LadyFirefighter’s BodyBlog

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My no means do I tend to offend anyone so if the title of this blog even hits a spot, please don’t read it. I hope that after reading this no one thinks of me different or anything. I am just speaking on something that’s been with me since I was a little girl & obviously isn’t EVER going to get better.

LOTS of you have seen me post comments about “MEN”. But no means am I bashing men so don’t think that either. All this is coming from a small town born & raised North Carolina woman who is WHITE & BLACK. Now I will get to the point of my anger. All my life I have had “issues” with being mixed. ISNT IT 2009? Or am I wrong. Why does Racism still play a HUGE issue in my life? Growing up in a town that’s as backwoods as any place I’ve EVER been in was hard being what some people called “both”. I have family who is racist, I mean really. In school people would tell me to act my “color”. I was friends with EVERYONE. I did not care what “color” you were. But when I would hang with black people the white people would criticized me. When I hung with white people then black people would do the same. When I dated one race the other would tell me I needed to date my race? WHAT??????? WHY? I used to grow up HATING the fact I was mixed. When I say hating I mean hating. I used to cry myself to sleep ONLY because I was “both”. BUT WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY? It wasn’t until after high school that I started loving & accepting who I really was. Yet, being “both” is still causing me issues, causing me tears, causing me to say “why” & I could go on. A lot of you know that I was going to get married & a lot of you know that I am not now. WHY? Because I am “both”. After YEARS of being together & fighting his parents they still would not accept me because I was HALF black. It caused soooo many issues & I know some people will say “Hell what they think, this is my life…blah blah blah”…BUT its not that easy trust me. & hurts me more knowing I am tearing a family apart only because I am of 2 races. The last few people I “dated” ended the same why. Why? B/c my Dad would flip if he knew I was with someone who was half black…or my family will disown me. This really has happened to me numerous times. I just recently was out with someone in town & we just so happened to see his parents. I didn’t know them, had no intention of meeting them. I had NO idea until after we passed them in a store that it was his parents. THEY DIDN’T EVEN SPEAK TO HIM. He told me after they walk by, “oh that’s my mom & dad”…WHAT? THEY DIDN’T EVEN SPEAK TO YOU. His reply, “probably b/c I am with you,…..” I told him he didn’t even have to finish his statement. Have I seen him again? NOPE!!!!

I know that NC is very bad for this. I’ve been to TONS of places. States, countries, etc. But I’ve never lived there so I don’t know. IS EVERYWHERE LIKE THIS? Or is just the South. …I really am struggling with this. I have to say out of anything that I EVER get “down” about. Its this. I don’t understand & I may never. I know that there are some people, black or white that are racist on another race but why is it still as bad as it “used” to be. This honestly has been my struggle all my life & in my eyes it shouldn’t me. Obviously it will never get better because I am still battling this & I may always. I honestly have never talked to anyone about my struggle, how can you? Sad when I get to know someone now I HAVE to mention this. Anyways I am done, the more I write this the worse I am getting so I will stop.

Sorry this is so long. I know my motivation is down & all of you have seen that. I am still training but I won’t lie I am struggling with a few things right now & I guess I really need to figure out some things. I am not loosing hope on ANYTHING but just a little confused. We all have our days & moments & mine is hitting me hard. Not sleeping since my return from Iraq hasn’t helped it but ohhh well, I guess that comes with it. Thanks to all of you who have helped me on this wild ride. I couldn’t do it without you. I mean it. Have a good week folks!

BRITTNIE

So I my first photo shoots were this weekend. I only wanted something fun & to show off the new me. YA KNOW pictures tell everything and I needed some. Sometimes I look in the mirror and of course I am SMILING but I tend to be like HOLY HELL IT IS ME….LOL. So the shoot on Saturday was more or less for someone that needed some new ones. She asked me to dress in jeans and a sweater. I did & headed off to my shoot. Needless did I know she would have a make up lady there to do my make up. Well I am not a big make up fan but I was like "okay Brittnie, you need this if you want to do things like this"…FINE…yes this was me talking to myself. lol….well she COATS me with make up. I hated every second of it. I dont look right with a bunch of make up…all that eye ****(pardon my language)…lip stick, WHATEVER. Anyways I do the pictures, look at them & I looked like a durn clown. She wanted me to pick FOUR pictures and hell there wasnt ONE i liked. lol….needless to say you wont see those. lol…i doubt I will ever look at those.

