Satanica Danica’s House of Mad-Crazy Vittles
Once, when King Marmoset was very young, but still incredibly good looking, he dined at the exotic locale known as Satanica Danica’s House of Mad-Crazy Vittles. I’m sure all o’ y’all have wondered what Omahoans/Omahumans/Omahos/Omahumunculus/Omahayhowyadoin’ eat. King Marmoset’ll now show you in pictures how a typical Omahuman meal is made and what critters they like to eat. Note: Sweet King Marmoset was unaware these pics were being taken at the time. The notorious soul stealer known as the mighty, mighty DanicaX was the culprit. What she is doing with the purloined souls is unknown. Ha, "loin" is in that word! Now you are thinking about loins, aren’t you? See how I did that!
Step 1. All cooking is done on a grill type apparatus the Omahos call a "clam-shell fire pit". The Omahowyadoins have developed a symbiotic relationship with a bird known as the Red Pecker Humper Thrush. These birds are encouraged to make their nests in the clam-shell fire pit, but it’s all a trick! There is no symbiosis between the people and the birds. The Omahumunculus simply cook up the bird nests without giving anything back to them! They say irony is what adds a special flavor to any meal. This method of cooking meats does add extra Omega-666 fats (keeps Satan away) and vitamin-XXX (keeps one from falling into making low-budget gonzo-porn).
Behold! An authentic clam-shell fire pit ripe with Red Pecker Humper Thrush nest
Step 2. Selecting which exotic and delicious animal to make into vittles. What was on the menu this day? This chap! His name was Carl.
Don’t worry. I partied with Carl first before we got down to business.
Step 3. Enjoy your vittles!! That DanicaX is not only incredibly shapely, but also a hell of a cook. When KM hears these words, “Marmoset, get them vittles while their fresh off the clam-shell fire pit” he knows he is in for a warm belly full of delicious and nutritious exotic meats.
What was for dinner the next night?
Anyone out there that can properly identify what creature Carl is King Marmoset will overthrow a country and name it in your honor. Sorry, but you don’t get to pick the country. Hint: Carl isn’t a pig.
June 20, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Oooo-Oooo, is Carl a 6 toed hermaphrodite Pontiff horse?
June 20, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Thanks for playing, KM. WRONG! Horses are odd-toed ungulates, you braying jack-ass (which is also an odd-toed ungulate equine). Also, the Pontiff horses are clear. That way you can see the Pontiff’s incredibly muscular calves when he is riding. They say the Pontiff’s calves are so powerful he can leap into a low flying helicopter with a single bound. Remarkable!
June 20, 2008 at 12:49 pm
WTF…. Anyone?
June 20, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Geez, where was vitamin-xxx ten years ago when I… never mind. Omahayhowyoudoin is PRICELESS!
June 20, 2008 at 5:01 pm
$1000 says it’s a Pecari…. Carl is a fine looking Omaho Pecari. I’ll take the cash instead of the country overthrowing. Been there, done that.
June 20, 2008 at 5:24 pm
You fool!!! He should have been named Peter Porker aka Spider-pig! Now your failure is complete.
June 23, 2008 at 1:56 pm
you two are so cute
June 25, 2008 at 4:17 am
Man I was gonna say a Pecari but that Danica had to steal my thunder! She is so damn competiive and always has to be first!
June 27, 2008 at 2:00 pm
I love the look on that pecari’s face in the second picture. LMAO!! YUM!! MmmmMmmmm, he looks DELICIOUS!
July 10, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Whodathunkit? I would have never known! A nest in a fire pit. Sounds kind of like cooking with hickory chips…only more exotic!
July 20, 2008 at 8:31 am
I once dined on RPHT while visiting an Omahoan friend of mine back in the Air Force (AF). For reasons unbeknownst to myself and shortly thereafter, I was not only kicked out of the AF, I had grown a second appendage: Yes in that area! While the subsequent movies I made provided a decent living, I still sometimes wonder……"How did it happen…surgery, natural osmosis….what?" The mystery continues….as well as the search for proper fitting underwear.
July 20, 2008 at 8:34 am
Dude bodyauditor are you seriously say you grew a second man tool. Amazing, I mean for obvious reason it made life harder on you but in another sense your a very special guy, but did you have full use of both if you know what I mean.
July 20, 2008 at 8:51 am
Amazing is one word I have heard in the past: Repeatedly. And yes, full function of both, either one at a time, or both. It’s a bittersweet condition, but I would presume that most Omahoan’s understand my plight.