LillyStarr’s BodyBlog

I’ve been struggling… there. I admitted it! That’s supposed to make me feel better, I’ve been told. I’ve simply lost ALL motivation and drive to workout, or count cals anymore. And, until this AM, I wasn’t sure why. Then it hit me! DH has started working out, and has been doing so consistently for around 7 weeks.

While I am proud of him, and can see that he’s making gains where he wants and losing fat where he wants, I think I’ve secretly been resenting him. Not because he’s doing so well, but because he started in the 1st place. He’s been "working out" off and on for a year. Never anything that would help him accomplish any kind of fitness goal, and very staggered in nature. That was fine with me, to a point, because I knew he would have to realize things on his own to be able to make changes.

And he has… yet, I find myself less interested in my own goals simply because I feel that he sometimes looks at this as a competition. I personally DESPISE anything that even remotely LOOKS like competition, and therefore shut down and turn a deaf ear to it. Odd, yes, but that’s me. And he’s only made a couple comments about it, but overall I think he really wants me to keep working out because he knows I feel better about myself, and about life in general.

Here I am at a crossroads, and I’ve figured out what’s wrong, but now I have to kick myself in my own a** to get back up and continue on.  One other thing that has been harder for me to swallow than I thought is feeling like another sheep when I go to the gym. Surrounded by all these other people, who are there either for fun or for all seriousness, I find myself feeling like I blend in, doing the same thing everyone else is doing, and I hate that, too! I know that won’t make any sense to anyone other than me, and it’s fine. I guess one way of looking at this is to remember that I have yet to see any other woman there with crazy muscle, and I could be one of the 1st, and that would make me stand out from everyone else. I just have to force myself to push past all the "boring" tedious work of dropping the fat so I can uncover my muscles, and get where I want to go.

Totally feel like I’m rambling, so I will end for now. I felt the need to get on here and get my thoughts out at least! Friday will get here soon enough and I will be able to prove how bad I want this by either getting my a** back to the gym, or sitting on the couch plowing through another pint of Ben and Jerry’s while watching What Not To Wear…

I’m officially a member of a gym! Whoa!! Never ever thought I’d be saying that, because I’ve been terrified of them for a lifetime! It really isn’t so bad, as long as I have my Ipod plugged into my ears. I’m always staring at the floor, though! Not such a bad thing really because it keeps me focused, and in my zone!

I still have yet to enter the weight room… too many meatheads in there. I don’t feel like I’ve "earned" my spot anyway. I can’t be over there lifting my piddly ‘lil 10 lb’ers!!! I’ll get there, but it won’t be for a while yet. I still have my own at home anyway, as much as I need, so I’m not feeling pressured… yet!

Being a gym newb, I am LOVING the machines, especially for legs. I can go way heavier than I can at home, not that I think they are accurate in telling you how much you’re lifting, with all the pulleys and whatnot! Anyway, I’m switching to a FBW 2-3X/week, and keeping cardio at SS for no more than 30 minutes directly after weights. Diet is back to being on point, too. So far, I’m loving the progress but since it’s only been a full week, I’m sure I will be lovin’ it even more by the end of the 6th week!! Onward and upward…

I wanted to get my butt back on here and write an entry to hold myself accountable, and to tattle on myself just a bit…

My diet has gone off the deep end since this whole thing started with my tailbone, although I know that’s not an excuse! However, when all of a sudden you have to stop working out your lower body for fear that you might make the situation worse, it does take the "oomph" out of your motivation!

Today is a new day, and I am back on track! My appointment is this week to hopefully find out what’s up, and until then, I will just do what I can as far as working out, but I will 100% dedicated to my diet!

OK, so as I posted in a recent entry, my tailbone has really been giving me fits. It got so bad that I went in to see a chiropractor yesterday for an adjustment. He was confident that I’d get relief from it. Unfortunately, after I got home, and the Advil had worn off, the pain came back. I was so angry!! Not at the chiropractor, but just at the pain because I have completely stopped my workouts, hoping that it would lessen the pain, which it hasn’t anyway.

So, I’m back at square one, and now I have to go back in and try some other form of manipulation. Meanwhile, since I look at my diet and my workouts as 2 peas in a pod, and one always seems to suffer with the absence of the other, I have been completely unable to stay on track with my diet!! Yikes!! And I’m really getting pissed at myself because of it. Seriously, if there is ever a time to stick to a good diet, it’s when you can’t workout for some reason.

I guess I need someone to tell me that all is not lost but that it is essential to stick to a healthy diet right now, otherwise all my hard work for the past 6 weeks will be erased!!! I am one of those people who hardly ever gets sick, and I never get injured to the point where I have to stop being active. I am so afraid that I’m going to lose all the muscle that I have been able to create because I have no idea what is really wrong with my tailbone, and I don’t know how long it will take to get it fixed. Weeks, months… who knows?!

I am at the very least going to continue walking on the treadmill, if only for 30 minutes a day, and if that seems to go well, I feel like I HAVE to do some upper body work, maybe bi’s, tri’s, shoulders, etc. I will be crushed if I have to lose my upper body strength as well. Fine, I won’t do any lower body stuff for now, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to quit working out my upper body, too. I’m eating Advil anyway, so as long as I can numb the pain, I will do whatever my body will let me!

