Thots

Ok guys.. I just finished reading up on every ones newest blogs.. what an emotional roller coaster I just went on.. pheww..  lost a few players, but needless to say they (you) are still on the team.. (we do have a DL) Our thoughts, hearts, and every other supportive emotion we have is with them (you).. Defluffing is more than just getting those killer abs or a solid "booty".. (group term) it’s about people, togetherness, support and motivation… This I’ve learned in just my short 4 weeks as a member…

I am on week 6 since starting back.. and week 4 as an official FTFer.. I’ve had some great results, learned a few things.. made some awesome friends and grew as a person as a result..  I started out at 326.5 and 26.9% BF.. after week 5 I’m 312.5 and 26.0% BF… very pleased with this… and I’m still going to finish two more weeks to make an official 6..

A word on my weight.. society places a stigma on the number 300.. you tell someone you are 300 pounds and they react like you are this grotesque thing.. so naturally for years I felt ashamed.. fast forward to me at 249 (my all time low) no one reacted violently, or made comments.. which was nice, but it wasn’t me..  I felt emaciated.. looking back at pics from then I had much less muscle tone and just plain didn’t fit my frame.. I trained like mad and got up to about 280 but much more solid.. post surgery 4 years ago I gained a bunch of weight.. leaned it out a bit in 06 to a 21%BF 306.. now I’m on the same mission, to get leaner.. but through this jouney I leared one thing.. to be OK with a 300+ frame.. I certainly carry it well, and when ever asked what I weigh i always let them guess and what do they say.. not even close to 300.. so I pay no mind to the stigma and have made my goal to be the leanest and most solid I can at whatever weight that ends up being…  at 6′3" and with some of my other measurements I am not worried but pleased to be where I am and to refine what I have.. ok, nuff said there!!…

I know my last blog might have seemed at one point there that I was a little down about the results of that week.. and what I wrote represented literally 45 seconds worth of thought.. the 45 seconds following my learning of said results.. typed it looked like a book.. lol  I definitely fed off of every ones positive vibes and appreciate all the support..  it gets me through..  I jumped back in starting off the week.. by mid week I was feeling amazing.. energy, lean feeling, strong..  by Wed. other emotions kicked in, including sadness from my move.. after being in the same place for literally 30 years and now having to move.. well… every memory I have ever known is in that house… I mean every single one.. so it’s extremely hard leaving.. and now living with that uncomfortable feeling in a new place.. very sad and that effected my training towards the end of the week.. much like the others who have had emotional setbacks the last few weeks, I to have been stricken.. mine has been not eating though.. and what I do eat has been what I would eat, only less of it.. and a little less care as to keeping cravings at bay.. you know.. which I guess I am fortunate that this lasted only a few days or the cravings would have overwhelmed and the mild eating would have turned into binge eating.. I got so sad yesterday but one thing I knew I HAD to do was weigh and check BF for my fluff girls.. and then a few messages came in and I began to lift from my sadness..  This past week I am the same as far as weight, but down a half a percent on the body fat.. which I thought was great.. all that heavy lifting during the move payed off.. lol 

I’ve had such a rough week that training took a back seat since wed…  I do feel better about things though I know there will be more tears shed as the days of adjusting go on.. the gym I joined opened a new location much closer to me so I am actually looking forward to checking it out, and hope to this week..  so far I’ve been doing my training primarily at home.. so I think the gym environment will do me some good..

I am actually still looking to go strong the next 2 weeks, and I guess since there are a couple who are finishing up in the next week or so we have some time to contemplate the next challenge.. some good ideas.. I’m still thinking….  mostly about how the heck I’m going to participate in a "booty challenge"  lol  I thought of a supplement challenge, but I think since everyone has such different demands, and requirements and goals it’s tough to do specific challenges..  I suggested the rotating focus deal and choose an area from each member and focus on that for a week.. with every one’s collaboration we will all learn a bunch and become well rounded by the end having allowed more focus to be placed on a particular topic to master and then add to our repetouir.. well, needs some thought..

Thanks to all for their comments, motivation, teasing, and love!!  I look forward to continuing progress with every one!!!

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 12th, 2008 at 4:47 pm and is filed under Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.