MILF HUNTRESS

I love fat muscle girls.  Thank f-cking God because I am one.  (God is not petty enough to worry about profanity so don’t you be.)  166!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Jeepers creepers!  This means I’ve put on a steady 4 lbs per week in the month I’ve been back.  This means I’ve been definitely trying to chase off ol Dan Ray, and now I’ll tell you why. 

Psycho-Cybernetics states that our minds are ‘goal seeking servo-mechanisms’.  Whatever our underlying true belief states about ourself, our unconscious mind will bring about to be true, much like a missile headed on course. IF I were to see myself as a girl that fitness photographers come to, a girl that is worthy of the attention of photographers in the fitness industry, then my servile mechanism would continue on course as engaged.  BUT if my UNCONSCIOUS mind sees rather a fat pre-adolescent, a gawky teenager, or an obese mother, my unconscious mind might possibly FREAK, say WTF, and go running 180 in the opposite direction.  What can I do to show the world who I really am?  What can I do to show the world I am a fat girl?  A homely chick?

This is what my unconscious has been up to.  This is what I have been doing.  I am aware of this.  However, CONSCIOUS AWARENESS CHANGES NOTHING UNLESS I CAN GO INSIDE AND CHANGE THE UNDERLYING INNER PROGRAMMING.

Yes a work in progress.

Still wish I could take a picture!

I do lovvvve a fat muscle chick.

If I masturbate for more than 30 minutes straight, does that count for cardio?

‘i find it funny that as many times as i have left comments for u…..u have never responded back….maybe its just me but someone takes a few minutes to say a few nice words to u and u cant return the favor at all…thats jus rude…or then agen maybe u dont like me and if thats the case then i cant make u like me….im on bodyspace too’

Received this comment today.  This has actually been on my mind a little bit.  I receive a lot of nice comments, a boat load of PM.’S.  I don’t respond to perhaps 90% of these.  I spend approximately an hour and a half on the internet daily.  And not just on Bodyspace.  I come on here to self express, keep a daily tab of how I am doing, have a record of my daily flows and carrying ons.  It’s not about popularity, or for the most part, forming genuine friendships.

There are loads and loads of amazing, inspiring, people on here.  To be friends with each and every one of them would leave no time for the people in my ‘real’ life.  If I inspire you, I think that’s great.  You inspire me too!  Yet when I leave a comment for someone it is never with an expectation of getting something back in return.  I know you all have real lives…I have mine too.

I can tell when I’ve put on a few lbs because my innie belly button turns into an outie.  I think this means I’m ready.

Highly unmotivated these days.  Still borderline fatiguish, but at this point I think it is more food related than overtrained.  I can’t seem to fill myself properly.  I like to be good and full and I’ll do whatever it takes to get me there.  The only reason I am not a blimpola is the exercise.  Still just 15 minutes cardio, enough to get some blood pumping. And I’ve promised myself an hour of weights daily.  I try to go hard and heavy, struggling to remain inspired.  It’s become a bit repetitive.  We go through highs and lows.  When you go through a low remember the cycle.  Like the wheel of fortune card teaches us, the wise thing to do is be the hub. 

Aw, my husband got an I-Phone, so I get to send him pictures and dirty text messages for a change.  I love text messaging and I love my guy friends that I text message with.  I also enjoy the fact that I have all these buddies I can talk to, and otherwise stimulate myself with, and owe absolutely nothing to.  I enjoy being married.  This is only because I, in general, feel appreciated.  It is good to be known, understood, and accepted, flaws and all.  After 22 years of togetherness there is not so much you can hide from eachother.  Good days, bad days, everydays.  It is 3 weeks ’til our 20 year wedding anniversary.  The true secret to staying married is the persistent threat of divorce.  When you make it a valid option, oftimes that option doesn’t anymore sound appealing.  A hefty dose of insanity helps as well.  Here’s to a big steak dinner and a Led Zeppelin Orchestra. 

Fitness photographers never want you to smile.  It’s always, “sexy mouth, sexy mouth….breathe through your mouth, open your mouth a little”.  It’s more than fairly obvious to me the reason for this being you can slip a cock inside.  Me?  I like to smile.  I’m happy when I smile.  I’m pretty when I’m happy.  Husband doesn’t have a problem with any of my pictures but the cucumber series.  In fact, he has threatened to call Moss and tell him not by any means to put them up.  But the cucumber selection is my favorite of all the pictures taken!  It was at the end of shooting, so I was well warmed up.  I also believe they best reflect the heart and spirit of who I really am.  A big thing in my hand and a smile on my face.

I think my biggest problem still is lack of confidence.  It is a thin line between confidence and egotism.  I can’t stand egotistical bastards, so I walk that tightrope gently.  It is good to know one’s strengths and one’s weaknesses.  Good to see oneself in the best possible, most optimistic light, and yet be humble enough to recognize and accept one’s true weaknesses and obvious flaws.  (We all have them.)  I find most people love themselves both far too much and never enough.  Quiet confidence never goes out of style.

Well I killed it at the gym today.  Over 2 hours and 15 minutes of weights, 15 minutes of cardio.  It was the ol legs and ass day and I served it well.  I weigh 163 but I am soooooooo not sweating it.  Let’s see, there were over 15 sets ab work, 4 leg ext, 5 leg curl, 6 leg press, 5 squat, 4 straight leg deadlift, 8 cable kickback, 3 walking lunge, 3 hyper extension, 6 sets of 50 jump rope, and a couple sprints around the gym.  Came home and ate donkey dick flavored protein from truepro-ein.com.  Don’t ask me how I know this.

You really do have to roll with the changes.  I guess one thing that I was made aware of through my photo shoot, something I’ve had a knowledge of all along but have slapped back, slapped back,….is that my youth is not just going, it is gone.   I will never be a young Tiffany Forni.  There are certain things that are behind me now and never to be manifested or regained.  So maybe I have been in mourning.  Maybe that is why for the first time in five years I have actually purposely cut back.  Yes, it is time for a change, and I am not exactly sure what it is going to be yet, but I know it involves trading out major cardio for yoga and stretching.  It also involves getting my ‘I am no longer 20 haircut’.  As soon as I am able it also involves a mad dash across Mexico for a large supply of HGH.  (PM me if you can help me here!!)  No, I am not giving up.  Just giving in a little.  Or otherwise, regathering troops.