WELL WELL WELL…on Sunday, I had a shoot and they told me to bring a few swimsuits…an outfit…fitness outfit, etc. But this lead me to do my own hair, make up, etc….MAKE UP….WHATS THAT? I dont need to put on make up to look decent. I dont need to cover my face in all that crap. I HATE IT as a matter of fact. I dont care if its that time of the month & the face breaks out…OHHHH WELL…WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET. lol….Needless to say I had a BLAST at the Sunday shoot….i brought me 2 of my fave cds- (Jason Aldean & Luke Bryan…YESSS IM A COUNTRY GIRL born & raised, wouldn’t have it any other way), I was able to be myself, not all that crap on my face & do what I loove- SMILING!!!

Needless to say I will share all of the pics I have this far- which is not all but you can check them out. I know most people wouldn’t show all of them because not all are good but I DON’T CARE…its ME & you can check out all of my fun. Some of them have crazy faces but thats just me. I am the clown in the room with tons of people!!!! Hope you enjoy them….LOVE YOU ALL!
http://picasaweb.google.com/DanODNC/B2?authkey=Gv1sRgCJb5kdC9pcj4_gE&feat=em
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http://picasaweb.google.com/DanODNC/B5?authkey=Gv1sRgCIXy09H8w4uVugE&feat=em
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So as A LOT of you may know I am giving up my "career" for ANOTHER dream. Not only that but moving to a state where I know NO ONE, NOTHING & yesss I am a little scared about it but OHHH WELL. Ive had sooo many dreams & yes I have accomplished so much at such a young age but I have also allowed others to talk me out of other dreams that I’ve dreamed of. NOT ANYMORE. Chains are broken & i am living MY dreams. Dreamed to have an amazing body & compete & i WILL do just that. Ive had family tell me, "your crazy & depriving yourself", guys Ive dated say "I dont want to be with you if you compete & look like a man", friends say "your no fun anymore, you cant eat or drink anything GOOD"….ha well I am here to tell you folks I AM THE HAPPIEST/HEALTHIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN, I AM NOT CRAZY & WONT JOIN THE OBESITY RATE ANYMORE, I AM NOT DEPRIVING MYSELF(HAVE YOU SEEN MY LEGS , I CAN HAVE MUSCLE & NOT LOOK LIKE A "MAN", I DON’T HAVE TO EAT "****" TO HAVE FUN OR DRINK TO HAVE FUN. So if you have NO idea what your talking about, then learn & stop negative talking me. WHY? Because it means nothing to me ANYMORE…you WONT take away another dream or the next CRAZY dream that comes along.
Just a few things on my mind this morning. I have been talking to soooo many people about dreams and everyone I talk to ALWAYS mentions why they gave up dreams. Seems to all be the same reasons with everyone. I dont care if its not dealing with fitness, competing, a job, career, WHATEVER.  A DREAM IS A DREAM. We all have them. Don’t let anyone rob you of them. You dont wont regrets later on in life. I am young & already having some. No need in that. So……..
Attack your destiny! Live your dreams and you WILL achieve your goals. There’s nothing stopping you but your own fears and limitations. Pushing through can be painful and scary but getting to your dreams will be sweet and rewarding. Push forth my friends….I LOVE YOU ALL

Brittnie

“As Long As The Lions Compete Among Each Others, The Hyenas Have No Chance To Catch Up With Them ”

REMEMBER, when you are not training someone else is training to kick your ass! It doesn’t matter if its fighting, work, any sport or fitness…if you slack off your competition will see it and capitalize on it. Don’t let that happen…..”I” CANT LET IT HAPPEN

TRAIN HARD FOLKS & NEVER STOP

"I wont stop until I drop"…KEY WORD: "until"

The ones of you reading this already know thats been my attitude since day one. I am writing this blog for an update & also for the fact that I am tired of looking at my page & seeing the blog before this. I dont want to even think about it. Now I received AMAZING feedback from all of you. I needed it & I received it but now its time for me to help me. YOU KNOW?

Anyways, I told some of you & some read it in my latest blog. I decided to pick up and move to Florida. Leave behind ALL i know & go to a place where I no one or nothing. I have to say its scary but there are toooo many people who want me to fail so I know that i WONT. Too many who think I am CRAZY for "depriving" myself. I really have NO support here & I know what I need to do to help myself. So I will do it. Even if it kills me. I am doing all this planning &  havent even thought about money. HA- i JUST thought about that as I was typing this. lol..maybe I need to sit down and reevaluate.