And it’s all my fault!! I’ve been eating C-R-A-P for the past 3 days, and I’m SO feeling it. I am NOT in the mood to workout at all, so I will at least force myself to get on the treadmill and pump out 30 minutes. That usually makes me feel better. I’m nowhere near just throwing in the towel and saying to hell with it. I’ve come this far, and I have to keep going. And I will. It’s just one of those days where I wish I could sleep all day. It really is surprising to me that my body is scolding me for eating so terribly, and punishing me by making me want to lounge around, and not move a muscle. I feel like a total ZOMBIE!! It’s also refreshing to realize that this won’t last long, and that we all go through it at some point. Anyway, it’s not about perfection, it’s about consistency, and I’ll be feeling like myself again in no time!

My mini goal of getting down to 139 by yesterday… totally achieved it, thank you very much!!! Woo hoo!! I didn’t put on my pre-preggo jeans because I was so pleased to see that number, that I didn’t want to give myself a possible reason to be upset. So , my jeans are still in the drawer, and I think I will take them back out in another 2 weeks and see how they fit!

Anyway, yesterday was my birthday, and I had a FAB day!! Needless to say, I gave myself yesterday off, and I think I will give myself the rest of this weekend off too, (just from training, not from eating) unless I throw a little cardio in somewhere. I’ve been busting my butt the past 6 weeks, so I am letting myself have this break. My main reason though is because I’ve noticed lately that my tailbone seems to be hurting a bit, especially after I’ve done squats, but also after I walk on the treadmill. I’m not sure if my form is off, or if there is something that hasn’t completely realigned after the pregnancy, but I am thinking that I will need to go see the chiro. I’m not going to let it stop me because I’ve come too far to even think about turning back. However, I am going to have to ease up a bit on the squats until I find out what’s going on. Better to be safe than sorry! It does suck though because I also have found that my right knee doesn’t tolerate lunges, even with perfect form, so I gave them up a while back. Now I have to figure out how else to work my glutes at home! Any suggestions or am I just getting old?! LOL
Here’s to another 6 weeks of solid training! Cheers!

OK, so I invested in calipers, and it was a bittersweet event, I guess. I knew it wouldn’t be pretty, but I was hopeful that it wouldn’t be too ugly. Yeah, well, I definitely have a WAY to go! The good old goal of 130 lbs is a nice one, and certainly what I would’ve been happy with at one time, but it still won’t give me the body I desire. So, I actually have about 20 lbs more to lose instead! Whoa!

I still haven’t been able to get on the treadmill, and I know that I’m not keeping my pace quick enough while lifting to be burning serious fat and getting my heart rate up. I have to start including some cardio, but it’s difficult enough getting 20-30 minutes to lift. So, I will just have to suck it up and do it, even when I feel like I have nothing left to give at the end of the day. I wish I had the energy to do it in the AM, but I am NO good in the morning. It takes me a good 2 hours to fully "wake up" even with coffee.

Other than that, the training is going wonderfully, and I love feeling muscles (under a good layer of fat!) that I’ve never felt before. It’s also cool to pick up a gallon of milk and have it not feel so heavy!  And, surprise, surprise, there may just be a butt hiding under there! I never thought that was possible. I also reached my 1st goal of 141 lbs, and my goal for 130 lbs still remains for April 30th. I will reevaluate after that, and see where I want to go from there. The calipers have completely changed my thinking about body fat. I was shocked that it was so high, but I am ready to tackle it, torch it, and say goodbye to it, forever.

I’ve totally been rockin’ it out, and I’m really proud I’ve stuck with training for this long, but I’m giving myself a "mini goal" of getting down to 139 by 3 weeks from yesterday, or to fit into my pre-baby jeans, which by the way, I can comfortably zip up already, but I want them to feel even a little more loose. I think this might only happen if I can manage to get some intervals in, but with a new baby, my time is not my own, and it really depends on when he will let me hop on the treadmill! I’m ready!!

I think I’m feeling discouraged because I’m so flippin’ tired!! The inlaws were in town for 2 weeks, and just left today. They were here everyday, mostly to see the babies, but usually they were here all day long, and that gets exhausting when you’re not used to having people over!! I couldn’t keep my eyes open last night, and got some much needed rest, but it still wasn’t enough.

It is my day to workout, though and as long as they both sleep for the next hour, I should be able to get it in with no problem. I just need to find some way of getting a quick burst of energy to get moving, and good old coffee isn’t doing the trick. I don’t like feeling this way, especially when I’ve been doing so well, so it’s going to be one of those days where I HAVE to MAKE myself do it! Off to workout. Ta ta for now!

OK, well I’ve stuck with the routines in The Body Sculpting Bible 4 Women for the past 2 weeks, going into my 3rd actually, and I am LOVING it!! The water retention FINALLY released, and I seriously woke up yesterday morning feeling like I had lost 10 lbs overnight!! Of course, that wasn’t really the case, but the scale was smiling up at me, and reassuring me that I am on the right track now!

I am feeling a bit guilty, however because I haven’t done intervals these past 2 weeks, yet I’m still seeing results. The new baby just hasn’t been allowing me time in the evenings to hop on the treadmill, and that’s when I have the energy to get it done. I won’t fret about it when I am seeing results anyway, but I do want to start back up in the next 2 weeks. If not just for faster fat loss, then for my heart. Not that weights haven’t been successful at getting my pulse up there! Wow!! And so the journey goes on…Looking forward to the new year to see what changes it might bring for my mind and body…