Alrighty, Day 19

So I am working an overnight, which is my job outside of college.  And I believe it is partially to blame for my weight gain.  Though school, and a romantic break up played into it.  Needing to survive played into it.  Living homeless in my car for awhile played into it.  So we can play the blame game, or we can purposefully take control of our life.

All I can tell you is that the last three weeks have been a sort of stumble out of the gates for me.  I do eat more when life is stressful.  And life is stressful, though the majority of it is good stress.

I go to a kick ass gym.  And man it's hard to be humble.  But man, yes I have to be.  I am not in love with the image in the mirror.  I love the image in the mirror, but I am not in love with her.

I have a couple guys who are not condemning or complaining.  One an Argentinean who is painting my image, maybe perhaps while we speak.  The other a Portuguese who sends me the nicest messages.  This is "Maddi is single for the first time in 25 years tour of the world".  And it's a pretty kick ass tour.  But men are easy to please when you are playing the law of non attachment.  "You mean you don't want to draw closer?....Oh here.....let me pull you to me."  Yes, it's the male/female tango.  How fun, except when I'm bored.

But.  Then, when I am bored, I can take a break from the boys (men) (men are mostly boys)...and go SURFING.  And I can.  And I will.  And this is all part of my new fitness plan as well.

SO then, I have a kick ass gym full of hard cores.  And then I have the Pacific Ocean.  Warm and friendly year round, even if there are a couple oil spills.  (Have I told you I am taking environmental philosophy?)  God, I am glad there are people who want to love and tend to the world, and not just take another selfie.

But there we go again.  And aren't we on, "the home of the original selfie?" patrons were taking selfies before taking selfies were even cool.  And of course now, our babies that were in the background of our first "self

ie shots" ....are taking their own personal selfies in front of the very same bathroom mirrors.  That is if mom and dad are still together, and did not sell the family farm.'s to us!  And here's to  And here's to sunset yoga on the beach tomorrow.  The very first day in February.

Mother ****ing Aloha-ya.


Well, you know, if you are going to look for inspiration, you need to go straight to the top.  What you are looking for is someone iconic; someone archetypical; a person that brings to mind the word demi-god.

And well, yes, I found this person in Larissa Reiss. 

Larissa Reiss doesn't worry about the ****.  Hell no.  Larissa Reiss is jet setting around,  opening up Protein Houses, giving a positive meaning to the word selfie, because this bitch has earned it.

If you want it, you have to work for it.  Larissa Reiss does.




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One Week Down, One Lifetime to Go

So let's see.  I am on day 9.   I have had six workouts,  have cut out processed carbs, and have lost 5 lbs.  Probably really 4, as I went to the gym for my workout earlier in the day today, and that is where I weigh myself.

Just a quick note about the difference in the gym experience between a fat person and as a  fit person.  When you are a fat person, your body hurts.  It does not want to be there.  Every move, every bit of it is harder, because your body at this point is not a fitness machine, it is a fatness machine.  It is accustomed to doing what fat bodies do.  There is no pride when you look inside the mirror.  There is no gym status.  You have to suck it up.  You have to lower your pride, and maybe your head, and work a little harder.  You will get there again someday.

Yes, we have to work our asses off to acquire gym pride.  Have no doubt that there is a hierarchy.  While you don't have to work within the hierarchy, you do have to navigate around it.

Put your gym blinders on and become the work horse that you know you can be.  Eventually you will yourself....the person that you know that you are. 

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Hello everyone,

About 7-10 years ago, I was very active on this site, and it was an important piece in my weight loss journey of 100 bs.  I was a very active blogger at the time, and had such a great time.  This was the place where I learned that I love to express myself.

For various reasons, I left and went at it on my own for several years.  It took me about five years, but eventually I went on to regain 50 of the original 100 lbs that I had lost.  20 lbs of that being in the last 4 months!

So anyway, I am excited to be back. I am entering the transformation contest 2015.  Not so much with the intention to win, but to shed 30 of the 50 I regained, and to share this journey with others, who also have more than a few lbs to lose.


Best wishes to everyone and happy 2015 to us all. 


