MJSalmy’s BodyBlog

I’m fightin depression lately…I’m experiencing a constant fear of failure…lost my drive and motivation in life, struggled with anger problems. I frequently doubt myself and my plans in life, don’t know if I can make it through studies, will I be able to get a job afterwards…All those kinda issues circle around in my head…my anger problems make it all worse. I just can’t seem to be able of controlling my emotions, they always get the best of me. Especially my anger. They caused another low in sports. Somehow I just can’t vent my anger anywhere else but on the field…that just brings up more issues…I’m thinkin about entering some kind of anger management class or getting a self-help book, because I just can’t live on like that. I’m sick of takin **** from everybody and then burstin out at sports, or at home because I can’t hold it anymore…and on top of that all, I just feel lonely lately…it seems like nobody gets me. They all just roll their eyes, don’t understand my behaviour and my lack of will and blame me for it…just because they can’t see past the fake smiles, the two-sided mask that kinda holds my problems….

I got my apprenticeship finals coming up on Dec. 2, which are putting a lot of stress on me. Hopefully it’ll all change afterwards. Either on the 2nd or the 4th of Dec I’ll continue my routine and be able of focusing on my music. Maybe it’ll bring along the change I’m waiting for…I’ll just hope for compassion from my family and those few friends that’ve always been there for me. 

Today we’ll visit my newborn lil nephew in the hospital =) at least there are a few things that cheer me up from time to time =)

wish me luck für my exams…=)

so long

Manuel

2 weeks off due to injury and lack of motivation…2 weeks off work as well, tryin to get a clear focus on things again…

I’m off my routine this week…finally got my starter position at the soccer team =D…even though I’m makin great progress at soccer, I feel as if I reached a stop at the development of my physique. I will continue with my routine next week and try to get back to the way and hopefully reach a lower bf% in time for the next summer vacation…

due vacation, a few social issues and stress I kinda struggled with my routine…I lost sight and motivation towards my goals…I’m tryin to get that iron mentality back that I used to have last fall and since soccer season’s underway I noticed a lack of muscular endurance when it comes to long distance sprints. At the moment I’m putting final touches to my routine and diet to reach 7% bodyfat over the fall/winter

wish me luck

my Kettler Powercenter arrived on friday and I’m currently rescheduling my workout-plan. I still can’t manage to get entirely back on my healthy diet, cause I can’t resist a lil sweet something every now and then =(. hopefully I can get all my motivation and drive back up and get back on track to that killer physique that’s been waiting for me.

I’m overcomin a motivational low right now. I’m workin on bringing back intensity to my workout and I bought a Kettler Basic E which will arrive here on Friday…can’t wait to get goin ;D I also want to quit drinkin until vacation and drop it in september again in addition to my old nutritional structure (high protein, complex carbs, low fat) which worked best for me so far. my weight is goin down a lil, but I’m still lacking def.

I’ve been tryin to lean it out for a few weeks now but results held off. I’ll switch to a low carb diet now, hoping that this and increased cardio will do the trick. I only got 6 weeks left =/

didn’t really gain that much mass, but since the summer’s arrived here, I’ll start to cut down. I recently participated in a 8 K run and decided to participate in a few more runs of the Rhön-Grabfeld-Cup. Time to lean it out

workout’s goin pretty good so far, I’m back on a bulkin cycle to gain some quality muscle mass before summer. I’ll probably start tonin in June/July, we’ll see. My diet’s a success, goin great so far. Got me Whey and Calcium Caseinate to differ between protein upon wake and night time and I knocked my daily intake about 500 kcal up. The next thing that needs to be improved is my workout posture and injury prevention. I still feel a lil pain in my shoulder from time to time.

On tuesday after soccer the adult team’s coach accused me of takin steroids =( I can’t believe people can be soo ignorant and narrow-minded. Just because I suffer from acne on my back and face doesn’t mean I’m takin anabolic drugs. I earned all the results myself, through strict clean dieting, workin out regularly and adamantine dedication to my goals. How can someone, jealous of results, accuse me of drug abuse? I was shocked when I heard and I defended myself, but the rumors are established now and I’m probably facing a hard time fighting prejudice and accusations…=(