilton BFF.  HILARIOUS.

PS.  Please vote for me in the Iron Man Cover Girl Contest.

I appreciate your support! 

After my church dream I had a series of dreams in which I was trying to reach the "upstairs" or higher level of a home.  Each time a different home.  First dream of course was the church home, which did allow entry, but which was crowded and cramped with miserably low ceilings.  (Nothing but a crawl space.)  The next dream involved attempting to get myself, my mom, and my three children into an upstairs, ( a small square which we had to "leap" through), which we finally did after beating off all of my grandmother’s clawing cats.  My grandmother was in the dream as well.  Which leads me to believe that the clawing power of old family beliefs prevents us from accessing our higher minds.    Another dream, I was with my brother, who was having difficulty accessing the "upstairs" because of being out of shape.  With incredible effort he did indeed make it.  I remember being thankful for my body’s strength as I made it into the small hard to reach enclosure that had no steps or ladder with much more ease.  This I believe to be an interpretation of a sound body in a sound mind.  The two going hand in hand.  It is much easier to find and reach your higher mind when your body is strengthened, cared for, and loved.  Finally, had a dream about a week ago in which I had purchased a grand old mansion.  A thing of beauty and remembrances of a resplendid past.  A woman I admired had owned the home before me and had passed on.  It was truly a mansion, still partially filled with lovely furniture, in no certain array, that her children had left behind.  Also old photos and mementos, giving clue to the beautiful lady’s elegant past.  She was as a movie star from the 1920’s.  What stood out to me the most was the tremendous sweeping open staircase.  Such a comparison to the small cubby hole openings in my dreams before.  Ultra wide steps as in Gone With The Wind, and a ceiling above almost as sky.  The stairs wrapped around beautifully and you were in an upstairs of amazing proportions.  Each room the size of a house.  Many, many rooms.  One could almost get lost in them.  But what fun exploring as one opened into the next.  Each room was beautiful, (though aged), filled with amazing furniture and artifacts the woman had gathered from around the world.  This was my final dream.  The woman is a symbol of women before me (as in Ayn Rand), who have achieved a higher state of consciousness.  She has left behind some of her things and life experiences as clues.  The home is now my own.  How spacious, elegant, and mysteriously lovely a place.

What’s on my mind tonight?  First off, I’m fat.  One week off of double cardio and BAM!  That’s ok, because I am getting back into the old double grind.  Took today’s lunch break at the gym.  Came back refreshed.  Ahhhhhh.  Working off steam.  This morning was a condensed workout.  Can you believe I fit 20 minutes cardio and 25 sets of triceps into a 40 minute workout????  Almost seems impossible, but I did it.  Even got some decent weight going, and after the gym cleared a little rr,rr,ahhhhh.  I get paid in 3 days and am so going to take my daughters to The Cheesecake Factory.  Yes these once a month paychecks are something to look forward to.  Last month I had the entire thing spent in 5 days.  Something to be proud of, yessirree.  Right now I am reading Ayn Rand’s, "The Fountain Head".  Very good book.  Stayed up past midnight last night and got to page 108.  It’s a 785 page book.  lol  Also checked out, "The God Delusion".  Can’t remember the author.  I am appreciating actually listening unbiasedly for the first time to an atheist’s viewpoint.

SO honey wants me to take down my last blog.  He thinks there-in lies a secret message of some sort.  I said, “Honey, if I really, really wanted de cock, el cocko, I would be rolling in it.  And I wouldn’t be rolling in my own community.”  Yes, I would be taking trips.  Lots and lots of spontaneous trips.  All planned at a single moment’s notice.  All mysteriously paid for.  Come to mention, must go get packed for New Orleans.

If I told you you have a beautiful body,…

….would you f-ck me senseless?

Wait.  I think I got the punchline wrong.

Setting boundaries.  This one goes out particularly to the ladies.  You know I have three children.  After spending the majority of my life sacrificing everything that I had, and all that I was, in their interests, I came to a startling fact. 

By doing so I was teaching them to grow up and do the same.  Which does nothing but perpetuate generation after generation of empty, self sacrificial, (depressed), mothers. 

There was something to me before I had children, and there was something to me after.  Only I would not allow it to grow.  Imitating Christ, I had come to the mistaken conclusion that one must die in order for the other to live.  That my daughters could only flourish on the milk of mother’s ever flowing givingness and the honey of self martyrhood. 

Well it was an utter load of hogwash.  What daughters need is not an ever dripping empty vessel, but a FULL CONTAINER.  A mother they can look up to, emulate, admire. 

In infancy, sure, a child’s needs are great.  There is a temporary time of great sacrifice.  Endure and enjoy this time for all it’s worth,….but ever looking forward to the day when you can claim your own again. 

By me living a life outside of my children, I give these future women an opportunity to know…….that someday they may also do the same.

Anytime you begin to feel that you are in the backseat to your own life you are on the wrong path.  You were created in the image of God to be the driver.  If you don’t like driving, get out of the car and f-cking walk.  Yes, just like REM sang, "Everybody Hurts Sometimes".  If you find that you do indeed hurt all of the time.…….it’s time to retake control.  You do this one brave, independent, step at a time.

I think I can.  I think I can. 

I know I can!   I know I can! 

“The Little Engine That Could”. 

Great little book.  Something adults learn from reading to their little polli-wog, as much as little polli-wog learns himself.

I spent some time this evening looking at other ladies on this site and I know I am out-leagued.  Where do these beautiful torsos and shapely rib cages come from???  Why, from a strict diet of course.

Strict dieting is definitely not for me in the long term.  However, I know I can do better, and achieve more, if I put some thought and energy into this area.

My workouts?  I still love them, though I am definitely on auto pilot and not breaking any barriers. 

I am still working out on time and intuition alone.  Which makes me think that maybe I should write a book someday called, “The Intuitive Lifter“.  But first I must achieve some accomplishments.

Being the thick and curvy girl is fun.  But I know I can leave thick and curvy behind.  Always to come back to her with ease, (and a barrel of cashews) someday. 

The body I desire is big, thick, muscles, a little narrow waistline, vaccuum abs. 

I can’t achieve this look without steroids.  Since noone has been kind enough to offer, I can at least start drinking milk. 

You know it’s loaded with the stuff.

And anything that’s good enough for Arnold, is good enough for me.