Power. Speed. Center.

A list of what’s going on in my head right now…mmhmm….

I have a chemistry exam tomorrow, I should study

How can I help my mom out? Why won’t anyone hire me…I’ve applied to 60 different places…

I absolutely have NO MONEY to even pay for my school books anymore

Where can I get money?

I’m tired of stealing food….but I’m starving

My boyfriend helps me feel better..but the situation at home is getting worse

I think we may soon be homeless…

I have to sell my favorite books for cash

I dig through garbage to find bottles and cans that I can recycle for cash, imagine seeing a 19 yr old digging through garbage….

I’m putting up a strong front, but deep down I’m falling apart.

I cry myself to sleep

I only feel happy when I’m lost in thought during exercise

I feel like God is punishing my family right now, I’m not angry with him…but I don’t know why he’s doing it.

No matter how hard I try to stay positive, there’s too much at stake now and I just have the hardest time seeing the light in anything financially…

I can’t even afford FOOD anymore…(I mean…come on…I stole PEANUT BUTTER…how bad is that!?)

So I’m just letting you all know, that even though I’ve only got perhaps…like..$100.00 left to my name, and many debts to take care of (let’s not forget my mom’s debts, I’m helping her with those too)…even though I’m all kinds of dirt poor..I’m pulling through somehow.

I guess that brings me to the more important aspects of this note:

Currently I have a job interview coming up in the next week, I hope I pass and get the job. The economy is so messed up right now. I’ve applied to over 60 places around the area (and even some wayyy WAAAY out near the SFO airport…that’s more than 20 miles away from where I live)….none of these places are hiring so it’s been a tiresome 2 months for me.
I appreciate all the small donations of a dollar here, a quarter there from some of you guys, seriously thanks. It helps to buy some food, seeing as how it’s nearly impossible for me to eat 3 days in a row now (I’m living off of some scraps and old bags of bread and chicken) and whatever help I can get from my lovely boyfriend haha…but he’s also in a financial rut, so I can’t always depend on him…

So if you guys are lookin’ to help Mary out (without digging into your pockets, coz I know none of you will send me money xD) here’s some ways you can help me out:

**If you’re buying celluc or supplements (this is to my fitness buddies), it would help if you used my 10% discount code for whatever you’re buying (the kits, the bottles, the shaker, the bags). Every little bit helps so please, go ahead and use SP558 at celluc or.com when you make a purchase (if you make a purchase).

**If you actually wanna donate money to me (meaning I don’t pay you back, you’re doin it out of the kindness of your heart…God bless you lol) then via paypal is great. You can send me whatever you wish to send, to inukami_32@hotmail.com and I’ll appreciate even a dollar.

**I go around digging through garbage cans now, looking for soda cans and bottles that I can recycle for cash. If you guys have the ability to drive out here to the city, and you have bags upon bags of bottles and cans, please bring em to me at my apartment, I’ll appreciate that even more. Make sure they’re clean too please!! not full of soda…haha…

—

I don’t use the money for guilty pleasures…everything I need is so i can pay bills, help my mom, and buy my college school books and food. So I really am glad for the help people are giving me, thanks for lending a hand…

Because without their support I’d still be sitting on my ass with a tub of ice cream in my lap and a spoon in my mouth watching CSI:NY lol. But most of my thanks goes to my awesome trainer Steve (aka Stevep78), because his guidance and friendship has helped me to realize my potential (and motivates me to succeed in my major: Fitness/Nutrition).

When I first got here on BB.com, I thought that most of the top "Inspirational" profiles (back then it was Most Viewed) would be people who were just MAGICALLY amazing from the start, would be too HIGH AND MIGHTY to help me out, and were probably fake profiles to begin with (how can anyone look THAT good!? haha). But I was surprised that Steve was so down to earth and real with me, and so were most of the people up there. I’m glad to have met these people, I’m glad to have found something that makes me feel great inside and out. So thanks, to my bossman Steve, my awesome Team Poynter, and to everyone else who’s been so awesome and kind to me…a 19 year old Cali girl haha.

I often worry that some people here on BB.com are focused more on getting the most views or having the biggest amount of people to inspire. I wanna clear the air by saying we of Team Poynter are all here because of our passion for victory. Victory for a better life and victory for ourselves. And not just Team Poynter, but every other underdog on this site who wants to acheive victory. Oh and…whether or not you had help getting where you are or if you did it completely on your own, geniune credit should be given to the right people. Not because you have to, but because it’s the right thing to do. You wouldn’t say "eating cheetos made me lose 20 pounds" when in reailty you were eating apples or something right? That’s how I see it anyway.

Yesterday was strange, I felt lazy…I even was tempted to buy ice cream, you know, those huge tubs of ice cream with the red handle? Yep I was ready to just buy one of those, sit in front of the TV and BINGE. Ahh but, I didn’t do it lol. I woke up this morning and first thing I did was put in one of my Drowning Pool cds and listened to "Soldiers", and it was completely like MAGIC. I felt "angry". Angry at feeling lazy, angry at being tempted to waste all my hard work by eating ice cream. I just freakin’ got off my ass and started doing some jumping jacks. I looked at my inspiration list and at several other peoples’ profiles that inspire me and BAM, now I’m fueled again, I wanna hit the gym, I wanna hit it hard!

