MThurs’s BodyBlog

Well I have blogged before about my lack of motivation and sometimes the "will power" to do what I know is right concerning my eating and my working out.

I have recently really had a rough go of it - knowing that I should not eat candy and feeling like I am powerless to stop.  Knowing that soda of any kind (even the diet) ramps up my cravings and my struggles and feeling sooo drawn to it that I am powerless.  Knowing that carbs (the bad kind) in excess will not get me closer to my goals - and how serious are those goals if I can’t remember them when there is cake present.

I am soon to be 40 (in Dec.) and was talking to my husband last night - mentioning that I have been struggling with food and my eating for the better part of 15 years.  Struggling to lose 5 to 10 lbs - feeling good about the way I look after losing a few pounds and then completely derailing myself by eating in excess, wrong foods, too late - then gaining back the few pounds that I had lost.

I seriously think I have lost and gained the same 5 to 15 lbs repeatedly every year for 15 years - why do I continue the same cycle again and again?

My focus is now going to be shifting to the "why" - why do I eat the junk that I do - why can I not stop with a bite - why do I stand at the beginning of this cycle (knowing that I am on the edge) and proceed.

I will be jounaling not only what I eat (yeah it’s a pain), but when I eat and at those times of temptation what I am feeling (is it stress, sadness, boredom).  Finally, I will be learning - making more of an effort to keep clean eating articles, recipes, thoughts in front of my face.

I want off this hamster track - I am not helpless - I am in control.  Now I need to ACT like it!