Maddi 
"I'm only as old as the men that I feel. I feel about 22 tonight."
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Archive for June, 2008
Monday, June 30th, 2008
I worked alone with my boss today which was nice. (I did accept the full time position!) 
I told my boss, “It is so nice working for someone who is happy and in love.”
This is true.
Happy, in love people, are just so pleasant to be around.
Which means of course, that if your boss is an a**hole, he or she is also a very unhappy person. It’s hardly ever personal.
My boss told me today that men often come in asking if I am married. The other gal will not tell me she said, because she thinks I might be tempted.
I told my boss, (and the truth is),…
I am so secure in my marriage,
and more importantly myself,
this man.. .
…this man
And this man…
…could all walk into my library, and I would absolutely not be tempted!!!
Unless of course, they all came in together.
Then we might be able to work something out.
Posted in MISC, BOYS
Sunday, June 29th, 2008
That’s my russian porn star name. It is also my chatting moniker. Imagine my shame AND CHAGRIN, having to tell Richard this in order for us to have our online interview via MSN Messenger. (Richard??? Interview???)
The internet is fantastic. What would we do without it? All that sexual energy, repressed and bursting at the seams. All of our shadow selves finding escape from the everyday mundacity of life through pictures and words.
I was a naughty girl awhile back. When I first lost 100 pounds, my inner sexual deviant was released like a brilliant comet or hurtling, burning, shining star. I was unabashedly streaking and shoooting across the net in a dazzling blaze of glory. Ahhhhh, those were the days.
I haven’t felt the need to chat online for almost 2 years now! Yessim! I’ve been cured of my uncontrollable obsession with SEX and all things SEXUAL it seems.
Darned shame.
Might need to take up knitting or crocheting to pass the time.
Posted in MISC, BOYS, BECAUSE SOMETIMES I HAVE TO BE NAUGHTY
Sunday, June 29th, 2008
There was a last minute change from IHOP to Mexican last night.
I kept thinking about my last visit to IHOP, when one waitress ran to the bathroom with her mouth covered to vomit, and another gal cleaning tables was tweaking.
Seems as much as I love those Harvest Grain Pancakes, those seared memories have overcome the flavor.
Drove by my gym on the way out of town, and there it sat desolate. It seems like a lifetime ago I once went there. (Ok. It’s been 2 weeks.) But gosh, I miss it.
Ate a deep fried seafoood chimichanga with avocado and sour cream of all things for supper. See, I can get by with this once every blue moon. But if I were to keep it up I would most definitely be on the incline of the waistline.
I do have to be very careful.
I was offered a full-time position at my work. Wow! The inner war inside my head! Money….Freedom….Money, Things, Stuff….Oh that sweet Freedom!
Between all the extra hours and my pay increase, I would be virtually rolling in dough. But as we all know, the more you make, the more you spend.
Still, it feels like an opportunity. I am going to sit with it for a couple days before I make my decision.
Posted in MISC
Saturday, June 28th, 2008
My first day back, and I worked a 9 hour shift alone. It has gone well. I gouge a good day by how many men come in to flirt with me. Today it was two. Not bad. All in a day’s work. 
I have been putting away books, even though my boss granted me temporary amnesty. At first I was skipping the top shelf. because of that darned "over the head restraint".
I found however that standing upon a stool I can reach top shelf without breaking any rules or otherwise harming myself.
Called my husband a sec ago.
"How about taking me for pancakes?"
"Why?" he asked.
"Because I’m HUNGRY," said I.
We are on. Definitely an omelette and some Harvest Grain Pancakes will be filling my Saturday night agenda. I need the calories for healing.
A sad note. I noticed I am not even up a full cup size from my surgery. I am fuller on top, but after swelling went down, not a whole lot bigger than before. Still, no more loose skin. Things sit firm and tight, but still soft.
Strange. It seems like I almost had a "lift", instead of an upsize.