Er…but today is my rest day and it’s almost 5pm here in California (the gym I go to closes at 7pm phht not enough time for someone like me)….so definitely tomorrow…definitely…morning

What does it take…
To reach their level…?
You train and you train but the progress you see, is never enough.
You keep pushing, you keep asking…"what does it take!?" and every day you push yourself harder to find the answer. You dedicate each new day to reaching that goal. You find the courage in yourself to say "I’m going to do this!". Then…soon enough…

You don’t need to ask "what does it take?" anymore, you’ve answered it yourself.

The willpower to push yourself, the dedication to reach your ideal look, the courage to face the new challenge…

That’s what it takes.

;)

I just finished my 8th week of Celllucor D4 Thermal Shock (as all fat burners say: 8 weeks on, 2 weeks off).

 So today I woke up and didn’t take it and went for my morning cardio…and then I came back home. Doing everything exactly as I would, but geeze..it feels sorta empty inside without the caffiene boost lol. But that’s how it is and I gotta get my body to shock itself.

Mmmm…good morning everyone! haha

It feels like I’m not seeing progress anymore. I’m still on my same diet, added more resistance to my workouts and always mixing up HIIT with different types of cardio. Bah…I’m feeling a little "under-motivated" (haha making up words!)
I don’t know what to change in my routines so that I can see results again…

I was out for a nice morning run today and stopped at my local park to take a drink of water when I noticed someone sitting by the park benches, mixing a protein shake. I recognized the GNC wheybolic baggie haha…
But then I saw the guy pull out another baggie of oreo cookie bits and mixed them in with his shake. Now..I’m all for making shakes taste great but…I dont think oreo cookies are exactly on the list of choices…

I shouldn’t have to deal with my mom’s debts (but I am). Now i have absolutely zero dollars in my account because I had to pay her rent. NOW I CAN’T EVEN PAY MY OWN RENT!?

I can’t find a job (No one’s hiring even though I’ve applied EVERYWHERE)
The stress will totally make me fat >:(
I might be homeless soon

I need a thousand dollars…where the hell am I going to get a thousand dollars? I am extremely pissed off at this situation…excuse me while I pack some boxes just in case I really get evicted.

Mom…I love you…but seriously…I can’t keep being YOUR parent. It’s being going on since I was 8 years old and now that I’m 19 I think the roles need to switch here!>:(

I think it’s time for a nervous breakdown…I should sell my possessions on Ebay…

I got an awesome thing said to me from someone named Hillary at the gym:

Hillary
I’ll use u as my rolemodel LOL… cuz if my body would look like yours i’d be so happy!

Now that’s what I’m talking about! I love that I can motivate someone to get into fitness!

There’s no place on bodyspace where you can explain where you come from and what you’ve done, so I’m thinking a bodyblog would best explain my situation (I leave it up to you guys to decide if I deserve to be a motivation of any sort).

I do have parents, but let’s just say they aren’t exactly the parenting type. My dad was into drinking and gambling, he was also convicted for many felonies…(one time he took me joyriding in a car he stole, I spent christmas in the back of a cop car with him and I was about 5 or 6 years old). He’s not a "bad" guy though…just irresponsible and really didn’t want to have anything to do with raising a kid.
My mom, was a lounge singer and always out partying, but the money she earned was to try and support me. She had a kid with someone previously, and that kid is my older brother. There were days where she would break down and yell "I wish I never had you!" to my face, and you’d expect me to feel hurt, but though I was still just a little kid (growing up way too fast) I understood how hard it must have been for someone who was just about 19 years old to have a daughter, that’s when I would sit on the sidewalk and "pretend" to be a homeless kid, hoping someone would give me a dollar or 2 so I could help my mom out.
After my parents (who were never married) split up, my mom met this guy who eventually became my stepdad (age 8 ). As soon as they got hitched though he became a drunkard and always put my mom down, and busted into my room late at night just to yell at me for who knows? I didn’t do a thing. During that time I was suffering from malnutrition (lack of foods and vitamins necessary for me to live). Now don’t get me wrong, my stepdad had plenty of money back then, but he never cooked/bought me food. All I ate was bread and ramen (soup), occasionally my mom brought me McDonald’s. It got so bad after a few years I had to go to the hospital because I was dieing, a 9 year old girl who weighed at 45 lbs.

After that, my stepdad started to feed me (but he was still acting like a jerk to my mom and brother), I finally had a normal weight, but then my mom couldn’t take his abusive behavior. I watched him beat the living daylights out of my brother just because he was eating cookies. My mom took off (without us), my brother ran away to his dad’s place, and I was left with my stepdad from age 10 til 18. Eight long years of his drunk self barging into a teenage girl’s room…fantastic…

With my mom and brother gone, I started to "overeat" to the point of obesity. You don’t normally see a 14 year old girl at 5′1" weighing in at 150lbs. . I was depressed, even tempted to kill myself back then (high school) but I pushed passed it and just focused on school.

My mom came back when I was 18 and graduated high school as magna cum laude (high praises), and she took me back to the city where I was born and now I live here in my own apartment, in love with Fitness and eating right, no stepdad to bother me, sure I have a hard time finding a job to pay rent and can hardly afford the good things in life….but compared to what I grew up with and what I went through…

The real world…I’ve been more than prepared to face. It’s a cakewalk compared to my childhood.