MThurs’s BodyBlog

Well I have blogged before about my lack of motivation and sometimes the "will power" to do what I know is right concerning my eating and my working out.

I have recently really had a rough go of it - knowing that I should not eat candy and feeling like I am powerless to stop.  Knowing that soda of any kind (even the diet) ramps up my cravings and my struggles and feeling sooo drawn to it that I am powerless.  Knowing that carbs (the bad kind) in excess will not get me closer to my goals - and how serious are those goals if I can’t remember them when there is cake present.

I am soon to be 40 (in Dec.) and was talking to my husband last night - mentioning that I have been struggling with food and my eating for the better part of 15 years.  Struggling to lose 5 to 10 lbs - feeling good about the way I look after losing a few pounds and then completely derailing myself by eating in excess, wrong foods, too late - then gaining back the few pounds that I had lost.

I seriously think I have lost and gained the same 5 to 15 lbs repeatedly every year for 15 years - why do I continue the same cycle again and again?

My focus is now going to be shifting to the "why" - why do I eat the junk that I do - why can I not stop with a bite - why do I stand at the beginning of this cycle (knowing that I am on the edge) and proceed.

I will be jounaling not only what I eat (yeah it’s a pain), but when I eat and at those times of temptation what I am feeling (is it stress, sadness, boredom).  Finally, I will be learning - making more of an effort to keep clean eating articles, recipes, thoughts in front of my face.

I want off this hamster track - I am not helpless - I am in control.  Now I need to ACT like it! 

I may have stumbled on to one of the easiest ways to get a super-dose of my fruits & antioxidants - MonaVie.   Has anyone had experience with it?

It was recently on Opra & Rachel Rae - I am taking the "Active" to get my glucosamine and my husband is taking "Pulse" for his cholesterol.

This sounds like an ad - but I like sharing and having info shared with me.  Check out the info at www.the-team.biz/mv1536425  - it may be that "non-pill formula" you’ve been looking for too.

That’s all there is to it - I need help! I workout hard and focus on eating well most of the time - and then there is that meal or day that I absolutely lose it - and eat everything that is not nailed down! UGH! Why, why, why - I feel absolutely helpless when I get in that mode.  It started Saturday when a friend brought cookies and rice crispy treats for our weekend travel - I remember thinking that I should just stay away completely and then I remember having the thought "I could have a small bite" - it was over after that.  For the rest of the day I ate, ate, ate - candy, cookies, soda, etc. - I went to bed feeling like crap/sick and got up Sunday and basically repeated it all over again. 

I got up today totally disgusted and ready to get back on track - made the mistake of stepping on the scale - what a waste of effort when you are heavier than you were last week based on a few days of out-of-control eating.

Boy do I stuggle with this yo-yo of eating - not as much as I use to but I sure am frustrated to work so hard and still fall into this cycle of destructive eating behaviors. 

That was the question that I was asked tonight . . . are you taking steroids?  I played softball in a tournament Saturday and pounded the ball - it was a great day for me at bat - 4 triples and 2 doubles.  Tonight I pounded the ball again and hit an in-the-park homerun (300 foot fence).  I played summer co-ed ball with one of the ladies on this fall co-ed team and she asked me if I was taking steroids.  The truth is #1 my back is a TON better than it was all summer long - I had hurt it in January and was nursing it for about 7 months and #2 I am just flat stronger!  I have added SuperPump 250 and Sizeon to my daily supplement regimine and have increased my weights in intensity as well as weight - boy is it paying off!  Can’t wait to update my pics and measurements. 

I have not been in a gym since January of this year.  I have been working out at home using the "P90X" and the "P90X+" workout systems.  Traveling this weekend did not lend to using the DVDs (I actually had taken my computer to do the workouts at the hotel but decided to use the weight room instead).

WOW!  I know that I have been working hard using my DVDs - I am more "cut" than I have been in years - but it is a different animal using weights and free-weights.  I am sooooooo sore!

I did an Upper Body workout - and was pleasantly pleased that I rep’d 80lbs with no spot.  My weights were up there and I was pleased for that.  It was Lower body that killed me!  We do some focus on lower body with the P90 system but not to the extent that you can work it in a gym - my legs HURT!  It’s such a good feeling. 

I am really torn about whether I will stay at home and work the P90 system or continue back in the gym or both.   

Well today is a good day - I have been working out and watching what I eat for some time now - the workouts never give me any trouble - it’s the diet!  I struggle and I struggle - justifying what I eat and what I ate.  I don’t desire to lose a lot of weight but it has been fluctuating from 160ish to 167 (sometimes 169) all year long . . . ugh!  My goal weight is only 150 - probably could get below that but don’t desire to maintain that low - today I finally got out of the 160s - I weigh 159.  What a great day!  I think I’ll celebrate with cake - just kidding!

Never have I looked forward to supplements like I have the ones that I ordered last week:  Super Pump 250 & Size On.  They came in the mail today!!  I am sooooo glad that I didn’t get a chance to workout this morning like I had planned on doing - so as soon as I finish the work that I have to do with the kids and house I am going to try my new supplements!  Yeah!  I will keep you posted.

I continually find it amazing that I can "want" a better body and "desire" to eat clean yet when it comes down to it where is the motivation to make it happen?  I know you can buy fresh foods, you can buy workout equipment and plan, wouldn’t it be great to find that store that sold motivation.

There is something to be said about "knowing" that you need to work out - not feeling like it - and doing it anyway.  That feels so good - after.

I will keep pressing toward the mark - the mark of overall improved fitness in every area - and pressing towards developing stronger habits than motivation. 

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