Linda_trekker’s BodyBlog

I look at the profiles and pictures of these amazing women on BodySpace that have done what I am trying to do.  They are around my age, have had children, and they have this amazing body with feminine muscles, curves and angles everywhere.  I have lost around 60 pounds…have 15 to go but I also want to be sure that I don’t lose a lot of muscle.  I work out with weights almost every day and I know that I have this nice physique…UNDER this soft layer of fat. 

I know what I need to do (I think).  I need to get back on my moderate carb/high protein diet.  I need to do that today.  Come’on today… today?  yeah…today.  hmmmmm……..maybe tomorrow…dang it. 

Okay…looking at the pics of these women who have done it really helps.  I’ve lost about 3 pounds in the last week… I think I’m going in the right direction.

I know that body I want is somewhere in there under there.

I come from a long line of women who were born late in their mother’s reproductive years…so I guess you could say, genetically, I’m a little closer to Eve than most women of my generation. 

The reason I make that observation is that I was just noticing this morning a few nice things about my life.  My maternal grandmother washed her clothes in a big boiling pot outside, she and her family (including my mother) used an outhouse with Sear’s catalogues for toilet paper, no electricity or telephones… she had almost no creature comforts. 

Here I sit, her granddaughter, with just about every comfort and "maid-servant" our 21st century minds can imagine.  I woke this morning to my dishwasher displaying a proud green light, having –somewhere in the night– washed my dishes.  It take little effort to put my clothes in my washer and dryer and I never have to start a fire with matches and kindling to cook.  I can instantly contact just about anyone I want through telephone and internet.  And the list goes on and on. 

I guess I’m blessed beyond my habit to acknowledge it.  I can easily fall into a grand funk about things, get moody or depressed and forget how good I have it.  Maybe all that hard work kept my grandmother out of the blues…she just didn’t have time.

I’m really feeling down on myself.   I’ve spent all these months really trying to reach my goals.  I haven’t yet and it’s been 2 1/2 years.  Granted, I’ve really come far toward them (50 of 65 pounds lost), but I’m just not doing what I "think I can do." 

I really need to find that motivation within me and get back on the "diet" (moderate carbs/high protein).  I really think that is what’s holding me back.  Also, I think maybe I need to join a gym because I realize that I’m not building/toning muscle like I was in the first year. 

I love my junk food too much.  Raising 6 children alone is draining and I like my comfort foods.  I kinda started out right again this morning by eating egg whites.  Maybe it will show tomorrow on the scale.  I know my diet is a big part of my problem.  I can feel the definition underneath a layer of fat…dang it!

 I guess I’m rambling a bit.  I think I’ll go work out a bit on my home gym….