MIssExtreme’s BodyBlog

its been a while since i have posted a blog. During that time i have been making progress. My half marathon is on the 5th october 08. i have been focusing my training on that. I am running 4x a week and doing kettlebells every other day. My body is changing. Currently i resemble an egg and its driving me crazy. i hate my big flabby arms and doing as many triceps exercises i can. basically i hate all my bodyparts. I cant even make the most of my best attributes because presently i dont have any.

i met up with a friend last week. Hes a personal trainer and he still has faith and hope in me. he understands me better than anyone and knows that i can still do it. the past is the figment of my imagination. i cant let the past drag me down. what is in the past should be kept in the past. i should be making new memories

its been a while since my last blog. i lost sight of my end goal and went off track for a while. I lost my enthusiasm for life in general i guess. but then something terrible happened. i had the misfortune of bumping into an ex-friend. I couldnt believe it. Typical. It was highly traumatic facing that person after all this time. I always imagined myself looking fit, toned, wearing a glamorous outfit if ever i met that horrible person again, give them a disdainful glare and walk away (elegantly, of course). The reality was very much different. The feelings that were invoked have galvanised me into action. We hang out in the same social scene so the chances of bumping into that person again are high but this time i will be prepared. Looking my best.

After the hideous experience i spent a lot of time reflecting on my weight struggles. It dawned on. I keep failoing because i keep making the same mistakes. LOL. After all these years. Im so stupid.

1. stop stressing
2. stop creating deadlines for weightloss.
3. creating a lean body takes time and cannot be rushed
4, exercise smart (dont go mad)
5. make healthy living my lifestyle

so there you have it. no more deadlines. no more panicking because deadline is looming and ive not lost any weight. Instead, im taking it day by day.

my motivation has been flagging for a bit. Been feeling low and keep telling myself "who am i kidding". sometimes deep down i truly believe that i do not deserve a fit body. My boyfriend has been relocated to another city for a while (to do with his job). I had mixed feelings. On the one hand i am missing him and feel lost without him, however i am also kind of relieved that i have some "alone" time to spend on improving my body.  I kind of had a melt down the first 3 days. Had real difficulty getting out of bed and not bothering to shower for a couple of days. This is so unlike me turning up to work without showering. All i kept thinking about was my weight and how ugly it makes me feel. To the point i couldnt cope with it anymore. I came close to packi9ng a bag and just taking off. I am under immense pressure to lose the weight and its freaking me out. I just kept thinking "i dont need this". I want to be somewhere i can lose my weight in peace without having the past thrown in my face and being constantly reminded if other women can do it, why cant you. That is why for the past week i have been surfing the net looking for fat burners, anything to stop me feeling this way about myself
Looking back, the hurtful words have had an impact on me coupled with growing up with the belief that i wasnt good enough. i have struggled to lose weight becuase i was focusing on the physical and not the emotional/mental aspect. i need to sort my head out in order for the weight to melt away. i need to convince myself that i am just as good as the next person. I need to begin to like and respect myself. i have to start living now as a THIN person not when i am thin. i have booked myself a spray tan session at the gym and next week i am going to get my hair coloured. I am going to do the things that i had decided i would do when i was thin. But i cant wait that long. I need to do something now to feel like iu am making progress and moving forwards. I am sick of hiding myself in baggy t-shirts and jeans. so as soon as i drop 14lbs i am going to buy something floaty and feminine

Hi, i would like to say a massive thank you for your comments and support. I was touched and strengthend by them. I would have liked to have thanked you all personally but it seems the system will not let me reply to your comments. Again, a big thank you

that comment has incensed and hurt me deeply. I hardly spoke to him last night. He thinks an apology will make it alright but it doesnt. I have struggled for years to lose weight. I have now reached a point in my life where i either do it once and for all or i just give up and accept this is how its going to be.

He has no idea how hard it can be at times. You are doing all the right s things but the weight isnt coming off as quick as you want it to. Back in February i was a UK 18. I am now UK 14. This time i am doing it properly without going on crash diets, spending endless hours at the gym, only to put it all back on again when i cave in and its back to eating junk and avoiding the gym like the plague.

I have set myself a deadline of Oct 5th - thats when i run the half marathon. I twisted my ankle in April and only now can i start running again painfree. He doesnt understand that. He thinks i was just making yet more excuses. He has no idea how frustrated and coming close to giving it all up i was when i hurt my ankle.Just one more obstacle that I did not need but i persevered and entered for the Oct run.

I constantly look at pictures of women on this site to keep me going and not to give up. I dont expect any support ffom my boyfriend but i also do not WANT or NEED destructive comments like that. I do not have a support network around me helping me, encouraging me on my journey to a better body and better life. I guess they have all given up on me. Thats fine, i do not need them, i can do this on my own.

Its my birthday in 11 weeks time.I am so determined to be a size 10 for the occasion. I have already planned what i will be wearing on that day while i take tea in the Ritz feeling and looking wonderful.

i thought i was big at size 14 until i went to mexico. i saw so many women bigger than me in swimsuits just letting it all hangout without a care in the world. I m talking size 20+ walking about without giving a damn. Meanwhile i am huddled beneath a towel trying to appear smaller than what i actually am. And it hit me. Why should i care what other people think of me. I dont even know them. Likewise, they were indifferent to me, ie my size or me wasnt even registering on their radar. Therefore, it was with great trepidation that i very slowly took my sarong off and placed it in my beach bag resisting the urge to dive for cover under the towels. Standing on the beach in just my swimwear was amazing. I kept glancing around to see if people were staring at me. Guess what? A big resounding NO

On rising - hot water with slice of lemon

gym - 45 min cardio

breakfast - 2 boiled eggs, fruit salad and chinese tea

snack - fruit + nuts

gym - weight training 30 mins (routine split into upper & lower body)

lunch - chicken with rice or avocado salad

snack - small pot bio-yoghurt & nuts

Evening meal - salmon with green vegetables

snack - home made vegetable juice with spirulina

Drinks - 2-3L water

when you think about it losing weight is not that difficult really. its the diet industry that adds to the confusion. during my journey to a healthier leaner body i have begun to read a lot about health and fitness and i realised that some experts are not experts at all. There is just so much conflicting information out there. Is it surprising that people are confused when it comes to weightloss, nutrition and health & fitness. And as for all those lotions and potions for cellulite - dont even get me started on that.

i am going to prove that with clean eating and resistance training i will get rid of my cellulite without having to resort to expensive creams.

3 weeks to mexico and i am now a size 14 in a skirt. the goal is to be a size 12 in 3 weeks. Is it an unrealistic goal, i dont know and i am not going to ask the trainer either. My theory is that if i set myself a goal (no matter how unrealistic it is) i will put 110% into achieving it and getting close to size 12 rather than just thinking "cant do it, so wont bother".

Its a pain that i injured my ankle 3 weeks ago. (no pun intended). Cardio is off at the moment. I still get slight twinges when i use the x-trainer or treadmill. But, i will NOT let this deter me. I will just have to find other ways of reducing the size of my butt and thighs.

For the next 3 weeks i will focus on doing lower body workout (squats, lunges, step ups, kettlebells) every other day until my ankle is well enought for me to start running again.

i never thought i would be so happy to get back in the gym. Thanks to my ankle i have lost two weeks.

Bodybuilding has opened up a world that i did not know existed. Its brought a whole new meaning to my life. Its not about losng weight anymore. I no longer workout at the gym with a vague notion of dropping a few dress sizes. I now focus on the problem areas working them hard to achieve the look i desire.

Problem areas : thighs, stomach, triceps

i have recently discovered walking lunges, boy can i feel the burn couple of days later