Lady_Quadzilla’s BodyBlog

Body comp this morning - not as bad as I had anticipated, fat down, muscle up. But I am still weighing more than wanted…grrr. I gues as long as the fat goes down and the muscle goes up I will take it.

So much confusion in my brain about motivation. I am reading a few different books on mind-muscle connection and motivation. I know I need to work on these things. I have so many self-doubts and I don’t really know where they stem from. Or do I? I do know from reading about it that it is typical for children of alcoholics to be perfectionists and to feel like imposters. Like they have to bluff their way through everything because they really aren’t all people think they are.  But if I know about these issues, why am i still struggling so much with them?It is like I am always hoping someone else will see my potantial and convince me that it exists. My husband insists it is there, but I tell myself that he is too close to the situation to be realistic about it, he is blind because he loves me.

I think it is funny that so many people who have very average physiques think that without a doubt they are pro material and here I am just wishing I was any material at all, when if I looked at my stats objectively i think I would see that i do have potential -maybe not the shapes and such for pro level stuff, but a female with 143 pounds of lean mass is pretty good… but then i start in with the doubts - my shoulders are wide, but my lats aren’t thick enough, my waist is too thick (well, I am fat right now, lol) my hips are narrow, my quads too dominant…lol. I am generally either too hard or too easy on my self. Somedays I think i am huge and definitely looking good, the next half hour i thinkI am grotesquely overweight and delusional.

Wow - anyone enjoying this dip into my pool of self-loathing? I need to  pour concrete right in and fill it so it can’t exist anymore. Or maybe I need to surround my self with sycophants who will keep telling me I am awesome and great and huge, etc. I guess i would have to have a bit of money for that to happen.

 Well, my husband thinks I am great, my daughter loves me, my dogs think I am A #1. What more can a girl ask for?

Friday I took complete rest - I was really sore from Thursday

Saturday was heavy leg day with Brian.

Leg extension
Narrow smith squats
Leg Press
Shawn squats superset with wall sits with a weight plate
sumo squats

He worked me prettyy hard, I needed it. Saturday morning was a total melt-down and it was all I could do to splash cold water on my face and stop crying long enough to drive to the gym.

Weighed in 3.5 pounds less than last time and we will comp next week. Brian did give me a little boost by saying I have plenty of muscle and I work out plenty hard…the big BUT (or butt, lol) being that getting me lean will be our biggest challenge. I ahve settled in at this new weight and seem to be sticking at it, going up a little and down a little. I think I sabotage myself and therefore don’t get results, so my focus this week will be eating superclean.

I am picking a new workout routine, I am tired of the old split and am looking at a new one…as long as I lift heavy and do my cardio, the food is what I need to be focused on.

Anyhow….now it is Monday! And my quads are freaking sore!

I had a great workout on Thursday, except that I went to a different gym location and it smelled like Gorillas and didn’t have very good equipment set-up.

Warmed up 3 minutes Treadmill

Arm Day

I did one-minute stepping intervals between my working sets. I varied it with straight-on step-up/step-down, plyo-toe touches off the sides, v-step-ups, and step knee-ups.

Close grip bench press 95X15, 105X12, 110X10, 115X8

Skull crushers 55X12, 12, 10

rope pressdowns 45X15, 55X12, 65X10

Seated db curls 15’sX15, 20’sX12, 25’sX10, 30’sX7…the last few were alternating.

Ez bar curls, standing  45X12, 55X10, 55X10

I followed it all up with an interval program on the treadmill - I walk for a few minutes, climb steeply for a few minutes, walk for a few minutes, run for a minute, walk…repeat for a total of 15 minutes plus a 5 minute cool down. It felt really good and i went faster each run interval, but this morning my feet are sore…oh well.

Food was better…

breakfast -
2 slices toast, smart balance
2 eggs, 2 whites
grated cheddar cheese
an orange

before I left for the gym -
1 scoop whey in fast twitch

post-workout
2 scoops whey
malto/dextrose mix = 15g cho

2pm
leftover steak
potato (small amount)
broccoli

5:30
roast beef
2 tiny baby yukon gold potatoes
salad (romaine, carrot, onion, drizzle dressing)

7:30 small protein bar (on the way to pick up a GIANT tv set).

before bed - a small handful mixed nuts.

