Time for a new direction.
I’ve been struggling… there. I admitted it! That’s supposed to make me feel better, I’ve been told. I’ve simply lost ALL motivation and drive to workout, or count cals anymore. And, until this AM, I wasn’t sure why. Then it hit me! DH has started working out, and has been doing so consistently for around 7 weeks.
While I am proud of him, and can see that he’s making gains where he wants and losing fat where he wants, I think I’ve secretly been resenting him. Not because he’s doing so well, but because he started in the 1st place. He’s been "working out" off and on for a year. Never anything that would help him accomplish any kind of fitness goal, and very staggered in nature. That was fine with me, to a point, because I knew he would have to realize things on his own to be able to make changes.
And he has… yet, I find myself less interested in my own goals simply because I feel that he sometimes looks at this as a competition. I personally DESPISE anything that even remotely LOOKS like competition, and therefore shut down and turn a deaf ear to it. Odd, yes, but that’s me. And he’s only made a couple comments about it, but overall I think he really wants me to keep working out because he knows I feel better about myself, and about life in general.
Here I am at a crossroads, and I’ve figured out what’s wrong, but now I have to kick myself in my own a** to get back up and continue on. One other thing that has been harder for me to swallow than I thought is feeling like another sheep when I go to the gym. Surrounded by all these other people, who are there either for fun or for all seriousness, I find myself feeling like I blend in, doing the same thing everyone else is doing, and I hate that, too! I know that won’t make any sense to anyone other than me, and it’s fine. I guess one way of looking at this is to remember that I have yet to see any other woman there with crazy muscle, and I could be one of the 1st, and that would make me stand out from everyone else. I just have to force myself to push past all the "boring" tedious work of dropping the fat so I can uncover my muscles, and get where I want to go.
Totally feel like I’m rambling, so I will end for now. I felt the need to get on here and get my thoughts out at least! Friday will get here soon enough and I will be able to prove how bad I want this by either getting my a** back to the gym, or sitting on the couch plowing through another pint of Ben and Jerry’s while watching What Not To Wear… 
March 18, 2009 at 1:44 pm
It’s okay, you don’t sound as bad as you think. Very common to feel this way, so the first thing you have to do is just start doing something. The hardest part in working out is getting started. Start doing something, either today or tomorrow. Don’t wait until Monday, start now.
Forget what everybody else is doing at the gym, just go in and do your routine. Set a short goal of maybe 2-3wks, with one of goals being just to go workout during that time.
Hope this will help out a little. Just worry about yourself, stay motivated!
March 18, 2009 at 1:46 pm
It good that you are now taking action.
April 2, 2009 at 7:43 am
I enjoyed reading your post because it gave me an insight into how my wife might be feeling and why her motivation may have wained recently. She was always the one "upstairs" at the gym with the cardio and weights while I was downstairs on the basketball court. But last summer I started lifting and now 7 months in she seem to have lost alot of her drive. Perhaps it could be something similar to what you’re feeling.. thanks for your insights.