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December 2010. Reminiscing because I became totally lost this last year and left my vision behind me. Back in focus, mentally stronger than ever, many lessons learned, and ready to put a choke hold on the world. All in great love of course.

One more summation of what I have learned.

1.  I am to be earned.

2.  I am to be valued.

3.  I am to be treated as the utmost thing of value in any man’s life.

4.  I am not to have sex, by the word from both God and myself, until I know I am loved and I am cherished.

5.  Sex is NEVER to be used as exchange, and I must be careful of the slippery slope that presents itself to very attractive women in this world.

6.  It is ok to be a freak.  It is ok to be strong.  Certain men, and most certainly, the man I want to spend my life with, will be drawn to it.  Not in a fetishistic way, but in a man who respects my hard work and drive sort of way.

7.  Sex is for love, and love is for sex, period.  Sexual pleasure is a gift from God and not to be abused or treated lightly.  I am a temple containing the Holy Spirit.  I am to choose rightly, and with the help of my God, I WILL.

8.  A husband who loves you is a thing of glory, and the grass is not always greener.  I know I must venture out into the world, but my first husband was the greatest gift that God could have ever given me.  I will love and respect him until the day that I die, and then some.  Thank you God for this gift.  Give him every greatest happiness, and may we share happiness in our future together, as friends and even potential travelling companions.  He is my heart and soul for life.  I thank you for all that he is..  You made my ex husband perfect.

9. When times get tough……………..TURN TO GOD.

10.  There is no feeling you are not allowed to feel, and if you feel it, there is probably a reason for it.  Listen to your feelings!

11.  If I am directing my attention to something, it is going to grow stronger, so always choose the good things!

12.  Time heals all wounds, even the deepest cutting ones.  You must allow yourself to feel your weakness in full, and not despise yourself for it, as your body (and soul)  heal themselves, and become stronger.  Good things come to those who (trust in The Lord and) wait!

13.  Life is to be loved and enjoyed.

14.  The importance of healthy mirrors and people who see your true worth and higher value are all important in your life.  Negative mirrors can kill you, but only if you allow them.  The most important thing to do when you have negative mirrors in your life is ask yourself, “Why am I allowing this?”  Why am I allowing myself to be perceived in this way?”  Generally it has something to do with a strong sense of guilt or a shame complex.  Know that there is nothing under the sun that is unforgiven in Christ.  Nothing at all.  His righteousness applies to you, if you will believe.

15.  You may think that you will never get past the point of anger and hatred for those who have hurt, demeaned, or betrayed you.  But you will!  Again, this is a matter of patience and time.  The hardest part is the wait.  But if you will hold fast, think of God as the tree in the storm, you will make it!  Allow yourself to feel anger.  Anger is taking your power back from pain and helplessness.  It is not a good feeling. But it won’t last forever.  It is the first step  back up in vibration to making a healthy recovery, claiming your personal worth and power.

16.  For girls struggling with the thin line of wanting to feel beautiful and desirable, and not wanting to be shark bait for men:  Body building is a highly desirable way of having a beautiful body, while also feeling strength in your body. While some men will fetishize it, and others will detest it, body building is a very brilliant way of saying, “My body is my own, and this thing I do for me.”  There are deep pits and crevices in this world, because to have a beautiful body is to draw attention, and sometimes not of the healthiest variety.  But if you hold your head high, and keep your ethics firm, this too can be a powerful point of building greater strength of character.  You will stand out.  And who doesn’t want to be special?  Only remember, you began this road to feel good about yourself.  You did it for you. Don’t let it be all about them.  Develop your spirit (relationship with a real and present God) in concert with your body, and you can never go wrong.  Or if you do, it won’t be for long.

17.  Because you look like a sex machine, doesn’t mean that you have to be a sex machine. Do not be conformed to the image that the world gives unto you, but rather by transforming your mind, use your powerful image to give and bring glory to God.

18. With confession comes clarity.  When you make a mistake, own up to it.  Repentance is a most powerfully painful blow to the ego, but it is also the first part in healing and forgiveness, both for self and others.  Nothing starts before repentance.  (Awareness of error, willingness to change your mind.)

God bless you!

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