Lady Ronin’s BodyBlog

Since my last (first) post, a lot of things have changed with me.  Unfortunately I am still overweight and miserable about it, I’m not nearly as active as I want to be, and this illness is still kicking my ass.

Last month my doctor decided to take control of my psychiatric meds as I was a sobbing mess in his office. My psychiatrist hasn’t done anything in 2 years…I’ve been on the same meds with no changes. So my doc is weaning me off of a very high dose of Effexor, very slowly. At the same time, he took me off of Trazodone (which was supposed to help me sleep) and put me on a small dose of Remeron to help me sleep and hopefully improve my mood. He made no changes in the Clonazepam I take, I’ve gone off of it before with disastrous results. Anyway….the Remeron helped me sleep, but my appetite became out of control. I was hungry ALL DAY. All I could think about was food, I was obsessing over it. I’ve never been like that before and it took it’s toll: 10 lbs gained in 2 weeks. My doc took me off of it and my appetite returned to normal. The Remeron wasn’t all bad though, which makes it even more painful. For a brief time, I was waking up in the mornings feeling refreshed, I was doing things around the house, there was a noticeable change in my mood. I just could not control my appetite.

I am only taking one other new medication now, just to help me sleep. It’s called "Methoprazine" and it’s meant to treat psychosis, but it’s one of those pills that has all sorts of uses. I sleep well on it and haven’t had any adverse side effects, so that’s a good thing. I am still slowly coming off of the Effexor, and I feel like I am back at square one. The result of my overeating on the Remeron set me back, I can feel it and see it.  I haven’t given up, but I haven’t done much to change it either. It’s not lack of desire, believe me I don’t want to be like this at all.  My body and mind seem to lack harmony…if that makes any sense.

Another change has been in my diet, and I feel it’s a good thing. I’ve stopped eating meat, with the exception of fish. That makes me a "Pescatarian" instead of a Vegetarian, but it’s close to being a vegetarian.  I dislike factory-farming and I dont’ have it in me to kill my own food, so this is the choice that makes the most sense to me. If I disagree with a company’s practices (like animal testing), I boycott all of their products, so this is my way of protesting….peacefully. And no, I have nothing to do with PETA. I can’t stand them.

So, if you managed to read through this without falling asleep…thanks.   Hopefully my I can get in the habit of posting here more often.

Today I feel like I made a positive change and took a first step in the direction I want to go. I started taking Hoodia, it’s the only thing I am taking for now as I am on a lot of medications. I want to stick to natural supplements and methods for that reason. I’m glad that green tea is a natural thermogenic, I have lots of it!! lol  Anyway, I took the Hoodia and then ate a healthy breakfast, then proceeded to do some housework, which got me moving. It may not seem like a lot, but for me it’s a small success and I feel good about it. I don’t feel overly hungry right now either, which is good because this is normally the time of day I start craving sweets. I feel tired, but that’s normal for me and it’s going to be a difficult thing to battle.

What I didn’t post on my BodySpace is that I suffer from Chronic/Severe Depression and Anxiety, hence the reason for the medications. I still experience many symptoms of Depression despite the meds, plus I have sleep issues and fatigue problems. This illness is the reason I am out of shape, it stole my motivation and desire. I hardly leave my house. Being active isn’t so easy when you feel held back by an invisible wall. It’s my hope that I can work slowly to get over that wall because I know that a healthy lifestyle will help with the Depression in a big way, the illness just stands in the way of the cure. Baby steps….baby steps.  For anyone that doesn’t really understand Depression, this cartoon puts it in perspective a little. It is a very real illness. There is no "cheering up" or "sucking it up" that will make a difference. It’s not about being weak or "emo," it’s an illness that affects a person’s mood and abilities.

Here’s hoping that I can do this!!