I helped my husband pick up and move a huge, in-the-cabinet tv set…afterwards he said he was impressed, because he knew I was strong, but not THAT strong, lol. At one point it was going a little off-track when we were bringing it down the stairs and I grabbed it and moved it over a little…that surprised him. Anyhow…. a fairly good, fairly on track day. And, yes, I know, fairly good doesn’t win swords, but I am still trying to get myself caring about that again…

I had a really good workout today. Went to a gym location that has a stepmill and did the following:

Back day

Warm-up elliptical 3 minutes, light db rows

one arm db rows (cuz some guys were using the rack…) 35X12, 45X10, 50X8
assisted pull-ups 3 sets 12, 10, 8
bent-over bb rows (finally they are out of the rack) 95X12, 105X12, 115X10, 125X8
started out with the intention of going heavy and realized i left my straps at home…so the bent-over rows and deadlifts weren’t optimal.
SLDL 135X12, 155X12, 185X10, 205X4+1+1 (setting the bar down and picking it back up, grip issues)

Lat pressdowns 60X15, 80X12, 90X12 , 100X10 superset with
bentover reverse flyes 12×12, 15X12, 20X10, 20X10

I did 15 minutes random on the stepmill, followed by 15 minutes on the treadclimber. Stretched! It has been a long time since i got on the stepmill, it was a struggle to finish my 15 minutes, lol. But I didn’t want to leave feeling defeated, so I stuck it out

Food today has been 1/2 and 1/2…

Breakfast
2 eggs, 2 whites
2 slices toast

before/during workout
1 scoop whey and fast twitch

post workout
2 scoops whey
1 pear

went grocery shopping, etc, got home absolutely starving and had reduced fat wheat thins and cheese and some baba ganouj. Not terrible but not optimal.

dinner was better:
steak, mushrooms and onions
refried potatoes, olive oil
broccoli, smart balance

snack will probably be some cottage cheese (been craving it lately).

So. Tuesday, really tired again, maybe I need to get my mouthguard refit and get some new straps for it..could be I am not getting good sleep, though I thought my apnea had kind of gone away.

I didn’t do AM cardio because I supposedly had an appointment at 6 am - he no-showed (grr).

Anyhow, while I watched Biggest Loser I brought up a set of 15 pound dumb bells and did a light shoulder/legs/interval workout like this:

I rode the bike for 5 minutes, then alternated one set of an exercise followed by 2 minutes high intensity biking.

squat to shoulder press 3 sets 15reps

side lunge to one arm shoulder pull to press 3 sets 15 reps

stiff-legged deadlifts to front raises 3 sets 15 reps

lunges 3 sets 15 reps (did the first set with rotation, but my knee felt funky, so the next 2 sets were just split squats)

I rode the bike for about 15 minutes after, the entire workout was 65 minutes. Got really sweaty, felt really good

Food….pretty sloppy and not too clean.

2 slices toast, smart balance
1 1/2 scoops whey

2eggs, 2egg whites
cheese
rye bread

meat & cheese sandwich, onion
melon

2 lowfat yogurts

homemade potato soup (lots of veggies in it)
homemade garlic bread

2 scoops whey
spoonful pb
Looking back this was an incredibly bread heavy day. I am definitely comfort eating right now. I need to get over that because my Dad isn’t in any extra peril right now, the situation is f’ed but not really changing and there isn’t much I can do about it. Eating too much bread ain’t gonna help anyone, lol. I will get my head straightened out! This weekend we are having a benefit for my Dad - caberet and bands and a silent auction. Should be fun. Anyhow - going to get through all of this and stop letting it drag me down.

I am wondering if Brian ever checks this iste and if he checks on me???? I hope not because he will know what I have and haven’t been doing…lol…

I am super tired today - drank too much water before bed and was up nearly every hour to pee (I know, TMI, lol)…

I did do 30 minutes hills on the elliptical this morning, and just got done lifting - actually a better workout than i expected with being so tired!