My plan is to MAKE the show we still haven’t found out & we wont until December. So if I make the show, I will do that then go to a Personal Training school that "ToniC" told me about. I looked into it & it seems to be what I need also. http://www.nptifitness.com/#school-locations_school_Longwood and then after the show & school I will have found somewhere to live, start my life over & TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN. If I dont make the show I plan to attend the school in Jan or Feb and then find somewhere to live after the school is over. I am praying that I make the show. I want this more than anything. As for FL, I am looking ALL over for somewhere to live. Those of you FL folks who are reading this. ANY ideas would be great.

ALSO, i got on the tv website. Check it out…SOOOOO EXCITING. http://ucwmagazine.com/ultimatebodyradio/

Training has been INSANE…i am about to do my 1st photo shoots ever. So thats exciting. I think they will be great & all of you will like them.
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE HELPED ME GET OVER ALL OF THIS. I KNOW THE IRAQ PART WILL NEVER LEAVE ME BUT THE OTHER THINGS WITH MY FAMILY & FRIENDS. I COULDN’T ASK FOR BETTER PEOPLE ON THIS SITE & I MEAN THAT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. THANKS FOR ALL YOU DO FOR ME. I LOOOVE YOU ALL!

“All The Darkness In The World Cannot Put Out A Single Candle ” too many people give up their dreams simply because they are put against the odds…I know this, because the last few years I have been thriving against the odds. At the end of… the day its up to you to beat the odds and it will take Everything to make it…everything!

If u have goals then dream them, if u have dreams then begin to live them, if u do this then u will have a full life & achieve all the goals that u dreamt about as u live them. Stop talking about them, things don’t fall from trees, make it happen”……SERIOUS changes coming my way

Brittnie

I had an PM from "SuzMax" this morning when I got on & while reading her message I had tears ROLLING from my eyes. NO she didn’t write anything sad or anything. But something struck me & it hit hard. Now I wouldn’t used the word "depressed" because I really dont like that word. So I will use "low". I am at my lowest than I have ever been & it happened so fast. It happened when I returned to the states from Iraq. I KNEW things would change but I didn’t realize how much. LIFE, FAMILY, WORK, DIET, TRAINING, MONEY…you know the everyday things we all go through. So I will share-

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i had decided I want to get out of the military life since it was my time but I found myself 2nd guessing & i dont know why.  I loved what I do and what I “did” but I had to decided it was time for me to follow other dreams. To “ME” the military “life” has hurt me for the rest of my life and I dont want anymore of it. I knew it would be things that stuck for life, good and bad but i didnt know it would be like I am after only 8 days of being home. The things i HAD to do…the things I saw…the way it was…but thats how it goes. Now dont get me wrong, i have NO regrets..but “normal” things changed in the blink of an eye. I hate driving now, it scares me. People who have been there know why. I cant sleep b/c im scared to. I have dreams of “there” that make me cry. I have been home for 8 days now and this is whats ALREADY happening to me. like I said I NEVER in a million years thought it would be this bad. You hear all the people coming from “there” and say all those things but your like “come on it cant be that bad once your back” but its true….i am to the point where I was ONLY going to keep living this life cause i COULD go back to Iraq and not have to deal with what im going through here from being there. but i cant do that…i have to face my battles and get over them.

Now to my “family” life. I haven’t seen my family in YEARS so they didn’t know how much I changed-physically, spiritually, mentally, etc. My family has always been “larger”. They DON’T cook, they eat out, EVERY meal. And I mean EVERY! So just imagine that. When I returned they didnt understand me. They dont get why I “deprive” myself according to them but WE know better. They dont get why I tell them NO to eating dinner with them when I have been gone soooo long. My friends? dont understand why I wont sit at the bar with them 3 days a week. So they have chosen to not call me, text me, whatever everyone does these days. So are they my TRUE FRIENDS? guess not so I guess I dont have any. Both my friends & family have done EVERYTHING in their power to get me to break. I MEAN EVERYTHING & i will not go into all those details. I told them my goals, dreams, etc and they think I’m crazy & they laugh at me. I DON’T GET IT…shouldn’t they be happy for me? Shouldn’t they support me? Why is it that the ONLY support I get is from a website from people I dont even know. Not knocking this website b/c without it I would be lost. Sad to say but its true….. I’M LOST & ITS KILLING ME…

SOOOO…..I am down because of this but I REFUSE to stay down. So here are my plans & if I fall, then I WILL get back up again & regroup. I always said Florida is where I wanted to be & I will do just that. I am going to wait on the results from the show. (CROSS YOUR FINGERS). If i get it, it will open doors for me I think and I will move to FL after the show. If I dont I plan to move to Florida the 1st of the year and go to State Trooper school. Which has been another dream. Yes I am getting out of the fire service. Not because I dont like it b/c I love it but I want to chase more dreams. I am young, WHY NOT!!! Needless to say, I am not scared of the move b/c I have moved tons of times. NO I dont know anyone who lives there but the few of you I have chatted with on here. But thats okay. I am not worried to move to a place where I dont know anyone.