I may have went from a large C to a small d. I am not going to complain. I know there are more important things in life to obsess over.
Things like omelettes…and Harvest Grain Pancakes.
Posted in MISC
Friday, June 27th, 2008
All of us are raised with God, or at least with the notion of God throughout our lives. My background was an idiosyncratic, yet interesting combination of Catholicism/Oneness Pentecostal/Assembly of God/Atheism.
When I grew up, soul searching, intent of finding meaning, I was led, along with my brother, to a charismatic church of the 90’s called the Vineyard. There I was introduced to a lot of hocus pocus mumbo jumbo and ultimately led astray, along with a great group of us, by a wanna be cult leader. A large group of us left this church and formed a home group of our own, meeting in various member’s basements or living rooms. Of course, we thought we were going to change the world.
When the home church broke up, (a long drawn out, lingering death), I stopped attending church at all. But I was always looking. It was a spiritual home I was looking for. Like minds. The world seemed an extremely tainted, dangerous place to me. More than anything I wanted refuge. A safe place for my small family. My husband, my children, myself.
I finally gave up and grew to be quite comfortable outside of the church. Along some point I even began,.. to like it.
Eventually, figuring out that everything in life is not what I was taught it to be, I began living by the authority of experience over all other things. I decided to start questioning the idea of God himself. I began especially to begin questioning the infallible word of scripture. Something I had never allowed myself the privilege of doing before.
I began thinking that every culture is caught hold by their faith through fear. If you doubt, much like in "The Emperor’s new Clothes", you have revealed yourself to not be pure of heart.
I began to think "bullshit". "The Emperor is freaking naked."
A large part of my weight loss was in setting down old values. I began to try on new ones of my own. Throughout it all, I found my strengths. I threw out my weaknesses, and old, no longer necessary dogmas.
I began to hear a quiet voice on the inside saying, "Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater".
“Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater.”
What does this mean? Who is the baby God? My husband?
Certainly I had thought of throwing my husband out a time or two while transitioning to my new beginning.
God never gave me the answer from the inside. Like a good teacher, he let me just sort it out myself.
Eventually, I found this.
God is the baby. Religious virtuosity, and my old dogmas and belief systems were the bath water,…which desperately needed to go.
Today, I have absolutely no problems with God. In fact, I love him.
Not by the conforming force of culture, or fear of death or hell. I love God because he is different from anyone and anything else I have ever encountered.
Everything else in this life is earned. We are loved or outcast based upon our performances by every single person we cross paths with. We are loved for our looks, our talents, our strength, our wit, charm, or intelligence. Don’t let anybody deceive you. Dare to change before their eyes and watch their love fade and die.
God is my man, my main man, my only man.
God is my fabled lover and I am his Aphrodite.
With God there is no earning my way in. God loves me, simply and magically enough, because we are one.
With God I can grow old and be loved. With God, strong or weak, I am loved. God’s love for me is not based upon beauty, strength, grace, intellect, or any worldly performance.
At the same time, God allows and encourages me to be all that I can be. With God there is no rivalry. I do not have to hold myself back for God to make him feel safe or better.
God is Maddi, living through God. I am God, living through Maddi.
Like all good lovers, we’re kind of wrapped up in each-other.
Posted in MISC, RECOVERING FROM OBESITY. MORE THAN OVERCOMERS., THE LOVING ARMS OF GOD
Thursday, June 26th, 2008
Too much bedrest made me bored. I chopped off my hair. Much glad to be rid of it.
Nothing much to lose. Just a bunch of split ends.
I do confess, my implants look far better on the inside.
Still not exactly what I wanted, but what’s that they say?
3 X the charm?
AND now that I have gotten all of THAT off of my chest,
I promise dear friends,
genteel readers,
my blogs will return to the former glory of GUTS and IRON in no time flat.
As it is, I am bored.
No work, no workouts. Nothing to do.
(Which is not altogether a bad thing.)