New personal best - 20 full push-ups on my toes. Guess I will need to attempt the one-armed push-ups pretty soon

Chest

Warm-up 5 minutes elliptical

Working warm-up - push-ups 20 on toes, 19 on toes, 12 on toes then 3 on knees (kind of pooped out on that last set:dunno:)

Incline db presses 25’sX15, 35’sX12, 40’sx10, 45’sX10
Flat bench press 95X12, 105X12, 115X10, 125X8 (stayed alittle light since I was all on my own)
Flat db flyes 20’sX15, 25’sX12, 30’sX10

Skipped calves, those babies are big enuff :0

Stretched and cooled down….

About food (here we go, lol)

After mucho discussion with my husband, I have decided to go back to my 50/20/30 ratio P/C/F since I lost so much weight on that previously and wasn’t as unhappy or cranky or hungry as i am on this carb cycle. I m debating whether to tel my trainer or not…maybe once the fat starts falling off again i will tell him. I think the carb cycle worked for him and so that is what he advocates…I think my body responded better to the 50/20/30 and I need to trust my own instincts. That is one issue I have - trusting that I do know my shit and applying it to myself as successfully as I have applied it to my clients and friends and family… I just want to eat healthy foods and lose bodyfat without feeling miserable and having no energy… is that too much to ask? I think not…so…. I am off and running today, eating clean but increasing my carbs a little, feeling good about it.

So far today:

6:30 am
1/2c oats
2 tbsp craisins
2 scoops whey

9:45
orange roughy
med apple

workout at 11:00

12:20
1 1/2 scoops whey

Right now I am baking chicken breasts and potatoes and making apot of brown rice….. I will add the rest of the day later!

Here was how yesterday went down - Thursday, carbs a little low and feeling really exhausted (not sure why, maybe adjusting to the AM cardio?)

Got up and did 20 minutes HIIT

6am
1/2c oats
2 scoops whey
fish oil caps (have got to go buy oil, these made me belch fishy taste all morning, blechhh)

9am
1/4c brown rice
5 oz chicken breast
2 tbsp salsa

fizzy anti-cold drink and creatine

workout - supposed to be shoulder day, i warmed up boxing and did some upright rows-to-overhead presses and my shoulders were killing me (WTF???) I have had a rough week, lifting-wise, Monday’s chest workout I had nothing in me, Wednesday back workout was good…Thursday ended up being a no-go.

12ish
2 scoops whey
creatine

2:50
1 can tuna
1 stalk celery
1/4 small onion
spoonful smart balance mayo
sm spoonful pickle relish

5:00
turkey breast cutlets, dipped in egg, coated in shake n’bake, baked
cauliflower, steamed
smart balance

7:30 not hungry, exhausted, didn’t do second cardio had a large spoonful peanut butter.

Well, this challenge isn’t exactly off to a killer start - my body felt so dysfunctional Thursday. I went to bed early and got up and did cardio this morning. It is hard feeling so exhausted on Thursday, when I know that Friday and Saturday my carbs drop down to nearly non-existent levels (at least there is a reason to be so exhausted on Fri/Saturday)

I will work my arms today and tomorrow is leg day, which always cheers me up

My husband’s work holiday party is tonight, I am not worried about myself, but he always wants to drink and stay late…I will have to remind him of the benfits of staying sober and going to bed early, give him some incentive….

All right - the next 12 weeks is all-or-nothing! I entered a 12 week challenge to motivate myself and I am all geared up to drop the bodyfat and get on stage! My husband is entered in the challenge, too - so that will be good! We have the same goals and pretty much the same diet (he gets more carbs than I do…)

Anyone interested in joining the challenge check out : http://www.theelitephysique.com/meltdown/meltdown.htm

My plan - heavy lifting (as usual), HIIT in the morning and longer, lower intensity cardio sessions in the evening (2-a-days ),and my carb cycle diet.

I am buckling down and getting serious!

Happy New Year! Let’s Rock and Roll!!!!!!!!