I want to compete…I want to get bigger……& I WILL

SORRY THIS IS SOOOOO LONG. I needed this. THANKS FOR LISTENING!!!! & I thank all of you who support me. LOVE YOU ALL. -Brittnie

Hey folks…..thanks for stopping by & taken the time to help me out. As most of you know I went to audition for the new reality tv show coming out next year. It was amazing & lots of fun. Met some cool people as well as "Belinda Benn" and she was amazing. I KNEW she looked great but her personality is awesome. She was wide open like me too so that was nice. I am hoping for good things to come out of that audition. I will keep you posted…..ANYWAYS, the reason behind this blog. I need help with prepping for a few photo shoots. I have never done this but I have a few coming up. How do I go about it? Contest Prep? or what? I am not looking toooo good right now because I decided to "cheat" for a night but I will get it back together…I PROMISE!!!!!!! I hope to hear from all of you because I am clueless…HA, WHO ME??? lol..whats new…anyways…thanks for all of your help. I appreciate it a lot. TRAIN HARD & NEVER STOP….HAVE A GOOD WEEK FOLKS

Brittnie

HOLY CRAP i just realized I have only been home for 4 days & Ive been on the move like crazy it just seems like FOREVER!!! well this weekend is my audition for The Ultimate Body Show". I am very excited & I hope to do well. If you will be there or in the FL area, come and holler at me. I dont bite, I PROMISE! HA! If you want to check it out here is the link: http://www.theultimatebodytvshow.com/  Training has been good. Today I did an arm workout from "Pitmommy" & it was INSANE. She has been helping me with my arm "issue". I was at muscle failure thats for sure but I hit some numbers I have never hit before. So that is always a great feeling. i went in the gym with dry hair & left there like I had been swimming. But it felt sooo good. I have been to the gym everyday since my return home. One day I even went twice. Which was my leg day. hit low intensity cardio in the AM and did LEGS in the PM. I have to say I have impressed myself on the food though. Normally when I come home from Iraq I run to Mexican, Italian, CHEESECAKE, alcohol & i could go on but I wont. HA! I haven’t had any of that. If some of you read my latest blog you will know that I went grocery shopping for the 1st time since I started this lifestyle and none of the "good stuff" bothered me. I did go buy the "Eat Clean Diet" book since a lot of people recommended it for me. I started it 2 days ago & I love it already. Thanks for the advice everyone! I even packed food in my carry on bag today to go to Florida. Wanted to avoid the crap in airports and on the plane. well I did. I didn’t know if I would be able to get some of it through the check scans but it did. so dont ever say you cant have healthy clean food while traveling. I had fruit, peanut butter, tuna pouches & more. I wish you all could have seen the face of the man sitting next to me when I pulled out my tuna pouch and apple. He looked at me like I was crazy….lol but thats not the case. I am just DEDICATED. I have done a lot of maintenance and "girl" maintenance this week since it is hard to do that in Iraq. Had a massage, pedicure, manicure, eye brows done, cut my hair, changed the oil in my truck, rotated my tires(YESSS I DID IT), cleaned the house, did yard work, play with the dogs, etc. Just the normal things all of you do from week to week or day to day that I haven’t been able to in a LOOONG time.  Ill stop rambling now. Just wanted to give everyone an update on me. I know alot of people wrote me & was like "dont fall off the wagon when you get back" but there is NO falling off this wagon. I am ON FOR LIFE!!!! Thanks for all the support everyone. Train Hard & NEVER STOP!!! ohhh yeah I took a picture in the car for everyone!!!  BRITTNIE

HOLY CRAP i just realized I have only been home for 4 days & Ive been on the move like crazy it just seems like FOREVER!!! well this weekend is my audition for The Ultimate Body Show". I am very excited & I hope to do well. If you will be there or in the FL area, come and holler at me. I dont bite, I PROMISE! HA! If you want to check it out here is the link: http://www.theultimatebodytvshow.com/