I go back to the real world on Saturday when I return to work for the first time.
I have also been ok’ed by my doctor to begin walking the treadmill on Monday.
Other than that, no workouts for 4 more weeks.
4 weeks and 4 days to be exact.
And yes, I am counting the minutes.
(…precious seconds…)
I am going to kiss that iron.
Posted in MISC, BOOBS, COSMETIC SURGERY
Wednesday, June 25th, 2008
One free Met-Rx bar goes to the first person who can tell me what this is.
Ok, I will admit I lied. I already ate the Met-Rx Bar. (They’re so darned yummy.)
But if you were one of the mensa few who took a gander at the above picture and declared,
“Hey! Those are Maddi’s tits!” …then you would be CORRECT.
DING! DING! DING! DING!
Yes, I went to see my (oh so handsome) surgeon today, and he asked if I would like to have my old breasts back.
Now, how this man knew I was the sort of lady that would like to have her former breasts presented to her in a tupperwear container, I can never imagine.
Maybe, it’s that goofy grin of mine.
See, implants are really not so big. My formers, even being a size deluxe, were not much more than a handful.
What is truly hilarious to me is the cost of these thin plastic bags of water. $500 apiece, or $1000 if you want a set.
Eventually the doctor said, the water within will dissipate, leaving me with 2 empty sacks of nothing.
“Ah, just like my natural breasts,” I told him.
So what will I do with these little wonder packets of sublime joy, you ask?
I am thinking of selling them on Ebay or Craigslist to the highest bidder.
If you ever wanted to feel my breasts,…
..here’s your chance.
Posted in MISC, BOOBS, COSMETIC SURGERY
Tuesday, June 24th, 2008
Posted in MISC
Monday, June 23rd, 2008
I gave the last of my pain pills to my cousin who had a toothache this afternoon, and I stopped icing my breasts this morning. Here’s to life returning to normal.
Had my second shower in a week (lol) and found myself in a bit of a pickle.
The doctor put tape around my incisions (which frankly, are a bit like Frankenstein). They extend all the way around my back and loop around the front. I have been wearing what they call a compression garment. This helps with wound healing and makes the scar turn flat. Only I forgot to ask the doctor whether I start wearing this before or after my stitches are removed.
So I have been wearing this garment night and day since Friday. Today in the shower, letting the warm clean water wash over me (refreshing)…I began to remove the tape from the stitches. Only,…the darned tape wouldn’t unstick. I was pulling on my incisions, and sure enough, right at the very beginning, I started to open up.
So I am standing there, bleeding in the shower, with just only 2 centimeters of tape removed. And about 80 centimeters to go.
Being that I am very healthy, I pressed on the incision, which closed and clotted easily enough. Then I just let that water run,… nice and warm over my tape, for a good 15 minutes.
I began to pull,…..ever so hesitantly, ever so gently.
The rest of the tape came off without a problem.
Hubbie says my scars look like a magician’s apprentice, who got cut in half, in a magic trick gone awry.
I told him to disappear.
Posted in MISC, LOVE AND MARRIAGE, COSMETIC SURGERY
Sunday, June 22nd, 2008
I have been very tired and perhaps even slightly feverish today. My body is working overtime to stave off infection and wound heal. Settling into it’s own skin you might say. So I lay and I rest. I rest and I lay some more.
I am still on antibiotics, which runs out tomorrow. Same for the pain pills. As with last time, I can’t say I have had any pain. Only some discomfort. I have a low pain thresh-hold, so this is quite a testimony. Though I believe the degree of weight training and cardio I do has prepared my body to withstand alot.
You know, I never feel more myself in life than when I am training, lifting weights, doing cardiovascular work on a day to day basis. Great physical health is such a kick in the pants. What a wonderful lifestyle. I would rather die than have it any other way.
Here’s to a long life of lifting. Here’s to lifting for a lifetime.
Posted in MISC, COSMETIC SURGERY
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