December 2010. Reminiscing because I became totally lost this last year and left my vision behind me. Back in focus, mentally stronger than ever, many lessons learned, and ready to put a choke hold on the world. All in great love of course.
One more summation of what I have learned.
1. I am to be earned.
2. I am to be valued.
3. I am to be treated as the utmost thing of value in any man?s life.
4. I am not to have sex, by the word from both God and myself, until I know I am loved and I am cherished.
5. Sex is NEVER to be used as exchange, and I must be careful of the slippery slope that presents itself to very attractive women in this world.
6. It is ok to be a freak. It is ok to be strong. Certain men, and most certainly, the man I want to spend my life with, will be drawn to it. Not in a fetishistic way, but in a man who respects my hard work and drive sort of way.
7. Sex is for love, and love is for sex, period. Sexual pleasure is a gift from God and not to be abused or treated lightly. I am a temple containing the Holy Spirit. I am to choose rightly, and with the help of my God, I WILL.
8. A husband who loves you is a thing of glory, and the grass is not always greener. I know I must venture out into the world, but my first husband was the greatest gift that God could have ever given me. I will love and respect him until the day that I die, and then some. Thank you God for this gift. Give him every greatest happiness, and may we share happiness in our future together, as friends and even potential travelling companions. He is my heart and soul for life. I thank you for all that he is.. You made my ex husband perfect.
9. When times get tough?????..TURN TO GOD.
10. There is no feeling you are not allowed to feel, and if you feel it, there is probably a reason for it. Listen to your feelings!
11. If I am directing my attention to something, it is going to grow stronger, so always choose the good things!
12. Time heals all wounds, even the deepest cutting ones. You must allow yourself to feel your weakness in full, and not despise yourself for it, as your body (and soul) heal themselves, and become stronger. Good things come to those who (trust in The Lord and) wait!
13. Life is to be loved and enjoyed.
14. The importance of healthy mirrors and people who see your true worth and higher value are all important in your life. Negative mirrors can kill you, but only if you allow them. The most important thing to do when you have negative mirrors in your life is ask yourself, ?Why am I allowing this?? Why am I allowing myself to be perceived in this way?? Generally it has something to do with a strong sense of guilt or a shame complex. Know that there is nothing under the sun that is unforgiven in Christ. Nothing at all. His righteousness applies to you, if you will believe.
15. You may think that you will never get past the point of anger and hatred for those who have hurt, demeaned, or betrayed you. But you will! Again, this is a matter of patience and time. The hardest part is the wait. But if you will hold fast, think of God as the tree in the storm, you will make it! Allow yourself to feel anger. Anger is taking your power back from pain and helplessness. It is not a good feeling. But it won?t last forever. It is the first step back up in vibration to making a healthy recovery, claiming your personal worth and power.
16. For girls struggling with the thin line of wanting to feel beautiful and desirable, and not wanting to be shark bait for men: Body building is a highly desirable way of having a beautiful body, while also feeling strength in your body. While some men will fetishize it, and others will detest it, body building is a very brilliant way of saying, ?My body is my own, and this thing I do for me.? There are deep pits and crevices in this world, because to have a beautiful body is to draw attention, and sometimes not of the healthiest variety. But if you hold your head high, and keep your ethics firm, this too can be a powerful point of building greater strength of character. You will stand out. And who doesn?t want to be special? Only remember, you began this road to feel good about yourself. You did it for you. Don?t let it be all about them. Develop your spirit (relationship with a real and present God) in concert with your body, and you can never go wrong. Or if you do, it won?t be for long.
17. Because you look like a sex machine, doesn?t mean that you have to be a sex machine. Do not be conformed to the image that the world gives unto you, but rather by transforming your mind, use your powerful image to give and bring glory to God.
18. With confession comes clarity. When you make a mistake, own up to it. Repentance is a most powerfully painful blow to the ego, but it is also the first part in healing and forgiveness, both for self and others. Nothing starts before repentance. (Awareness of error, willingness to change your mind.)