Lady McMike’s BodyBlog

well im one of those who writes out my workout routine the night before. its a little nerdy but i have a terrible memory and so i have to write everything down so i know what to do. but sometimes i go through what i wrote and as im sweating my ass off and ready to cry b/c im in so much burning pain, i honestly ask who flippin wrote this damn routine up and were they tryng to kill me. seriously sometimes i think im on crack, bc i pick some of the most un fun shit ever, and i ask myself wtf man? lol. I think maybe sometimes i forget im still just a human. lol. I just brought this up becuase a.) today was one of those days. pick all the hard ham exercises and i almost yelled outloud at myself for beign so mean. lol… and b.) just wondering if anyone else does it or if im the only one being an ******* toward myself and torturing myself… hahah. well today was a long day at the gym and then work and tomorrow is the start of a 20 hr weekend so im off to bed so i can wake up and workout. haha.

so the other day i wake up, do the same routine as always and head to the gym, and as i pull intot he parking lot im terrified to see absolutly no cars… what the hell i think to myself as i drive up to the door to see a note.. :gym closed today due to power putages:… i drive away throwing a tantrum like im about 5 years old. it was soo rediculous. and as i drove away i was like wll ok, now what? it was sooo lost it was pathetic. actually the more pathetic part was that they actually gave me a personal call at my house to tell me the gym was up and running again later in the day. I go so much they felt obligated to let me know i could come home, haha. i consider the gym home sometimes…. but yea. it was such a crappy start to a day. i came home and sat around doing nothing, i tried to think if something, and when i couldnt. i went back to bed for 4 hrs, haha. Never ever take away the gym from me, im like a lost puppy without it..haha.. i got to go today, but funny thing was i woke up and immediatly called to make sure. I pray that never happens again!!

so lately ive been wondering and thinking about one question.. that being… why do i work so damn hard, why do i continue to body build, why am i obsessed with my diet, why do i spend so much time at the gym, why am i picky when it comes to picking out meat, why is pain always register as a gain in my mind…. and just when ive spent three days trying to figure it out, becuase God knows i will never have the balls to compete (so what am i training for), and i was about to give up thinking and just continue to go with the crazy theory, i realized something. I look at myself in the mirrors at the gym and the mirrors at my house more often than anyone i know. i mean i walk in to pee and i check my abs, like a little boy checks his balls, ya know b/c they might run away, haha. I’m obsessed with the way i look. I build so that when i do look in the mirrors that surround me in the im not repulsed. The second part is in the mirrors too, the more and longer i look the more i see wrong, or the areas that "need improvement". and thats what makes me come back everyday, thats what keeps me there all day. i can never be good enough, yet i can always manage a little smile when i see my sexy ass walk by. haha yea. im confident! but i guess sometimes i just feel like im just a nut because there is not end to my means, no real goal. hence : the whole damn sexy forever goal. so now that i blah blah blahed the hell out of this i can be done now. I just sometimes have a breif second where i say, why the **** am i doing this… still, i mean i cant even walk.

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