Training has been good. Today I did an arm workout from "Pitmommy" & it was INSANE. She has been helping me with my arm "issue". I was at muscle failure thats for sure but I hit some numbers I have never hit before. So that is always a great feeling. i went in the gym with dry hair & left there like I had been swimming. But it felt sooo good. I have been to the gym everyday since my return home. One day I even went twice. Which was my leg day. hit low intensity cardio in the AM and did LEGS in the PM. I have to say I have impressed myself on the food though. Normally when I come home from Iraq I run to Mexican, Italian, CHEESECAKE, alcohol & i could go on but I wont. HA! I haven’t had any of that. If some of you read my latest blog you will know that I went grocery shopping for the 1st time since I started this lifestyle and none of the "good stuff" bothered me. I did go buy the "Eat Clean Diet" book since a lot of people recommended it for me. I started it 2 days ago & I love it already. Thanks for the advice everyone! I even packed food in my carry on bag today to go to Florida. Wanted to avoid the crap in airports and on the plane. well I did. I didn’t know if I would be able to get some of it through the check scans but it did. so dont ever say you cant have healthy clean food while traveling. I had fruit, peanut butter, tuna pouches & more. I wish you all could have seen the face of the man sitting next to me when I pulled out my tuna pouch and apple. He looked at me like I was crazy….lol but thats not the case. I am just DEDICATED.
I have done a lot of maintenance and "girl" maintenance this week since it is hard to do that in Iraq. Had a massage, pedicure, manicure, eye brows done, cut my hair, changed the oil in my truck, rotated my tires(YESSS I DID IT), cleaned the house, did yard work, play with the dogs, etc. Just the normal things all of you do from week to week or day to day that I haven’t been able to in a LOOONG time.

Ill stop rambling now. Just wanted to give everyone an update on me. I know alot of people wrote me & was like "dont fall off the wagon when you get back" but there is NO falling off this wagon. I am ON FOR LIFE!!!! Thanks for all the support everyone. Train Hard & NEVER STOP!!! ohhh yeah I took a picture in the car for everyone!!!

BRITTNIE

survived Iraq is not what I am referring to this time…I SURVIVED THE GROCERY STORE….lol. For the 1st time in over a year I went grocery shopping. Okay everyone this will be long but I need your help & I want you to hear me out. You ALL stuck with me through Iraq so dont leave me now…I entered the grocery store today not only for the 1st time in over a year but for the 1st time since I started this new LIFESTYLE……HALLOWEEN CANDY, CHEESE, COOKIES, CAKES(i love to bake), BREAD(my weakness), ICE CREAM, ALCOHOL…..YET I DIDNT GET ANY. You have NO idea how hard it was….WELL MAYBE YOU DO….you all face it everytime you go. I LOOVE FOOD…dont we all but I never knew how hard it was til today because I never had to do it. I am ALMOST tempted to HIRE someone to go get my groceries. IS THAT OBSESSIVE????

My real issue was I dont know what to buy. I know the grilled chicken, tuna, veggies, water, etc..but Ive never been able to buy other things & have other things due to the fact we didnt have that stuff in Iraq. I spent 3 hours in the grocery store to leave with nothing but fruit, no sugar jello, chicken and fish. I picked up EVERYTHING and looked at the labels….EVERYTHING HAS SUGAR!!!! but what is safe & whats not. Isnt sugar what we should run from? everything was 90 calorie packs, 100 calorie pack but 11g of sugar, 14, 8….WHAT IS OKAY YET NOT BREAK THE DIET? Examples: Rice Cakes-good for you(I THOUGHT) but 10g of sugar…Whole Wheat Thins(has sugar)…100 calorie packs but SUGAR like crazy, Special K bars but 9 grams of sugar…..I DONT GET IT…maybe I am doing all this wrong. am I being to obsessive? I busted my A** to get to where I am. Not saying we all havent but I really dont want to mess up now. I know this is a LIFESTYLE but is veggies, chicken and fish all I can have. I was even scared to buy milk and juice…..I THINK I HAVE LOST MY MIND….lol…Any advice would help out great. I know understand what all of you talk about on here with food tempations. I think I can past the tempations but I dont know what I can have & cant. You all probably think I am crazy right now. But thats okay

 I AM HOME NOW…& i love every second of it. Its only been a little over 24 hrs and I have already been in the gym. I was in the gym 2 hrs after I got home. lol…IM ADDICTED but its a GREAT addiction. Thanks too all of you who support me and helped me get through my tours in Iraq. It means more to me than any of you will EVER know. There were days I didnt think I could make it anymore, but alot of you kept me going. I THANK YOU!!!!! LOVE YOU ALL….TRAIN HARD & NEVER STOP!

 Brittnie