Poison Ivy + Junk = :<
In Marmosetia, we are beset with many calamities on a daily basis. Strikes from the Raptor Guild, toxic feces flung into the trees by marauding Cuvier’s Skunk Ape, and a new invader that seems to be the Marmoset’s evil image from an anti-matter universe are but some of the dangers. One of the more benign, but still obnoxious, dangers comes in the form of an ivy that grows in the trees of Marmosetia. This ivy leaves an oil on the fur that can penetrate down to the skin. This oil causes itching and can spread all over the body (it always seems to malign the "junk"). Lets refer to this ivy as a "poison ivy".
Your humble, but brilliant King is here to report that the oils of this poison ivy are besmirching his armored yet supple skin. It lurks in the corners of the mouth, the webbing of the webbed fingers, and don’t you just know where else it inhabits? The junk. Always the junk. The witch doctor says KM wouldn’t get the ivy on his junk if he’d just keep his hands out of there. Good advice for any Marmosets out there.
June 13, 2008 at 8:18 am
Capital Jay wrote about this: http://blog.bodybuilding.com/CapitalJay/2008/06/08/poison-ivy-sucks-i-dont/ Sorry to hear that your junk got hit by the poison.
Those are smiles of sympathy. 
June 13, 2008 at 9:20 am
Hey there, KING! I spelled it wrong in my post (damn bodyspace has no spellcheck!) It’s Tecnu (no h).
Hope that helps! Ivy on the junk is just WRONG!
June 13, 2008 at 9:37 am
LMAO! That is so not funny LMAO!
June 13, 2008 at 7:00 pm
I always know when to check in with you to get the best of the mad monkey diaries. Keep your infected hands off your juck my friend and you won’t have these problems… at least put on some latex gloves… you might even find you like it! I hope you have been prudent and have not spread this to you know who!
June 13, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Hands on the junk can cause MANY problems. And since we ALL know that y’all aren’t going to keep the hands OFF the junk. Washing them first is ALWAYS good advice. Lol. Peace
June 15, 2008 at 8:52 pm
OH MAN… that truly sucks!! I’m an innie and I totally hurt for you… I hope it clears up soon, Almighty King!!
June 16, 2008 at 6:12 am
Man o man ,
P.O.I. 1 of natures defense. I am a P.I. magnet all my life . I’m so acute to it . i can smell it in the air when it with in 50 ft or so .
I have had many a battles with the vines.
You must stay off carbs as close to 100 % as possible . 2 yrs ago i got bit by a horse fly and got infected . i was sick for 6 days and lost 11 lbs.
last yr wasnt bad . this yr so far im good .
if i dont get "" HIT "" by mid july im good .
stay cool , sweating makes it worse to.
June 16, 2008 at 2:22 pm
oh man… i get the close cousin, poison sumac. gives me blisters. Had it on my face, not a pretty sight. Just have to let it run it’s course, dont scratch it will get worse! I FEEL FOR YA!!!!!!
June 16, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Damn those wretched vines!! Somehow their poisonous barbs don’t affect me. I have been granted immunity by the Gods! I still get hellacious cases of jock itch once and a while though. OUCH!!
June 16, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Bryan’s got Munities!!! Hey, he’s got Munities!!!
June 17, 2008 at 7:50 am
Ouchies!! With this ailment, I will forgive you the missed Birfday foul. Calamine lotion. You will be PINK, but you won’t itch.
June 17, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Whatever, bb.com…..I had more after that "Bryan’s got munities" comment. Where did it go? KM, why do you do this to me? You chopped off the end of my comment. That’s from a movie anyways
June 18, 2008 at 2:12 am
poison ivy sucks! I guess this is the one time I would agree that wearing pink would be okay on a guy….calamine lotion! LOL
June 18, 2008 at 2:52 am
Another ROFL letter from the King. Sorry I know its not funny but I cant help myself. We all know you wont keep your hands off the junk.
June 18, 2008 at 7:55 am
OHHHHHHH The dreaded Ivey Itch on the Junk.!!! Yeah that blows really bad! Never be ashamed King….. any true man has been there…. Sctach freely and often! Hell let the Junk air in the Breeze….. Just do whatever the Junk wants is my advice….lol Never get the Ivey on your glutes when a Bro has it on his Junk…people always assume….lmao Keep on Keepin!
Real Men Have Itchy Junk!
June 19, 2008 at 7:10 am
Itchy owie! That’s NOT how you want to get the junk to swell up! My own experience with the ivy of poison involved a foolish quest for the affections of a woman. She was very much into arrangements of pretty leaves. And it was the fall, after a summer fling that was winding down and losing steam. Anyway, I thought these red leaves in the woods were really pretty, so I harvested a bunch and artfully arranged them in a vase. She was a very tactile female and liked to touch everything she saw. Especially pretty leaves! I think that nasty rash was the last thing we shared before breaking up.